


Love is Blind

by elwinglyre



Series: Love Is Blind Series [1]
Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: Angst, Blindness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-11 14:35:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 96,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7896424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elwinglyre/pseuds/elwinglyre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Story:<br/>Told from various POVs with Jack and Ennis' POV dominant. Jack is left blind and alone, coping day to day.<br/>Instead of being left for dead, he's left blind and alone.  Ennis finds out from Lureen Jack is not dead. Loads of angst, suspense and humor. The first chapters that are consolidated were originally posted on Brokeback Slash and can still be viewed there with the original comments.</p><p>Beta by the amazing judy_blue_cat</p><p>Warning: This is a Blind!Jack fic, so if that upsets you, don't read it</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapters 1-5

Chapter 1   
  
He didn't know what day it was. He didn't know the time. All Jack knew his eyes were open, but he couldn't see.   
  
He couldn't see.   
  
Even now, when he'd open them the disappointment overwhelmed him. All real, too real. The world was now a dark place. Dark and dead.  
  
"What the hell, I might as well be dead," he thought. For once he agree with LD: "I'm no good to nobody no how. Just a mangy blind dog beggin' for scraps."   
  
At first Jack'd been bitter. Hated. Hated so hard. Knew old LD made him dead. Legal and final. Dead by the road. Dead to his family, dead to the world. Hated LD for callin' Jack dead and leavin' him in a hospital south of the boarder. El Hospital General de Nuevo Laredo. Weeks upon weeks. God awful pain he coulda stood--not seein' made him hate. Hated LD already--he began hatin' life too.   
  
Pain went away. Cuts healed. Scars faded. Jack quit hatin' instead he started quitin'. Better that way. Not carin' and not wantin'. Thought it was best that way. Stay dead to world since he was half a man.  
  
Jack rolled over in the rusty bunk called a bed. All he had in the world now was this small one room shack and this rock-hard, lump of a bed. Place all cramped up, stinking of vomit and cheap cigarette smoke. Stayed here most days and nights because leavin' took more effort than stayin' was worth. The obstacle course began three steps straight out the front door. Started with old shoes, broken bottles, abandoned toys. Old winding creek littered with old railroad ties, half-submerged tires next. Fetid puddles of human waste pooled near the west side of his shack. Smelled bad on hot nights like these--worse yet when it rained--slippery rivers formed, always changing direction sliding into the Rio Bravo del Norte. Walkin' was dangerous in other respects. Blind man was an easy mark. Not that he had anything. Some of those kids cared. Echoes of laughter from seeing a blind man fall in shit kept Jack inside the shack. Used to swear back, swing at them. Too much effort now.  
  
"Would never leave if it weren't for them busy-body nuns from the Sisters of Mercy," Jack thought. "Welcome to Los dos Laredos. Also sorts of help straight from across the Rio Grande."  
  
The Sisters made him walk. Made him talk. Made him think. Tried to make him hope. What good was prayin'?  
  
Jack curled up and closed his sightless eyes. Too many nights he tried not to think and wished not to dream.  
  
'Cause dreamin' was the hardest. Could see in his dreams. See and miss what he didn't have. See Bobby, eyes all wide and laughing. See Ennis lookin' down on him, eyes moist. See Brokeback. Then those times Jack'd wake up, sweatin' and breathin' hard, seeing those men's faces filled with hate. Hate so deep and strong Jack couldn't fight against it-- couldn't run either. Night after night, Jack wished to never see them again, but night after night, he saw them.   
  
Jack reached to scratch his sticky back. Couldn't get comfortable on this rock-hard mattress. Made him wakeful, and bein' wakeful made him think. Now he was thinking too much. Thinkin' on Ennis. Thinkin' on that last time together and all those words they'd said. Silent tears trailed their way into his flat pillow. Jack knew he'd done right leavin' Ennis to think he'd died. Ennis could start over, should start over. Forget Jack.   
  
Besides, if Ennis saw Jack like this, what would he do? "Ennis would be with me. Feel sorry for me. Wouldn't be no sweet life."  
  
Jack loved Ennis too much to live on pity.   
  
\--------------------------------  
  
One over the other. Right where their hearts beat.   
  
Ennis brushed his hand across their shirts, resting on the pocket. Ennis smiled, slow and sad like. The wedding had been perfect. Junior beautiful. Cheeks flushed, her eyes danced as she said her vows. Ennis had listened careful as his little girl's voice sang out, "I do." He'd tucked his head down, thinking how those two words he'd said didn't sound like that--not to Alma. Heart never was in it. Heart was always somewhere else.  
  
Times like these made him think hard on Jack. Think so hard it hurt. The tips of his fingers lingered on awhile longer, then Ennis wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Heart ached somethin' fierce.   
  
Ennis started. Phone ringin' made him jump from his thoughts.  
  
"Damned thing," Ennis mumbled. "Don't know why I let Junior talk me into it."  
  
Ennis made his way toward the ringing. Had to admit that it was nice havin' a connection to his girls this way. Was probably his youngest, all bubbly from the reception and ready to talk.  
  
Ennis answered. Dial tone buzzed. Been happenin' a lot lately. Pick up the phone and no one there. Ennis hung up and made for bed. Shucked off his nice dress pants and shirt, down to skin. Just him and the sheets, fan blowin' cool. Just fallin' to sleep when the phone rang. Ennis rolled over, covered his ears. Wouldn't stop. Rang and rang. Then he got to thinkin', what if somethin' happened to one of his girls.  
  
Threw back the sheets. Jumped up. Stubbed his toe on the cupboard gettin' there.  
  
"Hello?" he gasped, swearing under his breath.  
  
"Is this Ennis Del Mar speakin'?"  
  
Ennis shivered. The women's voice--he knew it. Hadn't heard it but once, but he'd never forget it.  
  
"Yes," he said, "this is Ennis Del Mar."  
  
"Mr. Del Mar," he heard her sigh, then hold her breath and let it out slow. "Don't know how to begin-- don't know at all. Just know that I had to find you, talk to you about Jack. There's something you need to know. I've known it for awhile..."  
  
Ennis heard the phone crackle, waitin' for the words to fall like a hammer--how Jack died, why he died, that it was his fault.   
  
What Ennis didn't expect what she told him next: "He's alive. Jack's alive."  
  
\-------------------------------------  
  
Jack groaned. The Sisters were back. Always checkin' on him, makin' him walk and count and listen and feel. Sometimes he'd say hateful things to them, but it never worked--Jack'd alway'd say he was sorry in the end. He was plenty sorry these days. Jack guessed he was just a sorry excuse of a man.   
  
Jack threw his legs out of the bed and hollered, "Come in."  
  
He listened as feet shuffled across the old floor board. Paper crinkled and cans dropped onto to his orange-crate of a table.   
  
"Señor Twist, we brought food..."  
  
Always so damn chirpy. Too damn chirpy to be delivering Spam. "Gracias sisters." Better to show some gratitude. Never knew, might help some in the afterlife too.  
  
"..and toiletries."  
  
Afterlife be damned.   
  
"La, de, da. What do I need them for? No one here to impress."  
  
One of the younger sister's stifled a giggle. Probably young and pretty.   
  
Smelled tortillas and beans.   
  
"We have mail for you also, Señor Twist."  
  
"Mail?" No one knew he where was but old LD Newsome. "Ads?"  
  
Must be, not even LD would write to a blind man.  
  
\-------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Ennis stamped the mud off his boots on the rickety pine plank step. Old trailer leaked. Shoulda patched it with tar long ago. Poured hard last night, mud all over outside, buckets with rainwater inside. He pushed back his hat, then rubbed his temple. Head ached somethin' awful. Could be the change in weather, Ennis thought, reaching for his coffee cup. He closed his eyes. Some kinda life. Coffee on the railing, best drink some to get ridda this caffeine withdrawal. Ennis gulped, draining the brew down. Coffee burned. He frowned lookin' into the empty mug, then up again, closin' his eyes against the morning sun. More'n likely this withdrawl's name is Twist.   
  
He opened his eyes to get a good look at the day. Truck splattered from front to end. Still, morning clear, not a cloud. Looking into that blue, Ennis squinted, wondering what to do. Might as well not even gone to bed last night. Awake, twistin' around, thinkin'.  
  
Yesterday he was given another chance. Yesterday she told him Jack was alive.   
  
He rustled through every corner of his mind, desperate to know: Where Jack was now? Ennis bitterly recalled the words they'd had that last day together. He'd regretted them everyday since. His guts hurt thinkin' how Jack didn't even ask for Ennis' help. Jack broken and beaten in some god forsaken hospital in de Nuevo Laredo. It was all Ennis could do not to drive to Childress and beat that son-of-a-bitch LD 'til he cried for his mama. Only thing that stopped him was knowin' most of the pain Jack was in, Ennis'd inflicted with his own word--that and Lureen said she'd handle LD.  
  
From the sound of her, Lureen was one women that'd put fear into the devil himself. If he was in LD's shoes he'd be shakin'.   
  
That Lureen was one smart women. Had spirit. Knew a hell of a lot more than she let on. Good woman too. Didn't have to say a damn thing to Ennis.   
  
Got so mad after Lureen called, Ennis threw the phone against the wall. Then realized what he'd done. Had to go into town to do all his callin'. Ennis pushed almost a week's check of quarters into that pay phone next to market. Callin' hospitals. Talkin' to people who didn't want to talk to him. Thought he'd call every hospital south of and near to the border before he finally found where Jack'd been. Ennis hadn't talked so much in his life. First few calls didn't get him no where no how. Then he hit pay dirt, but everyone was tight lipped. Called the same place three more times with them refusin' to give him information since he weren't family. Then he got smart, said fuck the main desk. Finally took to lying and said he was Jack's brother. Had to go home for more change--raided the old saltine tin.   
  
Called and asked for floors and wards. At last he found someone at a nurses' station. Wrenched Ennis' heart to hear. Nurse Callie was her name--she talked to Ennis only because she remembered Jack callin' for an Ennis when they first brought him in and late at night between morphine. The nurse remembered alright. Told Ennis the Sisters of Mercy might know where Jack was now.  
  
He almost changed his mind about drivin' to Childress and beatin' that son-of-a-bitch LD. But he was broke as shit--cleaned out from callin' round except for a few thin dimes he needed to be makin' one last call.  
  
Musta been Jack's son that answered and got his mom. Ennis wondered if Bobbie knew that his father was alive. 'For Ennis could think'a much else, Lureen came to the phone. Didn't take long for him to tell he all he found out. She listened quietly.  
  
"So what you plannin' on doin'?" she finally asked.  
  
Ennis hadn't thought through completely on what he'd do for sure when he did find Jack.   
  
"Found his post cards from ya," she said. "Kept 'm in an old saddle bag a his, tied up all neat. You meant the world ta Jack. Don't know what happened that last time you met, but he wasn't the same after. Took to drinkin' and stayin' out. Sad all the time. Don't know why he's stayin' gone. Must have some reason to be playin' dead. Think you might know why."  
  
Ennis didn't have no answer to that. Lureen said bye and Ennis decided he needed a drink. Somethin' strong. Thought of turning in beer bottles, but thought he save'm 'til tomorrow. He had a better way to spend his money--like findin' out who these Sisters of Mercy were and makin' up to Jack for all the hurt he'd caused.   
  
\------------------  
  
Soon as Ennis found out that the Sisters of Mercy had no phone-- he quit. Collected his pay, sold his horses, packed what few clothes he had. Didn't expect to get the deposit back on the trailer, leaving with out warning the way he was. Surprised to get some cash for that. Didn't mind leavin'--only sad partin' was the girls and his horses.  
  
Ennis parked next to the same phone booth. Called Alma. She weren't too happy to hear from him.  
  
"What you want me to tell'm Ennis?" she'd asked.  
  
"Tell my girls I have to leave for a bit-- look up a friend'a mine." Her silence had cut clean through him.  
  
"You there Alma?"  
  
"Yes. When'll I tell them you'll be comin' back?"  
  
"I'll call as soon as I'm settled an' let'm know."  
  
Alma grunted, "Fine."   
  
Alma sure was sore. Didn't like leavin' his girls, 'specially so close after the weddin'.  
  
Ennis got in his truck and drove off. Maybe the Sister of Mercy didn't have a phone, but they did have an address.  
  
\-------------------------------------  
Chapter 3/?  
Link to chapter 1 Link to chapter 2  
  
"A post card?"  
  
"Sí."  
  
"There is no return address, Señor Twist."   
  
"Could you read it?"  
  
"Sí, only three words: 'coming for you.' It seems, Señor Twist, someone has found you."  
  
\-----------------------  
  
Ennis swallowed the last bit of cold coffee. Drivin' on and on made him think and made him crazy. And worry--worry how bad they'd hurt Jack. Worry what he'd say to Jack. Worry what Jack'd say to him. Worry that Jack'd even want to see him. "Christ almighty," Ennis thought, "what if he hates me?" Pained Ennis, but he decided that didn't matter. "Spend as long as it takes, whole life if I have to, doin' right by Jack. He'll forgive me someday--has to."   
  
Ennis frowned. For a man not tryin' not to think, he sure was spendin' a powerful lot of time thinkin'.   
  
Ennis hated to stop, but needed to piss. Dam coffee. Gotta have it to stay awake to drive, but he had a strong thirst to get to the boarder. Held out for as long as he could. Knee jumpin' double time. Pulled off I-35 following the old red Texaco star, feeling the clutch. He pushed his hat back after putting the truck in neutral. So close. The rusty hinges scraped as he opened the door, telling the attendant to "fill er up." Near empty, won't do runnin' out trying to find the Sisters.   
  
Ennis stretched, eyeing his surrounding. Station brought back good 'n bad for Ennis. Only vacation his family ever took they stopped at a Texaco. The familiar pumps and design brought back a damn miserable time. His pa walloped Ennis good 'side the head at the station--just 'cause he was thirsty. Had to hear his pa piss and moan for over an hour about his "ungrateful brats."   
  
Ennis noticed a young mother with her baby, standing next to the corner of the Texaco. A few others, stood at the bus stop, waiting. Odd place for a stop-- then again, weren't safe near the interstate. She smiled shyly and nodded to him. Ennis could hear her singin' as she rocked the pink swaddled child to and fro. Brown hair, plain paisley house dress with flats. Reminded him of Alma years ago.   
  
Ennis turned and went into the station. Manager gave him a nod and the key when Ennis asked where the bathroom was. Stomach was rumblin' awful, as he hurried 'round the back. He was surprised to find the place fuckin' clean. Finished 'n washed up. Splashed cold water on his face, almost didn't recognize the man starin' back at him. Grey hairs creeping in, mouth creased, circles under his eyes. Grabbed the keys and locked the door back up and went back around the building. The mother was still waitin' on the bus.   
  
Ennis went inside. Picked up some smokes. Been tryin' to quit but this wasn't the day. Stood waitin' to pay when he saw the postcards. Fuckin' palm trees on 'em looked more like Florida than Texas. He picked up a card, turned it over in his hands. Hoped he wouldn't need another one, but Ennis bought the card anyway along with a better map. When he walked out, the sun was rising, spilling color off the roadside. The Greyhound was pulling away, and Ennis could see the mother in the back with her babe. Damn, he missed his girls somethin' awful already. He ripped the cigarette pack them open with his teeth then snapped the pack against his wrist, pulling one out with his tired lips. Squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as his flicked the match and took a deep drag. Ennis opened his eyes. This was the first real look Ennis had of Loredo. Looked exactly like the postcard, palms lining the highway.   
  
He took a last look at the station. He'd had read in the paper a while back that fella who designed the Texaco stations used some kind of geometry based on the five pointed star and the Greek Parthenon or some horse shit like that. Never was much for mathematics, but readin' bits of nonsense reminded him of Jack. Spend hours readin' and thinkin' of things he had to remember to talk with Jack as they sat under the stars.   
  
Ennis flicked ashes out the window. Not much farther, and he'd have some answers.  
  
\------------------------  
  
Jack had nothing of Ennis. Came with nothing. Nothing until now.   
  
The card even smelled like Ennis--sweet saddle soap and sweat. He spent the day in bed, head on the pillow, card pressed to his cheek, remembering. Hard part was Jack kept goin' over all them good times in his head, playing and riding and making love. That's what it was--not fucking--at least that's what it was to Jack. Ennis with his soft moans and hard thrusts. Ennis and his Brokeback eyes. Jack'd never forget the way them eyes 'd sparkle like morning dew when first lighted on Jack climbing out of his of beat up truck, and how his eyes 'd turn to mist on the mountain when he watched Jack climb in the truck cab to leave.   
  
He wanted to see that look again. He knew Ennis would be here soon. Jack was torn about what to do. He knew Ennis would see Jack's heart in his eyes blind or not. Hell, what if Ennis didn't know he was blind? Jack could wear his sunglasses--tell him to go away. Jack knew he really didn't want Ennis to go away, but he couldn't cotton to a life of being some invalid Ennis needed takin' care of either. No sappy ever after ending like in An Affair to Remember for two queers. No sweet life, not now. That passed by long ago.  
  
But there'd be no pretending when Ennis came-- 'sides, the Sisters would tell Ennis most likely.   
  
To make Ennis leave, had to be real, or Ennis'd see through it. Jack blamed Ennis partly for what happened, but most of him loved Ennis, wanted him, ached for him. It would be easy to let Ennis take Jack in his arms and hold him. If that happened, Jack didn't think he was strong enough to let go. He had to reach down into the part of him that hated Ennis--turned his back on him and let him go.   
  
That would be the only way to get Ennis to leave.   
  
\---------------------  
  
Sister Sarita watched the man get out of his pickup. He was much like she imagined him. Lean, hungry with a haunted look in his eyes. Hat in hand, he studied the ground as he walked up the old church steps. Since the day LD Newsome came with the "donation" in hand, she'd wondered if someone would come looking for Jack Twist. From that first day, she'd had serious misgivings hiding him even though it was also what Señor Twist said he wanted.   
  
"It's unhealthy," she'd told Señor Twist. "You must face life, not turn your face from it." The Sister shook her head, remembering. Ah, never mind what she thought-- she, along with the other sisters, were told to keep Señor Twist secret. For the greater good, they were told. It's God's will if they find him. Sister Sarita was getting on in years and had opinions she'd kept to herself. This was one opinion she'd wished she hadn't. She knew in her heart this was wrong, and she wasn't the only one at the Sisters' of Mercy who thought that: The day the postcard came, Sister Isobel and Dorotea secreted it away. They'd come to Sister Sarita admitting what they'd done. When Sister Sarita read the simple message on the back, she acted, doing what she believed best for Jack Twist, even if he did not want what was best for himself.   
  
The day the sister handed Señor Twist the postcard, he'd turned it over and over in his hands, fingers tracing with reverence where the pen branded it. Watching eyes that could not see, Sister Sarita knew Twist needed saving. God could help him, but first he must reach out and let himself seek the help of those who cared. Turning his back to them, she knew it was not rejection. No, he didn't want to have them see him cry.  
  
The sister knew they had done right.  
  
She walked up to greet the man who wrote the postcard.   
  
"Come inside Señor, we have much to discuss."  
  
\------------------------------  
  
Chapter 4  
  
"Señor, please sit."  
  
"Thank ya Sister," Ennis said quietly, settin' his hat in the chair next to him.   
  
"I believe you have come searching for someone?"  
  
Any other time, Ennis would have been awed by the old Spanish mission with its colorful folk art retablos and reached inside for its allegorical meaning--instead, he reached inside his heart for something dear.  
  
"You got that right," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Lookin' for a good friend a mine--name of Jack Twist. He was hurt bad. Hospital told me he might be staying here."  
  
"He is not here--"  
  
Look of disbelief, then disappointment glazed his eyes. She was a nun, after all, she would tell him the truth.  
  
"Señor?"  
  
"Name is Del Mar, Ennis Del Mar." He took a deep breath.   
  
She had the kinda eyes that made him want to look away--grey eyes with cold fire inside--the kinda eyes that went lookin' inside you for secrets. Made her a puzzle 'cause her clear, kind, soft voice put Ennis at ease. Not a quiet voice, like his, but plain--a voice with no disguises.   
  
Ennis bent his head. She knew who Jack was. Ennis sat, sayin' nothing, letting silence work for him. Her gaze washed over him.   
  
"He is not here, Señor Del Mar, but he is not far." He forced his eyes back into hers.   
  
"Kin you take me to him?"  
  
"Se," she said.   
  
Silence again.   
  
"How is he?" The chair creaked beneath him as Ennis shifted.  
  
"The hospital did not tell you?"  
  
Here it comes, Ennis thought. Please oh, please no.   
  
Ennis shook his head slowly. Part of Ennis wanted to run out the door--to not know.   
  
"Your friend, I am sorry, but the injuries left him blind."  
  
"Blind?"  
  
Ennis sat dumb. Heart pounding, chest heaving. His left leg jumped nervously. Pushing back the tears in his own eyes, he thought of those wide blue eyes, the eyes that slipped inside his soul. Ennis noticed his hands shaking and dug them into his thighs, hanging on tight.   
  
He shivered as he devoured the vivid retablos behind her--anything to distract him from the horror he felt. He'd seen one like this in a fancy art book at the Riverton Library one day when he was pokin' around, lookin' for quiet. La Mano Ponderosa or the Powerful Hand, the work was called. He remembered it 'cause it was powerful. Seeing one like it now, gripped him. His eyes were drawn to the stigmata in the center. Ennis wondered what drove the artist create such a work--sufferin', sinnin' or searchin' for salvation?   
  
"Your friend is very depressed. He refuses help. We take food, clothing, do what we can, but he will not take comfort."  
  
At first Ennis couldn't trust himself to speak. The walls were so quiet, like death. Each breath seemed to echo. Ennis tore his eyes from the retablo. Fearin' his Jack's eyes would never again see such beauty, he asked the question: "Will he git it back?"   
  
"Only God knows that. We live with what we are handed. Jack does not accept God's will. He does not want others to know. He believes he is a burden to the world. He is bitter, withdrawn. We have tried to help him, but he shrinks into himself more. Then the card came. You did send the postcard?"  
  
"Yes," Ennis whispered.  
  
"His face changed, warmed. He smiled--a smile that I had never seen. I knew then the one who sent it might be the one to reach him."  
  
Ennis bit his lip thinking on Jack. Blind. His Jack. God damn it Jack, why ya go and get yourself in this condition?   
  
"Kin you take me to him?" Ennis choked.  
  
"Se, Señor Del Mar."  
  
\-----------------------------------  
  
The rumble woke Jack. Just the sound of Del Mar's old truck had Jack shakin' and sweatin' like some addict, and Ennis weren't even in here yet. He grappled out of bed as he heard the familiar hinges on the truck door grid shut.   
  
Jack staggered to the old crate he called a chair and sat down waiting. He had to make Ennis leave. The longer Ennis stayed, the more likely Jack knew he'd go all soft and let Ennis inside his heart. He had to remember all the pain--gag on the rejection and loneliness Ennis had put him through. Slap Ennis in the face with his bitterness. Make Ennis see festering hole he left in Jack's soul.   
  
Jack empty gaze lay dead on the floor. God damn you Ennis, why didn't you take that sweet life with me when we had a chance?   
  
They didn't even knock. Just walked in. Jack didn't look up.  
  
"Get out," Jack ordered.  
  
"No, Señor Twist, we will not leave you."  
  
"I said get out!"  
  
"Jack?" He heard Ennis' feet grind the dirt floor in front of him. As Ennis bowed between his legs, Jack felt his breath hot on his neck, and Jack tried hard to resist the arms that wrapped around him, hard and comforting.  
  
He pushed Ennis backwards. A heavy thump and crash, glass breaking in the room.   
  
"Jack?" Ennis' voice came back, strangled.  
  
"Why you here?" Jack spat out. "Nothin' here for you no more. That's been dead long ago. Leave me."   
  
Glass crunched. Ennis was standin' back up, comin' toward Jack again.  
  
"No," Jack repeated under his breath, "ain't nothing for you here no more."   
  
"That is the most pansy ass goodbye I ever heard, Twist. Thought you was some fancy salesman? Couldn't convince a drowning man to buy a life preserver with them words."   
  
"I hate you, Ennis." Jack's eyes burned. "Git outta here. Don't want yer pity. Go!"  
  
"I ain't goin' no where without ya, better get that in your thick head now."  
  
"Why you pretendin' ya care? You don't-- never did care, not enough. Never did. Drive off that last time, tore my heart out. Ain't no heart left inside me Ennis, got that? I don't feel a thing."  
  
"First ya hate me then ya don't feel a thing," Ennis said. "If ya don't feel nothin', then why you cryin'?"  
  
"Sorry for myself, is all. Now git outta here. Leave me with some kind of pride, Del Mar."  
  
"Don't matter what ya do or say, I ain't leavin' you here in this shit hole another second. You can stand up and walk out like a man, or I can carry ya kickin' and screamin' like a babe-- don't matter ta me none."  
  
"Fuck you Ennis."  
  
"Do I hafta remind ya the Sister's standing here?"  
  
"Fuck her too."  
  
"Señor Twist," she laughed, "the offer is kind, but I've taken a vow of celibacy."  
  
Jack heard Ennis choke back a laugh. "You think I'm fuckin' funny?" Jack heard himself say.  
  
"So what's it gonna be, Twist?"  
  
Jack sat still. No way Ennis was carryin' him outta here. Let him try. He may be blind, but he could still fight.  
  
"Ya might want to leave, Sister," he heard Ennis say. "This might get messy."  
  
The door shut to the hut at the same moment Ennis grabbed him. They both rolled in the dirt, dust flyin'. Jack punched at Ennis, first landin' solid on his jaw, next grazin' the side of his face. Jack hesitated, fist was sticky and smelled of his own blood and Ennis'. His third punch went wild, givin' Ennis the opportunity to flip Jack over, sit on top of him, holdin', Jack's arms above his head.  
  
Jack hated himself for sobbin' into the dirt.   
  
"Why you gotta be here? What you think you're goin' to do? Take me into Brokeback and hide forever? I ain't got nothin'. No eyes, no family, no heart. All gone Ennis. Leave me be. Just go, please Ennis, just let me go."  
  
"Can't do that friend. Went through a mess o' what ifs when I thought you was dead. Now that I got a chance, ain't gonna wonder what if ever again. Gonna do right by you Jack Twist even if you think I'm doin' you wrong right now."  
  
\----------------------------  
Chapter 5  
  
Ennis was glad Jack decided to walk to his truck instead of carryin' him. His back still ached somethin' fierce from wrestlin' Jack to floor. Gittin' too old for that horse shit. Eye hurts too. Gonna git real shinner. Blind 'er not, Jack still packs a powerful punch.  
  
The Sister raised her eyebrow as they both got in the cab. Ennis knew they were a sorry sight. Jack's face streaked with blood and sweat. Ennis not far behind. She sat between them. Both stiff and button lipped. Ennis felt sorry for Sister Sarita, havin' to put up with their ornery selves. Not easy bein' between two jack asses.  
  
The ruts in the road bumped them along in the cab. Ennis was used to this. Most likely Sister Sarita was too by the way she was shifting with each bump that jarred her. She brushed off her lap--dirt swirled in coatin' everything. Ennis noticed that he he couldn't tell his dash board was black anymore--was this red clay color instead.   
  
Ennis watched Jack from the corner of his eye. Hurt in the pit of his stomach seein' Jack this way. Filthy. Thin. Could feel every rib when they were wrestlin' on that floor. Weren't as strong as he was before either. Remembered them times on Brokeback, Jack always could pin Ennis good when Jack had the itch too. Didn't put up much of a fight a bit ago--like the spirit was whisked out'ta him. Light gone out'ta his eyes, too. Had the look of one of them old bulls before they go off to slaughter.   
  
Only thing Ennis knew was to rile Jack some. Get some of the light and fight back. Needed coaxin'.   
  
"God damn," Ennis blushed, looked over at the sister, "pardon my language, ma'am, but Jack, yeh need ta roll down yer window--yeh smell like a rangy dead coyote."  
  
"Sor-ry," Jack said, crankin' down his window then spittin' out it. Ennis smiled slow. Jack was takin' the bait.  
  
"I didn't have any of them fancy ac-commodations like plumbin' if yeh didn't happen to notice," Jack continued.  
  
"Don't mean yeh can't be clean," Ennis mumbled. "Fellar can still be clean. Yeh need a hosin' down."   
  
Ennis waited for Jack to make some other smart ass remark. Disappointed him when none came. Instead Jack frowned and stared ahead, lip twitching. Way he was starin' made Ennis forget for a moment that Jack couldn't see. Road got all fuzzy from his own eyes cloudin', thinkin' on his Jack feelin' all alone. Not gonna let him feel like this no more. My fault he's like this. Should'a not let him drive away that day on Brokeback. Should'a not said what I said. Should'a takin' him in my arms and gave him what he needed. Kept him safe on the mountain.  
  
Ennis shook his head. Didn't want to reach up and wipe his own eyes in front of the Sister.  
  
Ennis braked as he took a sharp bend in the road. Ennis saw it too late. Swore as he slammed on the brakes and heard the sickenin' thump.   
  
Ennis pulled the old truck off to the side of the dirt road. and put the truck in neutral, pressing his forehead to the steering wheel while the still engine ran.  
  
No one spoke.   
  
No Jack Twist tellin' him he should'a been more careful.   
  
No Sister scoldin' him.   
  
Instead the Sister was holdin' her chest like she's gonna has a fuckin' heart attack, and Jack stared straight ahead.  
  
"Ya'all ok?" Ennis asked.   
  
The Sister nodded. "Startled me, but I am not hurt."  
  
Ennis looked over at Jack, who nodded.   
  
Dam, Ennis cursed himself, need to concentrate on the road. Could'a killed us all. Poor dog. Better git out an' see.   
  
He set his jaw tight and climbed out.  
  
\------------------------------------  
  
"What'd he hit?" Jack asked as he heard Ennis got out of the truck.  
  
"A dog. Stood right in the road and never moved. He's checking the poor creature now."  
  
Jack sat quiet, waiting. This hadn't gone at all like he'd planned. Ennis had gotten his way, as normal. Made him come along. Jack would have made him carry him, but being close in his arms did more to him than he wanted Ennis to know. Just smelling him again and feeling his hard strength was enough to make Jack yearn somethin' fierce. All those dreams where they were together pounded over him like a hard rain. He wanted Ennis. Always would. Just didn't see a future for them anymore.   
  
Not now. Didn't see a future 'cause he couldn't see a thing. Like this moment, waitin' on Ennis outside of the truck somewhere, checkin' on a dog while he sat in the dark. Jack strained to hear what was happenin'. Heard the dog's high, whimperin'. Heard Ennis' low, soothin' tones.   
  
Heard gravel crunch as Ennis came up to Jack's door, dog whinin' with every step.  
  
"Nothin' broke I don't think," Ennis said slow and quiet as he opened Jack's door, "but might be hurt inside. Some stray, not too old by the look of her teeth. Can't leave her at the side of the road ta die. Here, you hold her, Rodeo. Calm her down."  
  
Jack felt a tug on his sleeve before the dog lay heavy in his lap. He felt his cheeks heat up from hearin' Ennis call him Rodeo. Never thought he'd hear him say that ta him again.  
  
"Must be a stray," the Sister added.   
  
Jack soothed the dog in his arms. She struggled against him. The dog weren't no small one, but didn't have much fight in her. Long hair, soft, but clotted. Jack stroked behind her ears while the dog trembled and burrowed her head into Jack's chest. Ennis shut the door, and the dog jumped and whimpered, tryin' to scramble from his lap. Jack soothed her with tender, slow strokes, and she burrowed into him in kind.  
  
Jack heard Ennis boots walk heavy around the truck and the springs squeak at he sat down in the seat. The truck lurched forward into first gear then again into second.   
  
"I believe you are correct Señor Del Mar. She can't be very old," the Sister said. She reached to comfort the dog, but the dog flinched from her hand. "Neglected. Probably abused. The world should not treat the creatures of God with ambivalence or cruelty."  
  
"Agree with ya there Miss Sarita. Way it was standin' in the road, looked like she wanted to die," Ennis said.   
  
Jack didn't blame her. He felt like doin' the same most days.   
  
"Sh-h, be still now girl," Jack whispered, holdin' her steady. Jack's one hand scratched under her chin while the other secured her. Could feel all her ribs like rails. Back bone stuck out.   
  
Poor starved, homeless thing, was all Jack could think. Scared and shakin'.   
  
Jack figured it was some kind of retriever mix by the size, hair, shape of her head and ears. Imagined she had big ol' sad brown eyes. Could feel her brows twitching the way retrievers do as she looked around. She nuzzled his hand, and Jack stroked her head.   
  
Starvin' for more than food, he thought.  
  
\--------------------------------  
  
Sister Sarita watched Señor Twist closely. Maybe Señor Del Mar didn't know what he'd done when he put that hurt gold dog in Jack Twist's lap, but Sister Sarita knew. She had always believed God's creatures nurtured the soul. She nodded to herself as she watched the lab's brown eyes follow Señor Twist's face with gratitude and trust. The dog licked his hand slow and tender then nudged his chest with her nose. Dog wasn't the only one in this truck who needed love. Creatures see what humans often cannot. She saw the open wound in blind man's heart--saw that she could fill that wound and fill her own. The look in each of their eyes gave away their need.  
  
She'd recalled her first meeting with Señor Twist in the hospital. Face swollen and ghastly. Body broken and bruised. But his eyes--they told all. Though unseeing, his heart and soul were rendered in one look, one blink.   
  
Eyes truly are the doorway to the soul--she recalled thinking the first time she met him--here is a soul laid to waste.   
  
Many hours, days and weeks she remembered sitting by his bed, holding his hand. Hearing words shouted in agony. Hearing words whispered in pain. She was not sure who the Ennis was who he called for. She was not sure he was the one who would come--the one in the postcard. But he was, and he was here now.   
  
The hovel in Los dos Laredos became Señor jack's curtain from the world that Señor Del Mar flung open. Now the world pushed in. Sister Sarita knew Señor Del Mar had hid behind his own curtain and found a way to step out.   
  
She did not judge them. She would not. The Sister knew of many sins, she had seen them all as she walked as one of The Sisters of Mercy through the poverty ridden fringes of Rio Bravo del Norte. She believed in mercy, and mercy never judges.  
  
His voice told her much about this man-- so different from Señor Jack yet so much the same.   
  
She watched in silence as they rode back to the Mission. As the streets filled with traffic and became highway she smelled the dry city air of Loredo. The Mission was not far, and she remained silent.   
  
Señor Del Mar found his way and asked for no directions. She saw a man who added his surroundings to the pack that he carried. A heavy load, yet from this day on, he would carry a far heavier load.   
  
Even if he hadn't physically carried Señor Jack to the truck, from this moment Señor Del Mar would have to support him spiritually.


	2. Chapters 6-10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These chapter introduce a few original characters as Ennis helps Jack adjust to his new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will follow. I'll try to publish ever day until this fic is up.

Chapter 6

The Sister watched the three with curiosity. Señor Del Mar held tight to his friend's forearm, climbing out of the cab of the old truck at the veterinarian's home. The yellow dog squirmed and huddled, trying to first escape then seek Señor Jack's sure grip. Señor Twist struggled with arms full of dog, and Señor Del Mar eased them both along. Although at first Señor Jack didn't take too kindly to being helped, the dog so needed his comfort that he swallowed his complaints. Señor Del Mar kept his hand steady on the blind man's elbow as they walked in front of Sister Sarita.

Quiet and subtle, Señor Del Mar guided them. The old concrete sidewalk that lead to door was cracked and patched. The Sister was pleased at how naturally Señor Del Mar lead them over and around the lumps and bumps. She smiled to herself thinking they looked much like dance partners with Señor Jack trusting Señor Del Mar's lead. This trust would been necessary if Señor Jack was to ever make a life beyond the four walls in that dirt floor shack he left behind.

The Sister stepped in front of the trio at the old villa's door and rang the bell. Rustic cubical adobe walls with a flat roof and had both the Indian Pueblo and Spanish influence. The home had been in the vet's family since the mid-1800s when it was built. Dr. Benito Reymundo was someone who the Sister knew well from her years as one of the Sisters of Mercy. A kindly old gentleman, Dr. Reymundo claimed to be semi-retired, the only sign of which was having his front door locked to his clinic. This was a pretense only, since all anyone need do was to ring the old doorbell, and the doctor would appear after the chimes with white smock and stethoscope ready to see the next furry patient. The Sister knew the doctor would never truly retire--for a man like Dr. Reymundo never hung up his smock.  His practice kept him 80-years-young. Since the passing of his wife, Anita, and with his only daughter, Isobel, far away in France, Dr. Reymundo welcomed the distraction. 

Over the many years Sister Sarita watched the doctor heal haggard strays and the pets of the poor. Most owners could not pay the doctor-- what little they made working, was needed for survival. Instead the doctor was fed many a meal--hot corn bread, Tamales with refried beans and rice. Then there were live chickens and eggs he also received for payment. Sister Sarita wondered who would take his place after he was gone. Few would barter as Dr. Reymundo in this time of paper and plastic.

This Sister Sarita counted on-- for it was more than the doctor's knowledge of animal husbandry that brought her to his door on this day. 

\------------------------------

"Good day Sister. I see you have a sad dog."

"Very sad," the Sister nodded.

"Why does she cry so?" The doctor smiled slow and easy, as his skilled hands read the dog's quivers and shakes.

"Hit her with with my truck. Nothin' seems broke, but weren't sure. Might be hurt inside," Ennis said, taking off his hat, showin' proper respect. Inside a man's home after all-- an elder gentleman, too. Small frame, fine bones. Salt and pepper hair, but plenty there. Eyebrows a bit wild, with a nose that looked like it been broke more 'n once. Arms had muscle on them though. 

Ennis looked up. All those years workin' side by side with animals, he recognized a like mind. He had a slow easy way about him. Took his time. Studied Ennis. Then studied Jack too--recognition lightin' in his face. The doc eyes darted to Sister Sarita, whose head nodded as he raised his bushy brow. A small dance, so subtle, but small steps Ennis didn't miss. 

"I'll take a look then," but the doctor reached out to shake Ennis' hand first. "My name is Benito Remundo."  

"Ennis Del Mar," he said, gripping the doctor's calloused hand, "and this here is Jack Twist."

The doc's eyes rested on Jack and the dog. 

"She's hurtin'," Jack said, as low whine came from the dog. 

"Over here, set her on the table. About twelve steps to your right."  

Ennis tried hard to let Jack walk by himself into the room and he counted the steps off. Ennis ended up easin' his arm to Jack's waist as they stepped up to the examination table. Jack didn't flick him away. Leaned into his hand instead. Ennis let it rest there, light and peaceful like.

"Let me look at you girl," the doctor reached out. Jack reluctantly eased the yellow dog over to the doctor, and Ennis let his hand drop. The dog watched Jack's face--her dark brown eyes sensing kindness as they flicked from Jack to the doctor. The doc stepped in front of her, pinchin' her jaws, firm but gentle, to get a look at her teeth.

"I'll check her back first," the doctor said. Ennis remembered readin' somewhere that Golden labs were prone to havin' bad backs 'n hips.  Her muscles tensed then relaxed under Dr. Remundo's hand. She yelped as he tapped her side. Hoped the dog didn't have ta git put down. Worried him 'bout Jack and that dog. Like Jack felt some kinda connection. Jack didn't need no more heart ache.

The doc listened to her stomach and chest with his stethoscope, movin' it around. Ennis watched the doctor's mouth work as felt around, like his hand and his mouth were connected with string. 

"Hold her steady for me. That's it. Hurts doesn't it girl? Lucky you're young. Back is fine. Sore here at her ribs," the doctor massaged the spot. "Older dog might have broken a rib. These young bones give a bit. How fast were you going when you hit her?"

"Road was bad," Ennis said, thrustin' his hands in his pockets. "Wasn't going over 20, an' I slowed down soon as I rounded that corner, almost stopped before I hit her."

"I think she's going to be a lucky dog. I would like to watch her over night to see if there is any internal bleeding, although I don't think she's seriously hurt."

"How much is this gonna cost?" Ennis asked. "Don't have much money and bein' a stray, don't know what we're gonna do with her."

"I think we can work out the payment. You two worked with animals before--pretty evident from the way you both handle yourselves. And you both look pretty strong. Think we can make an arrangement," the doc said, smilin' at how Jack was scratchin' under the dog's chin. "Mister Twist, the lady seems to be attached to you. You intend on keeping her?" 

"Can't take care a her,"  Jack whispered. "In no shape to take care of no dog."

The doc turned to Jack. "Because you're blind?" he asked.

"Well, yeah, 'course 'cause I'm blind," Jack spat out.

Ennis covered his mouth. Damn, this wasn't goin' well. 

"Seems to me the dog would be helping you, not you helping her," the doc said, as much to Ennis as to Jack.

"What? Shit! You a vet or some kind of head doctor?" Jack asked.

"Señor Twist!" the Sister blushed, "Hush your mouth."

Jack brushed off Ennis' hand as he went to put it on Jack's shoulder.

"That's fine Sister," the doctor said. "I understand, and I know _you_ well enough--you've been waiting for me to say something to Mister Twist, or at least waiting for Mister Twist to say something first. You see Jack-- may I call you Jack? --the Sister knows something you don't. My daughter Isobel, she was born blind."

Ennis rubbed the brim of his hat with his thumb. 

"I'm mighty sorry," Ennis said.

"No need to be sorry. I'm not," the doc said to Ennis. "She's a wonderful woman. Independent. Educated. Lives in France teaching blind children."

Jack stood silent. 

"You haven't been like this long," the doctor said, rubbin' the dog's nose. "Must be hard." 

"Ah, Hell," Jack whined, "why'd ya go and bring me here? Was this some kinda set up ta git me help?"

"I can assure you, Jack, that this was unplanned. Sister Sarita, is always bringing me strays. Thinks I run some kind of shelter for lost souls." 

"The Lord works in mysterious ways," the Sister added.

"Pardon me Sister but I've had enough of yer religious clichés fer a life time," Jack said. "Don't want no help. Just wanna be left alone, and I _ain't_ no lost soul."

"Could'a fooled me," Ennis mumbled.

"That fact is," the doctor said, sitting next to the lab on the exam table, "I do need some help early tomorrow morning. I have feed and supplies coming and need some strong arms to unload and stack them off the truck. If you both give me a hand, we'll call it even. It'll give you a place to stay tonight too."

"That's mighty kind of ya," Ennis said. "But the Sister here needs a ride back."

"Tell you what, you go ahead and take her back. Jack can give me a hand getting this dog of yours settled down. Then I'll show him the lay of the house, and he can get a bath."

"Bath sounds good ta me," Ennis chuckled. "Dog needs one almost as much."

"Think I can make up my own mind. I'm standin' right here in the room ya know."

"No one could miss you," Ennis added, "yer down wind."

"Thank you so much Doctor. I knew this would work for the best," Sister Sarita said, ignoring them.

"You ok with that Jack?" the doc asked.

"I'll stay with the dog, you go on."

The door chime filled the back room with the first two bars of "Beautiful Dreamer." 

"That would be my next patient. Widow Mansfield and her cat. She thinks I'm a lonely old bachelor who needs someone to look after _me,"_ he said, winking at Ennis.

\-------------------------

Chapter 7

Ennis squinted his eyes, concentrating on the buzz of highway traffic as he drove back to the mission. The old truck was doing well, considering the miles he put on her. His hands were locked on her wheel. He looked over at the Sister whose hands were laced together, loose and quiet like in her lap. Ennis thought her face was as serene as Mona Lisa's, same wisp of a smile playin' on her lips. 

She was thinking too. Ennis had to admit that her silence weighted on him like a 100 lb. sack-a-oats. Quiet and the Sister were welcome partners, Ennis thought. Usually Ennis embraced long stretches of quiet too-- but now he waited, chewin' his lips, for her to drop the big old sack-a-grain on his back. Her eyes were all far off and intent, thinkin' and thinkin'. 

Ennis knew she was gist waitin' ta drop that big 'ol feed bag so's he would pitch forward from the weight called Jack Twist. Not that he minded the burden. He just didn't know where to carry it now that he was gonna own it. 

He had to admit he had no real plan when since he found out where Jack was. Just knew he had to get to him and quick. Now that he had, Ennis was relieved that the doctor asked them to stay the night and help. He was glad for that yellow dog too, 'cause he didn't know what exactly to do now that he found Jack.

He spent time thinkin' on what to do between waitin' for the Sister to speak. Going back to Brokeback just to talk and git their heads together was Ennis' first thought. Still not a bad idea. Go back to their beginnin's, get life sorted. Thinkin' back made his eyes tear. Never takin' him anywhere near Childress. And he wasn't about to take him to Riverton. He'd knew that this part of Texas was no place for a queer man. Too much bad could happen. Too much bad had already happened. After Brokeback, he knew it had to be somewhere new, somewhere far. 

What worried him most was Jack--being blind and queer left him an easy mark without no protection. He feared there was no place in this big, wide country where  Jack 'd could be kept from harm. Ennis knew his arms couldn't hold him tight enough to keep Jack safe every moment. Needed more than just  his own self to help Jack, and Ennis knew it. Always found it hard ta ask bodies fer help. But this was Jack who needed helpin'--man he cared on more 'n his own livin' and breathin'. 

Then there was Jack's mental state. He was hang dog depressed, no doubt about it. Tore at his heart to see this Jack. Knew it was selfish of him, wishin' for the Jack who jumped and laughed and whooped. 

They weren't far from the mission when Ennis couldn't stand it another bronco breakin' second. Seemed to him that the first person to look toward for a solution was sittin' next to him.

"Okay Sister Sarita, need to know what you're thinkin' on there."

"I'm sure what I have to say isn't anything that you haven't already considered. I've found that sometimes it helps to hear the voice inside your head out loud. Why don't you tell me what those voices have been saying to you, Señor Del Mar?"

Ennis drew his hand from the steering wheel, pinching his nose and took a deep breath. After he covered his mouth, thinkin' on how to explain alls that was in his head. He rubbed the stubble on his shin, lettin' his hand rest there a bit before lookin' over at the Sister. 

"Truth is, I don't know what ta do for Jack besides try and be with him. That's the one thing I never done before--"  Ennis clutched then down shifted for the red light. "Need ta do it now. For me and for Jack."

The truck stopped, idling cantankerous like.

"That's a start. Listening is another part. To me you seem to be a man who listens. Señor Jack needs this. He has said little to anyone. I tried to find him help, but there must be to willingness before it can be received. And to ask for help is harder. You are a man who wishes to rely on no one. You must rely someday. Now might be the time to start."

Ennis nodded. _How did the Sister do that? Reading his mind. Damn._

The light changed and Ennis edged his truck along in first gear, jerkin' along in the slow traffic.

"What do you plan to do?" she asked.

"Don't got no plans for that either. Gotta say, I don't like that none. Sticks to me that I can't think of a thing to do. Only place I know of to go for the time bein' is this place where Jack and I know, called Brokeback, Brokeback Mountain."

"This place is out in the wilderness?" she asked.

"Don't know as I'd call it that, bein' that it's like home ta me. Know Jack thinks on it that way. That's one the reason I thought ta go there. Don't know if it's dreamin' ta take him there, blind an' all."

"Before you decided where you are going to go, you need to know how you're going to get there."

"Well," Ennis said, rubbin' his chin, "I was thinkin' on usin' this truck."

"I was speaking in a metaphorical sense."

"Oh," Ennis frowned. "Guess I know what ya mean."

"Have you ever read any poetry? By Robert Frost, perhaps?" 

"Can't say as I have."

"You might want to-- there's a poem by him called 'The Road not Taken.' You should read it. Ask Dr. Remundo, he has a first edition signed by Frost."

Ennis grunted as he parked in front of the mission.

"Don't know as we'll be stayin' 'round long enough to be readin' poetry."

"Take the time to ask him. I think you should ask Dr. Remundo many things Señor Del Mar."

"Yer gettin' at askin' about his daughter. I was thinkin' on that myself. Least wise, you dropped enough hints back at the clinic for a 102-year-old man ta hear."

"Ask about his daughter," she said, opening the truck door. "Listen to Señor Jack, and read the poem. I also suggest you find a way to keep the dog. Have Señor Jack give the lady a name."

"I will Sister. An' thank you, for everthin' ya done for Jack. An' stop callin' me Señor Del Mar-- name's Ennis."

"You are welcome, Ennis. Gracias."

Ennis watched her as she disappeared into the mission. He closed his eyes, then turned around and started back, thinkin' on what that the Sister had said.

\--------------------

At first Jack was happy Dr. Reymundo was busy with a cat in the next room. Gave him time ta think. Havin' Ennis near was close ta unbearable. Still felt tingly and warm where Ennis touched him. Sad and glad jumbled inside, confusin' Jack. His heart raced, stomach kicked, and face burned. The dog sat with his head it Jack's lap, her eyes figdetin' as she watched him. The corner of Jack's mouth turned up, and he rubbed behind her ears as he began to think on Ennis again. After a few minutes, Jack began to hope that widow would leave and keep Jack from all the thoughts that kept jumpin' into his brain.

He leaned back in the old high back chair he was sittin' in, and the yellow dog put her front legs up on the chair with Jack, restin' her head on her paws and scrunchin' up ta get closer. Jack shook his head, but his mind still kept goin' back. He still loved that hard headed, quiet talkin', steady, grit-of-a-man by the name of Ennis Del Mar. Couldn't send him away-- Ennis was blisterin' under his skin again. No way to ignore. Never, ever get over that man. More painful now, only bein' allowed to see Ennis in his mind's eye. Having one of his blindin' head aches right now didn't help none either.

Couldn't help but let them images wind out like some old-time movie. Way Ennis moved, clean and certain-- way he held his mouth, _like he was chewin' each word,_ Jack thought. _The way Ennis tucks in his chin and flicks his eyes after one of my smart ass remarks, like he was tuckin' a part of me to himself. Film a clickin' and a flickin' my insides ta out._ _All Ennis on them clips a memories with the backdrop called Brokeback._

_Damn Ennis_ ,  he thought, _makin' me feel like a bull done kicked me in the head. Ennis always done shit like this, makin' me crazy as get out and as hopped up as a jack rabbit. Don't know where or who I am. Feel like that now._

The dog crept slow and steady up into his lap, all the while Jack felt dizzier and dizzier. Stomach sick too. Head poundin' fierce.

"Thinkin' yer too big for a lap dog, girl," he groaned then scratched her neck, turning his attention to the other room for distraction. He listened and a quiet voice, probably the widow's, seeped into the room. Couldn't quite make out the words, head pounded so hard his hearing wasn't right. Then the doc'd voice boomed over hers. He made out that just fine.

"Thank you so much for the pie Mrs. Mansfield. It looks delicious. Take good care of Miranda. Watch her tonight and call me if you need to bring her in again tomorrow."

Again the quiet voice. Sounded somethin' like "thank you." A few moments later he hear the doctor's footfalls coming, a dull echo then becomin' clearer, like thunder as he came into the room. Jack smelled blueberries. _Must be that pie_ , Jack thought.

That was the last thing that came to mind before he blacked out.

\-------------------

"That you Ennis?" Jack said, moving his head slow toward the sound of soft breathing.

Ennis smiled as the dog licked Jack's face. The doc said she'd been watchin' Jack close.

"How ya feelin'?" Ennis asked.

"Rough." Jack rubbed his temple. "Happens sometimes, never know when. Bad headaches 'n black outs."

"The doc told me as much. Seems the Sister has been talkin' to him about ya fer some time. Pretty much knows yer history."

"She's one of them high-n-mighty-gotta-save-the-world-Christians."

Ennis gave a throaty laugh. "A 'course Jack, she's a nun." 

"Shit, think I'm stupid Ennis? Makes all her hammerin' and helpin' harder ta take. Jist wanna be left alone, is all. Live alone. What I got now that anyone 'd want? Blind fool with not a lick of education. Why'd God go an' leave me this way? My head's  hammerin' like someone's still beatin' on me. God _must_ hate me, and I don't blame him none for that. Hate my own self. Bad husband. Sorry excuse for a father. Blamed you all the time. Truth is, I was always expectin' what was never bein' offered up on the plate. No reason to expect anythin' from you. No reason to expect anythin' from anyone. God's no different. Why you here anyway Ennis? If you think this is some grand payback for walkin' out on the sweet life, fergit it. Nothin' for you here now. No sweet life, never was. Nothin'."

"Ya don't mean that."

"Git outta my face--might not be able to see, but I know you're givin' me with them hang-dog eyes right now."

The dog nudged Jack's cheek with her nose, and he pushed her head back.

"Most you said since I been here," Ennis said. "Sound like yer ol' bitch-of-a-self ta me."

"Fuck off Ennis."

"Don't matter what you say, what you do. Ain't goin' no where."  

Ennis grabbed Jack's hand and squeezed it tight as the yellow dog ignored Jack's rejections and licked his ear.

"Need ta talk Rodeo." Ennis smiled at how the dog nuzzled the back of Jack's neck, and he caved in, strokin' her ear.

"Don't need ta talk," Jack mumbled.

Ennis touched Jack's lips with his fingertips.

"Sh-h-h darlin'. Need you. Need you bad. Half a me's gone when I'm not with you. 'Sides what's this dog gonna dog without ya? Seems she's just as fond 'a ya as I am."

Ennis bent down, brushin' Jack's lips to his, gentle and soft like. Ennis felt the old flutters kindlin' in the pit of his stomach. 

"Never said this before, I need ta--I love ya darlin'. Ain't lettin' ya go."

Jack tangled his fingers in the soft curls that he'd dreamt on night after waking night. He drew Ennis down to his mouth. Ennis knew feeling Jack beneath wasn't talkin', and talkin' did need ta be done. But he ached to feel Jack's stubble burnin' his skin. 

The yellow dog jumped off the bed to give them room. Ennis smiled. Their bodies always spoke in ways their voices could not.

\--------------------------

Chapter 8

Jack woke from his own snoring.  The mattress moved. He remembered just before fallin' asleep Ennis whisperin' the three words that Jack'd been waitin' to here all these long years. 

Took the son-of-a-bitch long enough ta say 'em. 

Couldn't deny that this felt right--Ennis next to him. Jack missed his arms holdin' him. Wished Ennis was holdin' him now and doin' more than holdin'. Jack could feel himself harden thinkin' on him. 

The light from the window warmed his face. This was somethin' he hadn't welcomed in a while.

He knew the dark pit he'd lived in. Was easy to wallow in. Got real easy not ta care. Got so he didn't expect nothin' else. Didn't even know the way out. 

His head still ached but was better. He breathed in and out easy like. _No more throbbin'-- just the kind a headache that blurs  thinkin' a bit. Must have snoozed for a while. Still day though._

Was so easy climbin' into the hole he'd lived in. The first day he'd opened his eyes and saw nothing, he'd closed 'em again and wished...

Wished and wished like he did in his room back home those first years without Ennis--when all's he had was the smell of him on his shirt. He'd opened his eyes again in that hospital and wished more. Wished every day between pain and pain killers, sleep and wakin'. Took a life-time ta stop his wishin' but he did. Rememberin' the beatin' took the wish outta him. Knowin' Ennis was right all them years made all them hopes disappear like mist. 

It hurt knowin' Ennis was right all along. 

Jack thought he'd been careful. He _thought_ he'd been. He'd thought a lot of pie-in-the-sky happy-ever-after shit. 

Now all them wishes were comin' back ta him, and it hurt.

Felt bitter and sweet.

He yawned and reached over to touch Ennis, just to make sure this was all real. 

Jack heard the dog's tail thumpin' on the hardwood floor next to the bed and sighed.

"How ya feelin'?" Ennis whispered.

\----------------------

Jack's pupils dilated as he turned his head to look at Ennis. The way Jack looked at him, Ennis could swear Jack could still see. 

"Felt better," Jack groaned, "but I've felt a hell of a lot worse. How's the dog?"

The late afternoon sun came through the window, makin' Jack's scruffy face darker, and the smile lines 'round his eyes deeper.

Voice sounded like Jack's but had a quiet hitch in it. The Jack he'd known wasn't like this. The Jack he knew was rowdy and resilient. This Jack was quiet and hesitant. This Jack was thin, so thin--and them scars-- made Ennis cry ta see 'em. Ennis was almost grateful Jack couldn't see the horror and anger he felt earlier when he looked on Jack's chest and arms. 

Ennis looked over the side of the bed. The dog's big brown eyes looked hopefully up at him. 

"She looks fine," Ennis said. "And still smells as awful as you."

Ennis traced his fingers across a scar on Jack's brow, and Jack turned into his hand. _Good sign_ , Ennis thought. 

Some things hadn't changed. The way Jack called his name-- the way Jack tasted. Ennis wanted Jack completely, but he knew he had to take it slow. The man next to him was both scarred and scared. 

"I think she wants up on the bed," Ennis said.

"If you can stand my smell this long, guess ya can stand hers." Jack propped his head up and leaned across Ennis. "Here girl..." he said, pattin' the bed.

"Think she's sweet on ya," Ennis said-- the dog hitting him full force.

"Think?" Jack closed his eyes and let the dog lick his face.

"Yep, also think ya should be callin' her somethin' other than girl or lady or dog."

"Mean name her?"

"Yeah name her."

"That'd mean keepin' her. Don't know 'bout that Ennis."

"I don't think we got a choice-- she pretty much decided on keepin' us."

Ennis felt warm seeing Jack's croaked smile. The dog pushed herself snug between them. 

Bein' with Jack brought back what it was, and what it wasn't. Ennis knew there was plenty needed sayin'.

"I found them, ya know," Ennis said.

"Found what?"

"Them shirts. I got 'em with me. Found 'em where you left 'em."

"Our shirts?" 

Ennis nodded, felt warm inside, seein' the blush the crept up Jack's neck with the mention of them. "When I went ta talk to yer ma and dad, I found em."

"Ya went there?"

"Yep, was real hard." 

"God Ennis..." 

"Right about yer dad-- a real asshole."

"You went there 'n saw  'em? Shit, when'd ya do this?"

"Not long after I got yer letter returned I called Lureen, and she told me."

"What'd ya think of my ma?"

"Liked her a lot. Let me go ta yer room. Gave me 'em." Ennis watched Jack's face careful. "Yer ma misses ya awful-- hard on her thinkin' yer dead."

"Think I don't know that? Thought on that a lot. But ya met her, she'd wanna take care a me-- she don't need that-- takin' care of my old man is enough of a burden on her. Me? Shit. She already gave her life over ta my old man. Only kinda good life she ever gonna see is when he's gone. Son-of -a-bitch is too stubborn ta die. Love my ma enough ta stay outta her life. I sure as shit don't need to be 'round makin' life harder on her than she already got it."

"I tell you what hard is. Hard is havin' you dead. Ain't right lettin' people think yer dead. Think she should know. She needs ta know."

Jack stared up at the ceiling.

"Besides," Ennis said, "she ain't got ta take care a you. You got me."

"I got you? Hell Ennis, what's that supposed ta mean? I got you. Shit."

"Think now's a good time for that talk."

"I thought that's what we were doin'."

"I mean 'bout you, 'bout me, 'bout us."

"Us. Me. There ain't a me anymore Ennis. Not the me ya knew. I can tell ya already know that. Think takin' care of me for the rest of my life is what I want? It ain't."

"Never said I was gonna take care of ya, said I was gonna _be_ with ya."

"Be with me. Take care a me. Both the same."

"Not the same-- 'sides, you'll be takin' care a me too."

"Shit Ennis, I don't have no say in this do I? Don't matter what I ever say to ya-- it's always Ennis' way."

"It's different this time."

"Don't seem that way to me. Always gotta be Ennis' way. That's it. No discussion."

"We are discussin'."

"We ain't discussin' nothing. Yer tellin' how it's gonna be and expect me ta just go along."

"Maybe so. Maybe somebody needs ta tell you how it's gonna be right now. 'Sides, this time ain't the same. This time I ain't walkin' away. You're right, I know you're different. But so am I  Jack. We both ain't the same. I know you been through hell, but so have I. I've been blind too-- only in other ways. Sorry if that hurts just that, shit, I can't explain my own self."

"You don't have no idea Ennis. No idea at all. I'm blind. It ain't goin' away."

Ennis nudged the dog off the bed and hugged Jack tight. Was nice ta feel Jack holdin' him just as tight back.

"Yer eyes though," Ennis said. "Yer pupils are gettin' wide again. That ain't normal is it?"

"The doctors said I got cortical blindness from gettin' smashed in the back of my head. My pupils dilate, but there's nothin' home in that part of my brain ta read the message."

"So's there's nothing ta be done?"

"I'm blind. Ya don't get it do ya."

"Just looks like you can see, the way yer eyes follow me."

"Just following yer voice. Doctors say that's normal. Shit you think I don't want ta wake and be able ta see. Sometimes I think I see things movin', but I ain't sure if it's real or not."

"How ya feelin' now?"

"Still gotta headache. Feels good though, you rubbin' my back. Makes me wanna have you rub other things."

"Thought I already took care of that."

"Never ever enough. Should get clean though, I suppose."

 "Hate ta git up, too." Ennis said. "But we should be gettin' up and seein' the doc 'specially after he's kind enough ta let us stay. Maybe figure out something to eat."

"Well, I know he has pie."

"That so?"

"Yep." Ennis nudged Jack's arm. "I'll stay in here fer now, finish gettin' rid of this headache then clean up."

"Think eatin' might help. Don't look like you've been doin' enough of that."

The dog ran to the door. They both looked over, hearing a quiet knock.

"Yeah?" Ennis said, sittin' up.

"You boys hungry?" the doc said. "I have supper almost ready."

"Damn Ennis, you and yer extra-sensory _pree_ -ception."

Ennis slapped Jack's ass.

"That's _per_ -ception," Ennis said. "And I smelled the chili."

"You two coming?" the doc asked.

"Right there!" Ennis said, dragging Jack out of the bed. "Think Jack'll have time for a shower? Don't want ta spoil yer appetite none."

\-----------------------------------

Jack did feel better after getting cleaned up and eating. Sitting in the doc's kitchen, listening to the doc and Ennis talk while the dog begged for scraps of buttered tortillas made him feel alive again. The pie didn't hurt either. For the first time in months he could taste somethin'. Even the conversation between them wasn't the jumbled mass o' words that it had been. He held on to every syllable like it'd be the last he'd ever hear. Was so warm feelin' Ennis' slow, quiet voice. His words tasted better 'n the blueberry pie.

For the first time in awhile wakin' was real. Since this happened to him, Jack would have dreams. He'd see in them. Waking became the bad dream and night became a place between heaven and hell. Here in this kitchen he felt like for the first time life he wasn't in purgatory. 

As the dog's rough tongue licked his fingers, Jack chuckled. Ennis and the doc, stopped talking.

"Think I'll name her Nina," Jack said.

"That's a good name," Ennis nodded.

\--------------------------

Chapter 9

Ennis liked the doc. He had those weathered, slow, deliberate hands he trusted. Kind a hands like his own. Bet he could quiet a spooked horse with 'em. Didn't hurt that the man talked and breathed animals, 'specially horses. Told a mighty fine story of one special horse he had. Could see the love in his eyes for his old mare, Dahlia. 

Down-to-earth laugh too. Made Ennis feel welcome, no judgin' in his eyes either. Worried about that some at first, 'specially after he and Jack spent that time alone in the bedroom. Doc had to know somethin' was up way he knocked tentative-like at the door. Hard to hide how Ennis felt about Jack--that's why he'd always worried so damn much about bein' in public with him. Couldn't help feelin' like the earth would open up when Jack smiled at him. 

Best part was havin' Jack listen to the doc and Ennis. Even nicer hearin' Jack say he was gonna name the yellow dog Nina. Liked that name. Seemed fittin'.

Right now Jack's face was relaxed: his jaw loose, brows lazy, mouth movin' with thoughts behind it. He was listenin' and thinkin'. Ennis leaned back in the old oak chair and fiddled with the edge of the red and white checkered table cloth.

Yes, it felt easy talkin' to the doc. Liked ta stay and shoot the shit, but it seemed they were talkin' on everything except what was most on their minds. Didn't know how to do that without upsettin' Jack's good mood. 

Ennis scratched his chin. Then Ennis remembered.

"Sister Sarita was tellin' me about this poem by a fellow by the name of Frost. Said you had a signed copy with that poem in it, was called 'Road not Taken'--said I ought'ta read it." 

"That so?" the doc said. "Well, if that's what the Sister suggested, I better not question her," the doc said, gettin' up. "She can be a stubborn woman-- pays not to ignore her, ever. I listen well. In my best interest after all-- I get half of my business from her. I'd be half starved by now if it wasn't for her."

"I kin' see that stubbornness in her, and I've only met her just today," Ennis said, noticing how Jack was lookin' at him.

"You ain't heard nothin'," Jack said. "Women's got the wrath of God in her words. Makes me quake ta hear 'em sometimes."

"From what she told me, you don't pay much attention to what she says," the doc said.

"Can't help but pay attention with her right smack-dab in my face." Nina took Jack's wavin' as a invite to jump up on his lap. 

The doc laughed. Ennis was realizin' more and more just how wise the Sister was. Lookin' at Jack with that dog was like lookin' back in time-- color was back in Jack's face. Nina poured over his lap, head lollin' over one thigh, hind legs danglin' over the other, tail waggin' faster n' faster.

"The Sister can be very intimidating to some," the Doc said. "She is an acquired taste."

"Yeah, like wine," Jack nodded, dog squirmin' to get more comfortable. Looked to Ennis like that was a near impossible task.

"By the way," the doc added, "do either of you like wine?"

Ennis raised a brow.

"I'm more of a cold beer man,"  Ennis said. "But have had some good wine just recently at Junior's wedding."

"Junior's married?" Jack asked.

"Yep. Was quiet the affair. Everyone buzzin' around her like bees."

"What about you Jack? You like wine?"

"It's alright. If I'm gonna have a drink, I prefer whiskey." 

Ennis smiled to himself, remembering all the sips they'd shared. 

"I'll go get that book and bring back a bottle of something from the cellar for you both to try."

Ennis watched the doc leave then reached over and gave the dog a pat on the head. 

"Nina fits her," Ennis said.

"Thought so too."

"Doc's a good man."

"Yep, agree with ya there."

"Look like yer feelin' better."

"I am."

"Not used to you _not_ sayin' much."

"Not used to you _sayin'_ so much."

"Like ta say a lot more."

"Like what?"

"Like... " Ennis searched for somethin', but all he could think of were things like: Where we gonna go? What we gonna do? How we gonna live? --all stuff he didn't want Jack frettin' on right now. "Well, shit..." 

" _Well shit?_ That's real deep there Ennis."

"Never very good at words."

"Yeah, got other things that  yer real good at."

"Hush up 'bout that-- Doc might hear."

Jack gave Ennis a lopsided grin. "Why? Plan on gettin' me drunk and takin' advantage?"

"Didn't think I needed a plan ta do that."

"Out'ta luck for now," Jack said. "The point of drinkin' wine isn't ta get shit faced."

"Drinking wine. _Shit._ Look at us eatin' off bald-face dishes with polished silverware and fancy napkins in our laps, next thing ya know we're gonna be dancin' in some ritzy drawin' room to the Blue Dabloon."

"Ennis, I think ya mean Blue _Danube_." 

"I knew that--just funnin'." 

"M-mm."

Both sat quiet, Nina's tail swatted the table leg in three-four time. 

"Ya know how ta waltze?" Ennis asked. 

"Lureen made me take dancin' lessons. Thought my dancin' was good enough, but she wanted me ta learn the right steps so she could act all la-de-da with her hoity-toity, big-bankbook friends."

"Don't sound like you enjoyed it much."

"Hated goin' to those benefits where LD i'd make fun a me in front of half of Texas-- not that I cared what he or any of them thought, jist hated it. Don't matter if ya like the people yer 'round or not--sometimes it's worse bein' made a fool in front of people ya hate then made fun of in front of people ya love. People ya love know better."

"That's true," Ennis felt his voice get thick.

"Damn right it is."

 "Just so you know, I never thought you were a fool. Sorry I ever made ya think as much." Ennis put his hand over the top of Jack's, then spoke low and heavy, "And I hope ya still don't think that."

"I never wanted to think that, friend. But were right, 'bout a lot. As for bein' a fool--I am--fool for you, anyhow."

Ennis looked up, hearing the doc.

"Took me a bit to find the book. This Cabernet Sauvigon was easier to find. Good California wine," he said, blowing dust off the bottle and setting on the table. "Here's the book. I'll get some glasses."

Ennis took the book and looked at the cover, turning it around to look at the spine, then over again. He moved his thumb across the simple worn blue cover and along the gold embossed title, feelin' each letter spelling out the book's title, _Mountain Interval_. Reminded him of other mountain intervals. Time stolen. He carefully opened the book and saw words penned by the author on the inside cover. 

"He signed it in '62," the doc said, pointing to the words. "Died a few months later."

 The pages were yellowed, but still pliant. Still, Ennis took care in turning them and read the contents, lips movin' to the words. 

Ennis heard the glasses clinkin' as the Doc poured the wine. He saw the poem's title-- the first selection in the book. 

Heard Jack take a sip and say, "This is good."

Heard Jack hiccup.

Heard Nina jump off Jack's lap.

Then, Ennis turned the page and read to himself. 

_Silly,_ Ennis thought. _A poem makin' a grown man cry._

Eyes misted up, sniffin'. Never read anything like it.

  _It's beautiful._ _Ah, shit._

Choked him up awful. Jack sat there. Ennis could hear Jack's brain a' tickin' away without lookin' over ta see him just waitin' for Ennis to say somethin'-- instead Ennis moved around in the chair, makin' it creak. The doc stood in front of him, holdin' his glass.

Ennis looked up from the poem as the doc set Ennis' glass on wine in front of him on the table.

"Don't supposed you'd like to read it to us--" the doc said, "after all, poems _are_ meant for reciting."

"Don't know if I can." Ennis muttered. 

_Can't do this._ Ennis thought. _Can't say the words aloud without them both knowin'._

"Ennis, read the damn poem," Jack said. 

Ennis cleared his throat. Jack's mood was changing fast. Better read. "'Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,/And sorry I could not travel both/And be one traveler, long I stood/And looked down one as far as I could/To where it bent in the undergrowth.'"

"See Ennis-- it ain't that hard."

"Shut up and let me finish..." Ennis focused on the page. 

_Just the words, just the words. Only words, that's all._ Ennis sat up straighter and continued. 

"'Then took the other, as just as fair,/And having perhaps the better claim,/Because it was grassy and wanted wear;/Though as for that the passing there/Had worn them really about the same,/And both that morning equally lay/In leaves no step had trodden black."

Ennis stopped and tried to wiped his eyes without looking obvious. Knew they weren't just words-- they were the way it could a been, way it should a been, maybe the way it still could be.

"'Oh, I kept the first for another day./Yet knowing how way leads on to way,/I doubted if I should ever come back...'" 

Not worryin' anymore about how he sounded, Ennis let the words wash through him, and let himself feel the choice. "'I shall be telling this with a sigh/Somewhere ages and ages hence:/Two roads diverged in a wood, and I./I took the one less traveled by,/And that has made all the difference.'"

The kitchen was quiet except for Nina's tail keeping time. 

Jack sniffed. "Ennis, ya should'a been a school teacher."

\---------------------------------

Chapter 10

Jack scraped his plate, then licked the last crumbs from his blueberry pie off his fork. Ennis was tellin' the doctor about an old stubborn mare he'd had when he was a kid, and how he'd spent more time one summer landin' on the ground 'n gettin' a sore ass than actually ridin'. Ennis smiled tellin' them how the mare would nicker after throwin' him then kick her heals up in glee. Ennis said he learned _ten_ new cuss words that summer because of that ol' mare. The doctor and Jack both laughed between bites of pie. Then the doctor began another story after filling their coffee cups and giving them each seconds of that pie. Nina sat on the floor at Jack's feet,  her tail whooshing so much Jack figured knew it was polishin' the tile.

Jack listened. He done a shit load of hearin' in the past months but not much listenin'. Each story Ennis uttered brought a part of Jack outside himself-- clumped in oh-so-familiar, perfect bites of sweetness. Each word Ennis said filled in a space--strung out in his low, familiar drawl, chewin' on each thought like the smooth berries. Jack listened with a stirring in his gut, feelin' nourished and satiated for the first time in a long while. And truth was it fuckin' scared him too. He'd been in this space before, heapin' hope upon hope with them soothin' sounds like whipped cream. Where'd it get him?

Still he couldn't stop listenin', couldn't help himself from hoping. Hadn't had much of that. Hadn't let himself think on Ennis, pushin' him in that hole in his chest. Still he could never leave those thoughts; his nights filled with Ennis. Now he was here next to him eatin' and talkin' and jokin'. Was like Jack was dreamin' again. Had that old ache for him too. Not sex, somethin' more intimate, more personal. That longin' in the pit of him that only Ennis filled.

Dr. Reymundo yawned, and Ennis patted Jack's thigh, givin' Jack that other familiar ache, exceptin' there was no way to get that ache taken care of tonight. Jack was all mixed up--made his self-preservation take hold again so that Jack was only hearin' noises: An old clock tic-toc-in' in the other room; the doc tellin' them he'd get 'em up in the morning;  Nina's toe nails clickin' on the tile floor. 

Then Ennis bent in close ta him. Every light puff of breath, every hesitation between the words, "Let-- me-- help-- ya," became the secret of life. 

Jack was listenin' again. 

He swallowed. They both stood. Was that him shakin' or Ennis? Damn, he couldn't tell. Jack nodded and let Ennis guide him just so Jack could feel those thick hands in his.

 Didn't feel like help to Jack, felt like comfort. 

Nina padded behind them while Ennis lead Jack into the room. The springs squeaked as Nina jumped on the mattress.

"I'll be fine," Jack said. "I can get undressed myself." 

"Know ya can." 

But Ennis didn't leave.

Jack waited. He still didn't hear Ennis leave. Unbuttoned his flannel shirt and shed it. 

Jack scratched his chin then sighed, _gettin' tired of waitin'_. _The sorry son-of-a-bitch wants me, just won't say it._

Didn't think the shirt was worth keepin', but Jack folded it anyway. Habit. Just like the habit of stripping off his old leather belt in one quick snap. Started to pull off his undershirt when Ennis cleared his throat, and Nina took the gesture as meain', _'Come here doggy, doggy.'_   She jumped off the bed, smack into Jack, knockin' the wind out of him. Ennis jumped to his side, steadin' him. 

Jack felt bitter resentment rise up in the back of his throat. He pushed Ennis hard enough ta make him stumble back. 

"Don't need yer help," he said, taking off his t-shirt. "I can do it myself. I ain't no invalid."

Nina nipped at the legs of his jeans, pullin' Jack toward the bed. 

"See, I got plenty of help-- you can go." Jack flopped his ass down on the mattress and began pullin' off his boots with Nina yankin' at his socks. Jack felt guilt creep into him as he heard Ennis take another step away toward the door.  _Why I gotta go and act like that? Shit. Ennis was just tryin' to help._

Ennis stepped toward the door again. Jack felt his heart hammerin',  _Don't leave, Ennis, don't leave._

"I thought we should talk some more," Ennis said finally. 

Jack knew Ennis better 'n Ennis knew himself.

Ennis inched closer. Shit, he knew Ennis was lookin' Jack up and down--felt those fawn eyes on him. How could a look that innocent burn like that?

"Talk? That what yer callin' it now?" Jack asked, feeling his blood heat his face then rush down his neck.

_Stubborn ass. Just say ya want me._

Then Jack spoke-- the words comin' out in fits, "Ennis _pl-e-ase..._ "

"Quiet Jack," Ennis whispered. "Doc 'll hear ya."

Jack panicked hearin' Ennis move away from him. Sweet relief washed over him as the door latch clicked. 

"Mm, so that _is_ what ya got in mind." Jack slid his jeans over his hipbones, kicking them off. 

Jack hated this most, waitin' and wonderin' what was happenin'.  His stomach did flips. He recalled fellin' these same jittery spasms before a tough bull ride, waitin' in the chute. Jack flinched as Ennis brushed past him. Heard the rustle of denim as Ennis picked up Jack's old jeans off the floor. 

"I've been lyin' fallow fer so long--" Ennis said, "need ya bad."

Jack heard the flap and scratch of his own jeans bein' folded and set down next to the bed then that same flap and scratch of Ennis' jeans coming off. 

"Right romantic way ta be puttin' it there Ennis. Makes me want ta--" Jack found his words cut off from the insistent pressure of Ennis' mouth, crushing Jack's lips then openin' in a rush. Ennis turned Jack roughly. Jack followed,lettin' his body do what it wanted. He squirmed against Ennis, lovin' the feel of the hard chest and muscled forearms holdin' him tight. Jack gasped as Ennis thrust his hips into Jack's backside. Ennis groaned. Jack relished the hot breath damping his neck as that perfect rock hard cock tried to find its way inside him. Damn underwear. Needed to get it out of the way.

Just then Ennis stepped back. Jack missed the heat and pull of his body. A liquid rush filled him as Ennis' hand tugged Jack's old underwear down over the points of his hips, slapping his oh-so-hard cock into his tummy after catchin' on his briefs. Ennis stopped and stood quiet. Jack waited, worrying how he looked now that he was beaten and thin. But Ennis stepped back into his space, and Jack felt no hesitation in Ennis' hands or lips. Jack relaxed as familiar wide fingers found their way into his hair then wrapped him up inside those thick biceps Jack knew better than breathing.

Ennis pushed him down; Jack bounced back flat onto the bed with Ennis falling on top of him, fitting all his sharp, pointed edges. He found Jack's mouth again, explorin' all the corners he'd missed so much. Then Ennis gripped both of Jack's shoulders, pushed up then looked down into Jack's face. Jack didn't need no eyes-- he felt the heat in Ennis' stare. Made Jack feel bashful havin' him bowed over him quiet-like, studin' him like he was some masterpiece. The bed springs groaned. Slowly, Ennis touched his face. Finger movin' across his brow, trailin' down his jaw, then touchin' his lips like a feather. No man or woman Jack had ever known had this soft a touch. But Jack also liked the feel of Ennis' rough hands movin' along the ridges of his spine. He wanted that now too. He wanted it all.

Ennis sensed it, lining up his cock against Jack's and startin' a steady grind, arms grasping around Jack's back. 

Jack gave into the pleasure and pain of it all--their hearts rubbed together raw. With every slide and push, their cocks became more desperate. 

"I want ya inside me Ennis," was all he needed ta say. Spit was all they had, just like on Brokeback. Face to face. His cock poked inside with one sharp straight thrust. Jack welcomed the pain. Jack's chest became tight. Wind escaped from his nostrils in righteous pleasure, and his mouth clamped shut on Ennis' shoulder to keep from cryin' out. His mind rolled with the enormity of the moment--that Ennis was here with him, that they might actually have a life together. Ennis slowed, savoring the tightness of Jack around him. 

Jack didn't need ta see. His hands saw for him, fingers watching the rise and fall of Ennis' chest. He knows it's coming. Sees it in his mind's eye. 

Jack's hand tips up, begging for more. Ennis shifts his thrusts, moving to that spot that makes Jack whimper into Ennis' shoulder. They both go to that place they long for and yet are most afraid of. Jack hiccups back a cry as he comes. Ennis does not hold back and sobs into Jack's dark hair.


	3. Chapters 11-13

Chapter 11  
Ennis closed his eyes. His breathin' was finally normal. Jack Twist could git him riled-up gist by sneezin'.

  
Hadn't had a work out like that since, well not since them last days together at Brokeback. Jist thinkin' on Jack's hands roamin' his body got his guts all a-flutterin' and girly-like. Made him blush. Shit. Had ta admit that he liked that flutter in his belly. Liked bein' here feelin' the rough edges of Jack's against him. Was nice not thinkin' fer a change, and he'd done a hell of a lot of that over the last year. Only feelin' he'd been doin' was the powerful-sorry kind--cryin' and dreamin' of the past. Took Ennis along time to admit to himself that what he'd been doin' all them years with Jack wasn't just sex; it was makin' love. Missed the after part as much. Missed times like this. Made his bones feel like they were his again, not some stranger's. Ennis was never Ennis without Jack. Took him thinkin' Jack was dead ta make him realize he was half of a whole. He'd been livin' in another man's skin fer so long, walkin' through days like a shadow. Only time he'd ever felt his own self was with Jack. Made him worry now that he was thinkin' of goin' even if it was only to another bedroom. Didn't want to leave Jack's heat. Didn't want to leave Jack's grip. Didn't want to leave Jack's spirit. Not for one instant. Wanted to make love ta him again and again, 'til they was both so sore they could never git outta bed ever again.  
  
Still, there was other stuff ta consider. The doc, fer sure.  
  
"Better git to my room," Ennis mumbled haltingly, but instead of getting up, Ennis pulled Jack in closer. "Hate leavin' ya, darlin'."  
  
"Sure you gotta?"  
  
Ennis didn't answer, instead he leaned over the side of the bed, pulling his Marlboros out of his right shirt pocket. He sat up, stickin' one in the corner of his mouth. He looked over at Jack, twitchin' it up and down in his mouth. It was dark, but he could see Jack's brow crease.  
  
"Gonna have a smoke first." Ennis lit it up. "Want one?"  
  
Jack pushed himself up with his elbow, considering but not sayin' nothin'.  
  
"Ya quit?" Ennis asked.  
  
Jack gave a slow nod. "Not by choice though," he said, pullin' the quilt up around him. "Fuck it, gimme it."  
  
Ennis took another drag then handed it to Jack. He always loved the red glow lightin' Jack's face--felt his heart go into his mouth with the sight. Reminded him of all the times by the campfire. He loved the light in Jack's eyes. Broke his heart ta think them blue lights 'd never see a thing again.  
  
Ennis pushed it out of his mind for the moment. Instead he lived for what he could touch now. He'd missed this so much. Thought he'd never have a moment like this again. He didn't want it to ever end, least of all go and leave Jack alone in a cold bed er go to a cold bed himself. Ennis sighed. He knew he was still worried about appearances since there was no danger within these walls. Still, he didn't think it was right, and the last thing Ennis wanted to do was offend their host.  
  
Jack exhaled, sitting up, chokin'.  
  
"Ya all right friend?" Ennis asked, pattin' him on the back.  
  
"Shit, should quit them fer real," he said as he dragged on it again, "but this tastes so damn good. Been so long. Sister Sarita'd never get me these."  
  
Ennis watched Jack look down at the cigarette as he spoke.  
  
"Nothin' tastes as good as one after," Jack said, passin' it back to Ennis.  
  
"Hear ya there." Ennis smiled then looked at Jack. "What's wrong?" Jack's mouth twitched, watching Ennis. If Ennis didn't know better, he'd think Jack was staring at his lips.  
  
"Ya know, sometimes I think I kin' see things all hazy like the glow on that smoke."  
  
"Maybe ya can."  
  
"Doctors said no. Said it was like some kinda weird thing the brain does. Ya know, like soldiers with their legs blown off but still feels 'em."  
  
"Dunno, maybe the doctors was wrong."  
  
"Shit," Jack said, raisin' his voice. "Don't ya do that ta me. I'm blind. It ain't gonna change and don't go thinkin' it will. Ya sound like I used ta-- head in the clouds somewheres. Don't do it--only gits ya more heartache."  
  
Nina's tail was whackin' the floor, and she was squirmin' beside the bed like she was listenin' to the lecture too.  
  
"Crazy dog wants up here," Ennis said, pattin' the bed.  
  
She didn't need no other invitation. Jumped up, lickin' Ennis' face. Jack softened, even chuckled.  
  
"Hi girl," Jack said, rubbin' her head then scratchin' behind her ear. "Think yer right Ennis--we should keep her."  
  
Ennis leaned back against Jack, restin' his head on Jack's chest, happy with what Jack had just said between them words. _He's gonna be with me,_ Ennis thought. _We're gonna have that life together.  
  
_ "Think that's a good decision. I'm fond of the dog already," Ennis agreed.  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"I mighty fond a ya. Like ta take ya home with me too."  
  
"And where might that be?"  
  
"We both gotta decide that, but where ever you are will be home ta me."  
  
"Damn Ennis. Them have ta be the sweetest words I ever heard come outta yer lips."  
  
Ennis could feel the blush creep into his face.  
  
Both sat quiet. Ennis hoped Jack was thinkin' on good times, not bad. Bothered him that he'd brought up Jack bein' able ta see again. Ennis didn't like Jack hurtin' anymore than he already was.  
  
Ennis and Nina sighed together. _Damn,_ Ennis thought, drawin' on the cigarette, _didn't hear no dog do that afore. She's almost human. It's like she can read my mind too. She's movin' around now. Probably thinkin' that I better git my sorry ass outta here too before I fall asleep. Be so easy ta fall asleep with Jack here.  
  
_ "Hard gettin' up," Ennis yawned. His eyes were heavy, lulled by the gentle rise and fall of Jack's breathin'.  
"Maybe you shouldn't git up," Jack mumbled.  
  
Ennis grunted then flicked the cigarette into the tray next to the bed. He relaxed back into Jack, fittin' perfect.  
  
"Heard the doc in the hall way earlier," Jack said, taking the cigarette from Ennis.  
  
They handed it off to each other, sayin' nothing but minds movin' over times passed and moments missed. Ennis loved Jack rubbing his scruffy chin against the top of his head. Felt so good.  
  
"Not sure what the doc knows 'bout us," Ennis said finally. "Even if he is acceptin', don't mean he wants that kind of stuff goin' on in his own home."  
  
"I understand Ennis. Don't need to justify yerself ta me," Jack said, holding out the last of the cigarette out in front of Ennis.  
  
_That's too easy,_ Ennis thought. _Jack is bein' too understandin' . Ain't the Jack I used ta know.  
  
_ Ennis took the last drag, tastin' filter, then snuffed it in the ashtray next to the bed.  
  
He turned around, lookin' at Jack almost straight on. Jack half smiled at him, lips twitching with doubt. Ennis ran his thumb across them before leaning in ta kiss the lips he'd missed so god damn awful-bad. Jack's mouth opened in anticipation. Nothin' ever lit a fire under him like Jack's tongue burnin' his mouth. Damn, he hated leavin' even more now.  
  
Still--  
  
"See ya in the mornin' Rodeo." Jack kissed Ennis on the side of his mouth and slapped his ass as Ennis got up.  
  
Ennis took his time puttin' his clothes back on. Before he left ta go ta bed, he turned to Jack one last time.  
  
"Bed's still warm next ta me," Jack said, reasurringly. "Quilt smells like ya. And I got Nina here."  
  
Ennis looked at Jack confused. Sounded more like Jack was reassuring himself.  
  
"Ya okay?" Ennis asked.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
Ennis walked back to his room.  
\-----------------------  
Benito smiled at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. I'd been a while since he'd smiled like that. Hell, I'd been a while since he'd had over-night guests. Having the two cowboys eating at his table and sharing his blueberry pie, made him think of other pies and other people who'd sat at his table. It was nice having conversation and company in these old walls. There was time when he thought he wanted quiet. Now he had more than he ever wished for. He never thought he'd miss his wife yell "pick up that dirty laundry off the floor" or full volume Led Zeppelin from behind his daughter's door, but he did. Oh, how he did. He didn't see much of his daughter anymore being that she moved around like some gypsy. He'd raised an independent soul. He was proud of that. Still, there was a part of him that wished she needed him more.  
  
The Sister hadn't told Benito Reymundo much about Jack Twist, and she'd said nothing about his friend. He liked this Ennis Del Mar from the moment he met him; he had a real love for horses. He was no-nonsense, said what he thought, right to the point. No extra words for him. Benito could see the hard work written in the palm of his hand. And his friend, Jack Twist, was a kind soul. Sad smile, laugh lines that told of some happy days gone past. His hands talked for him, always moving, always dreaming. He'd watched Twist closely. Sister Sarita had talked to him about Twist. She was concerned about his well-being. Benito saw the signs because he'd seen the drain of depression many times. It was normal after losing one's eyesight. Twist was very quiet during dinner. Although he appeared attentive, a part of him was detached.  
  
He was bonding well with the dog. That was a fortunate accident. Or was it an accident of fortune? Over the years the doctor had seen many strange coincidences, especially where the sister was concerned.  
  
He finished brushing his teeth and scratched his chin. It was nice having them here. He hadn't realized how alone he'd felt until now. There'd been many days when he'd thought he'd like to go, just take off, didn't matter where to, just away. But it was hard. People relied on him. _Yes,_ he thought, _this old house had gotten quiet over the years with just an old man creeping through it.  
  
_ He put the tooth paste cap back on and started down the hall. Same old routine he did every night.  
He stopped in the hallway. He heard muffled voices coming from Jack's room. He knew he shouldn't be out in the hall listening, but this was a great break in the routine. He'd wondered earlier if there was more to their relationship. The way Ennis had looked at Jack made him think so. Now the tone of the words behind the door. Soft sounds. Not the inflections of a friend to a friend. These were the soft songs of lover to lover. Over the years he'd learned a lot about listening. He knew love when he heard it.  
  
He decided after a moment more that he should respect their privacy and went to his room. No, he wasn't one to judge others. Maybe he didn't understand it, but he'd seen too much hate in the world to deny anyone love.  
He set his alarm, stretched and yawned then got in bed. As he laid back into the comfort of freshly washed sheets, he closed his eyes he thought, _yes, it's nice to have voices fill these walls_.  
\--------------------------  
Ennis woke not sure of where he was, when it was, comin' out of a dream where Junior was still small 'n crawlin' across the floor. Someone was knocking hard. _Shit,_ he thought, _I'm in Texas. With Jack. And that poundin' is comin' from the door ta this room._  
  
Ennis threw the patch quilt aside and stumbled out of the old oak bed. He heard Jack callin' out when he put his hand on the knob. He flung the door wide, and there the doctor stood in a faded flannel bathrobe, his hair rumpled.  
  
"Your friend is havin' some bad dreams," the doc said, pullin' his robe around him tight. "I thought I'd better come get you." Behind the doc, Ennis hear Jack call out again.  
  
He rushed to Jack's room, the doc followin' behind. Jack's words weren't clear, but the pain was. With every step, Ennis felt this achin', helplessness. His feet and hands turned cold. He needed ta git to Jack. Between Jack's cries, he heard Nina's whimpering. Ennis opened the door and flew through to the bed.  
  
Nina was there next ta Jack, nudging him, tryin' ta get inside Jack's skin ta wake him. Her eyes welcomed them into the room. She moved aside for Ennis, still whimperin' in fits and starts.  
  
Ennis just reacted. Took Jack arms and held him tight to his chest. "Friend, I'm here."  
  
Jack struggled in his arms at first, fightin' him. Ennis was beyond carin' what the doc might think. Jack needed him, was all Ennis knew. That was it.  
  
"Ennis," Jack called out. Still in his nightmare, Jack clutched him, knuckles white, fingers groping. "Ennis," he repeated then flinched like a spooked horse.  
  
_I should have heard him,_ Ennis thought. _Why the hell didn't I hear him? Should'a woke soon as Jack needed me. I should'a known the leavin' was too easy.  
  
_ Ennis pressed his forehead ta Jack's, holdin' the back of Jack's head tenderly, his fingers soothin' and light as they caressed his hair.  
  
"Wake up Jack. It's Ennis. Yer with me. I got ya. Wake up."  
  
Jack eased his grip. His eyes fluttered. Ennis let his fingers slide around to cup Jack's face. "It's me, darlin'," he whispered.  
  
Jack kept mumblin' "I'm fine, I'm fine" like some mantra as Ennis rocked him. Sounded to Ennis like Jack was sayin' it for his own sake more 'n for Ennis'. He knew Jack was anythin' but fine and held him all the closer because of it. As the two held tight to what they never thought they'd have again, Ennis silently thanked what ever power it was that brought his Jack back ta him.  
  
The doc, who stood forgotten, suddenly spoke up, "I'll leave you to talk."  
  
Still, he hesitated at the door. "You need anything? Water?"  
  
Jack nodded yes to the doctor, sittin' up, still breathing hard.  
  
"That'd be good, 'n some aspirin. My head's poundin'."  
  
"Thanks fer comin' ta git me," Ennis said, then turned his attention to Jack. "Yer still shakin' and sweatin'."  
  
Ennis took Jack's face in his hands again and takin' up the doc's suggestion said, "Jack ya ain't fine. You was havin' a nightmare about 'em. Can't keep hide it inside yerself an' expect it ta go away. Need ta tell me darlin'. Ya need ta talk ta me."  
  
"Shit Ennis, don't know if I can tell ya. I spent so much time tryin' ta forget. I'm afraid if I say it, it never will go away."  
  
"Yer right, it ain't ever gonna leave ya, but it don't have ta be as bad as this. Seems ta me you've been pushin' this away, and it ain't been workin'. I done that same thing, swallowin' what I didn't want ta face an' look what it got me, look where it got _us_."  
  
"Maybe you was right ta do it. Look what happened."  
  
"I don't believe that no more. That ain't the way. Ya don't let life eat away at ya and say, 'here come back fer another helping.' Ya need ta talk about what happened to ya. I think we both need ta talk about what happened ta us."  
  
"This is gonna take awhile. Ya got another one a them smokes?" Jack asked. "I think I'm gonna need one first."  
\------------------------  
Chapter 12  
Jack couldn't sleep. Still goin' over all he said ta Ennis, and how Ennis had taken it in. Jack figured it'd be even harder hearin' it than voicin' it.  
  
Jack talked straight through. He didn't want ta have ta think too much about what he was sayin'...  
  
But now he was.  
  
Whole time he spoke ta Ennis, Jack had made sure they was touchin'. Only way he could know fer sure how Ennis was takin' what Jack told him _was_ ta touch him. Noticed every move: How Ennis'd tighten his chest; how he'd breathe deep through his nose. Noticed Ennis tensin' up over 'n over 'n over along with the rapid rise 'n fall of his chest. Whole time, Nina stayed down at the foot of the bed, like she was givin' them time for each other.  
Ennis slept next ta Jack now. Still, Jack couldn't sleep. Wasn't so much bein' worried about goin' back ta that nightmare place-- it was because he needed ta straighten his head out. That and it felt so damn good with Ennis next ta him he didn't want ta miss a moment.  
  
Jack's lips curled in a smile against his feather pillow. Nothin' was more comfortin' ta Jack than listenin' ta that familiar snorin' in his ear. He laid on his side with Ennis warmin' him from behind. He liked the solace-- the heavy heat of his lover's leg with his knee bent restin' on Jack's upper thigh. With sleepy jerks, Ennis flung his free arm around Jack, then scooped Jack in tighter, hitchin' his hips into Jack's ass. God Jack'd missed Ennis' forearms holdin' him.  
  
Jack shimmied back, glad ta forget for a few moments, but Jack resisted the urge ta grind his ass into Ennis. Gittin' somethin' started would just postpone the thinkin' he needed doin'. Jack sighed. He mulled this thing between them over 'n over. He'd been a-dreamin' or avoidin'. Damn, it was time ta change. He needed ta look at his life and judge what he done-- dissectin' it all scientific-like 'cause what he was doin' now could make er break him. This weren't the time ta keep a-dreamin' or avoidin'.  
  
Ennis stilled behind him like he knew Jack was decidin'. Jack laid with his eyes open. He almost thought he could see a light in the dark. His breath turned ragged-cold, and he began to drum his fingers against the mattress. He'd gotten all mad at Ennis for voicin' ideas that came ta his own mind often, ideas like bein' able ta see again.  
  
Why would Ennis want ta be with him? The son-of-a-bitch _must_ love him. Hearin' Ennis tell him that he did had been what he'd always wanted, right? Jack couldn't figure why he was so damn scared now that Ennis had finally told him.  
  
He knew how hard it was for Ennis ta say them words--least wise it was impossible for him to once-upon-a-time on Brokeback Mountain. Talkin' to Ennis had always been easy fer Jack except for when it came ta what really mattered. That was why he avoided tellin' Ennis his feelings fer so long. He knew silence wasn't no way ta start this thing again between 'em. Couldn't stand ta have it like that no more. Wanted his heart free fer once. Would have been a blessin' ta forget him. But he never could.  
  
Jack had found nothing ever came ta him free. Didn't even know if he ever wanted to be free from Ennis Del Mar. Always had Ennis in there. Couldn't push him out.  
  
Ennis had started Jack ta talkin', speakin' about what it was like fer him again. Jack couldn't forget Ennis tellin' him what his life 'd been like thinkin' Jack was dead: "I loved ya. I wanted ta be with ya, but I never saw a way how. Could never tell ya. Shoulda never let ya drive off. Shoulda kept ya with me. I ain't gonna let ya git away from me ever again. Keep ya safe with me."  
  
Held Jack close, until Jack could work himself up ta speak. Then he told Ennis how he'd known one of the men before--seen him at a bar Jack went to on nights Jack couldn't bare it no more...  
  
"It got lonely, so fuckin' lonely. I just needed someone," he told Ennis. "I saw him there, sittin' at a table drinkin', watchin' me as I sat at the bar watchin' my beer keep gettin' empty. Thing is, I didn't do nothin'. Just drank myself into a stupor. Don't remember even gettin' in my truck ta git home. Don't remember nothin' about the drive 'til I hit somethin' and heard the sound of rubber slappin' the road. Didn't even know what I hit until I got outta the truck 'n seen my front tire flat and back tire shrinkin', hissin' out air. I reached down and pulled the board stickin' to it. Had six nails hammered in like pips on dice. The nail were round wire kind, large ones used for carpentry."  
  
Jack recalled how quiet Ennis was when he told 'em this, waitin' for what was comin' next: "I'd seen the other men clearly that night. Knew their faces. Knew every crease, every pimple, every chip in the tooth. Knew the dirt under their nails. I'll never forget." Jack didn't add he never forget because he relived it almost nightly. Just too much ta say ta Ennis yet.  
  
"I was getting a spare outta the back, havin' a time 'cause I was drunker than sin. I wasn't so drunk though, that I didn't hear em comin' up on me or know why they was comin'. I knew right away even as drunk as I was. I knew. They were waitin' on me. I had this hitch in my side when I heard the gravel crunchin' under their feet. Never fergit it. I knew what was comin'. The one I seen in the bar asked, 'Need some help?' and the others laughed. I looked up. One of em had a board in their hand pine knot-holes 'n all, jist like the one stuck in my tire. I grabbed the tire iron outta the back. Stupidest fool thing I ever coulda done--"  
  
Jack hesitated in recallin' the story ta Ennis at that point. Felt Ennis tensin' up, preparin' for what was comin' next. Jack's breath shook with with the part what came next. He told his how they twisted his arm, wrenchin' the tire iron away. Easy enough. Jack said he'd sobered up some, but not near enough ta fight of four men, two of them a site bigger 'n him. They pulled off the road outta site. Then knocked his legs from under him, knees slammin' into the hard ground. Asked him if he wanted to suck their cocks. Jack swore at them and spit.  
  
"Answer ta that was ta have the board with the nails rake across my back. That's what the scars are from. I tried not ta scream. Didn't want ta give em that little bit of satisfaction. Then it began. Bein' held between two of em while the other two i'd take turns beating me. Didn't know fer how long. Was an eternity. Thought I was a dead man but still fought em with every bit I had. Strainin' against em. Tasted the metalic twang of the blood in my mouth."  
  
And Jack told Ennis he saw it all like it just happened, almost every night, reliving the memory. Sometimes, he told Ennis, dreams got messed up in his head. Sometimes in his dreams Ennis i'd be there callin' out ta him, sometimes i'd be Bobby, sometimes Lureen. Most times he was alone. Sometimes he'd beg them not ta hurt him. Most times he just let it happen. No way ta stop hate like that.  
  
Ennis didn't say nothin' all that time. Just listened. Jack admitted ta Ennis that last blow to the back a his head was it fer him. The last thing I ever saw was that man standin' in front him laughin': "After that last hit, I felt the crunch. I couldn't see. Didn't realize at the time why. Thought I was dead, but the pain didn't turn off so I knew I couldn't be. Didn't think I'd still be hurtin' so bad if I was dead. I pretended to be dead. Figured it was my only chance. I held the pain in good, Ennis. Then I heard em, talkin' around me. Didn't think the fuckers would ever leave..."  
  
Jack could feel Ennis shakin'. Told Ennis they left him there. He heard em drive off. He was alone. Awake.  
Didn't feel no pain no more. Like he was floatin' above it all. Thought he was dyin' then for sure.  
  
Told Ennis how he'd heard 'bout such things before. Never believed em--not 'til then. Don't know when he lost consciousness. Don't know who found em. Woke up in that hospital and couldn't see. Didn't understand it at first. Had to feel to make sure his eyes were open, that nothin' was coverin' em: "I put my hand up ta rub my eyes, but my arm was in a cast. I couldn't feel. First I thought I couldn't see 'cause my eyes was swollen shut then I realized why. Don't know how much time passed. Sleepin' and wakin' were the same fer me. Got so's I couldn't tell em apart at time. Then one day I woke up with Sister Sarita sittin' next ta me. She told me who she was. I realized I was in the real world again. Went from pitiful ta numb that day. Nurse Calley came in--gave me grape juice 'n sandwich and some kinda other nourishment. The Sister sat by, talking to me, tryin' ta get me ta eat, tryin' ta get me to co-operate. Didn't want no temp take er blood pressure. Finally gave in when the Sister shamed me fer givin' the nice nurse shit. The nurse left then came in a few minutes this doctor. They told me about the trauma to my occipital lobe, and how my sight might come back, how it might not. And there I was eatin' this grape juice and fuckin' sandwich, just felt like it was like the last supper."  
  
Jack closed his eyes, recallin' how Ennis had taken that part. He held Jack tighter, kissed his ear. When when Jack told Ennis how he'd asked the Sister what he looked like and she didn't answer, Ennis tucked his chin into Jack's neck.  
  
"Asked where I was, and she did tell me that at least. A few days later, I felt my face with the help of the sister. Shit. Blind, lame 'n disfigured. Face swollen up like some monster. I went from morose ta vicious. Hated everyone. Threw a tray of mashed potatoes and meatloaf at Nurse Calley. Still feel bad about that. She was always so nice ta me even when I cursed and pounded my bed like some infant. Shit Ennis, I blamed everyone but myself fer not seein' them first weeks. Hated the world. Scary ta hate so powerful. It's like yer eatin' glass."  
"When I found out what LD had done, I was angry and relieved. Meant I'd never have ta face a soul the way I was. Y'all could remember me a whole man not some ol' blind invalid."  
  
"Had some therapist and a psychiatrist comin' ta see me. Told me I could live a normal life, learn this thing called tactile paving, git a white cane, and I'd be all set, like it was some wonderful Christmas present. Shit." Jack told Ennis about the refusin' ta get up. Goin' through physical therapy and how Sister Sarita came every day. After he was able ta leave the hospital, how he ended up in that shack Ennis found him in.  
  
"Just wanted to crawl away and pretend I was never in this world," Jack told him.  
  
Ennis answered: "Jack, when I got the letter back with the word deceased, I wanted ta do the same thing."  
  
"Are ya still afraid?" Jack had asked. "What if ya can't do this Ennis? What if ya can't be with me?"  
  
"Were nights I didn't know where I was," Ennis had said. "Woke up thinkin' you were still alive. Then real life would hit me. You were gone forever-- weren't ever gonna be there. I did a powerful lot of regrettin'. I ain't goin' ta walk away. I need you Jack Twist, more 'n you ever'll need me."  
  
Both of em got quiet after that. Wasn't long after that, Ennis had gone ta sleep, leavin' Jack to think.  
  
Years upon years Jack had taken many chances, played poker with his life. Years upon years Jack had lost. Maybe it was finally time fer a winnin' hand.  
  
Ennis mumbled into Jack's ear then turned his head, smoothin' just a wisp of a kiss across Jack's stubble.  
Jack pushed back into him, turnin' his head just enough to feel Ennis' breath on his lips. Mouth moved over mouth. Ennis opened his, holdin' above, waitin'. Then slow and gentle tongues met.  
  
Ta Jack it was some kinda sign.  
  
That big knot formed in his stomach--the one that needed ta have Ennis tame thet side a him that was wild and scared. Jack settled himself on his stomach, rear in the air, waitin'. Instead, he felt Ennis' fingers pressin' white into his shoulder blades, turnin' Jack around, facin' Ennis, chest heavin'. Jack let Ennis arrange his legs the way Ennis liked em. Jack skittered around beneath, and Ennis shushed under his breath, "Easy Darlin'." Still Jack moved against him like some wild bronc, bitin' and rearin'. Jack wanted it, snortin' between clenched teeth like a mustang as Ennis ran his hand down the length of Jack's cock. Ennis handled him gentle, gainin' Jack's trust, movin' up and down the length on him over 'n over. Then easin' fingers inside, findin' the place that only Ennis knew just how to rub and make Jack liquid beneath. Ennis readied himself, then pullin' Jack's legs up ta mount him. Jack balked beneath. The hot push came. The give. Jack just let himself go, callin', "Ennis, Ennis" as the man he couldn't send away was hitchin' his cock ta the righ 'n left. Jack begged for more, lovin' the drag deep in his bowels.  
  
Ennis stopped then whispered in his ear, "There Darlin', move for me."  
  
Jack bucked as hard and as graceful as any horse Ennis ever rode. Jack wanted tamin'--he wanted soothin', gentlin'. Ennis itched for it too. Hands reaching for Jack's crotch, hookin' his hard flesh and jerkin' it 'til Jack cried out. Jack knew Ennis was rubbin' his nipples makin' them rigid and pointed jus so's he sweat helpless under Ennis.  
  
Jack loved it. Never had any feelin' as deep and as powerful as this. Finally, Ennis reached up, hands steadyin' Jack's head that was drawn up tight. Jack knew Ennis was reinin' him in. God, that open mouth. Felt like Ennis wanted ta take all the sadness outta Jack.  
   
Jack groaned loud.  
  
"Someone will hear us," Jack whispered. Ennis clamped over his mouth again. Then more heated thrusts, following' Jack as he was turnin' his head, slowin', ridin' him gentle-like until Jack stilled with Ennis' quiverin' last trust.  
\------------------------  
Chapter 13  
Ennis hefted another 50 pound bag a dog food over his shoulder, bitin' his lip. Who would a thought that dog food could be so darn heavy?  
  
He stepped down off the bed of the short semi-trailer they were unloading. The trailer was hitched to an old Peterbilt cab that didn't look ta git much servicin'. Tires were worn ta threads; the windshield peppered with chips, and a thick coat of red dirt coated the cab and trailer. Because of the grime, Ennis hadn't noticed the words "Richland Feed" in yellow and red letters across the side of the trailer until he got right next to it.  
Ennis hiked the bag up over his shoulder as he rounded the cab. The load always seemed to get heavier with each sack he hefted. Ennis wound his way around the rock garden with dry-land steppe plants surroundin' him, accidentally knockin' down a big ol' desert honeysuckle stalk. He gave the doc a nod of apology as he set down his load on the waist high bags of feed. Ennis took the bottom of his shirt and wiped the sweat from his brow, watchin' Jack from the corner of his eye as Jack followed the doc back into the barn with his own load over his shoulder.  
  
"Ya weren't wrong there, Doc, when ya said ya needed a hand unloadin' this con-glom-eration," he overheard Jack sayin'. "Feelin' some muscles I fergot I had. Feels good."  
  
Ennis agreed. It _did_ feel damn good workin' his muscles, and the doc _did_ need help with all this feed. Best part was Jack was doin' a fine job of movin' and sortin'. Ennis and the driver'd unload 'em, then Jack and the doc would sort 'em and put 'em away in the back barn. Jack was unsure in the beginnin', scratchin' his head and hemmin' and hawin', but the doc was right smart-- convinced Jack that it'd be a snap. Showed Jack the feel a each bag 'n how ta pay attention ta the difference with just the tips of his fingers. Jack took ta it like ridin' a horse. It was amazin' to see Jack movin' so sure, same smooth way he shifted in the saddle. And the doc, Ennis could tell he'd showed blind people things like this before, the way he'd talk ta Jack and take his hand 'n run em along the tops, showin' Jack how he could tell between 'em in an instant. The doc'd then pick 'em up and put 'em in the spot specific fer that feed, showin' Jack all the while. Then he'd take Jack, turnin' and countin' off steps like doin' some geometry problem.  
  
Jack warmed up to the doc too. Loved seein' Jack joke with him. Kinda man Jack shoulda had fer a father.  
Ennis smiled watchin' the two takin' a short break together and laughin'. Jack leaned against the barn with his legs crossed at the knees, kickin' his heel against the toe of his other boot. Ennis felt his cheeks burn thinkin' how handsome a man Jack was, standin' there with his hips thrust out and his long legs amongst the swayin' orange blossoms of the butterfly weeds.  
  
Nina watched, curled up with her tail thunkin' on the slab stones of the garden walkway. At first she'd been interested in the contents of the bags, moseyin' around and sniffin'. She followed Jack back and forth a few times-- then decidin' there was nothin' in it fer her, she rested out of the way from everyone's feet in a corner of the garden.  
  
Ennis stretched, then went back ta work, carryin' smaller bags of feed two by two from the back of the trailer to the front of the barn.  
  
He noticed the fellow unloading with him was lookin' at Jack like he was sort of a curiosity. Ennis had ta admit he done the same in the past when seeing a cripple person on the street. Yep, Ennis had ta admit that he done the _slip 'n stare_ , where he'd be caught gapin' and then cleave away, pretendin' he wasn't lookin'. Knew he shouldn't be lookin', but couldn't help himself. Gettin' caught made him feel shameful. Ennis supposed there were a lot people who never felt no shame-- people who out 'n out stared. Didn't know what i'd be worse, people like Ennis with shame in their hearts or people with no shame who gawked at a person's misfortune.  
Leastwise Jack couldn't see the driver's eyes slip 'n stare. Instead the man was avertin' em when either the doc or Ennis looked his way. Yep, he was glad Jack couldn't see it.  
  
Ennis brushed by Randolph and picked up another couple sacks. Maybe the man couldn't help himself although the truck driver _was_ takin' his time. That Ennis didn't like. Ennis was doin' most of the work. Wouldn't a minded so much, but there was somethin' about this Randolph character Ennis didn't cotton to from the moment he saw 'em. Ennis got one of his creepin', crawlin' skin feelin's when he got a look a Randolph as he opened the cab. Over the years Ennis had learned that trustin' such impressions kept him outta a heap a trouble.  
  
Right now he wished that this character'd put more back inta his work and more leg too. He was doin' two trip fer the driver's one. While doin' this kinda work gave Ennis time ta think about what needed doin', he'd sooner be done so's he could talk ta Jack. Needed ta talk ta Jack about some phone calls. Ennis'd been puttin' off phonin' Lureen since this morning. Knew he should've before, but he was hopin' Jack would want ta speak ta her and was waitin' for the right time ta suggest it. He figured considerin' the fine mood Jack was in, he'd bring it up after.  
  
Convincin' Jack ta call his ma and pa would be a lot harder.  
  
Ennis needed ta call Junior also. Should call Alma and talk ta Jenny, he reckoned. He had a hell of a lot ta tell 'em, but still couldn't let 'em know where ta reach him in case they needed to. Deciding where needed ta be mutual. Him 'n Jack hadn't made any plans beyond bein' together, which was a start, but hardly more than blueberry pie in the sky. They needed ta seriously settle on a place ta hang their hats.  
  
Finally, the truck was unloaded. The doc disappeared into the barn and came back out with a big grin and a six pack a Budweiser. Bottles clanked together as he handed Jack one. Called Ennis and the driver over and tossed 'em each a beer. Ennis popped the top, beer sprayin', and took two big swigs a suds before he got a decent gulp. They all leaned against the barn, drinkin' and catchin' their breath. Ennis cooled his brow with the back of the bottle, then watched Jack take a few gulps of his own-- Adam's apple bobbin' up and down as he swilled in. And those lips on that bottle, _damn_. Ennis couldn't look away. The bottle stayed frozen on his forehead as he stared. Tippin' the neck up, openin' pressed on that full upper lip, and that damnable beauty mark near his mouth, bobbin' around like it did when he done other things. _Christ-all-Mighty,_ he couldn't even watch Jack drink without gettin' a hard-on.  
  
He took a fast gulp a beer.  
  
"Sure is a perdy rock garden ya got here," Ennis said, tryin' his best ta ignore Jack's mouth. Had ta have somethin' to distract him from Jack and--  
  
"Thanks, Doc. This sure hits the spot," Jack said.  
  
Had ta look. Had ta...  
  
God, now them lips were _moist_! A bit of foam above the upper lip. Shit, nothin' intelligible would come outta his own lips after seein' that.  
  
_Look away, look away._  
  
He did. Right at Jack's crotch. Didn't even realized what he'd done at first. Ennis began thinkin' how damn weak he was, still staring. Only way ta keep himself from lookin' was ta turn a bit from Jack so's Jack wouldn't be in his line a sight. Not completely anyhow. Couldn't help but have a teensy view.  
  
Ennis turned. Instead, Randolph was now dead center. Hot embarrassin' lust flushed Ennis' face-- he felt like some teenager with his pants down, caught by the local sheriff after makin' out hot 'n heavy on an old dirt road. Randolph's eye twitched. His lip curled.  
  
Caught. Yeah, caught. Ennis kicked himself.  
  
The driver spat on the ground then looked up again, his eyes fused ta Ennis'.  
  
The doc had noticed too, exceptin' the look the doc was givin' was more akin ta curiosity. Jack stood clueless. Stopped talkin' though. Knew somethin' was up from the quiet around him.  
  
Then Randolph said it just loud enough just so's Ennis could hear. Imagine the asshole didn't mean fer Jack ta hear too, but with the new super-power hearin' a his, he did. Jack flinched like he'd been hit.  
"What was that?" Jack asked.  
Ennis kicked himself one more time fer not bein' more careful. He knew this damned man was trouble from the first.  
  
"I said faggot," the driver repeated loud enough fer all ta hear.  
  
"I think you had better leave," the doc said, pointing toward the truck.  
  
"Thought that's what ya said," Jack said, puffin' up like some rooster.  
  
Ennis knew what was comin' next. Seen that body coil up before like a rattler ready ta strike.  
  
Jack jumped at him-- Ennis jumped after, pullin' him away. There was a time Ennis would never of been able ta hold a pissed-off Jack Twist back. Now, Ennis did. Might not be the same Jack Twist in strength but damned if he didn't have the same spirit. Jack was swingin', 'n strainin' ta break away from Ennis like a dog jumpin' against a chain ta git a bite of the mailman.  
  
Nina jumped up from her spot, circlin' Jack 'n Ennis, not sure what ta do about the whole crazy situation.  
  
"Let go a me, Ennis! I'm gonna kick his ass!"  
  
"You ain't in no shape ta be startin' no fight," Ennis said, duckin' a wild punch from Jack. "Whoa! Settle down."  
  
"Don't treat me like a horse ya gotta tame," Jack yelled. Nina began pullin' on Ennis' pant leg. Ennis didn't want ta hurt her, so's he just shook his leg in the air. Jack hurled cusses over Ennis' head, stringin' them together like they was one long word.  
  
It was hard ignorin' Jack and holdin' his own tongue, but Ennis did.  
  
"Ain't fightin' no blind, crippled queer," Randolph spat.  
  
Ennis couldn't keep quiet no more.  
  
"I'll beat the shit outta ya myself, if ya don't git," Ennis answered. It was about that moment when Nina changed tactics-- seein' what the real problem was, she dropped Ennis' pant leg and turned.  
  
"Let me go, Ennis!"  
  
"Like a fuckin' queer is goin' best me?" The driver laughed, but in one second his snickerin' sneer flat-lined as Nina began to snarl.  
  
Ennis had figured him for a coward. He was right. The hairs on Nina's back resembled bristles as they stuck up. Ennis had ta smile, seein' her crouch, movin' toward Randolph like some wolf huntin' sheep.  
  
Randolph stepped backward like the coward he was. Each step uncertain-- step one, step two, each slower than the last-- step three, step four. Backing toward his old truck-- step, pause, step, pause, step. The coward stopped, thinking fer a second. Most likely worried if he turned tail that his ass would become one big doggy treat. The doc was tryin' to call Nina back, but it only made her want ta git at the "bad man" more, and she started snappin' at his legs. Ennis thought Nina woulda been a fine sheep dog, the way she was herdin' him along. She kept him stepping backward, faster 'n faster. Jack was pushin' Ennis forward, more 'n more. Felt like Jack was herdin' him too, only bein' the bull he was, Ennis wasn't goin' so easy.  
  
"Th-that's it, hang on ta yer girlfriend," the truck driver stuttered. "Wouldn't want her ta scratch my eyes out. Real men like me, we got a job ta do. Not gonna waste my time on the likes a you!"  
  
Nina backed him all the way to the truck while Jack continued raging against Ennis' grip.  
  
Randolph grabbed in back a him for the handle on the cab door, then flung it open. Crawled in like a rat in a hole. Ennis loosened his hold. Jack lurched forward before Ennis could grab him back same time as the cab door slammed shut. Jack fell forward, face hittin' the stone walkway. Ennis stood frozen in his spot, afraid ta help him and afraid not ta. Jack tried gettin' to his feet. Gears grownd. Laughter poured outta the cab. The sorry son of a bitch backed his semi down the drive and drove away with Nina barkin' after all the way.  
  
Jack wiped his bloody nose with the back of his arm.  
  
The doc stepped up ta help Jack, but he brushed him away. Ennis steadied the doc as Jack said under his breath, "Sorry." Nina came bouncin' back up the drive, most likely feelin' the triumph of a job well done.  
  
Jack got to his feet by himself then turned and automatically began tickin' off the steps to the barn. Jack faced the door, his back to Ennis and the doc. His shoulders shook.  
  
"Fuck!" Jack yelled as he slammed his fist into the barn door. "Fuck!"  
  
Images split Ennis in two. He looked down at his feet. He felt helpless 'n brittle like dry leaves in the autumn wind.  
  
When Ennis looked back up, there was Nina at Jack's feet, pawin' the back of Jack's leg, tender-like. Ennis walked up puttin' Nina between him 'n Jack, and wrapped his arms around him, just as tender.  
"Hey, friend," Ennis whispered in his ear.  
  
"I'll leave you fellas to sort things out," the doc said. "I'll be inside making lunch."  
  
Ennis nodded.  
\--------------------------------  
Ennis gave Jack time ta simmer. Holdin' him helped. After, Ennis took off his shirt, handed it ta Jack ta clean the blood from his face. Jack did the best he could, starin' toward Ennis with eyes that told of years a pain. Jack cleared his throat, then explained ta Ennis why it pissed him off even more than he was 'cause Ennis had stepped in and held him back.  
  
"Didn't mean no harm, Jack."  
  
"Hell, Ennis, don't ya see-- it's because that ignorant truck driver is part right. I am a fuckin' faggot _and_ a cripple," Jack said.  
  
"He called _me_ the faggot. Truth is, I was lookin' at ya. Sorry, friend. He wouldn't a thought no different if ya hadn't a gotten riled 'n jumped at him like an insane man."  
  
"Insane man? Guess I am," Jack said, handin' Ennis back his shirt. "Hate bein' called queer. Don't mean I don't accept what I am-- just hate hearin' it said with disgust. Took me a long time lookin' in the mirror before I could call _myself_ queer. Now can't even _see_ myself in a mirror. He _is_ right-- I _am_ a cripple."  
  
"I didn't want ya gittin' hurt-- that's how come I stopped ya."  
  


"Look at me, Ennis. I _am_ hurt. You think gettin' pounded by some idjiot is gonna hurt me more?"

 

"Well, yeah, I do. And I don't wanna watch ya get a beatin'-- especially from an idjiot."

 

"Ya never know--" Jack said, puffin' up. "I might'a taken the fool."

 

"Possible, but he was a big guy."

 

"Well, holdin' me back just makes people like him believe I'm not a man."

 

"Well, people like him are ignorant sons a bitches. Anyhow, least _I know_ yer a man," Ennis said, pulling Jack over to a stone slab bench at the edge of the garden.

 

"Let's set ourselves down for a few ta talk. My legs er stiffer than a new pair a boots."

 

"Fine, I'll sit," Jack said. "But it ain't 'cause I'm some God damn cripple who can't stand."

 

"You ain't a cripple," Ennis sighed. "Only if ya think that way."  
"

Ya mean like if I think I ain't queer I won't be no more?" he asked, blood boilin'. "Seems _you_ made a practice a that one."

 

"I'm done with thinkin' that way. Besides, it _ain't_ the same thing."

  
"It _ain't_? Hmm, explain ta me why-- 'cause I can't change either."

  
"Jack, now jist listen 'n quit yer interruptin'. What happened ta you was horrible, but ya gotta stop thinkin' of this blindness as... as... just some tragic event in your life, or you'll never git outta this hole yer in." Ennis looked Jack square in the face. "Ya need ta start thinkin' of this blindness as a problem that ya gotta live with 'n handle. I'm here ta help ya. Ain't goin' nowhere. First thing is ya gotta believe me. Know you've put false store in me before, but I never promised ya nothin' like this, not 'til now. Now I promise ya... I promise on my girls' lives that I'm stayin' with ya, no matter what. Only thing that'll keep me from ya is death, friend. Even that-- not sure if even that'll keep me from ya either."

  
Ennis paused, sittin' up more.

  
"And I ain't doin' this outta obligation," Ennis added. "I'm doin' it 'cause I love ya."

  
"Ya done?"

  
"That's it, Jack."

  
"Gotta say that means a lot ta me, Ennis."  
  
"Means more ta me havin' you alive. More 'n I can ever say. Means a lot ta other people who love ya too."  
  
Jack nodded slowly, thinkin'.  
  
"I gotta call Lureen," Ennis said. "She's been worried sick about ya. Think a good place ta start is ta talk ta her 'n Bobby."  
  
Jack chewed his lip. "Know yer right. Just gonna be hard."  
  
"Why's it gotta be hard? They love ya, Jack. Don't be pushin' away them who love ya. I plan on callin' Junior and Jenny too. That's gonna be hard. Don't know what ta tell 'em--"  
  
"I git ya. Know I need ta talk ta Bobby, just-- 's, hard, is all."  
  
"Another thing-- just 'cause ya need help don't mean you're a cripple. Look how well ya done unloadin' that truck. The doc knew exactly what ta have ya do. Seems ta me that he's someone who knows where you can git help fer things like learnin' Braille and gittin' along. He's the one who pointed out ta me about blindness being an obstacle not some tragedy. He's a smart man. You'd be just as smart ta look ta him fer help."  
  
Jack kicked at the slab walkway. "Think lunch is ready?" he asked.  
  
"Most likely. We been out here awhile."  
  
"Good," Jack said. "Think he has more a that pie?"  
  
"That's more like the Jack Twist I know, thinkin' with his stomach."


	4. Chapters 14-16

Chapter 14

The rich aroma hit Jack before the door opened. Hot chili peppers, strong warm cumin, and sweet beer. He followed behind Ennis and went to cleanin' up face and hands with stomachs rumblin'. 

Jack walked into the kitchen, followin' Ennis' lead, Nina's toenails clickin' across the tile, followin' 'em. 

"Hope you like chili," Doc said. "Afraid it's out of a can."

Jack sat down to the table. Ennis pulled his chair around, facin' Jack as the doc sat himself down.

"Can is good-- same as I make it," Ennis said.

"Either of you want a beer?"

They both answered yes together. The juices were gurglin' in Ennis' stomach. Jack's throat parched. 

Jack heard the fridge open and shut. The bottles clinkin' together was like music. Ennis popped open both and set the beers, clunk, down on the table.

Jack's hand hesitated. He sniffed the spicy air. Didn't smell like somethin' outta the can. Still-- it was chili and no matter how good it smelled, this would be a task. Eatin' a sandwich or pie off a plate was one thing, but anything that came in a bowl-- damn funny how somethin' he took fer granted his whole life was now a pain in the ever-lovin' ass. 

Lord! Search fer the silverware. Palm the bowl. Keep the bowl still. The worst part? Not bein' able ta see if he was spillin' the spoon's contents on the way ta his mouth. 

Never realized how much he used his eyes ta eat until he couldn't see no more. Sister Sarita had helped him in the early days: Never coddlin' him, instead showin' him where his hands should go, then makin' him do fer himself. Although her lessons irritated Jack like nails on a chalkboard, he still learned from 'em. He'd heard tell that nuns were strict teachers. Found out first hand.-- the woman was peaches 'n cream one second, and fire 'n brimstone the next. Jack got to the point where he'd do anything ta avoid that scrapin', hair-standing caterwaulin' the sister called instruction.

Jack just sucked it up and took the lessons. 

Sittin' at the table, Sister Sarita was still yappin' in Jack's ears. He dipped modestly inta the chili. Moved the spoon level to his mouth, then he tasted carefully. A burned tongue was no longer just a nuisance: It was losin' another sense.

Jack took another calculated bite. 

The doc passed some tortillas to him. 

"Lot better 'n beans," Ennis said ta Jack. He nodded back. Anything was better than beans, and he had to admit to himself that it was worth the trouble. 

Jack shifted his weight in the chair while Nina harrumphed under the table. Chili meant no scraps fallin'. 

Jack tossed her a corner off his tortilla.

"Don't taste like outta the can," said Jack.

"I doctored it up a bit," he responded, tappin' his spoon on the table. "Diced up some yellow onions and Roma tomatoes. Popped in some mild chilies along with extra Cayenne pepper and a pinch of cumin." 

"Taste somethin' else..." Jack added.

"That'd be beer," the doc chuckled. "And coffee."

Jack smiled, going in for another taste. "With all that doctorin', might as well a made it from scratch. But I guess ya ain't a real bachelor unless it comes at least partly outta a can."

"To tell the truth, Jack, Hormel straight out of the can is what I usually eat, but since I have guests..." 

"Don't need ta go ta any trouble fer us," Ennis said. 

"Speak for yerself, Ennis. Maybe eatin' outta a can is good enough fer you, but I had my fill fer a lifetime. Lureen never did learn ta cook."

Jack heard the vet give another chuckle. "No trouble. In fact, I like cooking. I usually don't have a morning clear to do much but throw two slices of bread together, and when I do-- well, it's been awhile since I've cared about what I'm going to make for lunch."

"Well, this is tasty," Jack admitted. And worth the trouble, he thought.

The phone rang. Jack sat up in his seat, abruptly. The dang phone was a reminder of what needed doin'. 

Ennis perked up, too. 'Course it wouldn't slip his mind. Ennis was like an elephant that never fergets. 

The doc got up to answer the phone.

Damn, and more thinkin'. Jack's brain just couldn't shut off. Jack'd had this problem since he was 10 years old-- he'd stare at that old ceilin' in his room, mind churnin'. No rest. Now, couldn't stare at nothing. Instead there were blobs and swirls-- all them patterns that lived behind his eyes. Not uninteresting at times. Though, maybe this is what all the psychedelic hippy shit is about. Reminded him of stuff from Yellow Submarine.

Jack turned his attention from his personal light show. Took another swig of beer while the doc talked in the background.

Jack and Ennis ate. Spoons clattered and clanked. Bottoms on bowls scraped. Not one word from either of 'em. Silence. Jack hated it. Used to like the comfortable silence of Ennis Del Mar. Now, meant more "thinkin' time fer Jack fuckin' Twist" and watchin' the swirlin' patterns behind his eyes. Jack frowned. Most likely what Ennis wanted him ta think, too. Still, it was a far cry better ta have a quiet Ennis Del Mar at the table than an empty chair winkin' at him-- or worse yet, them old rickety crates he'd called furniture in his shack. 

Jack sighed. It was only a day ago that Jack saw life as hopeless darkness with denial as his only friend. Now the dark wasn't as deep, and Ennis was sittin' across from him. 

His friend. 

His only ever true heart friend.

Jack's chest tightened. Why'd it feel like the other shoe was gonna drop? Nothin' good ever came ta Jack-- hard to expect things ta start changin' now. From a rodeo fuck-up to a queer punchin' bag, life had never gone the way he wanted. Couldn't believe he was gonna get part of it. Bitch was he had ta be blind ta get it.

Jack shifted his attention to the doc. Needed distractin' from this sorrowful train of thought. Strained listenin'. Hadn't been payin' close attention. Sounded at first like the doc was diagnosin' some sick animal, now Jack wasn't so sure. Almost like the person he was talkin' to had the affliction, not the pet. 

Jack never thought of himself as a nosey person. Guess listenin' ta others was better than listenin' to the voices in his own head.

Doc hung up and sat back down with a huff.

"Margaret, um Mrs. Desmond, is bringing in Elfie, again," the doc moaned.

"Again?" Jack repeated, takin' another bite o' chili. Wasn't much left. He licked his lips after. 

"Elfie comes in regular."

"Mrs. Desmond has a really sick pet then?" Jack asked.

"No, she's got a hypochondriac for a Cocker Spaniel. And I'd say Margaret Desmond isn't far behind. She probably sees her own doctor as much as she sees me. At first I thought that her interest was in me, being the vain man that I am. After all, she called me two, three times a day, sometimes late in the evening. Then I realized different. Not that I'd mind her attentions; she's a handsome woman."

Ennis snorted. 

"Forget me--" the doc said. Jack noticed his voice lifted, losin' that quiet certainty that Jack was used to hearin'. "I swear the woman is in love with being sick. And that poor dog of hers laps it up."

"Didn't know dogs could be hypochondriacs," Jack said.

"Actually, you'd be surprised. It's the owner's fault. Coddling them."

Jack's ears picked up more. Coddling. That sounded like Sister Sarita talkin'.

"It's fine to give a pet attention-- a person should, but when a pet realizes they get special attention every time they're sick-- let's just say that over the years I've seen animals training their owners better than the owners trained their animals. For example, Elfie coughs, and Margaret falls all over herself giving Elfie treats and cooing to him: 'Oh, poor Elfie dear... how's my sweety-kins? Poor, widdle Elfie...' Didn't take Elfie long to put Margaret on a short leash. Even dogs know that two plus two equals four."

"That has ta be the darnedest thing I ever heard," Jack said. "Ya say she's bringin' her dog in?" 

"I give it 15 minutes max; Elfie and Margaret will be ringing the bell on my office door."

Jack heard Ennis shift in his chair. 

"Would it be tolerable if'n we used the phone while you're busy?" Ennis asked. Jack felt a pang of disappointment. He wanted to have a shot at meeting this hot old lady and her dog. "Will pay ya back fer the calls," Ennis added.

"After the morning we've all had, I'd say I owed you both. Make yourselves at home. Call whereever you want, as long as it's not Singapore. I have appointments this afternoon-- so much for being retired." The doc got up. "Want more chili, Ennis?" 

"Thanks. Kind of ya ta." 

Ennis moved his bowl so the doc could refill it. 

"Jack?"

"Sure, thanks."

"I've been thinking," the doc cleared his throat, like he was gonna say somethin' important. "I'd like it if you two stuck around for another day or so." 

"I don't know," Ennis said, hangin' on to the last word. "Don't want ta be in the way. What you think, Jack?" 

What was Ennis talkin' about? Wasn't this what Ennis wanted? Last night Ennis was just tellin' Jack that the doc could help. Must be Ennis was makin' sure that's what he wanted. Had to be a reason Ennis held back.

"I think the doc's mighty kind," Jack said. "Sure ya don't mind, Doc?"

"Just consider it repayment for this morning. I know Sister Sarita would want me to keep you both here a while longer. And she'll be checking in on you, too. She can't help herself. And I like you both. Besides you're handy-- that and it gets lonesome around here. I like your company." 

Jack set his spoon down next to his bowl. Ennis squirmed in his chair. 

Hit Jack in the face like a two by four. 

"Even if we're a couple a queers?" Jack blurted.

"Christ all Mighty, Jack," Ennis said under his breath, kickin' Jack under the table. No one spoke fer a minute. The doc was thinking. Ennis was most likely chewin' his lip. Jack reckoned that the doc might be rethinking the offer. Nina pawed at Jack's leg.

"I'm sorry, Doc," Jack finally said. "Things just come outta my mouth sometimes. Ennis'll attest ta that one. It's just that, I know ya meant well, but I just want you to understand what yer invitin' inta yer home."

"Jack's right. You could be invitin' trouble."

"I don't go inviting people into my home lightly," the doc spoke up. "I might be old, but I'm pretty quick. I thought this through last night. This morning clinched it for me: I want you both to stay awhile. Havin' you stay here for a few days isn't going to damage my standing in the community. Even if it did, well, hang it all, it doesn't matter to me. I like the both of you. And if my daughter were here," the doc said, gettin' up as the doorbell to his office rang, "she'd tell you the same." 

\------------------------------

While the doc was busy with Margaret and Elfie, Ennis and Jack finished lunch. After they cleaned the kitchen, Ennis pulled Jack into the anteroom. 

Ennis called L.D.'s dealership first. Jack reckoned that Ennis wanted ta handle L.D. in case he answered instead a Lureen. Ennis pulled a slip of paper outta his wallet. 

As he dialed, Jack felt relieved. 

He was surprised that Ennis was off the phone so fast.

"Some woman answered." He turned ta Jack. "Said Lureen quit."

"Damn," Jack said with a smile. Couldn't help it. Good ta know she'd gotten away from that shoddy excuse for a father. 

"Well, she was fit ta be tied about what L.D. done ta ya." Jack could hear Ennis scratchin' his head. "Guess we should try the house. What's the number?"

Jack stood behind him while Ennis dialed each number. He handed the receiver over ta Jack. He reckoned Ennis decided Jack should handle this one on his own. 

Heard the phone ringin'. More ringin'. Waitin', more waitin' for an answer. Lureen was always turnin' off that answerin' machine. Only did though when she was there-- gotta be home. Felt like ants were crawlin' up 'n down his body. His legs were jumpin' like jackrabbits. 

Almost gave up, then Jack heard a click and an outta-breath Lureen sayin', "Hello?" 

Words stuck in the back a Jack's throat.

"Hello?" she repeated. 

"Lureen--" he said, a catch in his voice.

"Jack, oh Jack!" Broke his heart, hearing the woman he spent all them years with melt. "It's so good, so good, to hear ya. I never thought, I nev--"

Jack thought they was cut off, but then he heard the cracklin' noise a hand makes coverin' the mouthpiece of a phone. After years a bein' a salesman, he recognized the sound.

"Lureen? Lureen, ya ok?" 

Jack heard her hand comin' off, her sniffin' and more muffled words in the background that he knew was Bobby speakin'.

"Jack, you with Mr. Del Mar?" she asked.

"Sure 'nough."

"Where you at?"

"We're staying at a vet's house for the time bein'."

"Vet's house? As in a war hero vet?"

"Nah, I mean vet's house as in animal vet. He's a nice older man, name's Benito Reymundo. Has a clinic on the outskirts of Laredo."

"How ya come ta be at his house?"

"Long story."

"I'd sure like ta hear. Oh, Jack, I've been beside myself." 

Jack spent the next few minutes tellin' Lureen about Sister Sarita, Nina, and how they come to meet the doc. Lureen listened, not sayin' much all the while. Finally, Jack took a breath. He heard Bobby in the background, sayin' somethin' to his mom.

"There's someone else here who's been anxious for this call," Lureen said. 

Didn't git a chance ta say a word. Heard hands shufflin' the phone from one to another. Jack swallowed hard. His blood. His son. 

Over hundreds of miles of telephone line, he heard one of the words he once hated most. Now it was one of the words he most cherished: 

"Dad?" 

"Bobby?"

"Dad, it's really you?"

"Yeah, it's really me."

"I prayed every night, hopin' God would hear me. I prayed and prayed. It is really you."

There was a pause. Jack welcomed the happy tears, wet on his face. He brushed them across his face.

"Dad? I think God really heard me."

"I think so too, Bobby," Jack covered his mouth ta stifle a sob. "I did a lot of prayin' myself."

"I can't wait ta see ya, Dad. When am I gonna see ya?"

"Soon. Real soon. I'll work somethin' out with your ma."

"I can't wait, Dad. I miss ya so much."

"I miss ya, too. More 'n you'll ever know."

"Here's Mom-- she wants ta speak to ya again."

Jack ran his free hand, wet with tears, through his hair.

"I love ya, Dad."

"I love ya too, Bobby."

Jack leaned back into Ennis. It was nice feelin' Ennis tuck his chin into the crook of his neck.

"Jack?" Lureen said.

He pulled himself together, leanin' back more inta Ennis fer support.

"Hi, sugar," Jack said, "guess you want some kind of address and phone number before I hang up."

"You always were a quick study, Jack Twist."

"I'll hand ya off ta Ennis fer that. I don't know it, but Ennis says he does. But before ya go, I wanta thank ya, Lureen. For everythin'. For bein' a wife ta me when I was no husband. Fer bein' a good mother ta Bobby. Fer standin' by me when... ah, hell, Lureen... you know'd what I was fer a long time-- and still-- what you done, gettin' ahold a Ennis--" 

Stop cryin', Jack Fucking Twist. These ain't happy tears.

He could hear Lureen talkin' ta Bobby, sayin' bye ta him.

"Teenagers. Always doin' somethin', goin' somewheres," she said. 

"Don't seem that long ago that was us."

"No, not so long ago," she said, sighin'. "Jack, I weren't the best wife ta ya. Lord knows I love ya. Always will. But you been more of a friend ta me than anything else all these years. Yer my best friend, Jack. We might not be partners anymore, but you'll always have a place in my heart. I done a lot I'm sorry for myself. Gettin' in a family way fer one. I ain't always been the best mother either, but I'm workin' on that one now-- workin' on that real hard. And what daddy done, well, no way I can ever make up fer that."

"That ain't yer fault. Can't choose yer parents. I know that better 'n you." 

"Can't choose, but I got ta take some blame in this. I looked long 'n hard before I found the man most likely ta piss off my daddy."

Jack laughed. "You got that right; I always was a burr under his saddle blanket. Guess I got too big. What's this about you not workin' for yer daddy no more?"

\-------------------------

Later, Ennis made a call himself. Jack stood near ta support Ennis like he'd done fer Jack. He didn't have to wait. She picked up the phone on the second ring.

"Daddy?"

His heart stopped. So good ta hear her voice. His little girl, a little girl no longer. 

"Junior?"

"Oh, Daddy. Where are you? How are you?"

He hesitated, like he was assessin' the wind. "I'm happy, Junior. Real happy."

\-----------------------------

Chapter 15

Time. Her hands moved too fast for Benito. The older he got, the faster She ran. He scratched the back of his neck as he rocked back in the old recliner. Tomorrow was Saturday. When he'd asked those two boys to stay a few days, he didn't think it'd be over in a blink. He enjoyed the dinners and lounging here in the living room, talking to the pair. He'd rocked alone in this room far too many hours in his life. It was good to have the sounds of laughter, sadness, and love fill the rooms again. In this very room last night, they'd drunk beer and shared thoughts about baseball, Hank Williams, Dallas Cowboys, and home remedies for controlling sweet itch on horses. He liked this. Missed this. 

Last night, Ennis had told him about his daughters. About Junior getting married. Got all misty about it. Jack had talked about his boy, Bobby. Benito, sitting in this same chair, had talked about his daughter last. How he missed the sense of family. 

He smiled and rolled the idea out: Stay.

He did feel a bit guilty, using the guise that he needed assistance. He also used other logical arguments-- he could help them both-- Ennis with understanding and helping Jack, and Jack with coping and living with his disability.

Benito already knew where Ennis Del Mar's soft underbelly was. He was a big push-over when it came to horses. He also threw out as his last dangling carrot the idea of Ennis helping him with the large animal practice. Ennis knew a lot about caring for horses, and Benito had seen for himself how horses instinctively trusted Ennis, relaxing under his quiet hands. He had a way about him. 

He'd asked. Their answer-- for awhile.

He couldn't expect more.

He'd sent Ennis and Jack out together this morning with a list of supplies and a map with instructions where to go to buy them. Since they were staying awhile, they might as well learn their way around. He'd tossed Ennis the keys to his truck. 

Benito let his head sink back in the old recliner, yep, should be back anytime now. 

Life sure was better with them here. Nina put her head on his lap, and he scratched her head, thinking to himself and chuckled. No, life wasn't boring with the two here. Ah, yesterday afternoon. Sister Sarita'd stopped by while he was off checking one of Arnold Berk's goats. When he'd returned, he'd known she was here the moment he'd come in the door. Had heard her clear as rain. Wasn't her voice that'd caught his ear as much as the word she'd said, "Homosexuals." That'd gotten him curious. Twice in as many days Benito had found himself eavesdropping. Sister Sarita's topic of the day: homosexuality and the Catholic Church. She'd done most of the talking. Benito had heard a few grunts and "yeps" from the two. He'd stood in the kitchen listening like a snoopy youngster listening to his parents secrets who hated to interrupt because what he might discover. Damnedest stuff he ever heard. He never expected to hear such things coming from a nun. But Sister Sarita was a bit on the rebellious side. Benito, not being Catholic, had never known the church accepted that a minority of humans were homosexual by nature. Frankly, he'd been shocked to learn it, let alone hear the sister say it. 

He did know the church was grounded in the conceptual law of nature: Sex and marriage were for procreation. He'd listened to her explain the church's position, hidden and still. At least as still as he could stand until she'd said, "Masturbation or any other form of sexual activity that does not result in conception is forbidden." 

Benito'd almost given himself away when she'd said the word "masturbation." Felt like an adolescent snickering and covering his mouth when a friend says a dirty word. But then Jack had responded, "Ya mean it really is a sin ta beat off?" 

Benito'd had to slap his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing at that. And it'd gotten worse.

"Yes, Jack," she'd answered, "and it's just as much a sin to beat off as it is to have anal sex."

"What about oral sex?" Jack'd shot back. 

This had been almost too much for Benito. Figured he was bound for hell, too, according to the sister.

"Yes, Jack, that is the Church's position. Of course there's confession."

"Confession? Yeah, I heard about that, but we ain't Catholic. Isn't there any other option?" Jack asked.

"Why, you should be chaste. Homosexuality is accepted, but you cannot practice it."

"Ya mean chaste like a nun is chaste?" Jack asked.

"Yes."

"Church says it's not wrong ta be queer, just wrong ta do what queers do?" Jack said. "I can't believe God would condemn someone fer lovin' and bein' with who they love."

"I feel much the same," she answered. "But that is the position of the church." 

Benito smiled. Sister Sarita, the rebel. If she weren't a nun--

\-----------------------

Ennis and Nina stood and waited fer Jack ta get done in the bathroom so's they could get ta bed. The day'd gone well. The shoppin' had turned out better 'n Ennis had expected. The ride home, tolerable; dinner, excellent, and the conversation after, relaxed. 

Pickin' up the supplies he'd led Jack by the arm, felt right. Still, part a him felt sad that Jack had ta be blind ta have a reason ta touch Jack in public. 

Jack had wanted to shop more. Compare prices, he'd said. Finally, Ennis had had enough.

"Quit yer squawkin' ,Twist. Git over here." 

They'd bought supplies for some homemade liniments, along with bandages, tape, and a lot of stuff the doc had on the list Ennis couldn't even pronounce. 

Jack had been quiet on the way back. Wasn't sure what ta make a that. But when they got back to Doc's, he lit up like a firecracker. Talkin' ta the doc, pokin' Ennis in the ribs. Almost too much. Made Ennis suspicious that somethin' else was goin' on in that dadburn head a his that he didn't want ta let on to Ennis about.

As Ennis stood waitin' on Jack now, he wondered what kind a mood Jack'd be in when he come outta the bathroom.

Ennis heard a thud, and then some cussin' from Jack. Ennis tapped lightly on the door. "Ya ok in there, friend?"

"I'm fine. Hang on ta yer horses, Del Mar, I'll be out soon enough."

He knew Jack had the lay of the land when it came to most of the house now, but still.

The door opened, and Jack warily stepped out. 

"Hit my head on the fuckin' medicine cabinet, is all. Just a scratch."

"I reckon you'll live."

"I reckon," he said. "Ya know ya don't have ta baby-sit me. I can go ta the bathroom myself."

"Fine, do as ya please." Ennis walked ahead. Damn that Jack Twist. Ennis moved fast down the hallway with Nina on his heels, all the while pretendin' not ta fret about what Jack was doin' behind him. 

Ennis stripped down and climbed into bed before Jack got into the room. Jack stepped in as Ennis was pullin' up the sheet. He heeled his boots off part way, then worked 'em off the rest by crossin' legs 'n pullin'.

Ennis watched. 

Watched him drag that old shirt off his shoulders. Watched him flick the fly buttons one by one on them faded jeans. Watched him slide the yellowed underwear over that perfect ass. Jack knew exactly what it was doin' ta Ennis. Could see Jack climbing in next to him, spoonin' into him.

He knew Jack was waitin' fer him ta ask.

"What wrong, darlin'?" 

Jack sighed. "It's just that I hate bein' led around. Guess I gotta git used ta it, but don't make it any easier."

Ennis didn't know how ta fix it. One of those things he couldn't. Instead, he snuggled in closer to Jack. Ennis let the night fill the holes around them. 

"Like bein' near ya though," Jack said. Ennis moved closer, wantin' him. Jack was hard against his thigh. 

He'd been waitin' fer this, thinkin' on it fer so long. 

"What's it like?" Ennis finally asked.

Jack hesitated. 

"Bein' blind?"

"No, I--" Ennis sucked in his breath, willin' the words outta his insides. "I wanna know, what it feels like fer ya--" How could he not say this? All these years Ennis'd wondered and wished. Regretted that he'd never asked it, never done it. "Wanna know," he started again, "what it feels like fer me ta be inside ya."

"Shit, Ennis. Is that all ya wanna know?" 

Ennis flinched. Jack had a hitch in his throat. 

"Lord, Ennis. Wanted ta tell ya this so many times. Feels like my brains are comin' outta my toes, feels like gettin' that one Christmas present I always wanted but never got, feels like earth 'n sky 'n air all disappear and me 'n you's all there is left."

Ennis studied Jack's face: The dream in his eyes, the dip of his chin, the curl of his lips. 

Jack rolled on top of Ennis. "That's not all yer askin', is it, Del Mar?" he asked, slidin' his cock against cock. 

Ennis swallowed. 

"No, it ain't," he admitted.

Ennis wanted ta ask. Wanted to so bad. The words stuck hard. Had ta make 'em come. He'd spent all them years regrettin' never havin' felt what it was like ta have Jack inside him.

Jack's hands untangled the sheets from around Ennis' waist with his lips brushing petal-soft across chest. Ennis shivered. Jack's breath came in slow puffs as his finger tips slipped under the sheet. 

"Ask," was all Jack said. 

"Fuck me," Ennis choked out. "Please."

"My pleasure, friend." Jack reached for the K-Y with ease, a little purchase Jack'd made today. Unscrewed the cap and slipped some into his palm. Ennis admired him, his stomach muscles clenchin', his cock juttin' out proud. Then he settled back beside Ennis.

Ennis tensed with worry, but with both resolve and Jack's soothin' hand, he let his body slow and relax. 

"Ya know this is a sin, right?" Jack joked.

Ennis chuckled, "Funny, Jack," then moaned as Jack scooped his tongue-- down, down. Ennis groaned his name, his back arcin' up off the bed as Jack's wicked tongue made its way down the length of his prick, his fingers not far behind. Like an answer, Jack's fingers slowed, moving with purpose, circlin' the head of his dick, then toyin' under his balls whilst his tongue flicked around and around. 

Then slower, slower, his finger moved over that puckered spot and teased him. Ennis cursed, praised, begged him under his breath. Jack brushed over it again with purpose, finger breachin', ghostin' just inside. Ennis held his breath as Jack pushed deeper. Lungs whooshed out as Jack found that sweet spot and coaxed it.

"Oh, shit," he cursed as he bucked into Jack's hand, ridin' that perfect angle. Disappointment filled him as Jack stopped, finger slippin' out.

"Slow down, friend, I got a lot more for ya here." He looked up to see Jack holdin' that beautiful cock a his out straight 'n sure in his hand.

Panic and heat ripped through Ennis as Jack walked on his knees and moved between his legs. Jack thrust two fingers inside. "Feel good?" Jack asked. 

Alls Ennis could do was whimper in return.

"Stay on yer back 'n raise yer legs." Jack kissed his knee with a wet whisper then pulled out his fingers. Then Jack's cock pushed blunt between his legs, edgin' into his unwillin' opening. 

"Relax," Jack whispered in his ear.

Ennis tried. Concentrated on Jack. Ennis loved the way Jack looked, lids heavy, cheeks flushed, lips swollen. Fuck. 

Then Jack was inside him. Buried. 

He gulped air, ears hummin'. Pain bright. Ennis never felt nothin' like it in his life. Burnin' like fire and lightnin' wild inside. Filthy, sweet friction. His hips started thrustin' up, eyes rollin' back. 

Jack's eyes were like glass, lashes tuggin' his lids low; he bent into Ennis, searchin' for his mouth. Ennis' elbows worked him up just enough to smear a kiss on those lips. Ennis groaned, rockin' his hips. Then Jack's mouth mashed in, silencin' him, tongue screwin' him as hard as his cock. 

Jack's hand connected with Ennis' prick, fist around it strokin' in time, smackin' Jack's belly with each hard thrust. Ennis felt his climax wellin' inside him. Knew Jack was close, tempo fast 'n steady.

"Feel so good, Ennis. Yer so tight."

Them words were like some magic elixir 'n could send Ennis up 'n over the edge.

"Harder," was alls Ennis could say in return. Jack did as he was asked, slammin' sure and deep. Knew Jack was comin'-- had that urgent hitch in his hips, that desperate clutch in his breath. 

His own balls tightened-- there, right there-- shootin' wet 'n messy on Jack's stomach. 

Both pulled apart, reluctant-like after a bit. Breath slowin'. 

Took a bit before Ennis could speak, so he curled into Jack's neck. After a time, content holdin' the man he knew he'd never want ta let go, he whispered, "Night, darlin'." 

"Ennis?" Jack answered.

"Hm-m?" 

"Thank you." 

Ennis smiled. They both closed their eyes, findin' sleep easy ta come by and dreamin' on things they both wanted 'n now might have. 

\-------------------

Chapter 16

Ennis cracked the shell and popped his last peanut in the back of his throat, lickin' his fingers after 'n starin' at 'em like he was contemplatin' the woes of the world. Salty, just the way he liked 'em. He reached for more in the red ceramic bowl in the middle of the coffee table, then weighed 'em in his hand. His Budweiser was snug 'n sweaty 'tween his legs, a few more good gulps left in it. Ennis was savin' them swigs fer when the corners of his mouth got sore from the peanuts.

They were havin' one of them quiet evenin's that Ennis had come ta look forward to. Ennis leanin' deep into the couch, relaxin' tired bones, 'n Jack stretchin' his long legs next ta him with kangaroo knees jumpin'. Nina was on the floor at Jack's feet, nose sniffin' at Jack's socks. And Benito, he was in his old recliner, hands laced together across his stomach, lookin' like the lord of the house. 

Conversation was slowin' like the day was gettin' long. Benito had pulled a few rodeo stories outta Jack. They'd laughed plenty-- Ennis' sore sides could attest ta that. Jack'd been obliged ta tell plenty, some stories edgin' toward the bawdy side. Then there was the more serious tales. Was just finishin' tellin' 'em both about the time he thought he'd finally made it big time, beatin' Billy Minick in Fort Worth with a ride he'd never been able to best. 'Course Ennis'd heard it plenty, but never got tired a hearin' Jack tell it.

"Came out of Frontier Days in Laramie, doin' well," Jack said, spinnin' the yarn like the master he was. "Got to Fort Worth ready ta ride. Drew a bull named Spanky-- only been rid three times, I was the fourth. Best ride a my life. Came away with too much sass under my belt though. Tell ya what, it was a long way down. Month after, I got broke up bad ridin' this bull named Clarence E. Now that was a beast. Thought I could ride that mother. Tossed me wild. Flung out and landed hard. Broke my leg in three places. Fractured my arm. Would 'a knocked my brains out if I had any. Yep, and ya need brains. See, ridin' a bull is 20% balls 'n and 80% brains. Probably why I didn't do so damn well most times-- 'specially after Clarence E. No bull rider ever gonna make them eight seconds if they don't believe. Just didn't believe no more. Gotta see that ride in your head before, every twist 'n turn. No amount a wishin' will do it. No sir. Always used to wish, but nothing much ever took from none a them."

Ennis felt like there was a lot more Jack'd like ta say, but didn't. Ennis took the last few gulps he'd been savorin' from the bottle, lookin' over it at Jack.

"Spent too much time wishin' on a star," Jack said, finally. "Tell ya what, that Jiminy Cricket was a fuckin' liar."

Benito chuckled. Jack laughed too, but Ennis didn't. Knew Jack hurt inside. Jack was fidgetin' more. Jack always had a hard time sittin' still. Remembered fondly them nights-- Jack dancin' a jig around the campfire. Ennis liked that Jack hadn't lost that ol' bounce-- did a jig of a different kind now-- Jack'd sit or stand, fingers a-tappin', arms a-wavin', feet a-shufflin'. Like now, his knee was bouncin'. 

Ennis recalled the loads a dreamin' Jack done then too. 

"Don't hurt ta wish none," Ennis said. 

After all, my wish done came true-- Ennis thought, Jack's here next to me. 

Ennis didn't want Jack ta ever stop spinnin' his dreams. Knew Jack had a truck full of wishes ta go with 'em. Wishes, dreams and rambles. That was his Jack "fucking" Twist. Hated seein' him low. 

Was like Jack saw Ennis' mind-- knee stopped bumpin' his, hand moved. Rested on Ennis' forearm. Felt him squeeze. 

"Them was good days," Jack said, quietly. "But others, they was better."

Ennis ducked his head. Knew his hot face'd give him away. There goes Jack, always sayin' more than he should. But ain't that what ya missed most? Ennis thought. Had ta admit, he loved Jack's rambles. Talkin' sense and nonsense. Aways movin' his mouth either talkin' or eatin'. Jack always did plenty a both before, now it was just, well, more. If he wasn't doin' one, it was the other. After Jack stopped talkin', he'd start shuckin' and plunkin' them peanuts in his mouth so fast Ennis wondered if he was even a-chewin' them. 

Other things Jack did well with that mouth too, and thinkin' on it now was makin' Ennis blush 'n itch.

Ennis tried pushin' it down. Turned his attention ta Nina, who was pushin' her nose inta Jack's leg, beggin'. 

"No, Nina," Jack told her, "Can't have these-- the doc says so." 

When Benito told Jack earlier that it wasn't a good idea ta give her peanuts, Jack got all concerned 'n asked about peanut butter. Jack admitted ta feedin' her his peanut butter and jelly on the sly. Benito reassured him that peanut butter was fine, but peanuts were hard fer her to digest and not to give her any. 

That dog loved Jack and wasn't just 'cause he fed her either. Followed him every step he took. Ennis was comin' ta believe that she was grateful to Jack fer rescuin' her from the streets. Ennis was just as grateful to Nina. If it weren't fer her, they wouldn't be sittin' here.

Yep, he was thankful ta Nina.

Ennis reached down and pat Nina's head, then looked up at Benito, meetin' his eyes.

Benito leaned back in his old chair and asked, "Are you an organized person, Ennis?" 

"What you mean?" 

"Are you organized? You know, a person who likes their house in order?"

"Never had no house. My home's a trailer, least it was," Ennis answered.

"He ain't askin' if yer a home owner," Jack said, "he's askin' ya if yer organized." 

Ennis frowned at Jack. "Never had enough a anything to organize."

"Not talkin' about how much ya own either, Ennis. Shit."

Ennis shook his head. There goes Jack, pickin' again. Gettin' more 'n more back ta the ol' Jack fucking Twist every day.

Benito laughed. 

"I swear, Ennis, sometimes yer thick."

Ennis had ta smile at that jab. "Hush yer mouth 'n eat yer peanuts," Ennis joked, nudgin' Jack's arm.

Jack nodded as he took a fist full o' peanuts and began shellin' 'em 'n fillin' his mouth with 'em like a damn squirrel. Just like always, the only two kind a orders Jack ever took from Ennis involved either fuckin' or eatin'. Never was a mind ta take any other kind from anyone-- like pickin' up his clothes off the floor and cleanin' tack.

"Some people like things orderly," Benito clarified, turnin' to Ennis. "That's the way they are. You strike me as an orderly person." 

"I can attest ta that," Jack said, talkin' with his mouth full. "Puts everythin' it order. Should try campin' with him. Even put pots 'n pans in the same order every stinkin' time. If I put 'em away different, he'd turn around and do it his way. Always his way."

Ennis couldn't help but think Jack was talkin' about more than just pots 'n pans. 

"Swear he missed his callin'. Shoulda been... ah, what ya call 'em? Them people who do it fer others. Saw 'em on Phil Donahue..."

"...professional organizers," Benito finished.

"Yeah, that's it! Lureen talked about 'em. Said I needed one."

"You will be happy Ennis is organized. His penchant for organization will be necessary for you. Part of becoming self-sufficient rests on continuity."

"Huh?" 

"You'll be glad he's neat," Benito said.

"Told ya I was good fer somethin'," Ennis said.

"Know ya are, question is what yer good at," Jack said. 

There Jack went again, embarrassin' him. 

Ennis was thankful Benito ignored him and continued explaining. "It is important to be able to find things. In the kitchen, for example, always putting staples in a specific order. Canned goods are especially important to put away, since cans are so similar. And then there's furniture. Even moving a chair a few inches can be a problem. I'll never forget when Maria, our maid, vacuumed and moved this coffee table. Our daughter, Isobel, came busting through here, tripped and broke her arm. Maria felt horrible."

"So's wherever we end up, things gotta be kept in the same place all the time. I kin do that," Ennis said.

"Know ya can, Ennis."

"Control as much of your environment as possible. The world changes around you enough. That was why Isobel made the rock garden. Nothing moves, nothing changes except the plants with the seasons. She could walk through, plant and care for them. She planned it all."

"It's right beautiful, too," Ennis said.

"She chose stones of all textures, smooth and cool mostly, although there are some rough quartz. The flowers she chose as much for me and all who see as for herself. Distinctive visually: bright colors, angles and curves of foliage. But selected more for their fragrance and texture."

"It is a right pretty garden. Peaceful."

"I notice both you and Jack like to spend time there later in the evening after these old bones have retired."

"Yer right there," Jack said. "Air there don't feel like in the city . More like wide open spaces 'n mountain tops all together in a special corner. Bet yer right proud, havin' such a talented daughter."

"Yes, I'm a very proud father."

The phone rang. Happened all times of the day and night. Ennis saw it as the down side of bein' a vet, just like workin' durin' foalin' time er calvin', had to be available all hours. 

"Hard gettin' up," Benito said, movin' slow. "Can't make it to the phone in just three rings anymore."

He left for the other room, and Ennis took advantage of the moment, runnin' his right hand up Jack's thigh, 'n brushin' his lips in his dark hair. Was surprised when he heard Benito call from the other room, "Ennis, it's for you."

Jack frowned, and Ennis jolted.

"Maybe it's just one of the girls checkin' in," Jack said, reassurin' him.

"Yeah, probably is," Ennis answered, but somethin' inside him knew it weren't so. Benito's voice sounded odd ta him. Ennis got up and walked into the anteroom to the phone. Benito stood holdin' out the receiver to Ennis

"Who is it?" Ennis asked, mouth tense.

"It's Lureen Twist," he said quietly. 

"She don't want ta talk ta Jack?" 

Benito shook his head, "She was adamant about talking to you, not Jack."

Ennis didn't know what ta think as he took the phone from Benito. He hesitated as he put it to his ear. 

"Lureen?" he asked.

"Thank god! I don't mean ta upset ya none, but needed ta speak ta ya-- I don't know what kind a shape Jack's in-- you know better right now what he can 'n can't take. That and I know Jack-- he might keep some to himself, and ya need ta know it all." Lureen took a deep breath after, waited, then asked, "You there, Ennis?"

"I am. What's got you so darn riled?"

"It's all my fault. Shoulda just left it after I quit workin' fer daddy. I'd raked daddy good over the coals, but no, not me. Had ta go off and tell mamma. Of course she wanted ta know why I quit workin', 'n why daddy wasn't givin' me the grief he usually does. I told Mamma what he done ta Jack. Mamma always liked Jack no matter what daddy said, and even if she hadn't a liked him, knowin' her husband had set out ta kill a man, well, she couldn't cotton ta that. She left him."

"She comin' here? Is that what this is about?"

"Wish it was. It's Daddy. Always comes back ta my daddy, don't it? Daddy told them men Jack ain't dead. They know. They know where Jack was a-stayin', 'n won't be long 'til they find out where he's gone. Ennis, I'm afraid fer him."

"What about you and Bobby? They know about you two knowin'?"

"Daddy was smart enough not ta tell 'em that," she sighed, "but I'm still takin' precautions, considerin'. We're stayin' somewhere close that no one knows about. I'll give ya my number soon as we're settled."

"Jack'd want ya to be safe. You sure you'll be okay?"

"We'll be fine. One other thing ya need ta know. Mamma and I went to the police after we found out he'd gone and told them men. We told the police everything. They want Jack and you ta come back to Childress-- don't need ta stay here, said they couldn't protect ya completely, but Jack needs ta come, prove he's alive. Since Jack is legally dead, was easy fer Daddy. He told 'em I was crazy. Mom too. Police don't know what ta think. That's why daddy told those men-- no Jack, no proof. Those men, they're comin', find ya where you are. Why'd I go shootin' my mouth off?"

"Don't go blamin' yerself none. Not yer fault yer daddy's a rotten son-of-a-bitch."

"Still, this brings down a world a troubles, and that doctor yer stayin' with seems like a nice man," she said.

"He is." Ennis heard Jack in the other room. Must be Benito had told him who was on the phone. "Jack's comin'-- I gotta go. Be careful."

"I will. You take care a Jack."

"I will," he hesitated as he watched Jack step toward him, Nina trottin' behind, "fer the rest a my life." 

He set the phone in its cradle soft-like and cleared his throat. 

Ennis knew somethin' like this was comin', just wished it weren't so soon.


	5. Chapters 17-19

Chapter 17

They hunkered back down in the living room. The doctor sat, leanin' forward, hands clasped between his legs. Jack pressed his fingers into his forehead, then raked 'em through his hair. Jack's worst fear was comin' true. He resented that Lureen hadn't been the one ta tell him. Knew she wanted ta protect him, but all this protection made Jack feel helpless. An' now ta make matters worse, he had one of them damnable head aches. 

Pain spiked red-hot through Jack's head. Made him sick thinkin' he was the cause of all this trouble. Now he was bringin' it smack-dab on top of the doc. Not right. He wished he could take some of his foolishness back. All came down ta pride and acting on that pride. Never should a told off LD that day. Just that the old fart pissed Jack off one time more than Jack could stomach. Jack recalled those moments clear, LD standin' red faced, yellin'. They were in the back office. Door was shut, thank god. Jack had come in late after lunch, was what set LD off. LD had started in on him, callin' him the usual names, 'cept some he kept fer private. Spittle still on LD's chin from his tirade, LD suddenly got deadly calm, sayin', "I want your queer ass away from Childress 'n my family." Offered Jack a quarter of a million dollars. More than his usual bribe, but Jack was havin' a bad day, partly because of the damn flat tire he'd had but mostly thinkin' on how he was never gonna see Ennis again. 

Jack just couldn't stand it no more. Got so pissed that he told the motherfucker off good. So good that the old fart hired men ta end Jack's suffering. In retrospect, Jack figured it wasn't the best move tellin' LD that he'd just wait until LD kicked off, then Jack'd have half of the business, and he could do what he pleased. LD snapped back, "No queer is gettin' my life's work! Keep that little pecker a yers zipped up in them jeans tight, or I'll lop it off." Then he'd spat on Jack's shoe. That's when Jack lost it. Told  LD, "I'll fuck anyone, anywhere I damn please." Might a gone too far when Jack told LD that if Jack wanted to get fucked up the ass hard by one of the mechanics and mess up the white seat of that spankin' new Ford Ranger on the showroom floor next ta that perdy John Deere, he'd damned well do it. Still made Jack smile rememberin' LD's face after sayin' it. LD had a heart attack right there in the office. Jack'd used some a that CPR trainin' that day. Jack'd felt all guilty, apologizing ta him, and Lureen later, for what he'd said. Lureen didn't blame him. Told Jack her daddy was a heart attack waitin' ta happen. LD never said a word ta Jack about that day again. 

Maybe Jack'd caused it, but he'd also saved the bastard's life. Some days, like now, he regretted doin' it. 

Jack bitterly recalled his reward.

_Those men were comin' back for him._ Everything in Jack wanted to run. Rational side of Jack understood, running weren't the answer now, but the old fight 'n flight said git.

The room became a buzz and whirl. Became hard ta breathe. Head hurt pitifully. _Those men,_ Jack kept a-thinkin', _Those men will come 'n hurt my Ennis, too._ Didn't realize way he looked while thinkin' on all this ta the doc and Ennis until he felt a cool glass pressed to his lips. Ennis' hand was soft on the back of his neck. Ennis murmured, "Swallow some water," while doc said, "Take these." Bitter pills slipped onto his tongue. Took another drink 'n washed 'em down. 

"Know yer feelin' poorly but we gotta talk 'bout this," Ennis said. Rest turned into a haze. Still understood the concern in Ennis' voice over what might happen if they left doc alone and them men came lookin'. Jack heard the worried in Ennis'  words. Knew Ennis felt they were damned if they stayed and damned if they left. The doc wasn't hearin' none of the stayin'. Said he could take care of himself just dandy without the help of an old cow poke and a blind man. The doc wanted them safe and outta his place. Go back to Childress. Tell the authorities. Go somewhere far, far away. Be safe. Round about that time, Jack weren't sure who was sayin' what. Them pills were workin' their magic.

Jack heard  "authorities," "Childress," and "LD." Heard Ennis say, "Let 'em know what's what," and "go to Childress and face LD." 

\--------------------------

Jack remembered Ennis helpin' him to their room, pullin' off Jack's jeans, tuckin' him under the covers. Remembered tellin' Ennis how sorry he was for givin' him all this trouble. 

Remembered them men.

Remembered beggin' Ennis not ta leave, holdin' Ennis tight, tellin' Ennis he loved him. Tellin' Ennis ta take off his clothes. Ennis obliged, takin' off his own clothes too.

Didn't remember fallin' asleep. 'Course no one remembers that... Did remember wakin' to Ennis next ta him in bed.

Hand was over the side of the bed, Nina was lickin' it. Jack patted her head, then rolled over and turned his head. Face was warm from last day's light pourin' through the window so knew it only been minutes not hours he'd been dozin'. Jack smiled and listened to Ennis' soft wheezin' breaths. Still had a buzz from them pills. Headache gone. Body lazy. Moved slow. Kinda liked the feel of movin' slow, was like Ennis.  

Sidled inta Ennis. Made Jack feel all rubbery when Ennis whispered, "Know I love ya. Always will."  

Just couldn't let that go, feelin' silly from them pills. "Yeah, but do you love my nose?" And Jack rubbed the tip of his nose along the Ennis' scruffy chin, drawin' parallel lines.

Ennis chuckled, "Yep. Shore do." 

Jack lifted his hand, tracin' the jawline on Ennis' face like he was usin' a pencil. 

"But do ya love my fingers?" Jack teased, then sketched his index finger up Ennis' chin and over them soft-pressed lips, partin' 'em with his finger, and slippin' inside. Jack got goose flesh feelin' Ennis' tongue vibrate with each "Ga-a" and "M-m-m." The odd sensation did stuff ta other parts too. Decided ta git more creative...

"But do ya love my toes?" Then, Jack scrunched them toes a his, pinchin' Ennis' calf muscles. Then Jack's quirky libido took a-hold 'n pushed back a bit from Ennis' warmth. Darned if that libido didn't start makin' Jack inch his leg up higher, higher until the ball of his foot rested on the ridge of Ennis' rock hard-cock.

Jack was likin' this-- likin' this a lot. 

"Oh-h, holy god, yes-s," Ennis gasped. 

That was all Mr. Libido needed to hear. His dick was as hard as Ennis'. He laughed thinkin' on what he was a-gonna say next.

"But do ya even love my toe jam?" Ennis body jerked as Mr. Libido grabbed Ennis' fat cock 'tween his first two toes.

"Hellfire!" Ennis yelped. "I think ya better trim them nails."

Jack removed Mr. Libido's toes from their prize, instead coaxed his foot against that oh, so ready cock. "Sorry," Jack said, but didn't put Jack off none. Made Ennis groan as Jack rolled Ennis' foreskin down with the arch of his foot.

"If'n ya don't mind," Ennis said, "feels good, but I'd like ta go back to the old way a doin' it."

"Fine with me. Always ready fer that." Jack moved closer ta Ennis again, took his hand and began fistin' Ennis good. 

Jack spoke into the crook of Ennis' neck, "Let's see how ya taste."

Jack found Ennis' mouth 'n kissed good 'n hard. Beer 'n peanuts. Pulled back, mouth wet.  Ennis thrust his hips up.

"Don't know that you still want an old man like me,"  Ennis choked out. 

Jack liked bein' close ta Ennis like this, hearin' the ache with want in each breath. 

"Not old," Jack whispered. "Damn good-lookin'. Ask me, yer one of the handsomest men who ever lived. Know it don't matter though, I love ya. Don't matter that I'll never see ya. But if I could have one second a sight back, I’d want ta spend it lookin’ in yer eyes. "

"Jack-k."

_Best answer ever,_ Jack thought. Loved his name achin' off his lips.

Ennis rolled on top of him, cocks slidin' together. Jack moaned Ennis' name back. They both came that way, pushin' hard heat against hard heat. Rested in each other's arms, pushin' out the world just as hard fer them few moments.

\----------------------

Ennis had come to know Benito's knock. Three concise taps. Timin' perfect. Jack sat up. 

Nina was at the door, knockin' her tail on the floor on the off beat. She did the happy dance by the door, jumpin' up and down and around. Yipped once, then twice.

"Jack? Ennis?" Damn. Sister Sarita.

"Just a minute," Ennis said, jumpin' outta bed and scramblin' fer their clothes. Threw Jack his jeans 'n shirt. Pulled on his own, trippin' toward the door.

Ennis took one look back at the bed, makin' sure Jack was decent, then opened the door.

Sarita stood next ta Benito. 

Jack got outta bed. Stepped up behind Ennis. Nina sat on his bare feet, like some big furry heatin' pad.

"Is Señor Jack better? The good doctor told me he was feeling poorly."

"Feelin' a heap better."

"Whatever ya gave him," Ennis said ta Benito, "it worked. Maybe too well." 

Knew Jack was surprised, saw the look on his face. Fact was though, Ennis was just as surprised. Just popped out. Had ta watch that. Shouldn't go alludin' to what they done together in private.

Benito motioned to the living room and said, "Come, Sarita has something to tell us."

Ennis had a feelin' why she was here the moment he heard the Sister say their names. Made all sorts a fears run wild inside. Knew Jack was just as worried.

Nina ticked behind, pep gone, pickin' up on the mood. 

Both sat down in the same spot on the couch they'd been in earlier. Benito sat in his old recliner and Sister Sarita took the old rocking chair. Jack's foot was tappin'. Nina sat in the middle of the floor, watchin' everyone.

"I suppose the doc already told ya about Lureen's call," Jack said.

"Sí, I also have unwelcome news," the Sister rocked forward in the chair. "A man came to the Sisters of Mercy asking questions. A man also was at the Señor Jack. He was also at Mercy Center Hospital. Men have been watching the Sisters of Mercy. They follow me. I stopped many places today. They followed me no longer. I came here. You must not stay. They will find you soon."

"What about the doc?" Jack asked. "They might hurt him. Don't want ta leave him alone here."

"I have called a friend of mine. He will stay here with the doctor. He will come to no harm with him here. It is important that you leave and seek the justice, Señor Jack. I do not know how long you have before the road will bring these men to this door. To leave now would leave a cold trail."

Jack and Ennis both stood. Nina got up and shook. Benito stood after.

"I want you to take my truck."

Ennis thought ta turn Benito down, but knew even if his old truck could make it to Childress, it wouldn't stand a chance a outrunnin' them if they was found out. 

"That's right nice of ya," Ennis said, shakin' Benito's hand. "Best be gettin' our belongin's tagether."

Truth was, wasn't much ta get but a few bits a clothes, hats and boots. 

"Something else I want you two to have," Benito stepped over to his desk drawer. Opened the middle drawer, and  pulled a .45 from the back. "I keep the ammo in the kitchen."

"Hold on," Jack said. "You might be needin' that."

"Rest assured, he will not," Sister Sarita interjected. "The doctor will have the best protection available. He will take care of  any problems--"

"This sounds like one tough hombre," Jack said.

The Sister laughed. "Sí, he is 'one tough hombre'-- he is my brother."

"If he's half as tough as you, them men don't stand a chance," Jack laughed.

"I will take that, Señor Jack, as a compliment."

"It was meant as one, Sister."

"You both should be, as you say, 'makin' tracks'," she laughed.

"Yer right," Ennis said. "Thank ya, fer all ya done fer Jack. And thank ya, Benito. Don't know how we'll ever repay ya."

"Being my friend is payment in full."

"I wanna thank you, too, doc, for all you've done," Jack said, with a catch in his throat. "And Sister Sarita--" suddenly, Jack flung his arms around her, squishin' her small frame, voice muffled from his head bein' buried in her chest, "know I've been a son of a bitch to ya. Sorry fer all that. Never be able ta thank ya fer all ya done fer me. I love ya, Sister."

She patted him on the head. Then looked down at Nina and patted hers.

"I love you, too, Señor Jack. Now, it's best 'ya get moving,' as you say. I will miss you. Please come back and visit after life is good."

"We will, Sister," Ennis said. "Thank ya fer everything. Thank ya, Benito."

"Take good care of these two," she said to Nina, scratchin' her head. "They may need it."

\--------------------

Openin' the barn door was like disturbin' an old man. When Ennis pushed the ol' codger open, he upset lady night too, echoin' back the same achin' sentiments. Barn was dark. Ennis stepped cautiously inside.

Benito had insisted Ennis grab a big bag of Purina Dog Chow for Nina. Ennis didn't like leavin' Jack, but the Sister and Benito waited at the truck with him. Ennis wiped his sweaty palms on the ass of his worn jeans. Hand reached blindly, searching. The string on the overhead light slipped through his fingers the first time. Second time charmed as he caught and pulled the string. Light blinked awake. Ennis made his way to the same feed Jack'd stacked days ago. Sucked in his gut and took a deep breath, then pushed his hat back. He slung the bag onto his shoulder. The string on the light was still swayin' as Ennis clicked it off.

The old door wasn't any more happy ta shut. Groaned even louder as Ennis used his free hand ta pull it shut. 

He stepped into the night. Eyes struggled ta see. Had ta admit ta himself that he was worried. Heart boomed in his ears like a bass drum. Couldn't help that fear. Was a part of him. Years of fears hard ta push down. Scrunched his eyes, scrutinizin' his path. Still havin' a time focusin'. Wondered if this was anythin' like what Jack felt-- couldn't fathom not knowin' what's out there. 

His eyes adjusted. The light off the porch cast long shadows, transformin' the rock garden into a hostile land filled with eerie yellow light. Texas fire bushes and night sage, beautiful in day, morphed into hostile shapes. A place, once secure in Ennis' mind, held hidden gunmen behind each red lantana plant. It concealed a large, imaginary man, crouchin' and ready with crowbar raised. Ennis scanned around, eyes tickin' off each curve, each bend for movement. Fear lurked behind each rock. Felt like a kid scared of the dark. 

He was relieved ta see the Sister and Benito, standin' right where he'd left them next ta the truck. Jack was sitting inside the cab noddin' his head, talkin' ta the Sister. Nina was givin' her last goodbyes to Benito. Her head pushed half outta the truck window, tongue lappin' Benito's face.

Had ta laugh seein' that. Ennis waved ta them, then chucked the 50-lb bag of dog food into the bed of the truck. Had ta duck to avoid the truck's low cap. Nice ta have. Good shelter. Inside, bedrolls, blankets, belongin's 'n staples were loaded. Ennis crawled down the bed, knees grudgin' him the journey. Was gettin' old. All these aches 'n pains never used ta happen doin' easy chores. Ennis pushed the dog food along until it hit the back of the cab. He could see Jack through the cab window. Admired his handsome profile. Jack fiddled with the brim of his hat. Nina spotted Ennis right off. Face pressed ta the window, leavin' a doggie slobber trail as she watched Ennis. He could hear her tail bangin' the dashboard from where he kneeled.

Ennis crawled back out. Bones groaned as his body unfolded. Stepped unsteady next ta Benito. Smile lit his own face. Reached out and gave Benito's hand a firm shake.

"Thank ya fer everthin'," Ennis said. "Appreciate all ya done." 

"Taking care of yourself and Jack will be enough thanks," the Sister said.

Ennis tipped his hat, then said, "Damn." Blushed 'n dipped his head and said, "Pardon."  

The Sister smiled and said, "Oh, hell." Then hugged the stuffin' outta Ennis. 

Ten minutes later they were on US-59, headed for Childress.

\---------------------------------

Ennis' eyes were wired, checkin' the rearview mirror every few minutes with a mixture of 40% caffeine and 60% caution. Needed ta be alert. It was gettin' damn hard. Knew that dippin' feelin' just before ya nod off. 

Jack was too quiet. Sat near the middle of the seat, Nina lyin' next ta the window, her head in his lap, sleepin'. Jack absently set his hand on her head. Ennis knew Jack was hurtin'. Looked all balled up tight. Imagined all sorts a bedbugs were in Jack's head right about now. Ennis reckoned Jack was playin' the solitaire blame game and come out with a losin' hand. 

Nina's feet danced, doin' doggie dream twitches as Jack stroked her head.

Although Ennis knew he'd never been much fer talkin', he'd been workin' on it fer Jack's sake. Could speak his mind if needed, but never much fer speakin' his heart. Knew it meant a heap ta Jack though, so's he reached over and put his hand on Jack's knee and mumbled, "Love ya, li'l darlin'." Jack took hold of his hand like a drownin' man, crunchin' Ennis' knuckles. Outta the corner of his eye, Ennis could see Jack chewin' his lip.

"Gonna be alright," Ennis added. 

Jack nodded. _Still quiet,_ Ennis thought. Nina opened her eyes and watched Ennis through golden lashes. Almost like she was judgin' him. _Better keep talkin'._

"Lureen knows how ta take care a herself," Ennis continued. "She'll make sure Bobby is safe."

 Nina nudged Ennis' n' Jack's hands, then gave Ennis' a lick. 

Ennis swore sometimes that dog was human.

Gave Jack's hand another hard squeeze, then let the road take hold a his sights with both hands on the wheel.

Ennis'd been drivin' right on five hours and was nearin' Abilene-- the thermos filled with strong coffee that Benito kindly made 'em went dry an hour before. Ennis was grateful Jack'd generously passed on the last cup. 

Ennis looked over at Jack again. He had hoped Jack would rest, but instead Jack sat pushin' his eyelids open over 'n over as he scratched Nina's head. Loved Jack's sleepy nods.

Ennis' own lids dipped down. Was afraid he was gonna fall asleep. Rolled down the window. Air was cool, but not enough. Rest stop comin' up. Didn't have no choice.

"Reckon we should find a place to park this truck 'n get some shut-eye," Ennis said, castin' a look at his partner.

"Back startin' ta hurt. Sounds good."

Ennis nodded. "A nice, warm bed would probably feel better, but right now the back of the truck will have ta do."

Jack shifted. "What if we got us a room somewhere instead?"

"Don't know, Jack."

 "Know what yer thinkin'," Jack said. "Yer thinkin' about expenses. I got money." 

"I got some too-- but gotta make what we got last."

Ennis watched the rearview mirror as a semi came up hard behind. Looked over at Jack. Had a feelin' he knew what he was gonna say.

"Know ya ain't gonna like this. Might as well know. Benito lent us some money."

Ennis gripped the wheel tighter. Semi roared next to him, wind smackin' him in the face. Hated highways. 

"Damn, he's already done enough," Ennis grumbled.

"Well, he gave it ta me 'cause he knew you'd be sayin' that. Didn't want an argument--"

Ennis flashed his lights to let the driver know it was safe to merge back.

"And ya didn't give him one? Shit!"

 Jack laughed. "Ya know the doc, nothin' I could say could change his mind. 'Sides, he said we earned some of it." 

Ennis watched the exit for the rest stop go by.

"Shit. Shoulda known he'd do this. So, how much?"

"Over a thousand."

"Holy hell! What's he thinkin' givin' us that much? He ain't made a money."

"It's a loan, remember."

Ennis didn't want ta argue. No sense in it anyhow. What's done was done. And they were gonna need it. No way they'd earned that money-- no way, no how. Loan? Didn't know when or how they was goin' ta be able to pay it back.

"So, ya want a bed," Ennis said, voice flat. "We'll pull off in Abilene then."

Jack didn't say nothin'-- just turned his head to the window.

\-------------------------------------

Next day came early. Got goin' at sunup. Ennis was all concerned last night about the room. Didn't want it to look like they were up ta somethin'. Told Ennis that friends share a room all the time-- don't mean they're gay. 'Course they were. But worrying about appearances was a waste a time, if ya asked Jack. When they got the room, old man didn't pay no mind. Shoved his hands in his pockets and told Ennis after, "See, that ol' man didn't even hesitate over two men one bed. Probably thinks we're just savin' money is all."

Kinda felt bad gettin' all short with Ennis about it. But Jack'd thought Ennis was past all that. Then it came up and bit him in the ass again. Was feelin' pissed again thinkin' on it. That was the problem with ridin' down the highway-- gave Jack too much time to think. Better to put them feelin's aside. Better to contemplate other happenin's a last night.

Was nice wakin' up to Ennis. Jack'd spooned inta him and slept pretty damn well. Was warm 'n safe. Had good dreams. Nina planted herself at the bottom on the bed, makin' their feet nice 'n toasty. Jack recalled grinnin' into his pillow, thinkin' how they thought they was so smart sneakin' her in. Manager knew all along, 'cause when Ennis left ta git the truck, Jack stayed at the desk. Asked the old codger if there was any joint he'd recommend ta get some breakfast. The old guy just spat 'n said, "Katie's Kitchen across the street serves mighty fine omelets. Kin take yer dog in too, long as it's leashed."

When Ennis drove up, the old geezer opened the door, assumin' Nina was gonna lead him out. Surprised Jack when she did. Old guy did hold his arm down the last step. Ennis was there. Surprised him just as much. Said, "Damn. Musta assumed Nina is some kind a seein' eye help fer ya." 

First Jack pouted. All mad that a dog and an old man had ta help him. Made Jack feel like a namby-pamby. Was bad enough, insistin' that they stop and sleep in a bed 'cause he was so beat. Then Jack remembered the Sister's last words ta him before Ennis and him left: " _Let people help you. Part of strength is acceptance. Accept the help of others. Be strong, my friend."_

Need to be strong-- strong for Bobby, strong for Ennis. Strong. Knew no way he should be feelin' sorry fer himself. Been doin' that too long. Finally had somethin' ta look forward to. Ennis, a life with Ennis. Sleepin' in the back of the truck last night woulda been hell. His back was too old and too beat up ta stand the cold, hard back of that truck last night. We're not teenagers no more. Even with Ennis next ta him, Jack knew that it wouldn't a worked. 

Nope, couldn't a done what they done last night in no truck bed. No sirree.

Like Bobby would say: "that would suck a big one."

Ridin' and not seein' sucked just as big. Boring...so boring. Instead a bein' hypnotized watchin' the road, Jack sat lulled by the regular ka-thunk, ka-thunk of the tires slappin' each separation in the asphalt. Countin' ka-thunks was like countin' sheep. Right on the edge, teeterin' inta dream land. One more ka-thunk woulda done it. Was Ennis' words, brung him outta his trance: "Two miles ta Childress."

Jack's stomach lurched. 

Been dreadin' this. Mind went like a bull outta the chute, buckin' and twirlin'. 

_How am I gonna identify 'em?_ LD was easy. Them men? Knew what they looked like, but what good is that to a blind man? Still. Had ta be a way. Knew their voices. And what was he gonna say regardin' his lost days? _"I was dead, but now I'm alive. Got myself resurrected. Oughtta try it yerself. One life fer the price of two eyes."_

"Jack? Ya with me, friend?" 

Jack shook his head.

Read the concern in Ennis' voice. Only man Jack ever knew who Jack could tell his heart in the feel of a word. Sometimes Jack thought those words were made a something solid. Something he could hold.

"I'm here," Ennis said, low 'n quiet. 

Yep, them words were golden straw with mornin' sun shinin' down. Like hope. 

Like the last stall in the old back barn where Jack used ta dream his dreams. Like that old bedroll that smelled a Ennis. Just a few words and that old warmth bloomed inside his chest. 

"What should I tell 'em?" Jack asked, waitin' on them words. 

"Everything." Loved Ennis for that. 

"That ain't much." 

Ennis always saw. Jack believed. Was time they switched. 

Heard the smile in Ennis' voice, "Jist tell 'em the last thing a lotta salesmen won't-- tell 'em the truth."

Jack smiled back. </font>

"We'll get 'em," Ennis said.</font>

"I've been thinkin'. What if we can't?"</font>

>"Other ways 'sides the law."</font>

"Don't like the sound of that."</font>

"Gotta do what ya gotta do." </font>

Truck was slowin' and backin' as Ennis parked. </font>

"Promise me ya won't go off  after LD. Got Bobby ta think of. He's still his grandpa no matter what he done," Jack said, snappin' the clasp to the leash of Nina's collar.</font>

"They ain't gonna let her in the police station," Ennis said, avoidin' the issue.</font>

"They ain't gonna deny a blind man his dog."</font>

"Say it that way, guess yer probably right."</font>

"Guess so." Jack turned ta Ennis, but he was already out the door.</font>

Damn stubborn man. </font>

Jack opened the door and hoped Nina knew what she was doin'.</font>

\---------------------

Chapter 19

Jack felt confounded. All scent, all sound rang dissonant. His brain longed for the solitude 'n security he'd lived with these last days with the doc. Gettin' acquainted with the chaos of the big, bad world a.k.a. the Childress Police Department liked ta rile Jack's nerves like quills on a porcupine. Jack appreciated Nina. The craziness of the station didn't faze her none. She led him, zig-zaggin' through, takin' cues from both Jack and Ennis. 

Stale cigarette smoke, vomit, assortment of male and female smells clung around him. Walls bombarded Jack with all sorts 'n sizes of clipped footsteps echoin' off  the worn tile. Jack's ears filled with words battlin' to be heard, each one wantin' ta be heard above all others and comin' from all sides-- officer blarin', _You have the right..._ Woman beggin', _Give me my dime.._. Man screamin', _I want my lawyer_! And kid swearin', _Fuck you, pig!_ All crashin', all together, all wantin'.

Jack's left hand held white-knuckled to the leash. Other hand fidgeted, shakin' somethin' fierce. Held himself straight and strong not wantin' anyone ta see no weakness inside him. Nervous. So nervous. Jack was glad ta have Nina. Gladder ta have Ennis. Both like gifts from heaven. Ennis pressed his shoulder ta Jack's. Was a  comfort knowin' Ennis was there. 

Didn't amaze Jack too much that no one questioned them. Although Jack overheard plenty of whispers, sayin' junk like, "Look at the guy with the guide dog," and "Looky there, blind man." 

Jack knew they weren't inside there but moments, but seemed like forever. Stopped finally. Was a window of some sort, cool to his fingers, heard people movin' behind it. 

Ennis said, "Need ta speak to the detective in charge of the Twist case." 

"Take a seat, I'll git Detective Donaldson for ya." Ennis led Nina n' Jack over a few steps and Ennis took his arm.

"There's a seat in back a ya," he said, holdin' Jack's forearm. Nina sat at his feet. Seats farted as he 'n Ennis sat down. Jack thought, _chair nasty_. 

Old thing was vinyl. Tacky. Old rips taped with the workin' man's universal repair kit, duct tape. Were only sittin' fer a few moments when Jack shot his head up hearin' "Twist!" bellowed out, then "Jack Twist!" 

Was one of them I-know-that-voice-but-can't-place-it moments. Jack sat up in his seat, scrunchin' his blue eyes like he could will himself ta see who was a-yellin' his name, same time he was a-fishin' round in his brain. Clatterin' sound of cowboy boots ended in front a him, punctuated with a sharp whack on Jack's back. 

"By god, Lureen was right-- ya are alive 'n kickin'," the voice cannoned out. Jack smiled and shook the man's hand. Now he knew-- was Nick Collinson. Jack used to pick up Jim Beam for him every Saturday on Jack's weekly liquor run. Done him an even bigger favor years back. Tall gangly peppery cop with fast mouth and sharp tongue. When he was younger, he was the kinda man who always spouted what came ta his mind. Sometimes it was a good thing, most times not. Got Collinson in a heap of trouble. As he got older, got wiser. Now he minded more a what he said. Still, Jack liked him plenty. Was a good man.

"Hey, Nick. This here is Ennis del Mar. Friend a mine from way back. Ennis, this is Nick Collinson."

"Pleased ta meet ya," Ennis said.

"Same here. Heard Jack speak a you kindly. Said he known you since you were both wet behind the ears."

Ennis chuckled. "Sure 'nough."

"It's good he's got a friend like that." 

Jack turned his head to Collinson. 

"Then it's all true what Lureen said ta me," Collinson said. "Can't believe this. Jack Twist, come back from the dead."

"Most a me come back."

"This here yer dog?" he asked.

"Yeah, her name's Nina."

"Nice," he said. Was quiet for a few moments then said, "Don't worry, Jack. We'll git them son of a bitches who done this to you. Man in charge of the case is an asshole. Can't say as I like him much, but he gets the job done."

"That's good ta know."

"Here he comes now."

Jack clearly heard the approaching footfalls amid the insanity in the station. Got goose bumps. Step was unusual. Had a squeak and click, with a scuff  in-between. Sound didn't come from no boots, was men's business shoes. With a steel heel-plate. Heard that rhythm before. Remembered clearly that same hollow sound on the pavement comin' up ta his truck that night. 

Nina's throat rumbled. Jack sat up straighter.

"I'm Detective Donaldson. You must be Jack Twist."

Jack held out his hand, tryin' ta still his trembles. The man shook it firm. Felt somethin' else in that shake. Then heard Nina's rumble turn ta out 'n out growl. "Woa there, Nina," Jack said, and he leaned down, stillin' her with his hand. Took his hand off a her, but felt her body tense against his legs.

"Have ta excuse my dog, here. She ain't a trained seein' eye dog. We kinda adopted each other just recently. Still, Nina here is a great help ta me."

"She's protective," Ennis added. Knew from them words that Ennis was perplexed. Was Ennis through 'n through. Only a few people on this whole earth could read between Ennis' words. Jack Twist was glad at that moment he was one of them 'cause Jack felt the panic risin' in him. Had to keep calm. Put on the face. Put on the show. Be Jack the salesman. 

"Why don't we go into my office?" Donaldson asked.

As they followed, Jack's mind whirled. He couldn't fuckin' believe his luck. Second thought, maybe this wasn't luck at all. This smelled a LD through and through. Top of Jack's mind was that he couldn't let Donaldson know how much he knew and remembered. 

Jack thought quick, "You comin'?" he asked Collinson. "If the detective here don't mind. Yah see, Collinson is a friend a mine from way back. He might know somethin' that could help."

"Not regular, but fine," said the detective.

Jack felt Ennis' arm wrap through his, and along with Nina and Collinson they made their way through to the back of the station and up the stairwell to Donaldson's office. The blinds rattled as the door shut.

They each took a seat, but Ennis stood next ta Jack. Nina gave Jack's hand a lick. Jack did the introductions, and the detective went over a few formalities. Finally, he asked the big question, "What happened?"

Jack scratched his chin and asked, "Where ya want me ta start?" 

"With that night. Where you were before the accident."

"Weren't no accident," Ennis interjected flatly.

Jack rubbed the top of his legs hard with the palms of his hands. 

"Incident then," the detective corrected. 

"I was comin' back from the Snow White Saloon when I got a flat on my truck," Jack started. "Stepped out and found I'd run over a board filled with nails. Climbed in back, and threw my spare off ta the side of the road, got the crowbar and jumped out when this vehicle pulled behind. Had the crowbar and was jackin' up the back. Was sidled underneath good when lights come up from behind." 

Felt Ennis' hand rest on his shoulder.

"Man got out, come up in back a me. Thought he was comin' ta lend a hand."

"Know him? Could you identify him?"

Jack didn't pause. Knew he had ta sound sure of himself. Couldn't let the detective know he knew it was him. That he knew he stood watchin' as three men beat Jack near ta death. "Was dark, headlights behind 'em blinded me." Jack hoped to god Ennis wouldn't go correctin' him, but he didn't say a thing. "Asked if he could lend a hand. Next thing I know'd there were more of 'em."

"How many?"

"Four in all, I think. Was dark. And it happened fast. Hit me in the face and back of the head."

"How much you'd say you had ta drink that night?"

"I have ta admit I'd had more then a few. Was havin' a time with the tire."

"Could you identify any of them? Give a description?"

Jack's throat worked. He was tryin' hard ta keep the panic outta his voice. "Don't know. Like I said, was dark, happened fast. Knew what some of them was wearin', remember two of them real big. One wore a big gold ring. Kin describe that." Jack went on ta give a vague description of each of the men. As he done it, Jack felt Ennis' body tighten next ta him. Ennis knew it weren't right.

"Lureen said that her father put them up to it. That so?"

"LD never come out and said it straight ta me, but yeah. He offered me money plenty of times to divorce Lureen and git lost. Would never take him up on it. We had us a big blowout the day of his heart attack. Guess I was pretty much the trigger fer that. Man hated me from the first day he seen me. Came to the hospital I was in, paid the bill. Paid ta get me lost. Figured considerin' he could finish the job any time he chose to I didn't have much choice. Sides, I figured I was no use ta anyone no more."

"Story sounds a lot like Mr. Newsome's. He admitted he wanted you out of his daughter's life, but he told us he didn't put any men up to killing you."

"That's not what Lureen said," Ennis said. 

The detective ignored Ennis and continued. "Would there be any other reason why these men would want you dead?" 

Nina was growlin' low again. Jack hushed her. 

"I didn't know 'em. Had no reason ta do what they done ta me."

"Word is that you're a homosexual. Any truth to that?"

"Jesus," Jack heard Ennis say under his breath. Then Jack asked, "What's that got ta do with anything?" 

"Motive. Newsome said there was a reason why you were at that bar that night. Said that was the same reason why those men beat you. Newsome right about that?"

"What the fuck is this?" Collinson asked, scratchin' his head. "You sayin' Jack's queer?"

"Ah, fuck," Jack said under his breath.

"Jack?" Collinson asked.

"You must be the only one in Childress don't know, Nick. Shit."

"Damn." 

"So your _preferences_ were common knowledge to a lot of people," the detective interjected.

"Hold on there," Ennis said. 

"No, you hold on, Mr. Del Mar," the detective growled. "I realize that Mr. Twist's accident and his resulting blindness was tragic, but that doesn't release him from insurance fraud."

"Insurance fraud?! I didn't collect no insurance," Jack said, lettin' his head flop back. Felt one of them headaches comin' on.

"No, but your wife and son did."

"Now that don't make a lick a sense," Ennis said. "Lureen's the one who come to you."

"Actually, Mr. Newsome was the one who came forward first."

"You sayin' Jack got himself like this on purpose? For money?" Ennis said, dumbfounded.

"No, but after it happened, he let his wife collect the insurance. Almost a half a million dollars."

"Shit, she don't need it," Jack said. "Got enough money. This is crazy." Started feelin' dizzy. High even. Head poundin', white light buzzin' behind his eyes.

"One thing I have learned over the years of working as a detective, when it comes to money, there is never enough."

"She thought I was dead. Everyone did 'cept LD."

"Then where is your wife now?" the detective asked, tappin' his pen on the desk.

"Listen," Collinson said, shiftin' in his chair, "I've known Jack here for a long time. Known LD and Lureen, too. LD hates Jack somethin' fierce. No way you're on the right track regardin' this insurance fraud thing. And Jack's running over them boards with nails in 'em sounds premeditated ta me. Like they was waitin' fer him, not like it was some chance meetin'."

Jack startin' ta stand. Ennis helped steady him on his feet. "Ain't feelin' so well. Think I'm endin' this conversation until I got a lawyer." 

"I suggest you don't _go_ too far. I don't want you disappearin' like your wife."

"We ain't leavin' town until this thing is over with," Jack said.

"Where can we reach you?" the detective asked.

"Ain't checked in nowhere yet," Ennis answered. 

The detective didn't move from the spot behind his desk as they left. 

"You better let me know where you're stayin'," he called after them. 

Ennis ignored him as he helped  Jack navigate the stairs, fingers pressin' like questions in his head. Jack knew he was worryin'. Halfway down the stairwell, his grip on Jack's arm tightened. "What the hell is goin' on?" he whispered.

"Tell ya soon's we git to the truck."

\----------------------------------

Collinson followed them through the station and out double-wide glass doors into the zooms and beeps of afternoon traffic. Jack tried ta git him ta leave, said goodbye, but the man stuck to 'em like flypaper. Ennis wanted ta talk ta Jack, and he wanted ta talk to him now. All sorts of wild thoughts were formin' in Ennis' mind. Jack had lied in there-- told the detective he didn't see who attacked him that night. _Jack saw. He remembered._ Had nightmares on it that troubled him most nights. For some reason either Jack didn't trust that detective, or he didn't trust Collinson. Ennis didn't think it was Collinson-- he seemed like an okay kinda fella. Obvious he thought a lot of Jack. It was that Detective Donaldson. Nina didn't like him, hair raised on her back minute the man came in. Nina's lips curled with low growlin'. 'Course she could a been pickin' up on Jack's feelings regardin' the man. Somethin' inside Ennis didn't think that was the case. Animals understood things. They seen things people can't. Nina liked Collinson. Her tail wagged when he called ta Jack and was touchin' him. Ennis had ta pull back, feelin' a that old devil jealousy takin' hold. Realized immediately he had no call ta worry.

Jack had tried to lose Collinson. Was obvious to Ennis that it wasn't 'cause he didn't trust him, but was more ta talk to Ennis in private. Collinson was still doggin' behind them, frownin' and lookin' at Ennis once er twice.

Ennis watched Jack careful. Could see his headache comin' on in the station. 

Finally reached the truck. Collinson stopped Ennis' hand on the handle.

"Whoa there. Somethin' goin' on here, and I wanna know what," he said to them both.

"Ain't your business," Ennis spat out.

Nina stood between 'em, sizin' 'em up.

"Sorry, Ennis. I know what I said back there was nothin' like what happened, but when he walked up, and Nina started growlin'..."

"Nina didn't like 'em?" Ennis said. "That ain't what this was about."

"No, it ain't."

Jack stood, rubbin' his forehead, pained look on his face.

"Need ta sit down, Ennis."

Ennis opened the door and let Jack take a seat, facin' 'em. They both waited, lookin' at Jack anxious-like. "It was the sound of his shoes," Jack said finally. "He was there that night, Ennis."

"I'm gonna kill him," Ennis growled.

"Ennis, stop!" Jack lunged forward, grabbin' Ennis' arm. "Git back here. You ain't gonna do no such thing. He's a police detective. Respected. Don't want you in jail. Need ya now. We need ta do some figurin'. Need somethin' more than my and Lureen's say. We need some kinda solid proof."

"Yer word's enough for me," Ennis said.

"It ain't gonna be enough for a jury, Ennis."

"Ain't never trusted Donaldson," Collinson said, kickin' the curb with his steel-toed boot.

"Nick, I don't want ta git you mixed up in this mess," Jack said.

"Listen, Jack. Don't make no never mind ta me which side of the bread you butter. You're still a straight-up guy ta me in other ways. You're a good man. Always been honest ta me. Helped my Rosie when she had that time years back. Never be able ta thank ya enough for that."

"Thanks, Nick, that means a lot ta me."

"I'll help ya any way I can. I'll watch the detective for ya."

"Think he knew?" Jack asked.

"Hard ta tell."

Ennis pulled out a cigarette and lit it, hand shakin'. 

"Tell you what, friend," Jack said. "I could use one a them right now." Ennis handed it off ta Jack, who took a long drag and blew it out.

"Jesus, Jack," Ennis said. 

"Fuckin' hell," Jack swore, "this is one bitch of an unsatisfactory situation."

"Kin say that again."

"Let me know what I kin do. Call me later at home. Hey, why don't you 'n Ennis come over fer dinner. Rosie and I'd love ta see ya, Jack."

"We'll see how Jack is feelin' first."

"Ok, bye now," Collinson said, givin' Ennis' hand a shake. 

Ennis shut Jack's door and got in the truck.

"Benito gave me some of them pain pills. But don't got anything to wash 'em down," Jack said. 

"I'll stop somewhere, darlin', and get ya somethin' ta drink. There's a McDonald's right up the road a lick." 

"That'd be swell, Ennis."

"Swell, huh? Don't think I ever heard ya say 'swell' before. Must be a bitch of a headache."

"We're in a mess, ain't we?"

"Big mess, but we're in this together, friend."

Ennis grabbed Jack's hand and gave it as squeeze as he pulled up to the drive-thru window. Got two iced teas, pulled off to the side parkin' lot, got the vicodin outta the glove box fer Jack. Watched Jack take 'em. Mouth wet after. Licked his lips. Even after all that shit they'd been through today, alls Ennis could think of at the moment was foldin' Jack's legs into his chest and fuckin' him slow and hard and watchin' that nice mouth a his bite that bottom lip the way he did when he was about ta go off. Ennis put the truck in reverse.

He cleared his throat. "Saw a Best Western up the road a piece."


	6. Chapters 20-21

Chapter 20

Best Western. $24 per night. Two double beds. Orange shag carpet. Brass table lamps.

Ennis sighed and set down their merger belongin's. Nina's tail slapped against the chipped cherry veneer desk as she led Jack across the room. Ennis cringed at the poor man's paintin' of the Golden Gate Bridge assaultin' the center of white walls. And the green trim that trapped the windows, floors and ceilin' was the color of horse shit. Reckoned them fancy-pants decorators never slung horse shit, so they wouldn't be in the mind ta compare the two, still...

Then there was the bedspread-- was ugly as a mud fence-- a peaked swill of all the colors in the room. Ennis recollected a short story from his high school experience: The Yellow Wallpaper. Boringest story he ever had read, went on 'n on about this damnable wallpaper. Woman in the story got all crazy from watchin' the inane pattern in that intolerable wallpaper day after day after day. Ennis reckoned he understood what drove that lady wacko. That bedspread was like locoweed. Could yank anyone's reins. Whole room could do it. Fact was, dousin' the lights would be a blessin'. Ennis felt almost envious of Jack-- _he_ didn't have ta _see_ the bedspread.

Ennis scratched his head. Had ta look on the bright side-- the room was clean, and there _was_ workin' airconditionin'...

And there was Jack.

_Jack._

Standin' next to that butt-ugly bed,  _his darlin'_ , lookin' so good. 'Course _anything_ next ta that butt-ugly bed would be lookin' good, but Jack? In Ennis' mind, Jack could best the fuckin' Sistine Chapel in the area of attractiveness. Ennis reckoned if Michelangelo was alive today, the grand man would be a-paintin' Jack's image on the tip top of that chapel.

'Course there was more than looks that made Jack so beautiful ta Ennis. His mama told Ennis once that real beauty weren't seen with the eyes. His mama was right. Jack had a beauty inside him greater than his beauty out. 

Watched Jack pat Nina, tellin' her how good she done today. Ennis smiled and walked up behind, windin' his arms around, holdin' Jack the way Ennis liked best, tuckin' his face in the nape of his neck so's his lips could kiss off the day's sweet sweat. Jack hummed in return, pressin' back.

"Tired," Jack said, yawnin'.

"Hear ya, darlin'," Ennis answered, yawnin' too, then started undoin' the snaps on Jack's shirt, lazy-like. 

"Gotta buzz from them pills ya gave me," Jack said, leanin' inta Ennis' touch. He let his hand explore inside,  his fingers dawdlin' circles over Jack's chest. Loved feelin' Jack unwind under unhurried hands. 

"That's nice," Jack whispered. "Wanna fall down on this here bed 'n have ya ride me slow 'n lazy, like we done on them last days on Brokeback, remember?"

"Never ferget. Them memories the very heart a me."

"Hell, Ennis, ya don't talk sweet ta me much, but when ya do, it's like honey."

Ennis turned Jack around, pullin' Jack's shirt outta his weathered jeans. Loved undressin' Jack leisurely with eyes 'n hands. Loved watchin' his own thumbs slide inside the waist of his jeans, slidin' down over them narrow hips while Jack moaned, smearin' wet kisses across his brow. Ennis moistened his lips as Jack kicked one foot then the other, freein' his legs. 

Ennis eased Jack down, down into the bed. Ennis followed. Felt like home, kneelin' between them strong thighs. Ennis gasped at the sight. His heart always unraveled gazin' on Jack spread before him in all his glory. _His man,_ he thought. Way his man looked at him now, was like Jack could see. Reckoned Jack seen inta Ennis in other ways like in a breath or in motion. His fingers were readin' Ennis right now like a book.

Ennis smoothed his own hands over Jack's hip bones, thumbs tracin' black fine hairs and kissin' the same trail. Took a long time ta believe that what they was doin' weren't wrong. Skin like clouds. Felt like heaven in them blue eyes. And Jack's chest heavin' was like storms of archangels, body was thinner, but still as beautiful as them who were pictured in art books Ennis used ta ponder over. 

Ennis blinked. Damn bedspread was distractin', but not near as distractin' as Jack's cock bobbin'-- a standin' invitation fer Ennis ta take him whole inta his mouth. Ennis obliged, right up to the root. Jack clutched at the bedspread as Ennis drew the length of him in and out. Loved how Jack yelped, then bucked his hips up ta meet him. Ennis didn't feel so unkindly toward the bedspread no more, grinnin' at how Jack was hangin' on ta that fer dear life.

"Gonna suck ya dry," Ennis mumbled with his mouth full. 

"Damn, Ennis. Moan," Jack asked. "Wanna feel ya moan. Wanna hear ya."

Hearin' Jack ask brought out the hunger in him. So Ennis, usually the quiet one durin' their couplin', let out what he was holdin' in, hopin' that the walls were thicker than they looked.

Jack coaxed him on, sayin', "Ennis, that so good" 'n "Ennis, yer mouth like fire." Made Ennis talk with his mouth full. "Tastes so good,"  was his last words before Jack went off, sayin', "Gonna shoot off the back a yer head."

After fingers 'n thumbs, some Jack's, some Ennis', circled on Jack's belly. Ennis took them same fingers and helped Jack draw a line over Jack's spent cock, under his balls. Touchin' light over the place Ennis wanted to be.

"Fuck me, Ennis."

Ennis started ta go for his knapsack, get something ta ease his way in, but Jack grabbed his arm, sayin', "Spit. Like we done on the mountain."

Ennis done what he asked. Brushed against Jack's openin', then pushed in, tight, so tight. Edged in gentle, heart hammerin' in his chest watchin' Jack take his own cock in his hand 'n teasin' himself as Ennis hit that spot. "Gonna ride ya slow," Ennis drawled. Jack let go, lettin' Ennis' sure hand take over. 

With one arm holdin' him up, his guts fluttered lookin' down at his other hand pumpin' Jack. Loved seein' his cock slide deep inside. Rode him smooth 'n steady, watchin' Jack's cock jerk in time. When Ennis hit that sweet spot, Jack told him. Wanted ta prolong this sweet paradise inta sweet agony. Wanted ta hear Jack moan. Tipped his face up ta see Jack lickin' off them perfect beads a sweat on that perfect upper lip a his. Ennis wanted a taste, too. Ennis strained fer more leverage. Gettin' old, Ennis thought. Used ta be able ta do this all night and on hard ground. Took his hand off Jack's weepin' cock. Put it next ta Jack's shoulder. Elbows locked, arms shook. He knew, no way he could keep this rollin' rhythm fer too much longer, but he wanted to just long enough to feel Jack clenchin' hard around him. Desire drove him. He couldn't hold off no more. Sparks shot up his spine, his arms gave, collapsin' heavy on Jack, shootin' like fireworks inside that fine ass a his.

Couldn't leave Jack hangin'. Two fists made one. Jack thrust hard inta them both, his toes quiverin', his body beggin' fer release. Jack came again, laughin' as he done it, makin' Ennis laugh too. Both of 'em got caught up in a fit, brayin' like asses. 

"Shit, that was hot as a whorehouse on nickel night," Jack hicupped, rollin' over.

Ennis slapped his ass. "Mind yer mouth, Twist."

"Rather mind yers, come here," he said between pokes.

Ennis leaned in. One mouth, then two, both breathin' life inta the other. When Jack rolled his tongue, Ennis felt his cock jump ta life. Damn that Jack Twist, King of Tease. 

Ennis knew if Jack kept doin' that he was gonna start somethin' all over again. 

Ennis drew away and kissed Jack's neck. This was perfect. 

"Missed ya so much," Ennis choked out. 

"Missed ya, too, especially yer ornery voice."

"Missed yer bitchin'."

Jack hugged Ennis' head inta his chest. 

"Used ta call ya 'n hang up, just ta hear that ornery voice," Jack fessed-up.

Ennis moved ta look into Jack's face.

"Jesus, Jack, thought that was you once, callin' from the great beyond. Thought I was goin' crazy."

"Weren't crazy. Was me alright."

"Shit. Shoulda known that heavy breathin' was you."

"Weren't no obscene phone call," Jack joked. "Just wanted ta hear yer voice. Needed ta hear ya."

"Damn you, Jack fuckin' Twist."  

Ennis scrunched into Jack closer, nestlin' his head under Jack's chin. Loved havin' Jack hold him tight. This was somethin' that always surprised Ennis-- how much he liked the holdin'. Never cared much fer doin' it with Alma, but Ennis loved sleepin' in Jack's arms. Somethin' about it always smoothed the pain of the day away. Felt more love times like these than any other in his life-- exceptin' when his girls would snuggle up ta him on the couch. Moments with Jack and his girls were gold ta Ennis. Hated ta let go a one second of it, but were times he had to. Like now.

"Should be callin' Benito," Ennis said finally, nuzzlin' Jack's neck, "check in ta see how he and the sister are." 

"Yeah, know yer right." Jack stretched his legs next ta him. "So nice bein' here like this."

"Sounds like yer feelin' better."

"Headache's gone. Feel stoned as hell, but happy. Nice ta have the world stop for a time. Got no troubles, no cares. Know we have plenty, and I'm not sayin' I don't want ta face 'em, just is nice ta forget for a few minutes."

"Was just thinkin' along them same lines, friend."

Ennis sat up 'n smiled down at Jack. Jack took his hand and brought it up to his cheek.

"Ennis?"

"Mm?"

"Not sure if that Donaldson saw through me. What you think? You saw his face."

"Hard tellin', but if he is any kind a detective, he has an inklin' that something's up. Don't seem ta me a man who'd do somethin' rash. Seems ta me the kinda man who'd watch 'n wait fer his chance. Take his time." 

"Was 'fraid a that. Fuck."

Ennis pulled Benito's number outta his worn wallet. Was fallin' apart. Knew he should get another, but didn't want ta part with it 'cause Junior give it to him. Made him smile every time he used it just thinkin' on how proud she was on that Father's day over eight years ago-- saved up babysitting money ta buy it. Wrapped it up all perdy. Kids were his world. Ennis understood how powerful worried Jack was. Bobby and Lureen weighed heavy on Ennis' mind as well. Jack loved 'em both so much. Didn't bother Ennis that he knew Jack still cared for Lureen. Was part of what made Jack, Jack. 

Had ta dial out to the hotel operator ta get an outside line. Made Ennis nervous. After this, he was gonna make sure he made all his calls from a pay phone. Didn't want no one listenin' in. Only took two rings fer Benito ta pick up. 

"Hey, Benito, this is Ennis."

Benito laughed. Knew Ennis hated talkin' on the phone more then talkin' in person.

"Yes, I trust you are well?"

"As well as kin be expected, considerin'."

"We had some unwelcome guests."

"That so?"

"They were not very polite when we asked them to leave."

"Shit, excuse me, but is everything okay?"

"We are fine. I cannot say as much for our guests, however."

"That's too bad. How many guests did ya have?"

"Two."

"That's two too many. Better tell me what went down."

"They were looking for Jack. Asked if he had stayed here. When we told them I had no such house guest, they became nasty and pulled out a gun. They said they knew he was with 'another man' but did not know who. They were very persistent and pointed the gun at me. Jorge became very angry."

"Jorge? Who's Jorge?"

"That is Sister Sarita's brother. He is such a nice man. Very good company. He enjoys fine wine, too."

"Mmm, I didn't call to talk about wine. What happened?"

"They both left after Jorge retrieved the gun from one gentleman and knocked the other gentleman's front tooth out. I'm so glad I have tile floors. It was much easier to clean up." 

Ennis had to chuckle. "Sounds like the sister was right about her brother. Woulda liked ta have seen that."

"I helped too. I kicked the bastard hard in the balls."

Ennis laughed outright.

"We called the authorities. We told them the two men broke in, and we suspected they were after narcotics."

"So yer really okay?"

"I don't have a scratch on me. Neither does Jorge."

"How's the sister?"

"She is well. She has not heard from the men again."

"Well I reckon they'll know where we are now. Seems the local detective, name a Donaldson, was one of them in on the whole deal with LD. Now they're tryin' ta pin Lureen with insurance fraud 'cause they claimed she knew all along Jack weren't dead."

"Not surprising," Benito paused. "Ah, yes. I have Lureen's phone number. She called just a few hours ago, wanting to know how Jack was. How is Jack?" 

"Doin' fine," Ennis felt his face flush. "Thanks, ah, let me git somethin' ta write with," Ennis rummaged through the desk and found a Best Western pen and with a half mangled pad of paper. "Ready."

"She can be reached for the next few days at 480-555-6709."

"Thanks, doc. Don't know how we'll ever pay ya back fer all you done."

"Take care of yourself and Jack. That is all the thanks I want."

"And I wanna thank ya fer the money ya give ta Jack."

"Call that insurance. You will be indebted to me-- that way I know you will come visit me again."

Ennis smiled, lookin' over at Jack, who sat on the edge of the bed listenin'.

"We'd come back no matter what, doc."

"How's Nina?"

"She's a great dog. You were right about her-- she's a hell of a help. Almost human."

"Good to hear. Hug her for me."

"Thanks fer everythin'."

"I'll let ya go now. Goodbye, Ennis."

"Goodbye, Benito."

Ennis set the phone back in the cradle. Jack was lookin' at him expectantly.

"Afraid they paid 'em a visit. Good new is, we can identify one of 'em. Seems one is missin' a tooth."

Jack listened as Ennis told him what happened. 

"We'll call Lureen later," Ennis finished. "Think we both could use a nap first." Jack nodded, and Nina jumped on the bed.

Ennis shucked off his shirt, but before he got into bed he reached into his knapsack. Ennis loaded the .45 and set it on the table next to the bed.

\-------------

 

Chapter 21

 

"Hey, Ennis? Could you come in here a second?"

Ennis' steps echoed off the bathroom tile, and Jack raised his head toward him. Jack's mouth ticked up at the corner as he fastened the last button on his old Levi's. 

"What color is my piss?" Jack leaned against the double sinks, puttin' himself between the countertop and the toilet.

He could almost hear Ennis' frown-- could see in his mind's eye them lips pursin' into thin lines and his eyes narrowin' like blinds. "What the hell?" Ennis asked. "Why you askin' me what the color of yer piss is?" Jack was fuckin' right. Way Ennis' voice got tight when he said "piss" was the clincher. 

Jack shuffled his feet as Ennis stepped closer, body pressed next to him. "Mama always said if yer eatin' 'n drinkin' right yer piss should be almost clear," Jack explained, "and since I can't see no more I reckon it's up ta you ta check if my piss is healthy."

Heard a sigh. Knew Ennis was lookin' down. "It's yellow. Yer piss is yellow."

"Yellow how? Dark er light?"

"Light. _Shit._ "  Words cut like shears. Ennis was fixin' ta get riled. "What difference does it make? Don't know what yer mamma told ya but seems ta me if a body was meant ta see the color of their piss we woulda been created with a pee hole in the middle of our foreheads."

Over the last days Jack realized, Ennis was talkin' one hell of a lot more than he ever used to. Jack concluded that it was the up side of bein' blind-- Ennis felt the need to say more. If Ennis knew how much Jack understood all Ennis' frowns or grunts, Ennis might think twice about speakin' so much. Jack decided that was one parcel of information he planned on keepin' to himself for as long as possible.  

"Ain't we funny this morning,"  Jack smirked-- knew way he was goin' on was like pokin' a rattler with a stick. Couldn't help it. "Light yella piss, guess that means I'm healthy. Course ya could taste it for me, make sure it's right."

"You better be fuckin' with me."

Jack laughed.

"Shit, ya had me goin'. Yer healthy alright. Come here. I'll make sure you're good n' healthy."

"Is that anything like Good 'n Plenty, 'cause I like Good 'n Plenty."

"I'll give ya good 'n plenty too." 

"Mmm. Ya come here, cowboy. Show me what ya got. Good 'n plenty, good 'n plenty." 

Jack reckoned Ennis knew the way to shut up his fool mouth. Ennis took the hint. He grabbed the back of Jack's head and covered his lips. 

"Good 'n-- gawd, tastes plenty good," Jack slurred. "Know what would taste better--"

Unzipped Ennis' fly, felt that cock plumpin' up expectant-like under his hand. Jack's legs were hummin' with the jitters.  

"Other ways to test. How 'bout I return the favor, friend?"

Jack went down on his knees, liked that position with Ennis hard and willin' in his face. Knees on the tiles felt nice. Cool. Smelled like bleach.

"Nice 'n clean."

"Even if the decorator was color- blind, the maid service is mighty fine. Real clean tiles," Ennis chided. 

Took Ennis in his mouth. Loved hearin' Ennis call out, "Sh- _itttt._ " Way Ennis was ramblin', Jack wondered if Ennis was Ennis not some man posin' as him. Jack held his hips ta steady him; Ennis' legs were barely holdin' on, rickety like a newborn colt's. 

Sure tasted like his Ennis.

Jack worked Ennis over. Licked and sucked. Taste and smell. Salt and musk. Made Jack dizzy. Ennis leaned back into the sink for support, and Jack followed, mouth goin' down to the root. Nose tickled from them curls. Jack came up for a breath, then he let Ennis fuck his mouth. Was so good, Ennis holdin' on the back of his head with them thick fingers clenchin' his hair. Ennis' cock poked the roof of Jack's mouth, then his tonsils. Every time Ennis pulled away, Jack swirled his tongue, tastin' him.

Made Ennis come, beggin' for it. By then, Jack was so hard, cock ached inside them jeans. Wanted Ennis, but wanted feelin' Ennis more. Nothin' better than a spent Ennis del Mar next ta him, holdin' him close. Could roll the man clear ta Kansas, and his bones would still be noodles floppin' for another good 500 miles. 

"Let's git to the bed," Jack suggested. Barely could stand. Got his bearings, then pulled Ennis into the other room, countin' steps. Bed was at eleven instead of twelve as he recollected, makin' Jack trip into bed. Jack figured it was the Ennis distraction, rubbin' his cock raw through his jeans. Ended up on his back with Ennis on top of him, floppy and loose. Fer bein' relaxed, his hands worked expert-like, one on Jack's fly, the other on his shirt buttons. Felt them wet lips of Ennis' makin' a trail down. 

That was when Jack jumped and sat up.

"Hear that?" Jack asked.

"What?" Ennis started. "What's wrong?"

Jack moved his mouth tight ta Ennis' right ear. Felt the hairs stand up on his arms.

"A rattlin' behind us--" Jack whispered, "like someone's messin' with the window." 

Ennis moved low and slow off the bed, huntin' silent like a cat, mattress barely moved. A light scrap of metal on wood was all Jack heard-- Jack's heart lurched, knowin' Ennis had lifted the .45 off the table. Window rattled again. Jack held his breath. Nina's nails pulled the carpet as she followed Ennis. This was hell. Not knowin'. 

Shit, he hated this-- feelin' helpless like some kid. Everything in him wanted ta get up. Knew he'd just get in the way. Instead, he listened carefully, watchin' out, makin' sure. Had to keep them safe. Heard Ennis movin' along the wall to his left. Then--

_Br-ring, r-ring._

Fuck! The phone. Then Nina barked. Jack jumped. 

_Br-ring, r-ring._

Jack hesitated, hand itchin' above the receiver. Should he pick it up? _Fuck this_ , he thought as he snatched it up. 

"Hello?" Jack said, hand cupped over the mouth piece. 

A man's voice barked back, "This is the front desk." 

"Yes?" Jack answered, voice hushed. Heard Ennis tellin' Nina ta be quiet. Heard the window rattlin'. Then a tap, tap, tap.

Nina barked again. 

"It's a scrub jay," Ennis said.

"A what?" Jack asked.

Voice on other end of the line became agitated: "This is the front desk."

"Just a moment," Jack spoke into the phone.

"A jay, a bird," Ennis explained. "Who is it?"

Jack palmed the mouthpiece, "It's the front desk."  Took his hand off. Scratched his forehead. "I'm back."  

Male's voice cleared his throat. "You have a message at the front desk. Please come by to pick it up at your convenience."

"Um, okay. Thanks," Jack said, coughin'. "Um, bye."

"Goodbye, Mr. Twist."

Jack set the receiver back into the cradle quietly. "We got a message at the front desk."

"Message? How? No one knows we're here."

"Yeah, I know. And the man just called me Mr. Twist, like I was some long- lost cousin er somethin'. Someone's been watchin' us, and it ain't been no scrubby jay."

"That's scrub jay, Jack."

"Don't care what it's called. How you know birds anyway?"

"How you _not_ know birds?"

"Why we arguing about birds?"

"Don't know. Why we ever argue? It's fun." Jack laughed.

"Fun for you maybe."

"Prob'ly should go get that message."

"Prob'ly."

"Then we can get back ta what we were doin' before."

Heard Ennis put the .45 back on the table next to him. 

"Be right back," Ennis said.

"Ain't goin' no where."

Jack listened for Ennis to shut the door, then patted the quilt, coaxin' Nina up next to him. Didn't take but a few swats before the bed bounced with her weight. She nudged Jack with her wet doggy nose, then washed his face with her rough doggy tongue. Brought belly laughs from Jack. Needed that. 

"Should a known it was only some scrubby jay," Jack said, rubbin' her ears as she licked him. "You woulda been doin' more than just barkin' if it was someone comin' ta do harm, right, girl?" She yipped like she was answerin'.  Jack flopped back on the bed, and Nina slid in next to him, restin' her head on his chest. "That did have me scared though," Jack admitted to Nina. "Thought the bad guys were comin'." Jack hated thinkin' it, but his bein' blind put Ennis at a huge risk. He knew Ennis'd do anything to protect him. It made him afraid for Ennis. And for himself.

"I'm hungry. What about you, girl?"

Her tail thumped three times. 

"Guess that means yes. Soon as Ennis gits back here we'll eat. Guess gettin' food outweighs gettin' laid."

Nina sighed after Jack did. 

He rubbed her belly. She was good for him. The doc had been right on that. She helped him, calmed him, made him more confident. When that bird rattled the window, Jack wasn't rattled. 

His stomach complained, followed by Nina's. 

"Come on, Ennis." And what the hell was takin' Ennis so long anyhow? Jack was hungry, and a drink would be mighty fine. Not enough to get shit- faced-- just enough to take the edge off. Enough for Ennis ta take him and make him come screamin' like a French whore.

Thinkin'. Jack did a heap more thinkin' than talkin' anymore. He didn't have ta close his eyes to drift off. When he first lost his sight, Jack hated them moments, all alone, no one 'round. Later, in that old shack, it was all the same-- days, nights. Dreams came to him like rain. He saw it all: Ennis and him on Brokeback, sunsets, Bobby's smiles. All that he missed. He still fuckin' hated it, but now he felt day as day and night as night, and life was no longer somethin' he had to stand. 

Nina jumped outta bed and went to the door. Jack sat up. Door opened.

_Ennis._

"How ya doin', girl?" Ennis said. Jack wiggled his foot waitin' for his word from Ennis. 

Ennis came to the foot of the bed-- he knew Jack was waitin'. Cleared his throat. "Note from Donaldson at the desk."

"What'd it say?"

"He's makin' us come back in today."

Jack frowned and bit his lip. "Not without a warrant he ain't."

"Don't know as ignorin' it would be smart."

"Ain't ignorin' it-- just call the bastard and tell him unless he's gonna file charges, we ain't comin' when he calls."

"Think the note was more ta let us know he's watchin'."

"Fucker," Jack swore. "Prob'ly right."

"Know one thing fer sure, ain't callin' nobody from this phone. That man at the desk was all nervous. Pretty sure he's in Donaldson's pocket."

"Explains knowin' my name." 

Jack's leg bounced nervously. Ennis rested his hand on his thigh, givin' it a squeeze. First Jack thought, Ennis was stillin' his leg, then his fingers inched higher. 

Jack decided his stomach could wait.

\-----------------------

Ennis shifted his left arm from behind his head. Jack was still restless, legs and arms workin'. Ennis closed his eyes and pulled Jack in with his right arm like a fish on a line. Jack dipped them scratchy whiskers a his inta Ennis' neck. Felt good ta Ennis. Was nice bein' spent. Knew it was only a matter a time before Jack'd say-- 

"I'm starved." 

Ennis rubbed his eyes with his left hand. "I reckon you should get somethin' more fillin'."

Jack barked out a laugh. This one came straight from his belly. Ennis loved it. 

"Reckon yer hungry, the bottomless pit that you are."

"Nina needs breakfast too," Jack mumbled, rubbin' his chin against Ennis' ear. "She's been mighty patient." 

A tail's thump, thump, thump agreed.

"Guess I'll git up and feed her, then we can see what this town has to offer for food." Ennis threw his legs over the side of the bed. Nina bounced to his side, tail dancin' in two-four time.

"Need ta call Lureen, check up on her and Bobby."

"Need ta call the girls, too," Ennis added.

\--------------------

Ennis kept the window of their hotel room in sight. He'd moved the truck so's he could see it proper from their room. He tipped his hat back to look up at the window again.

Ennis knelt down in the bed of the truck and used Nina's bowl to scoop out her breakfast. Another look up and he could see her watchin' him, pokin' her nose between the curtains. He hurried, legs takin' the full bowl and his sorry self through the main door and in through the lobby. The same man was behind the desk. He watched Ennis, tryin' not ta look like he was. He weren't no good at it. Them hooded eyes givin' him away. Up, down, up, down from his books ta Ennis. Ennis barely acknowledged him, and turned down the hallway. Half way to the room, he could hear Nina's paws scratchin' the door and her familiar " feed me" whine. He opened the door to Nina and Jack: she was jumpin' up and down, and Jack was janglin' the change in his front pocket of his Levi's. 

 He set the bowl on the floor. Nina wolfed it down, only takin' laps of water after she'd come to the bottom of the bowl.

"Best be goin' soon as she's finished. Take a quick walk with Nina, then find us some breakfast."

Jack sat on the bed, pullin' on his boots. 

"Eggs and bacon sound good."

They left three minutes later. Ennis made sure he tucked the .45 in the back of his jeans before walkin' out the door.

\----------------------

Ennis threw the rest of his hash browns and Egg McMuffin in the trashcan. Always gave him a gut ache eatin' there, but they didn't have ta git out of the truck. Although McDonald's breakfast wasn't what Jack'd had in mind, Jack said it was better than eatin' beans. Jack was always compromisin'. The park was a compromise, too. Ennis didn't want ta be eatin' in some place too public, and Jack grumbled, statin', "You still worryin' about what people think?"

Ennis didn't say it, but he did. The park was quiet. A few people walked dogs, some people jogged by, a few suits drank coffee. Birds sang, wind whipped. He was happy ta eat in the park. They'd both sat down on the bench, feelin' easy comfort between em. That comfort became something Ennis lived for now. 

Ennis stared at his boots, thinkin' 'bout his girls. Had been nice talkin' ta Junior. She sounded happy. Said Kurt was treatin' her right. They was movin' again. "Nicer place," Junior said. "Room fer kids ta play." Called Jenny next. Alma talked ta him fer a few moments, fishin' fer information that Ennis couldn't give. She gave up, then told him that he wasn't gonna be able to reach them for a week. Said they were fixin' to go on a vacation. After that, she put an excited Jenny on the phone who told him that Monroe come home one day last week and told the family ta pack: They was headin' on a real family vacation. Jenny tried her best ta downplay it, but no mistakin' that high- pitched squeal in her voice, goin' to Disneyland had her excited and was somethin' Ennis coulda never given them. Ennis had looked out at Jack from the phone booth at that moment. Was a lot Ennis was powerful sorry about, but bein' sorry never changed a body. Best to accept, move on. Told Jenny he loved her. Told her twice. Something Ennis never would have done two years ago. Anymore, Ennis sipped days like fine wine.

Now Ennis watched Jack from the bench. Jack leaned against the side of the phone booth. Ennis could see that easy smile on his face. It was Jack's turn. Ennis had helped Jack dial, then stepped away ta give him some privacy. Same thing Jack had done for him. Nina sat at Jack's feet, keepin' him company. 

Ennis struck the match on his zipper and lit up a smoke, watchin' Jack. Had ta admit, this was more entertainin' than television, watchin' him talk ta Lureen and Bobby. Nina scootin' around, avoidin' Jack's legs. Ennis chuckled at the sight of them both crammed into the phone booth. Way Jack's arm thrashed around and boot kicked the booth reminded Ennis of some warrior. Next his hand was flush to the booth window. Jack's face, serious. Was sayin' goodbye. He hung up the phone in slow motion, and Ennis got up just as slow.

They met each other halfway between. 

"Reckon we should give Nina here a walk, then head back," Jack said.

"Reckon so."

"Lureen give us the number for a good lawyer."

Ennis didn't know there was such a thing.

"She already called him. He's expectin' us."

Nina growled.

"What's the matter, girl?" Jack asked.

Ennis turned ta where Nina's attention was-- a man sat on the bench where they'd eaten. He was readin' the paper, smoke curlin' up from his cigarette. He crossed his legs and shook the paper.

As Jack knelt down ta snap the leash on, the man snapped the paper down. He looked over the top, turned his head to them and grinned.

He was missing a front tooth.

 

 


	7. Chapters 22-23

Chapter 22

 

At first Jack thought it was them damn pigeons. Jack jerked forward, keepin' a tight hold on Nina's collar. She tugged and tugged again. Jack shook his head-- Nina loved flushin' them pigeons. It'd been a game earlier, pullin' Jack along, scarin' 'em up, but not this time. Jack didn't hear wings flappin', nothin'. Then he heard a rumble of warnin' in the back a her throat. Jack knew somethin' bad was comin'. He knelt down at her feet and rested his hand at her back and felt the hairs standin' stiff. Realized them tiny hairs on the nape of his own neck were bristlin' like hers. She rumbled and growled, bein' protective, puttin' Jack on high alert. He snapped her leash on quick.

He got quiet, listened careful. Heard someone to the left, and the crunch of Ennis' boots movin' to the right.

He could smell the grass. Sweet. Felt sweat roll down his forehead, burnin' unseein' eyes.

"Ennis?" Jack flinched.

He jumped when he heard Ennis speak. Loud. Hard. "Wipe that fuckin' grin off your face, or I'll knock the rest of them teeth outta yer mouth."

It was one them men who came lookin' for them at the doc's-- the one who fucked with the wrong man. Shit.

Everything slowed. Nina rearin' against him, Ennis movin' closer. Jack heard paper rustlin', gravel crunchin' under boot heels-- reckoned the man was standin' up. Jack's hands were reachin'. Even the words comin' outta himself were slow and pitful. "Ennis, don't," Jack said, strokin' Nina's back. Felt Ennis brush by and step in front of him, puttin' his body between Jack and the man. Nina stuck ta Jack's side, snappin' her teeth.

"He's still damn pretty-- even after that beatin'," the man laughed. Jack bit his lip, that voice-- he'd heard it before. It didn't fit. It was high, nasally. Nothin' like what Jack'd ever heard before-- except. It all came floodin' back like tide water.

"Shut that mouth, or I'll shut it permanent," Ennis growled back. Jack felt dizzy and got shivers as Ennis brushed his arm ta reach behind. Knew what Ennis was goin' for.

"Ennis, no--" Then, just as fast, Ennis whipped his arm back.

"What's the matter?" came that voice, tauntin'. "Afraid I'm gonna hurt your woman?"

That was about all Jack could take. "Woman?! Fuck you--" Jack hissed. "I have a dick, and I guarantee it's a hell of a lot bigger than yours." Regretted bein' sucked in the moment them words left his lips, 'cause it put iron in Ennis. The asshole directed his next jab right at Ennis.

"I bet he moans like a cheap buckle bunny when you're givin' it to him up the ass."

Was all Jack could do ta hold Ennis-- grabbed his arms as he lurched forward, pullin' Ennis into his chest. Held him close, while the man continued to make crude remarks. The fellow was beggin' for Ennis to go after him. Only one reason that Jack could figure why a fuckin' lone coward like him would be tauntin' them.

"Ennis, don't do nothin'," Jack said under his breath. "Don't. I'd bet our last dollar that he's not only a cop, but that he's not alone. Let's get back to the truck-- last thing I want is ta have you end up in some jail cell-- all kinds a bad could happen to ya there."

Ennis' body relaxed, shoulders loosened, back slid against Jack's chest. Still, Jack felt Ennis' head inch around, not wantin' to let the man out of his sight.

"He ain't goin' nowhere," Jack said. "I'm sure he's gonna be followin' us."

"Don't like this none, but you're right, best be gettin' back to the truck and findin' that fancy lawyer."

Amazed Jack every time how Nina seemed to know what they was sayin'. He half chuckled as she started leadin' 'em both straight to the parking lot.

A wolf whistle followed after them along with the man's parting words, "I'll be watchin' that ass real close."

As they got outta earshot, Jack let himself lose it. All that gut-wrenchin' fear settled on him along with hordes of what ifs. "Ennis, ya can't be pickin' fights like that."

"Can't let them think that we're some kind a stupid bumpkins," Ennis said.

"Why not? Seems ta me, that might not be so bad fer them ta think--" Jack said as Ennis opened the door to the truck. Nina jumped in after Jack, curlin' up at his feet. "Let 'em underestimate us--" Jack continued. Ennis slammed the door like it was the final word. _Hell if it is,_ Jack thought.

Jack sat 'n fumed on the way ta the lawyer. Kept thinkin' on what happened back there. Kept thinkin' about that man. Didn't help that Ennis had ta stop the truck four times so's he could figure out where in Sam Hill they was. Jack made himself small in the seat-- couldn't be no help back there, couldn't be no help now reading a map. Finally found the place, with no help from Jack. Was useless as tits on a bull back at the park, too. By the time they parked in front of the law office, Jack was one ornery cuss of a cowpoke with spurs all shiny, sharp and ready.

"Ya don't have ta open the door fer me like I'm some invalid," Jack snapped. "Can open the truck door my own dad-gum self." Even as Jack spoke ta Ennis, he felt like some old codger, bitchin' at his grandchild. Still, couldn't seem ta stop his mouth even as his boots met uneven concrete, and Nina tugged gentle on the leash to the doors. Ennis steadied him with one arm.

"Fuckin' treatin' me like a woman. I ain't no fuckin' girl."

Instead of listenin' to anything Ennis might have ta add ta that, Jack flung himself forward. Nina took hold of the side of Jack's jeans between her teeth, pullin'. Jack ignored her, that little bit a spite inside him like a horned devil on his shoulder tellin' him he didn't need Nina-- he shouldn't need no dog ta help him.

"Jack, we're out in public-- there's people and little ones listenin' ta ya."

"Christ, can't even cuss proper."

"Ain't no such thing as cussin' proper."

"Hell there ain't--" Jack caught the door with his face. "Shit!"

"You okay?" Ennis asked, puttin' his hand on Jack's shoulder. Jack's hand went to his nose. Not bleedin', hurt like a bitch, but not serious. Jack shook his head no. "Sorry, Jack, but ya said ya didn't want me openin' doors for ya." The room echoed his words, and Jack coulda swore Ennis snickered after.

Room was big, tile floors, central air hummed with mixed words and footfalls. Sound bounced hollow around the lobby.

"Christ, Ennis, I meant doors I know about-- " Jack said, rubbin' his nose. "Ya did that on purpose." Jack gave Nina a pat on the head-- at least she _tried_ ta tell him.

Jack waited for Ennis ta answer, instead he heard a pair of heels clickin' their way.

A husky female voice greeted them, "Good afternoon." Jack straightened his back, rubbin' his nose one last time. "You two must be Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar."

"Got that right, ma'am," Ennis drawled.

"Why don't you two follow me back to my office, and we'll have us a chat," she said.

"Your office?" Ennis said, clearin' his throat.

"Yes, I'm Karen Redfield, attorney at law."

"Please ta meet ya," Jack said, holdin' out his hand.

"I don't usually meet clients, but Lureen called." She had a nice firm grip. Good as any man's. Now was his turn ta laugh at Ennis. Heard the surprise in his voice that this here lawyer was a woman. Jack had assumed the lawyer would be a man too, but knowin' Lureen, a woman lawyer made all the sense in the world.

\-------------------

Jack liked her from the first. She was right easy to talk to, and he told her all he knew with Ennis addin' his two or three words. Seems Lureen had already filled her in plenty, but she needed ta hear it again from Jack. He didn' mind tellin' her. She was understandin'. Made him repeat even the smallest detail. He liked the sound of her voice. Tough. Sure. And what she said was to the point. She had horse sense.

Room wasn't hollow like the lobby. Carpeted. Made the room quiet. Almost homey-- even down to the chairs. Leather, just like Lureen was into. Jack never cared for 'em much. Didn't like the feel. They was comfortable but leather stuck ta yer skin.

"Who's your friend?" she asked.

"This here is Nina."

"Why hello, Nina."

Jack heard her tail thumpin' hello against the leather chair. That was all it took for Jack to lean back into the cushions and let go of the story to her. Felt good. Relivin' it was agony but this was different. Was like a relief to tell. Knew it was painin' Ennis some though by the way he moved in his chair, especially when Jack was tellin' her how they done him when they had him on the ground at the side of the highway-- Ennis moved like he had ants in his pants. Chair farted with every move. Right embarrassin'. Could tell Miss Redfield knew Ennis was havin' a time too. Could hear her voice movin' from him ta Ennis. Could even see her nod in his mind's eye. When Jack told Miss Redfield about the man in the park, Jack knew he shoulda been forthcomin' with Ennis about recognizin' that man before they'd sat down in the office. Ennis got all kinds a agitated. Didn't say nothing though. Just took it inside himself.

"Could you identify him by voice in a line-up?" she asked.

Jack laughed. "Didn't know they did that."

"It's been done. It's admissible. Could you?"

Jack knew the voice, and knew it was one of his assailants. "Yes. No problem."

"Think Donaldson's behind this," Ennis stated.

She cleared her throat. "What makes you think that?"

Ennis told her about the police station.

"There's no real connection unless Jack could identify Donaldson's voice. Jack?"

"Ain't his voice. Never heard him speak that night-- it's the way he walks. He was wearin' shoes not boots."

"What made the way he walks distinctive?"

"He shuffles 'em. Knew it right away."

"Did you get a look at his face? Could you describe it for an artist?"

"No, was too dark. Can tell ya his body type. Lights were behind him so was like a silhouette."

Jack heard a pen clickin'. She was thinkin'.

"I believe you're sure. I don't doubt you're right, but we need more."

She began explainin' the legalities of the situation. She alluded to having dealin's with Donaldson's corruption in the past, but said she wasn't free ta explain, attorney/client privilege. Ennis asked a couple questions, mostly about Jack's safety and ta do with if Donaldson pulled 'em in for questionin'. All the while Jack tried concentrating. Instead he found himself thinkin' about what an ass he'd been to Ennis earlier and how he had ta make that up to him later. Caught himself smilin' thinkin' on ways he could do that.

Seems Miss Redfield noticed Jack's inattention. "I didn't know that was funny, Mr. Twist," she said. "I told Mr. Del Mar that I think he should have a permit for that gun."

"Ah, what?" Jack sat up. Felt like he was caught doodlin' in class by the teacher. "Oh. Ah, yeah, that's probably a good idea."

"Probably?" Ennis repeated.

"Or dispose of it."

"I think I should be keepin' it."

"Get a permit to carry. Only takes a few days. I'll do it for you."

"Thanks."

"We should hire a private investigator-- I have one in mind."

"Ain't that expensive?" Ennis asked.

"Don't worry. Lureen and I go way back," she said. "I owe her-- and she said she'd cover any exorbitant costs."

Jack sat back in the leather chair. Knew he should be feelin' thankful but didn't at the moment. Felt resentful again.

"I'll also dig into Mr. Donaldson's bank account and other finances," she added. "If he got some kind of pay off, I'll find where he hid it-- if he even bothered."

Ennis stood, shook her hand. Jack did the same.

"Thanks for everything," Jack said.

"When I get Donaldson, it'll be thanks enough."

\--------------------

Ennis set the .45 on the night stand and flopped down on the bed. Knew Jack'd been feelin' low since that whole run-in at the park. Worried Ennis.

"So glad you plan on gettin' a permit as long as you intend ta keep packin' that like yer Roy Rogers."

Ennis frowned, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers and watchin' Jack through lowered lids.

"Why didn't ya tell me?" Ennis asked.

"Was mad. Knew I shoulda told you I knew toothless was one of the men who almost done me in but shit, Ennis. Knew you'd a turned around that truck and gone off ta kill the son of a bitch. Reckon that's another reason why maybe that .45 ain't such a good idea."

Ennis'd been just as certain as Jack at the park that the man sittin' on the bench was one of the men who took the light outta his friend's eyes by the way the man was talkin'. Knew Jack had a point about totin' the gun. Was all Ennis could do not ta draw out that .45 and put a bullet between that man's eyes. Only thing that held him back was Jack standin' next ta him. Ennis knew Jack's concern was dead on.

And Ennis sure didn't blame Jack one speck fer bein' ornery. Over the years Ennis had been a heck of a lot more ornery fer less call than Jack had now. Know'd it had ta be hard fer Jack ta stand there, wonderin' what was happenin' around him-- then later at the lawyers', shit. Ennis was kickin' himself fer lettin' him run inta that door.

"I can just see one of Donaldson's puppets gettin' you fer somethin' petty like that," Jack continued.

"Still, less I get one that's legal, don't see how--"

"I know, Ennis. Hell, just thinkin' aloud is all. Didn't quite get that part about goin' after Donaldson for tax evasion--"

"Where were you? Usually you're a silver tongued bandit 'round women."

"Was still thinkin' on what happened at the park. Thinkin' about how all this ain't fair ta you. I hate this is all. Lureen and Bobby in trouble, too. Then this man, sittin' right near us at the park, watchin' and not givin' a shit if we know because he's got the upper hand. Knows it's only you, 'cause you gotta watch out fer me so's your hands are tied-- I ain't no help-- hindrance is what I am."

"Hell, that ain't true at all. You kept yer head, got me outta there. Would a done somethin' stupid without you there." Ennis had restrained himself fer Jack-- but it weren't because Jack was a burden, holdin' him down, Jack was holdin' him up.

"Christ, Ennis. You wouldn't a had to worry about it if I could see. I thank God every day that you come and got me outta that stinkin' shack, but sometimes I wonder if you'd a been better off just leavin' me there-- if you'd a just quit me."

"Jack, I can't quit ya. I don't want ta. I never shoulda said them words ta ya. I reckon even after I stop breathin' I still won't quit ya."

Ennis rolled over and done the one thing he knew Jack would understand best, hugged him tight. Loved the feel of that man in his arms. After he looked into them eyes he loved so much. Looked at 'em with Jack's head restin' on the pillow, lashes longer than a man had a right ta have. Kissed them little bity freckles on his forehead-- ones no one could see 'cept when they looked damn close. He had every inch of this man memorized-- knew because he used ta spent years 'n year livin' off them recollections.

"I just don't know what ta do," Jack said as he nudged his nose under Ennis' chin. "Fuck, I feel so lost sometimes. Hate just standin' there. Up 'til recent, alls I've done is existed. This is hard, Ennis. Sometimes I think it'd would be better just to crawl back into that hut I was in and forget the world."

Ennis was silent. Tongue glued in place. Just held him, restin' his lips on Jack's forehead, listenin'.

"Not sayin' I don't want ya here with me," Jack sighed. "God knows I prayed fer you to come and get me outta that place. I'm just sayin' that I feel like you and Bobby and Lureen would be better off if I would a been dead. Feel selfish sometimes, wantin' you close like this. Like I don't deserve it."

Ennis rocked them back and forth, the bed squeakin' with the motion, all the while Ennis searchin' for the right way ta say what he needed. Get that tongue unglued. Had to be right. Had to make Jack understand. "Jack," he began, head spinnin' with emotions he never could get a handle on,"know this shouldn't be hard fer me ta say, but it's the way I am. Always been that way. I love you. When I thought you was gone a part a me just didn't want ta go on. Day I found out you was alive was like the day I was reborn. Don't ever want to hear you talkin' this way again. My life ain't no life without you."

"With words that sweet, yer gonna make me cry."

"Shit, makin' myself cry."

"I get you, friend. Just don't go lettin' me walk inta doors ever again."

"I swear, Jack. I never will."

"Swear? Hmm. How do I know? What you gonna swear on?"

Ennis let go of Jack and got up off the bed and untied his duffel bag. "How 'bout I show ya," he said.

Ennis pulled out the old t-shirt Jack was wearin' that day he walked into that hovel in Rio Del Norte. Bit the bottom of the dingy thing with his teeth then tore it up the back right to the neck.

"That's not my shirt yer rippin', is it?"

Ennis ripped it again. Nice long strip parallel to the first. Spat bits of cotton outta his mouth when done.

"Yep."

Started foldin' it.

"That was still a good shirt!"

"How you know? Ya can't see it. All stained and nasty."

"What in tarnation do ya think yer doin' with it?"

"Makin' a blindfold."

\-------------------

 

Chapter 23

 

Ennis sat up, his leg beneath him. He saw nothing. The blindfold was snug-- no light seeped beneath. He wondered was this what's it's like fer Jack? Was this his world? Did he see the same patterns and shapes before his eyes or was it black like night ta him? Ennis felt compelled ta ask, but shook it off-- now wasn't the time for askin' such questions. Later he would. Now he needed ta use them other senses.

Ennis ignored the swirlin' geometric shapes. Instead he listened. He felt. He concentrated, scrutinized. He heard a semi roar down Highway 287, felt its rumble, its vibration through the walls, the floor, the bed he was on. In the hallway, he heard a child's muffled cry, felt the wet slap of a ball on the floor.

He heard Nina as she lumbered to the door, nails stretchin' carpet threads as she circled. Heard her flop down and sigh. Heard, and yes, felt, the electric hum of the alarm clock next to their bed.

Ennis heard the springs beneath the mattress groan as he inched himself closer to Jack, and felt the memory of his own body's impression forgotten behind him. He heard Jack's shameless body rub against the sheets, that always impatient body, always cravin' to be held, to be smothered. That impatience echoed in the way Jack licked his lips, the way his breath'd hiss between his teeth. Was like every pore soaked Jack in, every sense inhaled Jack's sweet warmth under him.

Ennis bowed down, lettin' the old attraction pull them together. Like a magnet, that's what Jack was. He longed fer this so many nights. Those were dark nights. Dark for his soul. Now, he had that closeness he longed for; this darkness was welcome. Ennis knew he could never know what this was really like fer Jack, but this-- was special. Sensual. Like the senses. Ennis let his own lips feel. He kissed thick brows, the nose he knew so well. He let himself taste the salty-sweet sweat at the corner of Jack's mouth. His tongue traced over the small mole-- rememberin' all them times he used to tease Jack about his "beauty mark." Ennis tickled it now. Felt them lips curl.

At last them lips.

That was when Jack pulled him down.

Was then Ennis let himself use his hands-- was then that he could feel Jack's hands on him.

"Jack," he whispered.

Jack's hands answered, movin' down Ennis' back, workin' lower, cuppin' the curve of his ass. Ennis held his breath. His own hands lighted on Jack's face first. Jack tickled his palms with them long lashes flutterin' atop flickerin' eyelids. Imagined blue. Wondered what it was like not ta remember color-- not ta see color no more. Did Jack still see it in his dreams? What did a body think of instead a blue? Did a body feel color like hot 'n cold?

Ennis let his fingers roam, let 'em comb Jack's hair. Soft and silky fine between his fingers. Warm. He felt the scar, a raised ridge, on the back of his head, caressed it.

Jack arched his neck ta get his face nearer, arched his back to press his need.

Ennis pressed back.

Then went for the lips. Jack's first breath blew cool against his face, then hot like flame. Ennis shivered. He cupped Jack's face in his hands. Jack laughed as his hand touched the knot of blindfold at the back of Ennis' head.

"Tight?" Jack murmured.

Ennis' throat, dry with passion, croaked, "Yeah."

Ennis moved his hands lower, splayed his fingers over the ripples in Jack's chest, feelin' the rise and fall. Scars there too. Marks. Some beautiful. Some cruel. All Jack. Ennis knew now, marks ain't only for seein'; they go deeper than skin. They was life.

Moved his elbow, proppin' himself up. Then right hand reached lower, touchin' the part of Jack he loved that stood proud.

Jack's fingers whispered against Ennis' cheek as Ennis took hold. His own breath rippled, then hushed as Jack's fingers ghosted lower. Jack tickled his chest and moved his hand lower, then lower. Ennis slipped his left hand lower like an answer while his rough fingers on his right worked Jack's cock. Ennis bathed in the stillness of Jack's body. He waited for Ennis. Just a stutter in Jack's breath. There was no one word for this. Felt like warm water swirlin'. Felt Jack's pulse quicken under his fingertips.

"Turn over," Ennis whispered. Jack obliged, trappin' his impossibly rock-hard bulge against the impossibly feather-soft mattress while Ennis slid his length slow, between the cheeks of Jack's backside until he moaned for Ennis.

He pulled Jack to his hands and knees.

Ennis let his fingers define Jack's body: the curve of his back, the soft hairs on that perfect ass, the hard muscles of his thighs. The man's body was as beautiful to the touch as to his eyes. He let one hand wander between Jack's legs, move up, knuckles brushin' the pucker of his ass.

"Christ, Ennis," Jack moaned, "fuck me."

Ennis fumbled for the pillow. The lube was somewhere underneath it. Jack's eager hands helped Ennis, leadin' Ennis' hand to the spot, helpin' him open the tube, slick his cock, trace to Jack's pucker and push inside

Jack pushed back; he rolled his hips. Ennis took out his finger and pressed his weight between them perfect soft cheeks. Oily, hot, hard against snug openin'. Head proddin' then the blunt end meetin' protest. Then pressure, pressure, heat. So tight, so close. He held himself there. Not movin'. Jack bucked against him, lungs pushin' air out, hands grabbin' sheets in.

Seemed ta Ennis that over the years so much of their love-makin' had been a rush-- never enough time, always tryin' to get in as much of each other as they possibly could. Now was different. Ennis moved slow-- he had all the time in the world.

But, like always, Jack was anxious ta git there. His hands ran smooth down Jack's backside, soothin' him. Felt how it clutched and released, so tense. Ennis pushed in and pulled out, slow, deliberate. Jack shoulders rounded. His thighs bunched. Ennis smiled and filled him deeper.

"God, yes," Jack answered.

He rode him slow 'n easy. Ennis pushed his present cravin' down; he remained steady, not increasin' rhythm, instead he angled his right arm around Jack's body, aimin' fer Jack's helplessly bobbin' cock, and he grasped it wickedly hard.

"Milk ya," Ennis whispered. "I'm gonna milk ya."

"I'm close," Jack moaned back.

Ennis was on the brink. Was pushin' in deeper until there wasn't no more ta push inside. It was Jack's tremors that sent him over, was like fallin' blind from high. He landed, plungin' Jack flat to the mattress. Stayed deep inside then slippin' out. Jack turned over. Kissed Ennis.

Ennis had ta believe, kissin' them sweet lips was almost better. Almost.

\---------------------------

Jack could hardly believe it. Way Ennis had made love ta him was different. Was like the way Ennis talked, slow and deliberate. Jack laid there smilin' up at the ceilin'. Damn.

"'Course ya know that makin' love with a blindfold ain't the same as bein' blind day ta day," Jack said, nuzzlin' into Ennis' neck.

Ennis grunted back.

"Ain't sayin' that I wouldn't mind ya doin' that again. Damn-howdy that was good lovin'. Still got that blindfold on?"

Ennis grunted again. Jack reckoned that was a yes.

"What ya need ta do is go through the day with it on sometime. Have Nina lead ya around. 'Course considerin' the circumstances now won't be the most opportune time ta be doin' such a thing. Maybe later when all this confusion is behind us. Sound like a good idea, Ennis?"

"Huh?"

"Did ya hear anything I said?"

"How kin ya talk? Can't even think."

"Was good. Mmm, yeah. I have one hot man."

"Crimeny, Jack, shut your yap." Ennis flopped over, huggin' Jack to him.

Jack didn't mind shuttin' up if it meant a little snuggle time. Always liked that. Felt good with Ennis rollin' his head on his shoulder. Was startin' ta doze off when Jack heard Nina jump up off the floor next to the bed and head for the door. One loud rap on the door, then two. Both Jack and Ennis shot up outta bed, Nina started yippin' 'n doin' the happy dance.

"Hey, Jack? Ennis? It's Nick."

Knocks came again, louder.

Jack searched for his jeans, which materialized in his hands a second later. Ennis musta discarded that blindfold mighty quick.

"Got that PD here with me. Gonna let us in?"

Shirt found its way to Jack's hand magically too.

"Comin'," Ennis mumbled.

Jack heard Ennis makin' the bed up.

Nina barked happy-like, skippin' around Jack's feet.

Ennis was fumblin' and cussin', heard a few bang 'n hollers as he made his way to the door. Made Jack all kinds of happy-- loved it when Ennis got flustered-- he was so fuckin' hot that way.

Jack heard the door swing open 'n shut.

"Afternoon," Nick said.

"Afternoon," Jack returned, holdin' out his hand. Nick grasped it firm, big hand, rough, gave it three shakes. Jack turned ta where the PD was standin'.

"Afternoon," Ennis growled back.

"Hi, I'm Wesley Linden," came a male voice that sounded more kid than man. _Ennis must be shakin' his head_ , Jack thought. "Karen told me your story. I called Nick here to help us out. I thought we'd go over a few details I'm not clear on-- I hope now is a good time." Jack felt his face go hot and wondered if Ennis was doin' the same. Was like the PD knew what they was just up to. Spoke like the weatherman, one of them eastern educated ones. Voice was sorta quiet, soft. Calm. He offered Jack his hand-- was small, but confident grip. As his hand slipped away, Jack noticed stubby nails. A man who chewed his nail ta nothing-- Jack wondered if that was a good sign or a bad sign in a private investigator.

Could tell he was short too. Jack judged about five-four, five-five maybe. He wondered what he was wearin'.

"Mind if I smoke?" Linden asked.

Jack shook his no, then Ennis added a nonchalant, "Nah." After a flick of a Bic, Jack's nose was assailed with a sticky-sweet smell. "What the fuck are ya smokin'?" Ennis bit out. "It ain't the marijuana shit?"

"No," Linden let out kind of a squeaky hiccup of a giggle. This guy sure was different-- not what Jack expected a PD ta be like. "It's a kretek-- a clove cigarette."

Jack never heard of a clove cigarette before-- cloves were them little bitty things Lureen stuck in the ham fer Easter dinner.

Jack heard a chair draggin' on carpet and Linden sittin' down.

"Let's talk about motive here," Linden said, exhalin'. "Where's an ashtray? Thanks. Um, Donaldson strikes me as the kind of man who doesn't like loose ends. Hanging a fake death rap on Mr. Twist isn't what he's about. My guess is that he said that just to get under your skin and try to flush out Miss Newsome. Karen told me she has concerns for Miss Newsome's safety, and if Karen's concerned, I put stock in that. Be careful contacting your wife. Back away, I know it's hard, but you need to make sure they can't find her."

"We'll be careful," Jack said.

"Good."

"Ya said ya needed ta clear some things up," Jack continued. "What ya need?"

"Answer me this: Why do you think Donaldson didn't finish the job? And I know this was Newsome's idea. I understand he hates you. But why choose Donaldson and then why keep you hidden in some out- of- the- way place? I heard Newsome has a god complex, but that's a lot of trouble."

"That's the truth. Hated me from the first day he met me, but didn't know he hated me that much. Don't know why he kept me alive other than he liked seein' me suffer. LD felt a whole lot of powerful kickin' my sorry ass down. Then Lureen found out and all kinds of crap let loose."

"Yeah, I get that-- what I don't get is why Donaldson didn't finish the job that night? Frankly, Mr. Twist, I amazed you're still alive. You're one loose end Donaldson can't afford to have around. Why'd he just leave you without making sure you were dead?"

"What do ya mean?"

"What I'm gettin' at is this, someone else came up on them-- they were interrupted. They left you on the side of the road like that, hopin' you were finished off, but they left quick. Someone had to take you to the hospital. I'd be willing to bet it was someone who knew or found out what was going down--"

"Yer not sayin' it was LD?" Jack asked.

"I thought that at first. But why? If Newsome came up on them, I don't think they would have scattered. And if it was some good Samaritan, than it would have all come out immediately or more likely, they would have killed that person-- they wouldn't want a witness. No, it was someone else-- someone who knew Newsome so Newsome did the cleanup afterward. Someone close. Someone who called Newsome; someone that those men knew. He was protecting someone close to him from Donaldson."

"Lureen?" Ennis asked.

"No," Jack said. "No way Lureen knew I was a live-- shit, she's not that kinda person. No way Lureen would do that-- she ain't got that kinda spirit."

"Then who?" Ennis asked.

"Who else?" Collinson said. "The wife."

"Can't be Faye. She went ta the police with Lureen. She left LD 'cause of it all."

"Then there's someone else-- someone close to Newsome, someone Donaldson and the boys would recognize and run from. Someone who would take Jack here and get him help, but call Newsome."

Jack sat still. Then it came at him like a bolt, "LD was steppin' out on Faye!"

"Has to be-- the _other_ woman," Linden said. "We need to find her. You have any idea who it might be?"

"No idea," Jack said. "Couldn't be no one at work-- with Lureen there and all."

"It shouldn't be too hard to find out. Small enough town, people talk."

"LD has been seein' this woman since Fayette left him," Collinson offered. "Name's Chloe Parker."

"Shit, six degrees of separation is more like two, Christ-- world's too small," Linden huffed.

"What ya mean?" Collinson asked. "Ya know her?"

"No, but I know her brother."

"Oh," Collinson said, " _oh-h_."

"Yeah, oh," Linden said. "Guess it doesn't matter anyway. Jack's our best bet at getting through to her. Just Jack and me. I don't look scary. Too many people _will_ scare her. She'll probably be afraid to talk, but she has a conscience we can appeal to. I'm hoping since she wouldn't leave you at the side of the road, she'll talk-- I'm betting she'll tell her story to Jack."

\-----------------------------

"I think that PD is gay," Jack said later as he ate his fries.

"No kiddin'? Giggles. Wears pastels. Smokes clove cigarettes. _Knows_ someone's brother, as in, _knows_ 'em. Hm-m, ya think he might be?"

Ennis chewed his hamburger. Tonight was Burger Chef and Jeff.

"You sure about the brother?" Jack asked.

"I'm sure. Shoulda seen his face. He blushed-- real perdy-like."

Jack laughed.

"So, what's he look like?"

"He's short."

"That's not what I mean."

"He's short and needs a haircut."

"Straight?"

"Thought we already covered that one."

"I mean hair-- straight hair?"

"Curly, black."

"Eyes?"

"Blue."

"Nice?"

"He's pretty-- I reckon prettier than most gals I ever seen."

"Not yer type though."

"Nope, only type fer me's sittin' with ketchup on his chin."

"Thanks, Ennis."

Ennis stuffed the last bite in his mouth.

"My eyes _are_ perdier though, right?"

"Hey, what the fuck's a blind man need with a blindfold?"

"Fer me, idiot."

Ennis knelt in front of Jack on the bed. That shut Jack up. Ennis held the cloth to his own eyes.

"Tie it fer me."

He led Jack's hands with his own. They tied it together. Two men, not seein' what their hands were doin' but neither hesitatin'.

"Tighter."

The knot was complete. Ennis contemplated. Dark. But still no real simulation of what Jack's world was. He could take this off. Jack could never remove his.

Ennis breathed in. Ennis thought the cloth smelled like Jack, a bit of hope and misery.

He let his hands read the face he knew so well by sight. No need ta see them faint freckles on the forehead. This was his Jack. To touch. To taste. To feel. Chin like scratchy wool, forehead like cool ivory, lips like smooth satin.


	8. Chapters 24-25

Chapter 24

Linden shook his head. "No," he said, "you aren't going"-- damn, that cowboy sure was stubborn. Linden knew he'd get resistance from Del Mar. Considering what happened to Jack, Linden knew Ennis had good reason to be concerned. He'd seen the fear in Del Mar's eyes yesterday when he suggested that he and Jack go alone to talk to Miss Parker, but Del Mar didn't protest. Now it seemed the good-looking cowboy had thought better of it and was balking. The reason was clear to Linden: Ennis just didn't trust Linden to keep Jack safe. _Hell, this always happens,_ Linden thought. _Don't know why I should be surprised._ The way Del Mar silently looked Linden up and down-- Linden knew that look-- he'd seen it all his life. _Christ,_ Linden thought, _he thinks I'm a 132-pound weakling._

"There's no way I'm letting you come," Linden said firmly. Ennis would see that Wesley C. Linden could be just as stubborn as any cowboy.

"Just try 'n stop me."

Linden didn't want to push Ennis though. _The cowboy's eye is twitching._ Linden was getting concerned. He chewed his thumb nail, thinking. _I could tell Ennis I'm an expert marksman. No way that'd ease his mind. He's packing that .45 in those jeans. Bet he could shoot a fly off a horse at sixty paces._

Linden knew he had to think quick-- he needed to get Jack over to Miss Parker's fast and catch her alone. Del Mar simply couldn't come-- he'd scare the bejesus out of that woman-- shit, the way Del Mar was giving him the evil eye under the brim of that hat scared Linden.

_And I like it. Honestly, I have to stop that._

The private detective blinked. He _could_ let Ennis ride with them there. The upside would be he could gaze at Ennis' handsome face. Those intense brown eyes, firm chin, strong lips. The downside would be that seeing Del Mar in the car might scare Miss Parker off. For both their sakes, Linden wouldn't risk spooking her. He liked Jack and Ennis too much already.

Linden had come to some fast conclusions about the two. _Both were hot... And queer... And hot... And queer... And... Shit... Both wearing those tight jeans, riding low. Snug shirts._ Didn't leave much to Linden's imagination-- and he had a lively one. More he was around them though, the more he respected them. _A blind person could see how much they care for each other. Shit, did I just think that? Blind person? I better remember never to say that aloud. Focus._ He respected that Ennis wanted to protect Jack. He knew he had to come up with a good alternative because there was no way he was letting this man with the brooding eyes come along. _No matter how much, um, I want to ogle-- er, help him._

"How about this," Linden compromised. "I'll take Nina. You've already told me she picks up on trouble. And she's cute. Women like cute dogs." Linden knew it was sexist to say women liked cute dogs, but Karen wasn't here to kick his ass, and hell, these were cowboys. So Linden smiled and rubbed Nina's head. _This is a great idea,_ Linden thought, _having that dog along will notch up her sympathy level for Jack, and maybe Miss Parker will cave faster._

Linden checked Ennis' face, appraising him.

"Ya ain't comin', Ennis," Jack said, flatly. "Ya'd screw this up. I can do this alone."

_Oh boy, a fight. This was getting good. Maybe they'd start to wrestle on the ground together._

"I don't like this," Ennis argued. "What if LD shows?"

Linden knew Ennis was giving in. Frankly, he was a little disappointed. It'd been a long while since he'd gotten any action; It'd be nice to at least see other people who were getting some.

The PI started for the door. Jack and Ennis followed behind with Nina coming up at Jack's heels.

"I can handle LD," Jack shot back, voice echoing in the hallway.

"Know you can. Git her ta talk, Jack."

"I will. I could sell tickets to hell to the Pope if ya let me."

Ennis stopped grumbling and choked out a laugh.

Linden smiled to himself. Ennis respected Jack's wishes. The PI walked faster, forcing the two behind him to move quickly down the hall, out the lobby doors and into the motel's parking lot with Nina romping behind them. He'd noticed the concierge pick up the phone on the way out of the lobby. Linden checked the lot. Looked clear. Linden walked up to his car, thrusting his hand in his pocket for the keys.

"What the hell kinda car is this?" Ennis asked.

"Porsche."

"Ain't it kind of conspicuous fer a private detective?" Ennis asked.

"Look at me," Linden said. "Do you think someone's going to think I'm a detective?"

Ennis chuckled, "Guess not."

"Nice," Ennis admitted. "Bet it cost plenty. Must make good money as a private dick."

"I saved for this for a long time."

"What's the car look like, Ennis?" Jack asked.

"It's black 'n shiny with big wide back tires with fancy rims."

"Mags--" Linden interrupted. "The wheels are called mags."

"Inside?" Jack asked.

"Looks like leather."

Linden tapped the roof with his keys. "Come on-- we gotta go."

Ennis opened the door for Jack. The black bucket seats in the Porsche weren't too accommodating for Jack's long legs or for Nina's body. She took one look, sniffed and squeezed herself behind Jack onto the backseat, nestling her head on Jack's shoulder.

"Don't like this," Ennis bit out, watching Linden duck into the car.

"Don't worry," Linden said, winking at Ennis across the car. "I won't make moves on your man." Jack threw his head back and laughed, but Ennis' face reddened clean to his ears.

Linden thought it was darn charming.

"Bye, Ennis Del Mar!" Linden nodded, shifted into reverse, stepped on the gas, and released the clutch. The sky was looking dark. Wind picking up fast. The mags spun. Smoke, gravel and rubber flew. Nina barked. Jack slapped his knee. Linden smiled. He knew that peeling out was juvenile, and it would never make up for all his past inadequacies, but he did it any way. It made him feel good. And it was fun.

He took a last look in the rearview mirror to see Ennis frowning. Linden waved out the window. Ennis didn't have a thing to worry about-- Jack was hot, but he wasn't Linden's type. But Ennis-- now that was one smoking-hot cowboy.

\-------------------

Wesley Cameron Linden spent most of his high school career stuffed in trash cans. Fact was, as soon as he began grade school most of his fellow classmates noticed the difference. As years progressed, Wesley found himself the butt of more and more jokes. School was never fun for Wesley.

He found out fast that being different found you trouble. He was short, was always short-- over a full head or more shorter than most of his classmates. By high school he stopped growing completely, standing five foot four in his stocking feet. He had poor vision-- from first grade on, he wore glasses with thick coke bottle lenses, magnifying his huge blue eyes. That was when the kids in his classes started calling him "bug-eye boy."

Then there was his curly hair. Real lush, soft curls, the kind of ringlets that girls spend loads of money on at beauty salons. He fumed at his mother to get it cut-- and when she finally relented, to Wesley's horror his new cut looked even more bizarre-- the hairs whirling in every direction, the cowlicks resembling spinning currents in the Gulf of Mexico.

Then there were his nerves. He was always high-strung; bit his nails until they bled. Tapped his finger against his cheek and blinked. Kids used to mimic these eccentricities in class-- they didn't care if Wesley saw. It was funnier to them when he got mad and cried.

High school they moved. Freshman Wesley Cameron Linden thought this was his chance. A new start. New school. New friends. He loved school, his classes. It went well until second semester. Then it happened-- gym class. First day he put on shorts. He took off his shirt. They saw him. Pale. Scrawny. Snow White would have been envious of his skin. A few snickers, but no one said anything. He sucked at soccer. Some laughed, but no one made fun of him. Second day, not so lucky. It started. The teasing. Every day, gym class became his prison. Wesley got so desperate he ordered books on Dynamic Tension from an ad he read in one of his DC comic books-- it helped the boy who got sand kicked in his face by the bully, so why not him? Wesley did everything the twelve volumes instructed. He checked out his body every day in his mom's full-length mirror. Nothing. And in gym, he still couldn't even do one decent chin-up.

But the worst part about gym was that Wesley had to face: _The Shower_.

He was able to hide it-- for a while.

To his horror he realized he liked looking at the other boys naked. He didn't understand his reaction. He became so frightened he did everything he could think of to avoid the shower. Unfortunately Wesley wasn't small in another area, and that area responded. The day the captain of the football team saw Wesley's pecker erect and pointing in his direction was the day Wesley's other head got flushed in the toilet. It was also the first time he ever heard the word "queer."

After that, life in high school went from bad to unbearable.

The day he graduated was a day for celebration. College. Life changed. He got contacts, learned karate. Never grew any taller, never transformed into Charles Atlas either but he did grow into his looks. College was a place where brains were valued more than brawn, and he had plenty of brains. He knew he'd never look macho, but that didn't seem to matter to the girls-- he was "adorable." At the same time he came to terms with his sexuality, Wesley had girls coming on to him.

He was a nerd, but he was cool. But he had a crush on a guy. And surprise. The guy liked him back.

After graduation, he told his mom he was going to become a private investigator. He did it to shock his mother. It worked. She went berserk. Thing was, after he told her he got to thinking, and he liked the idea. This was how the boy who got stuffed in trash cans became a PI.

The day Wesley met with Karen about the job, all his insecurities welled up. Two older men. Conservative. Tough. Cowboys. She told Wesley plenty, but she didn't tell him they were queer. Collinson didn't even clue him in on the drive over. He told Wesley a lot of background-- that the two had been friends for years, that Jack was blind. Karen had told him most of the story already. When he and Collinson got to the room, they knocked and knocked. Ennis finally came to the door, his face was flushed, hair stuck to his forehead, and out of breath. Still, it was Jack's shirt being inside out that gave it away.

\--------------------------

"You like driving fast?" Jack asked, knuckles white clutching the old beat up black hat on his lap.

"Yeah." Linden checked out the rearview mirror again.

"Some one following us?"

"Not anymore."

He'd lost the black Plymouth Grand Fury. A little too easily in Linden's mind. Hardly a chase at all. Easiest police tail he ever eluded. Either the cop was really, really green, or there was another car Linden was missing. He kept checking, craning his neck. No unmarked cars. Nothing. Collinson said he'd try and work some magic, keep Donaldson busy. Linden hoped so. Linden continued to watch for patrol cars or any other vehicle that might be tagging them-- he had this feeling-- and Linden always trusted his feelings.

He checked his passengers. Both Jack and Nina were nervous. Jack tapped his finger on the seat belt, and Nina's front legs were flung over Jack's seat, paws resting on his shoulders. The sky grew heavy black; the wind mixed with black dirt swirling.

Linden snapped on the radio for distraction. A few drops splattered on the windshield and "Hotel California" swam lonely inside the car. He hummed to Don Henley, drinking in the lyrics, watching the tempest brewing in the northwest. Maybe some small talk would help smooth the nerves. Besides, he was curious about the cowboys-- seemed a good subject to talk about.

"So," Linden said, turning on the wipers, "how long you and Ennis been together?"

"Known each other fer twenty years."

"Wow," Linden said. "Longest relationship I've ever had was ten months."

"Only met up with each other a couple a times a year, so reckon it probably equals out the same."

"That must of been hard."

"Can't imagine how hard."

"You'd be surprised."

Jack turned his head and nodded. Those blue eyes had so much life in them if Linden didn't know he was blind, he wouldn't have guessed. The wind picked up, tugging the Porsche. They were almost there.

"Where you from? Know you don't live in Childress," Jack said. "Would have seen ya. Ya live near here?"

"I live in Wichita Falls-- my office is there too, but I hail from Chicago." He turned on to Miss Parker's street. Suburban homes lined up in neat rows, fire hydrants guarded corners while power lines swayed and mesquite trees whipped in the wind.

"What brings ya here?"

"I guess it's like the song playing; I came here to forget."

"I done a lot of leavin' and tryin' ta fer get too." Jack reached back and scratched Nina's ear. "Gonna storm. Air's charged."

Linden nodded then parked on the street. They got out a few doors down from Miss Parker's house.

\-------------------------------------------

The Texas sky opened as all three trudged to the front door. Drenched to the bone and battered by cold, they huddled on the steps. Jack dripped a puddle while Nina shook rain off like a fierce Fury. Linden rang the doorbell, shivering himself. Teeth chattered, legs paced in place behind him while a chain rattled in front. The door groaned open a crack and drowsy eyes blinked through. She opened the door just wide enough to see. Linden took in a woman, face a bit worn, head full of brittle bleached blonde hair. Her hand clutched at the neck of her pink chenille bathrobe.

"Yes?" she asked.

It happened all at once as her cat-eyes fixed behind Linden onto Jack: Her thin plucked brows first raised in curiosity, straightened with recognition, then pinched in fear. Linden thrust his leg in the door before she could slam it shut.

"What are you doing? Stop!" she cried, pushing her ample curves into the door. As Linden wedged himself in, he felt the crush on his chest and gave her the most pained pathetic look he could muster. It fucking hurt like a bitch so no acting was involved. It worked. She took one look into Linden's eyes then Jack's hopeful ones, gave a resigned sigh then let them in.

"Get inside fast; I don't want anyone seeing you," she said. "I have such nosey neighbors."

But Linden knew it wasn't the neighbors she was really worried about.

"You're Jack Twist," she said, motioning them to a black leather love seat.

Nina shook again-- it was raining dog. Linden wiped the water off his face.

Linden's clammy hands reached to introduce himself. She gave his hand a short shake.

"I'm a friend. Name's Wesley. This is Jack's seeing eye dog, Nina." She gave a choked gasp. Linden knew it was a half truth, but it worked. Miss Parker sagged into the old Barcalounger-- the foot rest hopped up and scooped her legs back into a freefall.

"You ok?" Jack asked, only making her more distressed. She bit back a sob. Linden made certain Jack sat closest to her-- he wanted to make sure she got a good look at her boyfriend's handiwork. They sat down. No one spoke for a few minutes. Jack fiddled with his hat in his lap. A person would have to be made from stone not to feel compassion: Black hair framing empty blue eyes rimmed red, lips just as blue and as lined as red, and full lashes coated with water that dropped on his cheeks like tears.

"I reckon ya know why I'm here," Jack started. "Ya saved me from dyin' that night, but it ain't stopped-- see, I'm still in a heap of danger. But I ain't comin' here for just me. More 'n me's been pulled into this thing. Lureen and my son, Bobby, are in danger too. I reckon with what you know, puts you in the same predicament. So's that why I'm comin' to you. I need your help-- you're probably the only one that can help us."

"I don't know as I kin help you much," she said.

"Who was there that night, Miss Parker?" Jack asked then sighed; Nina put her head on his lap, rolled those big brown eyes. Linden didn't have to say a word-- these two were working her for everything they were worth. "I know yer afraid ta say-- afraid we're even here, but it ain't right what they done-- ya know that."

"I know. 'Course I know."

"LD got himself mixed up in this neck deep. Shoulda never put his cards in with Donaldson."

She nodded. "He didn't know that this would happen when he told Donaldson-- I swear he didn't."

Linden's head popped up. What was she talking about?

"He didn't even know all that Donaldson was up to in the beginning," she continued. "Then LD was in too deep. All LD wanted was for you ta go away and forget about it."

"The money wasn't enough," Jack said, more question than statement.

"He was gonna pay ya off-- but LD told Donaldson. He said it wasn't enough. You knew too much. What if ya blabbed ta someone?"

Linden looked at Jack. A first Linden was pissed that Jack had been keeping information from him. But he looked up at him. No, he was pretty certain Jack wasn't hiding a thing other than to Miss Parker-- he _was_ trying to lead her on, letting her think he knew more-- and she was giving it away to him in spades. Linden had to admit that Jack was doing a bang-up job. Almost as good as a PI. Must be the salesman in him. Was he fooling Linden too? He looked at Jack again.

It was clear to Linden-- Jack didn't know what she was talking about. He wondered if the blow on the head did something to his memory too.

"I knew LD was a son of a bitch," Jack said, "but I never figured him for a killer."

"He ain't no killer!"

"What would you call it then? If he ain't one, he's a crook fer sure."

"LD never wanted anyone hurt. It started out as innocent. Helping people over the border."

"LD ain't no philanthropist. What ever he done, he done it for himself."

"No, yer wrong. He didn't mean for them people ta die. He told me so. It was all an accident."

By this time, Linden's head was whirling. This was a hell of a lot deeper than he thought. Then he noticed Nina stand, nose pointing at the door. Hair stood up on her back and a rumble began in the back of her throat.

Fuck, Linden thought, just when they were getting somewhere. He jumped up, taking Jack's arm. Miss Parker climbed out of the chair. "The back door is this way."

\-------------

Chapter 25

Either Miss Parker didn't like doing dishes, or she'd had a dinner party the night before. Linden scoped the kitchen one last time before ske-daddled Jack and Nina out the back. Linden rushed down the steps and turned to see the edge of yellow gingham curtain caught in the door. He hated exiting the scene without knowing who was at the front door, but there was no way, not without putting Jack at risk. They took the steps fast-- at least it wasn't pouring like hell anymore, just a light drizzle, but from the look of the Texas sky, Linden expected it to start pounding them again any moment.

The backyard was enclosed in a waist-high chain link fence, homes like boxes stacked next to each other. Linden looked for movement and listened for sound. Didn't look like anyone was home, but he couldn't be sure. Linden helped Jack over the fence first, his hands clammy. Then he lifted Nina to Jack. He climbed over, snagging his shirt, and heard a rip. _Fuck,_ he thought. _I'm always doing that._

They made their way, dodging a low clothesline and kid's wooden sandbox. They moved fast around the far side of the neighbor's house, the ground squishing, speaking in whispers. Linden worried they might be followed and watched Nina for signs. She never looked back, nose pointing ahead with the same determination as her master. They moved flush to the side, ducking under windows. When they came to the home's front corner, Linden stopped and squatted down with his back pressed to the aluminum siding. Jack did the same with Nina sitting at his feet. Linden held his breath and peeked around the corner for a look at Miss Parker's front porch. The bushes in the front of the house obscured the view so he crept around, leaving Jack and Nina. He peeked around: whoever was there was inside now, and a big white Cadillac was planted in front of the house. Linden pulled his head behind the bushes. He knew that car. He crouched low, sneaking back to Jack and Nina.

"Looks like LD is paying his girl a visit," Linden whispered.

"Shit," Jack whispered in return, scooting closer to Linden. "That's reason number two why I'm glad Ennis ain't with us. He'd probably kill LD."

"First thing I thought too," Linden agreed, lowering his voice more. "Wonder if LD's alone." 

"Never know, but most likely. If he is, I reckon this might be a good time ta talk ta him, bein' that Ennis ain't here."

"True. But I'm not taking you in there unless I know LD's alone, and I'm sure not leaving you alone here or in the car."

"Shit, Linden. You're as bad as Ennis. I got Nina here-- I'll be fine."

"Nina's great protection, but she can't shoot a gun. These men aren't some hicks; they'll shove it in your face and the next thing I know, you're gone. Frankly, Jack, if something like that happened, I don't want Ennis to kill _me_. I'd give my gun to you, but I don't think your aim would be too good."

"Might be better--"

"Huh?" Linden blinked.

"Than before-- might be better than before. Could never shoot. Couldn't be no worse."

Linden cupped his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing aloud. 

"Tell you what--" whispered Linden, "let's wait here for a few minutes-- see who comes out. If it's only LD, than we confront him. If someone's with LD, we lay low here until they're gone, then head back to my car-- and in the meantime let's hope like holy hell that it doesn't start to fucking rain again."

"Sounds good." 

Thirty minutes came and went. LD was still in the house; the rain was coming harder, and Linden was losing all feeling in his legs from kneeling so long. Just when he thought life couldn't suck much worse, the neighbor came home. 

An older woman, in her sixties, Linden would guess. She didn't notice anything amiss. She closed her umbrella, put her key in the door and went inside. They stuck in place-- the neighbor none the wiser. But the one thing Linden hadn't counted on was the neighbor's cat. Three minutes later when the rain finally subsided, the woman let the cat out. 

Nina kept herself composed until the black tom began the "na na-na na na-a" taunt, scampering around then back behind the house. A second later, the cat zoomed around the corner, stopped and hissed, hair standing up straight on its back. Nina barked and bared her teeth. The cat spit and swatted back. Nina bolted out of Jack's grip, chasing the tom into the backyard. Jack started after her; Linden tried to grab him, but Jack ignored him. "Damn," Linden muttered under his breath. Next came barking and yelling and yowling. The whole neighborhood could hear it. Linden ran toward the ruckus; there he came face to face with the old woman dressed in a faded lace apron armed with a broom. Linden took the first blow to the back of his head, the second to the side. 

Jack had ahold of Nina's collar.

"Ma'am," Jack said, getting her attention. "We're sorry, ma'am." Linden knew the way Jack used that charming drawl and million-dollar smile on her she didn't stand a chance. The woman put down the broom. "Nina didn't mean no harm," Jack continued, pointing to his dog. "We were mindin' our business, walkin' down the sidewalk, when your cat here came boundin' up. My seein' eye dog, Nina, took after him."

Jack still had a tight hold of Nina's collar. Linden bent down and picked up the end of Nina's leash, handing it off to Jack, who did the blind grope and stare perfect. 

"Oh, deary-me, I'm so sorry for what Fluffy did." Then she pinched Linden's cheek, making the apples in them even rosier. "Sorry to you, too, young man." 

Old women were always doing that to him. He preferred getting walloped with the broom to getting his cheeks pinched any day.

"Easy mistake to make, ma'am--" Jack continued, "strange man in your backyard with a fierce dog."

She bent down to pick up Fluffy, who purred then swiped his paw at his mistress's hand, leaving three long claw marks. 

"Oh my! Fluffy is so upset he doesn't know what he's doing," the woman exclaimed.

"He's probably just disturbed from being chased by Nina," Linden offered, but he knew who the fierce ones really were. Stupid cat. Crazy old woman.

"Would you two kind boys like to come in for some tea?"

Linden shook his head. _Tea with arsenic, most likely_ , he thought, _to go with that old lace_.

"Thanks, but we better be going," Jack said. 

She said her apologies again as the three walked around the side of the house.

"So-- I'm a strange man?" Linden asked, perturbed. 

Jack just chuckled. 

As they came to the corner of the house Linden stopped short. "Fuck!" he cursed under his breath. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"What?" Jack asked.

"The car's gone."

"Shit. What now?"

"Guess we go back and talk to Miss Parker," Linden said. "I want to know what LD was doing there."

They cut across the front yard and up Miss Parker's steps. They knocked but got no answer.

"She's probably too scared to talk to us again," Jack said, shivering.

"No, can't be it," Linden said. "She hasn't looked through the peep hole or the side curtains in the front window. Maybe she left with him."

"Shit." 

"I bet the back door is still unlocked," Linden thought aloud, starting for the back.

"Yer not thinkin' of breakin' in." 

"Won't be breaking in if the door's unlocked. Besides, we were the last ones out-- we'd be just letting ourselves back in."

"Seems mighty lame ta me."

"I take what I can get. Besides, I want to find out who was there and nose around-- come on."

Linden led them around the back. As they got to the door, he noticed Nina shivering just like Jack was. Linden looked up. The gingham curtain wasn't stuck in the door.

"She might of locked it," Linden said, turning the knob, but the door swung open. "Hmm."

Nina began pawing Jack's leg, whining. 

"Something ain't right," Jack whispered under his breath.

"Miss Parker?" Linden called. "You there?" He turned to Jack. "I agree with Nina."

"I know. Ya think someone's still here?"

"Don't think so," Linden stepped into the kitchen with a bad feeling, his ulcer burning something fierce. "I want you to stay right here with Nina. Don't move. I'll go check around. And take this," he said, handing Jack the gun. "If I say shoot, just fire in that general direction and pray you don't hit me."

"Ah-- alright."

Linden took a deep breath and left Jack standing guard at the back door.

\-----------------------------

Jack was just kiddin' when he'd suggested takin' the gun-- he didn't think Linden'd take him up on it. He held it firm in his hand, pointin' the barrel down, listenin' to Linden openin' doors and walkin' quietly through the house. He didn't hear no other footsteps about other than the PI's.

He was cold, wet and scared shitless. His hand was shakin' so damn much, if he did have ta shoot, he'd end up firin' into the ceilin'. A draft was coming from the back door so he pushed the door shut-- hand came back slick and wet. "Christ." He knew what it was, knew the smell. 

"Linden?" he called. "I think we'd better git outta here!"

He heard a thump comin' from the front of the house, and Linden comin' fast, breathin' hard. 

"Christ, I don't believe this, Jack, she's dead."

"Dead?!"

"Christ, this is like some bad made-for-TV movie," Linden said."Fuck, if this isn't a frame-up, I don't know what is. And the bad luck. The neighbor knows a blind man was here with his dog, Nina. Best thing to do is to call Collinson and pray we can get the feds in on this."

"Call the police?" Jack said. "Now? Why?"

"Not now. I'm getting you out of here. But we've got to call. We've been seen, and our prints are all over. Shit, you even got blood on your hand. Least they're not on the murder weapon--"

Jack heard police sirens in the distance. 

"Shit! Out the back and let's hope that damn cat isn't in her backyard still."

Jack felt Linden pullin' his sleeve and grabbin' the .45 back from him at the same time. They were out the door and down the steps and scramblin' over the fence before Jack could begin ta think of what was even goin' down. This time they didn't go around the house. Instead they went straight across the yard to the next fence and then cut ta the back of the next neighbor's house. Runnin' blind was the damnedest thing, he'd stumbled a few times-- it was hard not knowin' his footin', but Nina and Linden looked out for him, Nina tuggin' and Linden liftin'. They'd zigzagged so much Jack didn't know which way was which. He was all turned around, but still it didn't seem right ta him.

"I'm pretty sure your car ain't this way," Jack said. Linden stopped and pulled Jack alongside him. 

"I know. We aren't going to my car. They'll be waiting for us there. We need to find a place to hide and call Collinson. That Texaco Station across the street will do-- you and Nina hide by the dumpster while I use the pay phone on the side. But we need to look casual. Like we belong. Can you look casual?" 

"I kin do casual."

Linden led him forward. The sidewalk was under his feet now, and Jack felt steadier, surer. He didn't realized until then his hands were shakin'.

"Curb," Linden said, and Jack stepped down. Makin' their way across the street, he heard traffic buzzin' and felt the cars whoosh in front and behind as Nina navigated him across. "Other curb." He stepped up. "Going to the back of the station, like you're using the men's room. Stay back here out of sight until I get you. Here, take my jacket. Without it I'll just look like some kid using the pay phone."

Jack waited in the back. Shit kept goin' through his head like how he hoped Ennis was fine, how he hoped they'd get out of this one, then Nina began waggin' her tail. He knew that thump, thump, thump anywhere.

"Ennis?" he croaked. 

"Git in the car!" came Ennis' gruff yell. Oh, how Jack loved that sound.

"What about Linden?" he asked.

"I'm here," he heard, Linden runnin' up. "Come on, Jack."

"That was fast," Jack said, jumpin' in-- no mistakin'-- he noticed it was a cop car as his hand grazed the cage separatin' the front and back seats. Smell of alcohol, vomit and body odor was overpowerin'. Linden piled into the back seat with Jack and Ennis.

"I heard the dispatch call, hauled ass here," Collinson said. "Saw Linden's car-- it was just luck that I saw Linden's scrawny ass at the phone booth." 

"Hey!" Linden protested.

"It's true," Ennis said.

"You're checking out my ass?" Linden asked. 

Jack frowned. Ennis better not be checkin' out his ass-- and hey, was Linden flirtin' with Ennis? Now? He made a mental note to talk to Ennis about it. "Where we goin'?" he asked instead.

"Not to the station, that's for sure. I'm takin' you somewhere ya won't find trouble. You both need to hang tight."

"Call the feds," Linden said. "If you don't, I'm going to."

"I hate the feds," Collinson groaned.

"I'm not partial to them either, but we don't have a choice."

"Knew I shoulda come along."

"No, you shouldn't a--"

"I think I should have a say in this," Ennis protested.

Linden reached over, patting Ennis' knee. "Jack's right. It was best you weren't there."

"What the fuck happened?" Collinson said.

"We were talkin' to Miss Parker when someone come to the door, and we high-tailed it out the back. Ran over and into the neighbor's backyard, got 'round ta the side of the house when Linden here seen LD's big old caddie." 

"LD! Shoulda known."

"That's why I'm glad ya weren't there, Ennis. Ya woulda gone after him. But we waited-- waited in the rain forever. Colder than shit. Neighbor came home, let out her crazy cat-- Nina chased it, and next thing I knew the old neighbor lady was hitting Linden with a broom."

"You could have skipped that part-- now Ennis is going to think I'm inept."

"You done fine," Jack said, turnin' back to Ennis. Why would he care what Ennis thought anyway? "After that, Linden seen that LD's car was gone, and we went back over. Linden found her."

"She was on the floor in her bedroom," Linden said. "Someone beat her head in. Blood spattered everywhere. Must have taken the weapon with them. Something blunt."

Jack could feel his head start ta throb. This was bringin' back too many memories. 

"Shoot," Ennis said. "You ok, cowboy?"

"I agree with callin' in the feds," Jack said. "I gotta bad feelin'."

"Much as I hate 'em, we need help," Collinson said. "We ain't gonna get it from this here police department. Nothing worse than internal investigation, but Donaldson and his cohorts need roundin' up and outta here. Is there anywhere safe you could go?" 

"We know someone who kin help," Ennis spoke up. 


	9. Chapters 26-27

Chapter 26

"Gonna call now," Ennis said, fingerin' the dial on the phone. Jack nodded, head propped up on a fluffy pillow and long legs sprawled out on the bed of the Motel 6. Nina laid next ta him, head on his chest, eyes closed while Jack absently scratched under her collar. 

The room was cheap, clean, but most of all, out of the way; Ennis was thankful that Linden took pains ta make sure no one would be findin' them. But damn, it took 'em over an hour ta find it. The man was cautious, methodical. Linden sat on the couch next ta Collinson watchin' _Raiders of the Lost Ark_. Seemed the place had color TV. Ennis was beginnin' to wonder if the real criteria for a place ta stay was gettin' the free movie station called HBO

Linden glanced over at Ennis. Another characteristic of Linden's was his never-ending chatter-- the man talked almost as much as Jack used to. Almost. At least his mouth was shut now, mostly 'cause one ear was turned to listen in on the conversation that Ennis was about ta have and the other was trained on Indiana Jones gettin' sealed in a tomb with a bunch of snakes. 

Well, this was one way ta get Linden ta stop his jack-jawin' about Indiana Jones. Ennis didn't know much about movies, and it was mighty borin' hearin' Linden and Collinson talk about this actor Harrison Ford, and downright embarrassin' hearin' Linden's comments like "Come on Indy-- bend over and pick up that hat."

Damn, man had no shame. 

The phone rang only twice before Benito picked up. 

"Hello?" 

Ennis' mind clicked. The welcome sound of the doc's thick mornin' voice gave Ennis a homesick pause, made his tongue trip with emotion. Felt nice. Even though Jack and him hadn't stayed with Benito long, the vet's home and hospitality had changed Ennis forever. 

"Hello, doc."

"Ennis! I was just thinking of you and Jack-- wondering how you were doing."

"That's why I'm callin'," Ennis said, watchin' Jack pet Nina. "Seems we run into a heap more problems."

Ennis hesitated, gatherin' up all them words he needed in order ta fill Benito in on the situation. Benito was patient as always, waitin' on Ennis' pauses, listenin' attentively. Finally Ennis was through; he'd said everything-- everything except for _why_ he'd called. But Ennis didn't have to-- the old doc knew Ennis well enough ta read the why into it.

Ennis cleared his throat. "You have any problems since Jorge done that dental work on 'em?" 

"Not one problem; we haven't heard a thing."

"That's good." Ennis paused. The room was quiet. Collinson had turned down the volume-- Ennis could barely hear Jones bustin' the pillar through the chamber wall.

"So you are... what do they say? On the lam?" Benito said, "and need a place to hide out, and you are looking for some assistance."

"Yes, you got that right."

"I'm certain we can find you a place that will suffice. I'll contact Sister Sarita. Between us, we should be able to find you a haven until all is settled. How far are you from us now."

"About thirty miles." Relief washed over Ennis. Heart felt mighty happy hearin' Benito's offer. He was hopin' for that. Made it easier than askin'.

"Call back in four hours. That should give me time to check with Sarita and make arrangements. I trust you are in a safe place?"

"Yes. Leastwise safe enough fer now. Called our lawyer little bit ago. She and Collinson already contacted the feds so's we'll be needin' ta talk to them. Seems they'll be wantin' a face ta face meetin'."

"Then there are four of you?"

"No, Collinson is headin' back. The private detective I told ya about will be comin' with us. He wanted ta go back ta his office, but our lawyer told him to hold up and talk to the feds first. He's in up ta his neck in this too."

"A place for three then. I will go now. But first, how is Jack?"

"He's feelin' rough right now, but considerin' everything, he's doin' well." The corner of Ennis' mouth tipped up lookin' at Jack.

"I'm glad. Take care, Ennis."

"I will. Thanks, Benito." Ennis hung up the phone and stared down at it, a quiet smile on his lips. Talking to Benito warmed Ennis' heart. He'd never allowed himself ta think on such intimacies before in his life. Allowin' himself these feelings was something Benito had taught him. With the exception of Jack, Ennis had never felt this close to another man. Benito was like a father to him, and he loved and looked to Benito for guidance. Was like family. Was like home. Ta Ennis, Benito finally filled that empty space in his heart the day his parents died.

"Well," Collinson said, "sounds like you're gonna have a place ta go. Now all you need is some transportation."

"Got our truck," Ennis said. "Be better than Linden's car. That thing sticks out like a sore thumb and 'sides, only big enough fer two."

"You're right," Linden said, "I bet over eighty percent of the people in Texas have pickups like yours. Have to get different plates, but that's easy enough."

"I don't want to know about it--" Collinson said.

"Give me your keys, and I'll take care of it and come back to get you both," Linden said. "If you're really good, I might get something for you to eat."

Ennis stood up and pulled the keys outta his front pocket, Linden watchin' him closely. Felt kinda weird. 

"Make it barbeque chicken, will ya?" Jack asked. "I've been dreamin' about it."

"Dreaming?" Collinson said. "Dreamt of a lot of things, but never dreamt about chicken before. Is that a homosexual thing?"

"Depends," Linden said. "If it's breasts and thighs, nope, but if it's drumsticks--"

"Don't even finish that--" Collinson said, holdin' up his hands in front of him. 

Ennis felt his face burnin', knew it was turnin' four shades of red. Damn Jack, he was laughin' his ass off. "Puts new meanin' inta finger lickin' good--" Jack chuckled.

"Ennis, you're so cute when you're embarrassed. Don't know what sexual orientation people are who eat wings," Linden thought aloud. 

"Seems like some fairy thing ta me," Ennis said, goin' along.

"I think Ennis just made a gay joke! If that don't beat all," Linden exclaimed. 

"Yeah, he is," Jack said, mood suddenly changin'. "You two better get goin'. Need ta git on the road soon as Benito calls back."

Ennis threw the keys to Linden. He caught them in the air and winked. 

"Bye, and don't forget the chicken," Jack said.

"Wait," Linden said, turnin' ta Ennis. "You still have that gun?"

"Sure do," Ennis said, pattin' the dresser drawer.

"I bet you're real good with that gun."

\---------------------

"What's eatin' you?" Ennis asked Jack as he spooned himself next ta Jack on the bed.

"Wesley Linden." 

"What about him?"

Jack sat up, forehead all scrunched up, hands rubbin' the tops of his jeans, tongue pokin' out. Damned if that wasn't a mixed signal.

"Sometimes I think you're the blind one here! The man was flirtin' with you somethin' awful. 'I bet you're good with that gun'? What the hell do you think that means?! I don't know _how_ he's lookin' at you, but by the way you're movin' around the bed right now like ya got ants in your pants, I'd say he's been makin' eyes. Big blue eyes, right? What 'gun' do ya think he was referrin' to anyway? Hell. The man has a first-class crush on ya. He's a nice enough sort 'n all, and I know he's most likely harmless. God knows I ain't got nothin' ta worry about, but damn, Ennis, bein' that I can't see and all, I still imagine all these things goin' on. I start ta wonderin'-- is he lustin' over your ass when ya bend over like he done Indiana Jones'? The comments he was makin' during the movie sounded a lot like the off-hand shit he's been sayin' ta you. Said I ain't his type. 'Don't worry, Ennis-- Jack ain't my type,' he said. Guess that means _you_ are. I can see why you'd be his type and all-- ya got that earthy sex appeal-- kinda like that Harrison Ford. But sexier. Bein' that you're the finest man ever was-- can't blame him fer lookin' but ya don't need ta encourage him none."

Jack leaned back down while Ennis blinked and waited to see if Jack was gonna continue his tirade.

"That's the most you've said in a long time," Ennis said, movin' his right hand slow up the inside of Jack's leg. "And I ain't encouragin' him," Ennis added. Until that moment, Ennis hadn't thought on it much. Was a couple of times, but no-- he still wasn't entirely sure Jack was right about Linden, but it _was_ kinda excitin' that Jack was the one jealous fer a change instead a him.

"That's not the response I was lookin' for," Jack said curtly, noddin' at Ennis' hand.

"How's this fer a response?" Ennis asked, then grabbed Jack's hand and placed it over the hard knot in Ennis' jeans.

"Are you hard thinkin' on Linden or me?" Jack asked, but still kept his hand there. Even gave it a good squeeze.

"Damn, Jack, you're stupid-- you of course." 

Jack went for the zipper, and Ennis groaned.

"Come here, Rodeo. I'll show ya that yer the only one fer me."

Ennis rolled on top of Jack, grindin' his heat into Jack's.

He unbuttoned Jack's shirt, bendin' down ta take that mouth, suckin' on that perfect bottom lip before rammin' and fuckin' Jack's mouth with his tongue.

Just as fast as he started, Ennis sat up, lookin' down at Jack's eyes. Blue like deep water. And Jack's mouth-- moist, parted lips. Jack's hands moved with skill, graspin' the front of Ennis' shirt.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard you're never gonna think on Harrison Ford again," Ennis smirked.

"Come here, cowboy." 

Ennis answered with a growl. They made fast work of their clothes, Ennis watchin' Jack's expert hands shuckin' off his jeans but not before Ennis had Jack help him retrieve what they needed from his front pocket. Moments later, shirts and jeans littered the foot of the bed. Ennis grabbed the pillow out from under Jack's head and pushed it under his hips, cock bobbin' eager-like. Jack smiled at Ennis, expectantly.

Ennis moved down Jack's chest, nippin' and lickin'. Jack made all kinds a noise, and Ennis loved the sound. Made him snake a slow trail down, down just so's he could hear Jack callin' and beggin'. Loved the way Jack smelled too. Nothing like it in all the world. Used to dream of that-- 

_Not chicken._

Started laughin'. Couldn't help it.

"What's so funny?" Jack asked, thrustin' his hips off the mattress.

"Chicken-- barbequed chicken legs." 

"Huh?"

"Always did like the legs best. Now I'm gonna eat me some." Then Ennis took Jack's cock deep in his mouth, slurpin' ta get the desired effect.

It worked.

Jack cranked his hips up, pistonin' into Ennis' eager mouth.

Jack came fast, callin' out ta the lord-god and sayin' a host a Pentecostal prayers the likes of which Ennis never heard before. Liked ta made him blush. Ennis swallowed him-- was something he never done much but was hell-bent on makin' up for shyin' away. Took years admittin' to himself he loved givin' more than gettin'.  

Ennis wiped his lips off with the back of his hand, then moved up the bed, right hand touchin' Jack's cheek. Loved how Jack rubbed his face over Ennis' worn knuckles then kissed each one like they was a  treasure. Loved the way he could see Jack's pulse a-flutterin' in his neck. 

"Make love ta me, Ennis. Wanna feel you."

Jack used them skilled hands of his to help Ennis slick up. Oh how Jack could make them fingers twirl, flickin' obscene circles 'round the tip of his cock. "Jesus," Ennis moaned, "if ya don't stop I'm gonna shoot now." Loved seein' that devilish smile flash at him. Already decided to fuck him face to face. Had an itch to watch Jack beneath him, and look into that beautiful god-given face a his. Ennis moved between his legs, rearranged that pillow under Jack's hips ta get a good angle, then grabbed Jack's right leg and slung it over his left shoulder while Ennis' left hand balanced his own body on the mattress. 

Ennis pressed, pushed, then paused, takin' small puffs of breath ta calm himself down. Was hard not ta come right off. Just studyin' Jack's lips 'bout sent him over the top. Loved how the tip of his tongue toyed with the corner of his mouth. Jack always did that anticipatin'. He felt Jack give around him. Jack pressed his hands, palm up, against Ennis' chest as his cock filled him. Hands felt so good. Warm, rough. Man's hands. Took so long ta figure out that was only thing he'd ever wanted. 

Jack kept his palms flat, but his fingers curled in, nails scratchin' with need. Ennis started slow, rockin' into that spot he knew would make Jack shiver. Tight, so tight. Watched as Jack tipped his head back, throat workin'. 

"Yeah, Ennis. Right there." Jack's arms buckled in as Ennis thrust harder-- one arm of Jack's reached around, but the other stayed over Ennis' heart. Reckoned Jack could feel his heart poundin'. Had to. Was like thunder in his ear.

"Harder," Jack growled. 

Ennis bucked into him. Rode him just like Jack wanted. Saw color rise in Jack's cheeks-- knew what that flush meant, and why sweat was breakin' out on his upper lip. Watched as Jack grabbed for his own cock and pumped himself wicked-hard. Couldn't take his eyes off it. Wanted ta lick it off so bad. 

Ennis came first. Jack clamped down on his cock next, shootin' over his hand on to his belly. Both melted together on the mattress, a tangle of sweat 'n come. 

Jack held Ennis tight to him. The after with Jack always was the best part ta Ennis. Was just Jack and Ennis. No worries. No yesterdays. Only tomorrows.

\---------------------

Ennis made sure they was decent long before Linden got back. Didn't want no remarks about what they'd been up to although Ennis knew damn well Linden would know the moment he saw em both.

Linden came back with the promised barbequed chicken. He mumbled something under his breath when he saw them. Ennis could a swore he said, "You two are like rabbits." 

He was tryin' hard not ta look Linden in the eye. Felt like ants was crawlin' on him. Knew he was jumpy and worked up. Jack seemed ta be humored by it all.

The three sat on the couch with the bucket of chicken on the coffee table. A feast of cole saw, buttermilk biscuits with mashed potatoes and gravy spread in front of them. Linden even bought beer. Was that damn Michelob shit but at least the man was tryin'.

Ennis sat down last, makin' sure he was on the far side of the couch. Jack sat in the middle. Linden played the TV remote and stuffed half a biscuit in his mouth. He was eatin' a breast so he guessed the earlier comment was all for humor. 

All was quiet, except for Nina, who was beggin'.

"Can't have chicken bones. Get struck in yer throat," Jack told her, then slipped her part of a biscuit.

"Yer quiet," Linden said to Ennis. 

"Yep," Ennis answered, flickin' his eyes nervous-like at Linden then ta Jack.

"Ok, what's up?" Linden asked. "You both are acting stranger than normal."

"Nothing's up," Ennis mumbled.

Jack sat back, takin' a swig of beer. "Hell, Ennis."

"What?" was all Ennis could say. Linden studied them both fer a moment, then dropped it. But after that was damned unbearable for Ennis. Linden kept meetin' his eyes, raisin' his brows, questionin'. That was the direct looks. Also seen him, takin' peeks. Ennis dropped his napkin, caught Linden watchin' him. Ennis reckoned Jack had a point earlier. Linden _was_ checkin' out his ass. 

Ennis took the last bite of the chicken leg and set his paper plate on the table. The sauce _was_ mighty good. He licked his thumb then his fingers one by one. Then he saw Linden with a fork-full of mashed potatoes hoverin' in front of his lips, his eyes big and fixed. On his fingers. On his mouth. Ennis pulled his finger outta his mouth.

Then Linden's eyes met Ennis'. Linden's eyes large and round with shock. He realized he was caught. 

The mashed potatoes slid off Linden's fork into his lap. Cheeks bright red, eyed wide. He jumped up. " _Shit_." 

 Ennis sat there, mouth open. His own eyes wide because now he could see-- couldn't miss--

 _His lap_. Gravy, mashed potatoes and--  _Don't look there. Eye level. Look away. Look away._

He did. For an instant, Ennis flashed a look at Jack. But like some bad accident, he looked again. 

"It's not what it seems," Linden babbled, covered his crotch and plopped back down on the couch next ta Jack. "Well, I mean it is, but hell. It happens to everyone. Why you looking at me like that? You were the one sucking your fingers."

Ennis couldn't speak. He stared down at Nina, who was at Linden's feet, lappin' the fallen potatoes off the floor. Then at the TV, pretendin' to watch the commercial, Alka-Seltzer tablets fizzin' in a glass. 

"Ennis?" Jack said, jabbin' Ennis with his elbow. "Ennis?"

Ennis opened his mouth, but nothin' came out. 

"Fine. I'll say it," Jack said, throwin' his arms in the air. "Ya like Ennis."

"Oh, god," Linden said, pressin' the palms of his hands into his eyes.

"Ya like Ennis, don't you?"

"Ah," Linden blinked. "Yeah."

"Don't blame ya. He's a fine-lookin' man, but ya understand he's mine."

Linden blinked again. "Yes, of course I understand. You've been together so long. The relationship you two have is something I want someday. I'd never come between you. It's hard for me not to notice him-- he's so good-looking. Sorry."

"Least you both could do is talk about me like I was here," Ennis cut in finally.

"Believe me, I never forget you're here," Linden said. 

"That's good," Ennis said. "...I think."

"M-m, Jack. I understand what you two have together is special. I'd never try anything. It's just, when he bends over or licks his fingers-- shit, I admit it. All he has to do it breathe and I notice. I know it's no excuse, but it's been a while since-- you know."

"I can understand that," Jack said, noddin' his head.

"I mean I come back here with the chicken, and I can't help noticing the bed rumpled and your hair stickin' out and Ennis' big smile. Puts all kinds of images in my head that got no place being there but they are. I can't chase the images away. Sorry that I'm rambling. I do that when I'm nervous."

"Noticed that," Ennis said.

"Yeah, but anyway, I'll try to keep my eyes to myself. I think it's time ta call Benito anyway."

"Good idea," Ennis said. He stood up and as he did, Linden's eyes stayed trained on the TV until he walked in front of Linden.

Ennis frowned down at him.

"Christ," Linden swore, "can't expect me not to look when it's in my face!"

Jack laughed and slapped Linden's knee.

"Ya could a walked around, Ennis."

Ennis grumbled as he picked up the phone. Roomin' with both of them was gonna be murder.

 

\-------------

Chapter 27

 

Jack kicked a stone across the parking lot. 

"I'm driving," Linden argued.

Jack followed behind, Nina tuggin' the leash. 

"Fuck a duck," Ennis said. "I'm drivin'."

"I don't care what you're into fucking-- I'm driving." 

But it was Ennis who got behind the wheel. 

Jack shook his head. Didn't know what was stuck under Ennis' saddle blanket, but he argued about every dad-burn detail-- even more aggravatin', was each time, Linden backed down. 

Weren't more than a mile when the two started up again.

"You headin' for I-35? I know a better route," Linden suggested.

"This here route Benito gave me is the one we're takin'," Ennis said. 

Jack groaned. 

"Well, spit on the floor and give me cholera!" Linden bitched. "Fine! Fine! Take whatever way you want!"

 _Fine?_ Jack was disappointed. Seems the whole "I gotta crush on you" took the starch outta Linden's drawers. Was like he was gun-shy. Or maybe it just wasn't worth the fight for Linden. Now Jack understood _that._ He'd bent ta Lureen's will enough 'cause it just wasn't worth the fight-- better ta stand up for an issue that really mattered. Go ahead and let Lureen watch JR Ewing, but come Super Bowl Sunday, there weren't no amount a bitchin' outta that woman's mouth ta move him off that couch. Hoped it was that way with this private detective. That fancy lawyer, Karen Redfield, seemed ta think Linden was damn good at his job. Other than when he got smacked in the head with a broom by an old woman, he kept his cool durin' that whole murder mess. Linden'd hustled them outta there safe 'n sound. Knew considerin' the fix they was in he needed to trust him. He was beginnin' ta feel like Ennis, all cautious, imagin' men with tire irons around each bend. 

What clinched the whole trust deal with Jack was Nina. She liked Linden. Licked his face, pawed his leg. At this moment, Jack had ta laugh. Nina angled for the prime window spot-- just where Linden was. She managed to drape the front half of her doggy body over Linden's legs. Jack heard the nails on her back feet scratch the floorboard  inchin' for a foothold. She begged Linden with happy paws and doggy kisses. And Linden relented and rolled the window down a little more. Then a little more. Soon Jack heard dog ears flappin' in the wind and every so often doggy spittle'd rain on Jack's face. 

Jack was glad this wasn't gonna be a long drive.

"Was that the exit?" Linden asked. 

Jack heard paper rustle in the air above his head. "No-- it ain't," Ennis said. "This here's the map." 

"Ok, ok, you don't have to wave it like a signal flag."

"Ya know, if ya rolled up the window some, her jowls wouldn't be baptizin' us," Jack finally piped up as he wiped off his face.

"Um, sure."  Both breeze and spray stopped, but Jack heard Nina's paws on the window. "Jack said no, Nina." Nina shifted her body around ta Jack, hopin' for a reprieve, most likely. 

Everyone was quiet. Ennis drove. Odometer ticked the miles, and Jack felt the belts on the tires click pavement segments as I-35 stretched ahead. Not one word. Jack got bored, put his hand on Ennis' knee but got swatted like a fly. Knew Ennis was self-conscious about Linden but damn-- _sometimes a man just needed a little feel_. Jack took his hand back. 

Linden leaned over, clicked the radio on and started singin' "All You Need is Love." Could carry a damn good tune. 

Ennis leaned in and turned the station, but Linden kept singin'. Voice was startin' to sound odd though. Wasn't hittin' them easy notes the way he done before.

 _Hell, why not?_ Jack smirked, closed his eyes and sang along too. 

Nina howled.

"Christ, I'll turn it back-- just stop," Ennis said, twistin' the dial back to the Beatles.

"Good," Linden said, "and could you pull over at the rest stop there? We need to change drivers."

Could hear Linden tap, tap, tap his fingers on the door handle.

"Don't need ta change-- I'm doin' fine."

"I know you're doing fine, but I think _I_ should drive now."

Ennis grunted at him. 

"You passed the rest stop," Linden said, tightly.

"Know that," Ennis grumbled back.

"You know how hard it's going to be changing places now?" Linden said, voice crackin'. 

Jack heard the tick in Linden's voice.  _Fuck._

"Why? Is somethin' wrong?" Evidently was and Ennis caught it too.

Then Jack heard a whistle and ping. 

"Fuck, down, down, Jack, duck down," Linden yelled.

 _Gun shots. Shit._ Felt Ennis' hand on his head, pushin' him down. Heard another ping and the back window exploded, glass spewed everywhere-- in his hair, down his back, on the seats. Nina flattened like a pancake on the floorboard, tuggin' the leg of Jack's jeans with her mouth fer him to get down there with her.

Next shot took out the radio. Crackled 'n popped. More shots. 

"That was too close," Linden said, the glass he shook outta his hair flyin' everywhere. "Scoot over, Ennis."  Jack bent forward and flattened himself forward-- Jack braced Nina against his legs as he felt something whiz near. Truck swerved, knockin' Jack sideways across the compartment into Linden. Couldn't hold Nina, and she rolled into Linden's legs. Next thing Jack felt was Linden's knee diggin' in his back as he clambered up and over his back. Felt somethin' wet on the back of his shirt. 

Jack was shocked how fast Linden climbed into the driver's seat. Ennis didn't argue. He moved just as fast and crammed Jack into the other side of the truck, pressin' his body tight to the door. The truck took a hard right, then left, then right again. Linden weaved in and out of traffic, and Jack's shoulders slammed between Ennis and the rock-hard passenger door. Horns blared, air brakes hissed, while wind and bits of glass bit at their backs.

"That semi was damn close," Ennis yelled.

Jack was amazed they was still on the road. Jack's stomach fell ta his feet, stuck his head between his knees and counted. Last thing Jack wanted to do was puke. 

"See that next exit?" Linden yelled. "I'm taking it!"

"You've been shot." Jack sat up hearin' Ennis say that. _Shot?_

"No shit. Hurts like a bitch too."

"He's shot?!" Jack asked. "Where?"

"Arm," Ennis answered. 

The truck veered again. Was instinctive-- Jack lunged fer Ennis, was Jack's turn to push Ennis down into the seat. Felt the jolt of impact as the pursuer's car rammed them. Metal screamed, the truck spun 360. He held him tight but not even Superman could a held Ennis tight enough. His head slammed into the dash.  Heard Ennis cussin'. Jack reached ta pull Ennis back as Nina rolled around on the floor with the empty Styrofoam coffee cups. Grabbed a fist full of them dirty blond curls and gave that mouth a kiss while his fingers traced the contours of Ennis' face, makin' sure-- then touched his forehead, 'n Ennis flinched.

"Ya ok, cowboy?" Jack asked.

"Jist a bump-- I'm fine."

Truck was still movin' fast down the highway. 

"They're comin' up fast behind us again," Linden yelled. "Need to do something for me."

"What?" Ennis asked.  

"Take the wheel for a second, Ennis-- I need my fuckin' Glock! Shit!" 

The truck swerved again. Ennis heard the rapid fire comin' from the driver's side, then Linden yellin', "Here we go!"

Jack gripped Ennis' leg again. This time there was no swattin' away. 

Linden floored it. Metal scraped metal again, Jack felt the vibration in his teeth. A second hard left and Jack felt his stomach flip as the truck dipped down, then up, up into the air, landin' hard. Heard Ennis' head hit the truck roof. 

Truck jumped across the medium like a stone skippin' water. Then sound of pavement under the tires again.

Horns blared. The smell of rubber filled the air. Wondered what happened and only one solution came ta Jack's mind. "You're goin' the wrong way!" he yelled. 

Jack felt Ennis twist in his seat. "They're followin' us." 

"I'm taking that exit-- shit-- entrance ramp. Ennis, use that Smith and Wesson of yours and shoot back!" Linden shouted. "Hit their tires!"

That was the last thing Jack wanted Ennis ta do-- didn't want his man a human bull's-eye. But no time ta argue-- could feel Ennis swing around again, reach in the back of his jeans. Felt Ennis' body steady, heard him take a couple of deep breaths. Jack squeezed his leg. 

Heard Ennis' gun goin' off. Heard metal screechin' on asphalt, then felt Linden bouncin' in the seat like a damned cheerleader.

"Fuckin' A, Ennis! Are _you_ a sharp shooter! Damn, that was a hell of a shot!" 

"Guess that means we lost 'em," Jack said. "Can I sit up now?"

"Fuck, yeah," Linden said. 

"How's your arm?" Jack asked.

"Not feeling much right now from all the adrenaline pumping through my body, but I bet it's going to hurt. Hope that vet of yours can remove bullets, because I think it's still in there."

"How'd they find us?" Ennis asked.

"Must have followed us somehow. Never saw them though so make me think there's a tracking device on this truck," Linden said. "Collinson and I checked it, but there's so many damned places to hide something like that on this thing. I'll check it again when we pull over. I want you to call that friend of yours, Ennis. We can trade vehicles. You said this was his truck anyway, right?"

"Yep." 

"I want to put a couple of  miles between us first."

"I think you're losin' a lot of blood."

"I am feeling kind of dizzy--"

"Maybe I should drive now," Ennis suggested.

"Maybe that would be good."

"Could you pull over to change drivers this time?" 

Linden laughed. "Sure thing, Ennis."

\-----------------------

They coasted into the Sunoco station at the outskirts of Laredo. Jack got out with Nina ta stretch his legs, and Linden climbed under the truck, his good arm under him. Ennis almost asked him if he needed help but didn't want ta be under that truck with him close like that. Not that he thought Linden'd try anything funny, but just made Ennis damned uncomfortable thinkin' on it. Then there was Jack. He was in the midst of one of his thinkin' spells-- so Ennis walked around the side of the station ta find the pay phone. 

The station was clean 'n new-- one with new-fangled pumps and fancy landscapin'. The large rocks and bushes reminded Ennis of the doc and his rock garden. Shrubs were perky orange lantana. Earth around em was freshly turned from plantin' and wet from waterin'. Ennis stepped over a puddle to where the pay phone jutted out on the side of the buildin'. Dialed Benito's number, rubbed the two dimes in hand together while he waited for Benito ta answer. Took only two rings.

"Good afternoon, Doctor Benito Reymundo speaking."

Ennis plunked one dime in the slot, then the next. 

"Hey, doc."

"Ennis! Where are you?"

"We're in town. Have a change in plans. Need ya ta look at the PI; he took a bullet in the arm."

"Shot? Someone got shot? Ennis, this is going too far. You told me you were calling the FBI in on this, but this is getting scary for both of you. Shouldn't this man go to a hospital and see a real doctor?"

"I think you'll do, doc. Don't want no questions, and it ain't that serious."

"I'll do it but I'm worried for both of you. You've have more than your share of trouble. Life is not fair to you boys. Have you lost these bad men?"

"Hope we lost them-- PI's checkin' the truck over again, but-- gotta ask ya another favor-- the PI wants to swap trucks with you even if he finds something-- ta throw them off. Can't say as I like the idea of them confrontin' you, doc. Ya got anyone around who could come with ya ta meet us?"

"I think I can scare up Jorge."

"Was hopin' you'd say that."

"In fact, he is right here standing next to me. He said we should meet at his shop."

"Shop?"

"Yes, he owns a garage. It's closed-- after hours. It's at Logan off Clark."

Ennis heard Benito talking to Jorge. "The address is 1345 Logan. Name of the place is Domingo's Body Shop. Big turquoise building-- the one with all the junk cars and trucks in front. You can't miss it. Meet you there in fifteen minutes."

Ennis said goodbye over the operator tellin' him his three minutes was up.

Walked back around the front of the building and watched Jack playin' with Nina. Was good ta see him smilin'. And Nina didn't look no worse for wear. It was the PI who was lookin' rough. He was sittin' in the cab, eyes closed, forehead tight. 

Wondered how a target as small as them arms could a got hit. Right arm too. Clear on the other side of the cab. Shit. That gunman was a sorry shot. 

"Come on, Rodeo. Gotta go and meet up with the doc. He give me a place we can meet." 

Jack nodded. Ennis stood back as Nina led Jack to the truck, and he let him open the door himself. He done good. Never figured something as small as openin' a truck door would make him tear up like a baby. Looked at Jack and his heart pulled tight. He was never so scared as he was in that truck a few minutes ago thinkin' he might lose him. 

Linden took the window seat again, and Ennis drove. After what happened earlier, he didn't think he'd argue with Linden about who's drivin' ever again. 

After seein' the PI in action today, he understood for the first time how a man like Linden existed in this part of the country without gettin' the shit kicked outta him daily. That little fucker was fast. Still had a hard time believin' a man like Linden, gay and out there, could make a livin' as a PI. 

Domingo's Body Shop _was_ an eyesore. Big, aluminum-sided with one poorly applied coat of turquoise paint slapped on the sides. The one saving grace for Ennis was seein' Benito waitin'. 


	10. Chapter 28-29

Chapter 28

Ennis hated drivin' by, but had ta be done. Linden pointed out it wouldn't be smart to park the truck in front of the body shop and told him the used car lot across the street was perfect. They all agree that lot was the best place.

Ennis crossed the street with his hands in his pockets, grinnin' at Benito. The old guy looked great. Seeing him made Ennis feel like a kid. Benito mussed his hair, kissed his cheek, and made Ennis blush to his toes as the old vet clasped Ennis to his chest. Jack came up behind joinin' in for a three-way hug, and it felt damn good. Benito held a big piece of Ennis' heart, and Ennis swore he'd never take a loved one fer granted ever again. He'd make damn sure the vet was in his life until one of 'em stopped breathin'.

Ennis' gaze rested on the man with the oh-so-familiar face. That strong square chin, bright white smile and warm dark eyes that were shaped with the wisdom of Sister Sarita.

  
Ennis slapped his hand into Jorge's, givin' two strong shakes. "Nice ta finally meet ya," Ennis said. "I reckon you're Jorge."

"You're right there. And you're Ennis. And this is Jack." Jorge looked over at Linden. "And who's this?"

Jack and Ennis parted, and there Linden stood between them, shufflin' his feet and noddin' in Ennis' direction. Them damned eyes drooped wide and bashful like some shy puppy's. Ennis hated that Linden was flustered around him, but hated it more that Linden flustered him. And all that arguin'-- damned if Ennis understood why he kept pickin' at Linden.

Ennis observed Jorge's careful assessment and then Sarita's brother saw Nina and a big-toothed grin sprang to his face-- Ennis laughed. Frantic ta scratch an itch, Nina used Jack's leg like some scratchin' post, rubbin' her right side up, down and around. Jack wasn't minding at all-- he even helped her by leanin' in.

Ennis' heart skipped. Jack smiled so easy, could drink in that man forever, way he swaggered all sure and easy. 

"This here is private eye Wesley Linden," Jack spoke, noddin' to Linden. "This here is Benito and Jorge."

Jorge's dark eyes focused on the private detective, movin' over Linden's face, chest, arms like he was inspectin' a paint job on a car. Eye fixed on the sleeve of Linden's blood-soaked shirt. Linden fidgeted like he had the habit of doin', then the PI flashed Jorge one of them gap-toothed grins and shook Jorge's hand with his good arm. Turned to Benito and did the same.

Way Linden's lips tightened, Ennis reckoned his arm pained him something fierce. Benito noticed too and brushed Linden's shoulder, then he spoke, concern in his voice, "Think we should go inside and have a look at your arm, son."

"Sure thing," Linden whispered as he stepped forward.

Ennis took Jack's hand, steps equal like their minds was together; Ennis found that he barely needed to guide Jack through the auto graveyard. Nina scampered in and out of the cars without a care.

Jorge unlocked the padlock on the chained door.

\-------------------

Linden liked Benito right off. He had a bounce and zest to him. He sparked right up watching Nina and then the way he'd hugged Ennis made Linden all warm and mushy like watching Ward and the Beaver. He was glad introductions were fast though-- the bullet set off bright sparks of pain with each slight movement and throbbed even when he was still. He didn't mean to be such a wuss when it came to pain, but he'd always been this way, even as a kid with just a scraped knee. He was never good at ignoring his ailments _or_ anxieties.

Everything after that was pretty much a blur as Jorge opened the door, and Benito hustled him into the garage. His eyes adjusted after a moment. The garage was dark, but enough light filtered in from the front windows to see. But instead Linden watched his feet as he walked, a bad habit he still carried from childhood. He shook his foot, but no luck getting' it off-- wadded-up masking tape stuck to his shoe-- the stuff was everywhere in strips and balls on the floor. Jorge bent down and ripped it off for him. Linden blinked; his eyes fixed big in fascination. _What is wrong with me?_ he thought. _First ogling Ennis' ass, now this guy's._

_I need to get laid._

Jorge flipped on the lights, and Linden's trance broke.

He looked up and away, wishing he hadn't-- at least Jorge's ass was stimulating and kept his mind off the abomination that was this place. Memories of auto shop plagued him, and this place was like the old nightmare. Paint covered everything-- testing nozzles filled with metallic colors. Smell of spray paint and grease. Every surface, layer upon layer covered, forming surreal blotches. Then there was a huge floor-to-ceiling fan sucking air out of the building-- huge blades whirling-- like out of some bad sci-fi movie. The only things in its place were the tools, and mallets, screw drivers, ratchets, and wrenches: big wrenches, little wrenches, and a three foot monster wrench.

Linden stripped to his t-shirt and waited for some smart-ass comment about his physique and was nonplussed when none came. He checked out the less than sanitary conditions. At least Benito washed his hands in the sink, even though it was coated with congealed paint and Bondo. And he did use soap even if it was that crap sandpaper soap called Lava.

Benito looked at the wound, pressing around the edges with his finger.

"I'm going to give you a local anesthetic to numb it before I go digging around to get it out," the doc said. "It looks pretty clean to me. I'll give you an antibiotic to ward off possible infection. You'll need to change the bandage for the first day or so."

Linden nodded as he watched the doc turn to get what he needed out of his bag. Big Black Bag. Just like those old-time doctors on TV. He lined the instruments out just like soldiers. First Benito took the scissors and carefully cut away Linden's shirt. Linden held his breath and remained very, very still.

As Benito swabbed gently around the wound, Linden worried that the body shop wasn't sterile.

He didn't look as Benito stuck the needle in his arm because he worried that he'd start crying like a baby.

He felt a pinch. Then another, then another. That wasn't _that_ bad, but he still couldn't stop obsessing on the grease and dirt that coated every last crack and groove of the shop. What if he contracted some rare infection?

Benito finished swabbing, and Linden had no inclination to look when the doc asked, "Do you feel this?"

"Yes," he squeaked back. Damn, he thought. Look at Ennis. He thinks I'm a chicken. Act tough.

"This?"

"No." 

Fuck, he thought, I shouldn't have lied. Now he's going to cut into me.

"Maybe we should wait a few more minutes-- to make perfectly sure," Benito suggested.

He liked that vet more and more with every minute--

Linden waited. Benito prepared.

No, no-- the scalpel and tongs won't feel like a hook and ladder. No, no--

Then he looked. _Dark dreamy eyes._

_Not Ennis. Not Ennis._

_Jorge. Darker dreamy eyes. Yeah. Wait-- no-- don't look. Straight man! Straight man! Look down, no-- look up-no look down-- ah, fuck. Big muscle… I mean muscles. Not good-stop it. Don't look at the ass-- don't look at the ass. Oh god, he noticed, he noticed me checking his ass._

"I got it. It's out."

"What?"

"The bullet," Benito said. "Now I'll suture and bandage you right up then you boys can get to your hideout. I hate holding you here too long."

Linden kept his eyes on Benito. He decided that was the safest option. His arm didn't hurt, but his pride did. The old guy had Linden sewn up and bandaged lickity-split and handed him some pain killers and antibiotics.

\-----------------------

Ennis liked the place the doc found for them in Zapata County. House was nothin’ fancy-- a slab home on a lonesome road with no neighbors. House had only a couple of rooms. Wide open kitchen and livin’ area all in one with rafters openin' up to the loft above where the one bedroom was. Was out in nowhere land, where the sun set on big sky. Linden didn't appreciate the view none. First thing he asked was about comfort, how many beds, was there a TV or one of them new-fangled microwaves. That was the problem with them city folk-- too many comforts. Ennis was happy with a campfire and a sleeping bag. And if he was really desperate for entertainment, a harmonica played by Jack Twist. Wasn’t long ago he’d a done anything ta hear him play.

“Guess I’m taking the sofa,” Linden said, givin’ Ennis then Jack a quick look as they both sat down on it. “For the night, I mean. And I sure hope voices don't carry.”

Jack bit back a laugh. “Well don’t go strainin' yer ears-- never know what ya might hear.”

“Jack, will ya stop?” All Ennis needed was fer Jack ta be encouragin' him. _Damn._

Linden was doin' his usual investigation of the premises. "Looks like your friends stocked it with food," he said, openin' the fridge then checkin' out the cupboards. "Don't know about you two, but I'm starved. Either of you two like to cook?"

"Well, Ennis here ain't bad at warmin' up beans," Jack laughed.

"Jack ain't much better. He does fine with breakfast on a campfire though."

"I guess you two won't mind if I cook then," Linden said, perkin' up. "Looks like I could make spaghetti pretty fast. You like spaghetti?"

"Sounds good," Jack said, and Ennis nodded, agreein'. 

Pots and pans banged. 

"Need help?" Jack asked. "With yer arm that way, might be good ta have a hand." Ennis frowned as Jack poked him, coaxin' him ta help Linden.

"I guess," Linden said, lookin' at Ennis all unsure.

"I'll help." Ennis got up slow off the couch and wandered next to Linden.

"I'll need a large pot for the pasta, a small frying pan and a good-sized pot for the sauce. And a colander too." 

Ennis nodded, and dug through the pans, findin' what Linden needed.

"A cookie sheet for the garlic bread would be nice too."

Ennis set all the pots and pans out for Linden while the PI got what he needed out of the fridge and cupboards.

Ennis filled the pan with water and turned on the stove, gettin' a grin from Linden.

"Thanks," he said. "I think I can handle the rest from here."

"I don't mind helpin'. Know yer arm ain't painin' ya none right now, but I imagine gettin' shot takes it outta of ya."

"I imagine."

"Sure you're fine?" Ennis asked.

"I'm dandy," Linden said. "You could cut up the mushrooms."

Ennis nodded. Could do that. 

Linden had the sauce started while he got the bread ready. 

"I liked the vet friend of yours, Benito. You're fortunate-- friends like him are pretty rare." 

Ennis looked over in Jack's direction. Alls he saw was the back of his head along with the back of the old couch. "I think so too," Ennis said, scrappin' the mushrooms into the fryin' pan with the back of the knife.

"Can't say as I've had many close friends," Linden said. "Karen's about the closest I have to a best friend out here. Never had many good friends out east."

"Never had many good friends myself," Ennis admitted, watchin' Linden sauté the mushrooms. "But I always had Jack. He's been my best friend fer twenty years." Ennis looked over at his best friend, his lover. Jack turned his head and smiled at Ennis. Was amazin'. Must a felt Ennis watchin' him-- or nosy bastard was listenin'. Sometimes the way Jack felt  and heard things it was almost spooky. Him and those super sensitive ears. Damn he loved that nosy bastard. 

Reckoned Nina was either sprawled on the couch next to him or on the floor near his feet 'cause she weren't nowhere in sight. 

"That's what Jack told me." Linden stirred the sauce. "Twenty years is a long time."

Both stood next ta each other by the stove as Linden worked. Ennis shifted his weight from one leg to the other.

"Guess you can sit down with Jack-- thanks for the help."

Ennis nodded, then wandered out to Jack. Moved Nina over and got cozy next ta him. First time in days Ennis felt safe. Jack kissed his head and reached around him, pullin' him closer. Ennis felt the inevitable stirrin below. Jack put his hand there and squeezed. Ennis didn't push him away. He was glad the couch was facin' the other way. Leaned over and whispered in Jack's ear, "Later, Rodeo I'll give ya all this. Ya like that?"

Jack groaned quietly back in his ear. "I sure would, Cowboy." Jack rubbed his cock harder. "Like makin' out on the couch with the parents in the other room," Jack whispered, toyin' with Ennis' zipper. 

"Ah, yeah, but don't want ta git caught."

"That's what makes it so excitin'," Jack murmured. He took his hand away from the zipper, graspin' Ennis hard through his jeans instead. 

"I ain't gonna be able ta stand up ta eat if you don't stop," Ennis moaned.

Jack laughed softly and took his hand away. He rested his head on Ennis' shoulder until it was time to eat.

Dinner was good. Linden made for a good cook. Ennis had ta admit it was a hell of a lot better than Chef Boyardee. Had two helpings. Noticed Linden lookin' at them both strange, like he knew what he and Jack was up to on the couch. Didn't do much talkin', just feedin' their faces. Jack offered ta help with the dishes, so Ennis told Linden they'd handle them and fer him to settle down and rest. 

Linden found some blankets and a pillow. After finishin' the dishes, they found Linden asleep on the couch with Nina curled up at his feet. Jack gave Ennis a wicked little smile, and they was off ta check the accommodations.

Jack had no problem climbin' the ladder to the loft. 

"If we're gonna do this with him in the other room we gotta fuck like mice," Ennis whispered, behind em.

"But their dicks are little." Jack took Ennis' arm.

 "I mean quiet like a mouse." They walked over to the bed. Was a small bedroom, but neat.

"Oh," Jack whispered, pullin' the quilt on the bed back. "I got ya. I was just kiddin'. Why you all serious?"

"Cause I'm always serious when I'm about ta fuck you silly," he said as he stripped off his jeans.

"Now yer makin' jokes."

Jack flung his clothes off and climbed under the covers, and Ennis followed. Jack planted a hot wet kiss on Ennis' mouth.

"Sh-h-h-h!" Ennis hissed.

"What? You think he's Superman?" Jack whispered. "Queer superhero hears homos suckin' face from forty feet."

"Shut up and suck my dick."

"Love ta."

Jack did. Kissed a trail all the way there. Made special lip-smackin' sounds just ta piss Ennis off, too.

"Think he can hear that?" Jack asked.

"He ain't gonna hear nothin' if you wrap that mouth around where it should be, friend."

Ennis groaned into his pillow as Jack did exactly what Ennis suggested.

Make him come so hard, he screamed into the pillow.

Now was Jack's turn.

Ennis took Jack down his throat. Never tasted anything like Jack Twist after a spaghetti dinner. Ennis reckoned it must have been that garlic toast.

He kept havin' ta whisper, "Shut up, Jack." Finally stopped and threw the damn pillow at him. Had ta stop and look at the man. Was all flushed. Loved that look of desperation in Jack's face. 

"What?" Jack asked.

"Told ya ta be quiet like a mouse. If ya don't listen ta me, I ain't gonna let you come."

"I'll stuff the pillow in my mouth, just fuckin' do it."

Ennis went back down on him. Jack kicked and squirmed. Never had ta wonder if he was doin' right by him during love-makin'. Man was always so demonstrative. Could tell he was about to shoot because his legs got taunt and still like when yer gettin' ready ta pull the trigger. Then he went off-- thrashed around on the bed like holy hell. Loved that Jack Twist--

Best dessert he ever had.

\--------------------

Chapter 29

Some days it still shocked Jack ta wake, open his eyes and not see. Memories blurred, darkness took shape in his thoughts. The musty quilt and hard bed brought back the shack, and for a moment he was back there, in its bleak, lonesome grip. Unsure Jack reached out, relief washed through him as his hand found reality in a touch. Jack pushed the past from his head, and his heart quieted as Ennis pulled him close, and Jack's fingers smoothed over the strong arms that folded under and around-- all them bad dreams dissipatin' into mornin' twilight memories. Ennis woke back into his life. 

Were times when Jack looked forward ta dreamin'-- where light, color and movement took solid shapes. Where he could see. The night's memories were just out of reach. He recalled fragments. There were faces he saw and longed ta see like Ennis', Bobby's, his ma's. There were faces he'd never seen so he imagined them-- like Benito's and Linden's. It'd been days, maybe weeks since Jack'd had one of them dreams of the men without faces. Last night it was different. He saw each face clearly like a photograph. As Ennis rolled inta Jack and heat melded to heat, all was lost. Photo negatives melted. Were the men real like dream-Ennis or imagined like dream-Benito? Jack didn't know. As Ennis kissed his neck, all was forgotten. All was bliss. 

Jack rolled ta face Ennis. Mouths met. Jack's fingers pulled on tangled curls at the back of Ennis' neck. Ennis rocked gentle against Jack and moaned just as gentle inta Jack's mouth. Both moved slow, easy. Quiet wasn't forced this mornin' like it was the night before. Instead, quiet came natural. Jack rolled Ennis on his back and eased on top. Was always nice havin' Ennis inside him but were times like this he loved fuckin' dry with hot, hard friction. Times he liked bein' inside Ennis too. This mornin' was one. 

Ennis was of a like mind. Placed the tube in Jack's hand, then murmured, "Take me, Rodeo," into his ear. Jack slicked himself up and let his thumbs smear over Ennis' tight pucker. Jack heard the hitch in the back of Ennis' throat. That hitch sent his heart poundin' and body achin' all kinds of ways, mostly itchin' for the cowboy. All them years of not havin', all them years of yearnin' for what he had underneath him now set Jack's heart and body afire. His man moved a little, linin' up. Ennis was silently askin' for what Jack was wantin' ta give him. Jack gave it to him, inched two fingers easy-like, testin' the openin'. Pressed and Ennis' muscle gave. Heard air whoosh from Ennis' lungs. Felt the pull and tremble in his man's thighs. Jack hooked his fingers inside, findin' that key and turnin' it,  teasin' it. Ennis quivered and shifted under him, edgin' for more contact. So Jack gave it to him; free hand grabbed him tight. Loved the texture, the one thick vein runnin' up his shaft, the way the smaller ones pulsed, makin' Ennis rock hard. Loved the way his cowboy's cock would twitch right when he stroked that sweet spot inside. Jack moved between his legs, lettin' his own cock brush against Ennis'. Was like takin' a taste of frostin' before eatin' the cake.

He pulled his fingers out and let go a Ennis. Like an invitation, Ennis opened his knees wider, and Jack lined up his cock. He pressed in. When Ennis' body yielded, Jack bit back a moan. No way he wanted Linden hearin'. 

Ennis was so quiet-- he was the mouse. Jack knew Ennis though. The man had other ways of speakin'. Body told Jack all he needed ta know. Felt him tighten, twitch, relax. Felt them tremors movin' through him like water ripples turnin' ta rapids.

Jack stroked then stopped, stroked then stopped. Ennis thrust back between each of Jack's pauses. When Jack could stand no more, he pumped Ennis in earnest. Jack let himself drop, head ta toes, all his weight movin', curves alignin', hips grindin', meetin' his. He kissed Ennis' face and tasted salty tears on his cheeks. Both whispered words. Both gasped and gathered themselves.

Jack's right hand took back ahold of Ennis. Hips frantic. Jack knew the bed was makin' all kinds of noise, but no way ta stop-- not now. Ennis shot over his hand, and then Jack came. Lights rocketed behind Jack's eyes. 

Then from below-- 

"You know I can hear you!"

Ennis groaned. Jack swore under his breath, 'course he heard, and most likely he heard last night too. 

Jack kissed Ennis. Out of breath and covered with sweat, Jack didn't much care if the Pope himself heard em. But Ennis would care. Jack hoped ta hell this wouldn't make Ennis so self-conscious that they wouldn't fuck with Linden around. 

Was some bangin' and swearin' downstairs-- sounded ta Jack like Linden stubbed his toe from the groans and curses. After Linden settled down, Jack overheard him mumblin', "There's no way I'm going to be able to go back to sleep after hearing that."

"Was afraid he'd heard," Ennis whispered. _Shit,_ Jack thought, _now Ennis is gonna get all tied up in knots around him again._

"Might as well come down," Linden called up. "Already took Nina outside. I'm going to take a shower then make breakfast."

Jack called back, "Thanks." 

"Well, damn," Ennis drawled to Jack. "Better get up then."

Jack gave Ennis a sloppy kiss then swatted his ass. Didn't get the reaction from Ennis like he was expectin', was hopin' fer some wrestlin' time, but Linden's voice interrupted em. "When you take your shower after me, I'd appreciate it if you took it _separately_. I don't want to be imagining what you're doing in there _together_. _Jesus_." 

Then Jack overheard Linden bitchin' under his breath, talkin' ta Nina about "horny cowboys." 

Heard Ennis movin' kinda slow gettin' dressed, and Jack grinned, takin' some pride knowin' he was the cause. Heard water runnin', so he reckoned Linden missed Ennis moseyin' down that ladder like an old man. 

\----------------------

"So when we meetin' up with them feds?" Jack asked, scoopin' scrambled eggs into his mouth with his toast.

"Later today was the plan," Linden said. "I'll have to call Collinson this morning and not from the phone here. No way I'm taking a chance of a trace."

Ennis watched as Linden slipped Nina a piece of crust. She licked her lips, then pawed at Linden's leg for another handout. 

Ennis had ta smirk. The PI looked more like a kid this mornin' than before. Had on torn and worn blue jeans and wet ringlets dripped on his faded blue t-shirt. Instead of the contacts, he sported some old wire-rimmed glasses that inched down his nose. Bandages on his arm were all which way; it was obvious he'd changed them himself. 

"How's your arm?" Ennis asked. 

"I took a Vicodin 20 minutes ago. It's starting to kick in now."

"You shouldn't be drivin'," Ennis said, startin' ta feel more fatherly toward him. "We can take ya."

"It's only my arm. I've driven in worse shape than this." Ennis looked Linden straight in the eye. Didn't want ta start another argument, but the PI was being stubborn again. Got Ennis ta thinkin' maybe that was why he was always at him. Maybe it was more of an age thing. 

"Still think ya shouldn't drive takin' that shit," Ennis grumbled. 

"I've taken worse, and besides it's not far. I won't be gone long." Linden stood up with his plate and carried it to the sink. He rinsed off his plate and fork, then wiped his hands on the back of his jeans. "Trust me on this, Ennis. I'll be ok. No one will notice me. I'm forgettable."

Ennis weren't sure what Linden meant by the forgettable crack. More and more he come ta know him, more and more Ennis realized the PI was anything but forgettable. Ennis sized Linden up. Still looked like some kid, but his mind was anything but juvenile. But ta look at him, most people would assume he was still in high school.

"Ennis, he'll be fine. Sides, all of us ridin' around are gonna stick out like a sore thumb. It's better that we stay put, be safer that way fer all of us."

Ennis nodded, then grunted in agreement so's Jack'd know. He got up with his own plate and picked up Jack's. 

Linden stretched and yawned, watchin' Nina as she began her morning ritual: rollin' around and around, back and forth, squirmin' and wormin' onto her back, soft furry tummy up with feet dartin' and dancin' in the air. Ennis grinned. The girl was workin' hard ta get that itch taken care of by rubbin' the floor. Looked damn cute, too. He wondered sometimes if she did it 'cause she did look so damn cute-- doin' it got her all kinds of attention like Linden's cheerful laugh and reward as he reached down and scratched her belly.

"More coffee?" Ennis asked. Jack nodded, leanin' back in the kitchen chair. Ennis grabbed the coffee pot and filled Jack's then his cup. Didn't sit back down though. Lit up a smoke instead.

"I'll take one of them, too." Ennis hesitated, then passed it ta Jack but didn't light another up fer himself. Should never have lit it up. Done well cuttin' down. Noticed Jack not smokin' much these days. Fer Jack's sake, reckoned he could do the same. Was hard though-- wanted one somethin' fierce. Shoulda kept em in his pocket. Watched Linden take out one of them nasty clove things. Least Linden stepped outside last night when he smoked em. Never smelled nothin' like em and wondered why anyone'd smoke such nasty things.

"What got ya smokin' them cigarettes?" Jack asked. 

"My roommate in college. He was Indian."

"Know'd a lot of Indians," Jack said, "but never known one ta smoke one a them."

"No, not those kind of Indians. I mean Indian as in from India."

"Like the country. I get it."

"The cigarettes are actually Indonesian. It's not native to India although they are popular there. But it's not a cultural thing for him. My roommate just smoked them because he thought they were cool."

"Smell funny," Ennis groused as he scratched the side of his mouth. "Look  funny, too," 

"What they look like?" Jack asked, pokin' Ennis.

"Thin, dark brown paper," Ennis described. "Not like them funny cigarettes." 

"Ya mean pot?" Jack asked.

Linden laughed. "I got some of that too."

"What? No shit," Jack exhaled. "Haven't smoked that since Lureen brought some home from a Bingo night."

"Never heard of a Bingo night like that before," Linden said. "Maybe I should go..."

"Well, was after Bingo that she got it from LaShawn. They just chain-smoke cigarettes there."

"Ain't smoked it much," Ennis said.

"Once with me though," Jack laughed.

"Want ta smoke one now?" Linden said, jumpin' around like a boy in a candy shop.

"Sure," Jack said. 

"I thought you had ta call Collinson about the feds--" Ennis said.

"I'm not going just yet," Linden said, goin' for his jacket and reachin' into his front pocket. He sat back down at the table with them and rolled one up, lickin' the ends when he was done. Ennis didn't mind sharin' one with Jack, but he wasn't sure about this-- with Linden's germs 'n all.

Linden fired it up and another kind of sweet hit Ennis' nose. Linden passed it to Jack first. After Jack took a drag, he held it out for Ennis. First he stared at it.

"Come on, Ennis."

"Fuck," Ennis said, "can't believe we're doin' this." And he took it, put it to his lips and inhaled. 

"Hold it in," Linden said. 

"I fuckin' know that," Ennis said, then started coughin'. 

"When ya choke it means it's good shit," Linden said.

"Must be really good," Jack said.

"There ain't nothin' else in this? I ain't gonna see pink elephants, am I?" Ennis asked. 

"No, this pot is clean, Mexican sensemillia," Linden said. "That happens when it's laced with acid."

"What?" 

"LSD. It's supposed to make some people hallucinate. Never did it to me though. I didn't like it much. This is a lot better. Hey, Ennis, don't hog the joint!"

Ennis didn't notice nothin' at first. Then his head felt funny, like some thin film encased his brain and dulled what was comin' in. Started noticin' things he hadn't. Maybe it was the light of day, or maybe the funny shit he smoked, but Ennis noticed the house was in sore need of cleanin'. Cobwebs clung on the kitchen curtains, and dust was thick on the sills. Windows were in sore need of washin'-- all coated with a yellow film. Whoever stayed here must of smoked. Wondered if they smoked this funny shit.

Eyed Jack. Loved it when he hadn't shaved and was all rough-lookin'. Lips on that cigarette looked mighty fine too. Made him hard thinkin' on what them lips could do. And last night. _Damn._ Ennis wiggled around in his chair. Ass still ached. Stockin' feet kicked the floor. Smooth hardwood floors, but floor needed sweepin'. All sorts of dust bunnies runnin' around down there.

"Nothing like a morning buzz," Linden yawned, then took one last hit then stared a moment at the fiery tip in front of his eyes. Glasses made them look wider and bluer, like a little boy inspectin' a bug. "Makes me tired though. I tell you, I really didn't mind that much hearing you two have sex. There's worse things." Linden stubbed out the end with his thumb and forefinger then pushed it  into his front pocket. "You two are pretty nice guys. I don't meet a whole lot of guys like us around here. Out East it was easier to find somebody. Here I'm always worried that someone's going to try to kick my ass after. Once this guy had a knife." 

Ennis reckoned "somebody" was Linden's code fer "queer."

Linden lifted up his shirt. "Caught me right here before I realized he even had it." 

"Damn," Ennis said. Scar was about two inches long, red and angry lookin'. 

"I broke his nose." 

All them old terrors welled up in Ennis lookin' at that scar. 

"You two are lucky to have each other," Linden sighed. "I've been searching for Mr. Right but don't know that I'll ever find him."

"That might be yer problem," Jack said. Linden looked over at Jack quizzically. "Yer searchin' for him. Maybe ya just need ta stop searchin'. Sometimes love finds you when ya least expect it. You're young yet. You got lots of time."

Ennis had ta smile at that. Sure was true. Thought of times past. All them days on Brokeback. Jack Twist peelin' potatoes. Playin' harmonica. Swimmin' naked. Never expected ta find love herdin' sheep on an old mountain, but he found it. Remembered the moment he knew he loved Jack Twist. Puked his guts out. Sometimes when love finds you, ya ain't ready for it. But thinkin' back, maybe it's better that way. 

Jack laughed. Ennis realized he missed somethin'. He was thinkin' so hard on the past that them two's conversation had gone clean by him.

"I just like pissing Ennis off and making him all embarrassed," Linden said. Ennis frowned. _What the fuck had he missed him sayin'?_ "Sorry," Linden continued. "You know I do."

 Linden looked Ennis square in the eyes and laughed so hard he started to hiccup. Then Jack joined him.

"What?" Ennis asked.

"I think Ennis didn't hear what we just said," Linden gasped.

"Where were you, cowboy?" Jack asked. 

"What's so funny?" Ennis asked.

"We was talkin' about our sex life."

"You sure do talk a lot."

"People say that about me, too," Linden said between gulps and giggles.

"I think we need ta stretch our legs," Jack suggested. "Wanna go for a walk outside, cowboy?"

"Sure thing," Ennis said.

"Have a _good walk_ ," Linden giggled, "if that's what they're calling it now."

Ennis gave Linden a smirk. As he got his hat, he noticed Linden watchin' his ass again. Ennis waved his finger at him back, makin' Linden's cheeks get all red. 

"Sorry," Linden hiccupped.

The walk was nice. Ennis never remembered the sky bein' so blue or the air smellin' so crisp. And Jack's hand in his never felt so right or so warm as it did walkin' down them trails. 

Had him so much fun just havin' Jack Twist beside him, forgot ta ask what was so damned funny.

\-------------------

Ennis kept his head low. Meetin' up with the feds wasn't what Ennis thought it'd be like. There they was. No dark suit and ties. He glanced up. All three clean-shaven, with short hair, but none of em looked like the squared away conservative men he'd imagined. Wore plain clothes. Jeans, pullover shirts. No fancy black car. Drove a white Buick. When Ennis raised his head ta meet their eyes, he was forced ta squint-- afternoon sun blinded him as it bounced off Lake Casa Blanca's waves. 

When Linden told them where the meetin' was, Ennis felt relief. Sounded like an out-of-the-way place. Huge state-owned lake, way off the main highway on an old dirt service road. 

Karen Redfield was there standin' next to them and her state of mind was apparent ta Ennis. Her features were tight, mouth a line, her eyes dark. Didn't look good whatever it was they were conversin' about. Didn't seem ta bother Nina none. She wagged her tail and sat at Jack's feet. 

Ennis shook each of their hands-- firm handshakes-- he'd expected that. Watched as they shook Jack's hand and finally Linden's. Names were John Thomas, Peter Chan, and Sam Elysburg. Each one had faces that said nothing-- bodies straight and just as stagnant as their features. Ennis began thinkin' maybe the first image he had of em in his head was right-- exceptin' what he thought they was made of on the outside was on the inside instead. Didn't like them much right off. 'Course Ennis reckoned they wasn't in this fer makin' buddies, but they was downright cold lookin'. Then Ennis saw somethin' spark in Elysburg's eyes as the man studied Jack-- all full-out, no holdin' back. Seemed ta Ennis the man was takin' advantage that Jack couldn't see him. Didn't like that man judgin' Jack. Not one lick.

"What's up, Karen?" Linden's question got Elysburg's attention. Linden stood, smirk on his face, hands thrust in pockets, looking all of seventeen. Elysburg hadn't paid much mind ta Linden, but now he gave Linden the public enemy number one look. 

"You're the PI." No question, just fact with a shovel full of contempt behind it like PI was a dirty word.

"I am." He ignored the insult and kept lookin' at Karen. "What's up?"

"You tell them," she said pointedly to Chan. He sighed and turned to Linden.

"We've had members of the Childress Police Department under investigation for over four years," Chan continued.

"Four years!" said Jack.

"They knew," Karen said. "They knew about Jack from the very beginning-- where he was, what happened to him, and who did it. And they did nothing."

"What the hell," Ennis said. 

"Had to be that way. We had no choice. You were a casualty," Chan said matter-of-fact-like. "When we first started this investigation, we believed that the corruption was just Donaldson _and_ maybe a few men on the take. You know, smuggling a few illegals over the border, moving narcotics for some extra pocket money. We put an agent inside. What he found was more than a corrupt chief of police. Goes deeper. We know who they are, what they're up to, but we can't get to them."

"You're makin' it sound like this is some Mafia connection," Linden said. 

Chan waved his arm. "No, that's not it. Not Mafia. But just as powerful."

"Christ," Jack swore. "My family's in this-- my friends. It's not just me. Are you sayin' ya can't protect us?"

"I'm not saying we can't," Chan said. "But there is so much you don't understand. More than your life is in the balance here."

"Don't keep us in the dark," Linden said. "All I ever get from feds are either convoluted stories or vague threats. I'm sick of this. Are you going to tell us or not? Who are we up against? We need to know."

"More of what are you up against," Chan explained. "These men are highly organized and part of a conspiracy to to oust President Madrid and overthrow the Mexican government. Donaldson and his group are just American sympathizers, the arms on the body of this organization. The head and torso is in Mexico."

"You've got to be kidding," Linden laughed. 

"I don't believe it-- A plot to overthrow the Mexican government," Jack said.

"I don't believe he used anatomy as an analogy," Linden turned to Elysburg. "I hope he's kidding. He's kidding, right?"

"We _never_ kid," Elysburg said. "Now, Mr. Twist, you must tell us what you know. _Everything_."


	11. Chapters 30-31

Chapter 30

 

"Wait a minute, we haven't agreed to anything," Karen said. "Whatever you need to ask Jack, you can do it right here."

Ennis smelled rats. Really big, greedy rats-- way these FBI characters with beady eyes nosed around like they was searchin' for scraps to take back to their rat hole. No way they were gonna treat Jack like leftovers. 

Ennis knew he shouldn't be feelin' this-- but he could only push it away for so long-- his old self reared up: _Here it is. Knew this was comin'. This is what happens ta people like me._  

Ennis always thought that the feds were supposed to protect Americans. Guess it depended what kind of American you was. What the hell were these fellas thinking puttin' innocent people's lives in danger? Shouldn't matter who ya love. Shouldn't matter none who or what they was. No one deserved this treatment-- especially his Jack! Now they were tryin' to take Jack away somewhere ta "talk" to him like he got no rights? He's a US citizen! They'd "talk" to Jack alright-- over Ennis' dead body!

As Ennis watched Elysburg and his men draw together like they was one unit, the big old man-made lake behind them started ta look more artificial by the moment. Noticed dead trees stickin' out of the lake. Even the color of the water weren't right-- weren't natural. A sign posted near them warned "this lake is unsuitable for swimming or bathing. Hazardous to your health." Seemed ta Ennis these fellas were a lot like the lake-- to the eye they looked fresh and clean but underneath they was poison. 

Ennis ached for real lakes and rivers that flowed natural and men who was like 'em. Men like Benito. With that ache came a fear that ate away at him-- fear for his friends. Never had a real friend 'sides Jack until now. Look, he'd already come ta call Benito a friend. And Linden. Mostly Ennis feared losin' Jack. Never wanted ta know what is was like to live life without Jack ever again. Since he'd found him, his heart never felt closer ta Jack-- not even on Brokeback. 

Brokeback was a dream-- remembered Jack's words that it was all they had. But now, this here was real, fer the first time what they had was out in the open and Ennis never wanted the most important part of him ta be secret ever again. No goin' ta places and hidin'. Ennis reminded himself, _I deserve happiness. I deserve Jack Twist._ Spent so many years believin' that happiness was never comin' for him, was hard to believe that he truly did deserve a better life with Jack. Ennis reined in his doubts and fast. Damn, he had to-- if not fer himself fer Jack's sake. Jack deserved more than what the good lord had seen fit to pass his way this last year, and if Ennis could do anything ta stop these men from messin' with Jack, Ennis would protect him to the bitter end.

Was like Linden read Ennis' mind. Linden spoke up with an edge in his voice that Ennis had never heard from him before. "If I'd have realized you were pulling the strings from the get-go," Linden said, eyes narrowin'., "I wouldn't have initiated this meeting. Jack is not, I repeat, _not_ , going anywhere but back with us."

Ennis nodded in agreement, ballin' his fists. He was likin' this private eye more and more. Yes, he was both Jack's and his friend.

"You seem to think you have a choice in all this, Mr. Linden," Elysburg said, adjustin' his holster for effect-- that just pissed Ennis off more. Ennis got a look at Jack's face and fer someone who couldn't see, Jack knew what was happenin'-- saw Jack's entire body tense.

"That strong-arming doesn't fly with me," Linden shot back. 

Ennis stepped forward. "You touch Jack, and I swear I'll rip you apart," he barked. Ennis clenched his jaws and started to rush Elysburg like a bull. Was Jack who pulled him back fast from behind, strong hands held Ennis' arms tight.

Elysburg reached for his semi-automatic, but Chan grabbed Elysburg's wrist and shook his head.

"I think we need to all take two steps back and three deep breaths-- _right now_ ," Karen said.

Jack loosened up his grip on Ennis' arms. Ennis let his body rest back into Jack's. 

"I agree," Chan said, lettin' go of Elysburg's wrist. "Let's all take a moment and calm down." Elysburg put his gun back in the holster. Ennis' and Elysburg's eyes remained deadlocked on each other, and Ennis slowly loosened his fists. "We can talk right here-- no need to go anywhere." 

Jack stepped next ta Ennis, shoulder bumpin' his, and Nina sniffed Ennis' feet.

Elysburg shot his razor eyes from Ennis to Jack and then over to Chan. _Seems Chan don't like this Elysburg none either,_ Ennis thought. His heart pounded, and he took the breaths like Karen suggested. It helped. When Jack decided Ennis musta cooled down enough, he let go of Ennis' arms, although Ennis still felt where the press of Jack's fingers secured him. Didn't look like Elysburg was takin' Karen's advice none, though. Only reason Elysburg was steppin' back was Chan. Became mighty apparent ta Ennis who was higher on the peckin' order of the two. Suddenly Ennis decided Chan was gonna be his new best buddy.

Elysburg feigned composure, took out a cigarette and lit it. Acted all cool, but Ennis saw his eye twitch-- knew that man was a controlled forest fire.

"Before I do any more talkin'," Jack spoke up, "I want ta hear more about what ya plan ta do ta protect my friends, family and me." Ennis looked over at Jack. His head was tilted up, eyes forward. Nina was sittin', bunched up tight against his leg, head tilted at the same angle and eyes trained in the same spot as Jack's-- right at Chan. 

"That's reasonable," Chan said. "Protection is our central motivator for bringing you in. Right now, you're highly vulnerable."

"No shit," Linden said.

"For more reasons than all of you are cognizant of--" 

"Chan, hold it right there--" Elysburg interrupted. 

"Jack needs to know if he's going to help us," Chan said to Elysburg, then turned back to Jack. "When you were in the hospital in Nuevo Laredo, we arranged to have a chip implanted inside you-- a tracking device. We brought in some surgeons to implant it in your arm. It's called an imposed identifier."

 "You stuck somethin' inside a me?" Jack asked, flabbergasted. "Where is it in my arm?"

"Wait a minute--" Linden said, snapping his finger. "That's how Donaldson's cronies knew where we were!" 

Chan nodded. "The information got leaked. Jack's movements haven't been secret."

"You've-- _they've_ known where we were from the start?" Jack said, swiping his hand through his hair. "That's how come they showed up at Benito's place and followed us here!"

"And found us at that poor unfortunate Miss Parker's house," Linden added.

"This is bullshit! What right do you have doin' this! I don't believe I'm walkin' around with some weird thing in me. What else does it do? Is it like some damned remote control? Can ya make me do things?"

Chan and Elysburg held a straight face but the third agent smirked.

"That isn't possible to do," Chan said. 

"Or some damned explosive device-- I seen this one movie where they stuck somethin' inside a man and blew him up by just pressin' a button."

"Let me assure you, Mr. Twist, we implanted a tracking device-- and that is all."

"Where is it?"

"In your left arm, just above your elbow."

"How far can this thing track a person?" Jack asked, rubbin' the spot on his arm.

"Almost anywhere on this planet."

Ennis was amazed and terrified; he never knew this was possible-- thought this was only the stuff of science fiction. And some of them questions Jack was askin' didn't seem too far from crazy ta Ennis.

"Is there anywhere I can't be detected?" Jack asked. "Like a cave or a lead building? --you know like Superman can't see through lead?"

"Like a dampening field?" Karen suggested.

"We don't call them dampening fields-- that's a term used on _Star Trek_ ," Chan shrugged. "But the signal is weakened where electronic equipment is concentrated."

"I can't believe I've walked around and dropped bread crumbs the whole way," Jack said, pacin' back and forth between Linden and Ennis, Nina guidin' him. "They've followed me, you've followed me. Is there anyone in the free world who hasn't followed me? And who the hell puts tracking devices inside of people? Thought that only happened in movies! Jesus Christ, I'm not fuckin' James Bond!"

"You'd be surprised how much our government relies on such technology, Mr. Twist."

Jack rubbed above his elbow again. "Well, I want it the fuck out of me."

"So your plan _is_ to take this chip out?" Linden said doubtfully. "What's to keep you from putting another right back in?"

"No, we won't. Not unless we find who leaked the information. There's no point in putting in another chip-- they'd track his movements with that, too."

"Christ on a crutch," Jack said. "Is there anything else?"

"We do have information that you knew something that they felt was a threat to them," Chan continued. Jack groaned. "Had you questioned LD Newsome about anything prior to your accident? Could have been regarding financial transactions."

Jack shook his head. "Lureen does the books. She'd of noticed anything funny. I reckon she'd of gone to her daddy first if she'd found something wrong since he _is_ her daddy, but she'd have said somethin' ta me after. And I'm the one they went after that night, not her, thank god." Jack's head swung around to Elysburg. "How much danger is she in? Ya think they was worried she might of told me something?"

Linden was listenin' with his head down, kickin' stones with his shoes while Jack worked his jaw. 

"It's possible, but I don't think so," Chan answered for him. "I believe you're right. If they thought she knew something, they would have messed with her, not you."

"Wherever they are now, they're off our radar," Elysburg added. "We don't know, so I'd say they're safe for now."

"There could be a second set of books that your wife doesn't know about," Chan suggested.

"If there is, LD would keep them far away from me. No way he'd let Lureen near something shady either."

"Nothing has turned up in our investigation," Elysburg added.

"I bet," Linden mumbled under his breath.

"So you think I know somethin' but don't remember?" Jack asked Chan.

"My guess is that what you know is something you've overlooked-- something you consider insignificant. Did you argue with Newsome about anything in the weeks before?"

"Christ, that's the problem-- I argue with him about everything."

Linden suddenly stepped between Jack and Chan, blue fire in his eyes, smackin' his head with the palm of his hand.

"Hold on. Don't say another word, Jack," Linden said. "I knew something wasn't right. Leak! Leak my ass! There was no leak. It was intentional. You leaked information!" Linden looked squarely at Chan. 

Karen's eyes lit up. "Why didn't I see this before? What were you hoping--" she asked, turnin' to Chan. "That Jack would get picked up, and they'd take him to their leader?" 

"That would be highly unlikely," Chan said. "They'd remove the chip immediately; they'd never leave it in."

"Not unless you put another one in there that they don't know about!" Linden shouted.

"You're being paranoid, Mr. Linden," Elysburg said.

"I don't think he is," Jack said. 

"There's two in him?" Ennis asked. Overthrowin' Mexican government, trackin' chips. Like some mini-Watergate what-did-they-know-and-when-did-they-know-it sort of shit. This was all too confusin'. And these fed weren't givin' straight answers. 

Hit Ennis like a bolt. They'd _wanted_ Jack ta git kidnapped. They'd planned it that way. That's why they done put in the chips. 

"If Linden's right and you put _two_ chips in Jack, one chip them bad guys know about and one they don't," Ennis said, head rearin' up, "you've been hopin' they'd git Jack, and track him to wherever they took him!  You slimmy low-down excuse fer--"

Jack hands were on Ennis, holdin' him back again. Ennis pulled back, fer Jack's sake. Ennis let Jack lead him out of earshot from the rest. Jack moved in close, mouth near his ear, "Ennis," he whispered, "they ain't got me. Calm down, fella."

"But they was trackin' ya," Ennis said back, quiet-like. "They was hopin' that these Mexican revolutionaries, or whoever the hell they are, were gonna show themselves-- Chan don't care what happens to ya, Jack. He knew you were alone, livin' in squalor in that shack. Them men who beat ya coulda come back. Ya coulda got hurt again, Jack. Ya coulda got hurt again bad." 

"But they didn't-- you found me, and now I'm here."

"They don't give a shit what happens to ya," Ennis said, frownin'.

"No, probably not. I don't trust em none either, but this ain't goin' away by itself. We need their help, Ennis."

They both walked back to the circle. The others had watched the quiet exchange between Jack and Ennis. 

"I think there's something else to this," Karen said slowly. "If we reasoned there were two chips, I bet those revolutionary lunatics have too. After all, they've eluded the US government. It'd be stupid to take Jack somewhere sensitive to their operation."

"We do want Twist to lure them in," Chan admitted. "And you're right. They more than likely found out Jack had two chips in him. They've been waiting and watching, biding their time."

"We do need Jack's cooperation," Elysburg admitted. "We'd like them to show themselves, but we also need to know how they plan the coup." 

"But why would they show their hand knowing that Jack's leading you to them?" Karen asked.

"They'll think he's clean, because he will be," Chan said.

"What?" Jack said.

"We remove everything," Chan said.

"And they'd just believe me? Why? Because I'm such an honest guy?" Jack asked sarcastically. 

"Like they won't check for themselves--" Linden added. "Of course they will. And they won't have anesthetic handy either."

"Nothing will happen to him," Elysburg said.

"You can't guarantee that--" Karen said. Ennis knew she was right-- there was no way he could make them kind of assurances.

Ennis felt sick in the pit of his stomach thinkin' of anyone cuttin' on Jack, hurtin' him that way-- those people would do that too. Didn't sound like they'd stop at much ta git what they wanted. And what if they thought Jack knew somethin' and was keepin' it from em? Ennis didn't even want ta think what they'd do ta Jack.

"Jack ain't gonna be human bait," Ennis said.

"And how's this going to work without getting anyone killed?" Karen asked.

"We set it up so Jack is alone."

"Come on! They'll know it's a set up," Linden said.

"They won't suspect," said Chan. 

"This ain't happenin'. No way I'm lettin' Jack do this," Ennis said. Cold fear filled his guts. He looked at Jack, his Jack. No way he'd let him do this.

Was like Jack knew what Ennis was thinkin'-- turned right ta Ennis and said, "It ain't up ta you."

"Hell it ain't," Ennis flew back at him."This could get you killed!. I can't live through that. Not again."

"What are we gonna do then, Ennis? What's the difference? I'm already am in danger-- you are too. We all are! Lureen and Bobby. Everyone we care about can be hurt by this. And what about all those other people we don't know? Are their lives worth less? I couldn't live with myself if someone got hurt, and I did nothing. I gotta do it. It's the right thing to do."

"Doing the right thing can get you killed," Ennis said.

"I want this over with. Ain't no way out I can _see_ a way out-- and I ain't sayin' that as a blind man-- it's a fact. I want to hear what these fellas have in mind," Jack said. "I want this over. I want a real life."

"Christ, Jack." Ennis knew it was over. No more arguing with Jack-- he'd made up his stubborn jack-ass of a mind already and had his heels dug in deep. 

"What do you need from me?" Jack asked Chan.

"We need to know specifics," he answered. "When this is going down and how. You're the only resource we have now since we lost our inside man."

"You _lost_ your _inside_ man?" Linden said. " _Lost_ as in _dead_ lost?"

"We haven't heard from him since he went to a small villa outside of Puebla three weeks ago." Chan straightened his back and stretched. "It's not unusual for an agents in deep cover to drop off the radar for weeks or months without us hearing a word from them, especially in sensitive situations like this."

Ennis felt worse by the moment. Had even less confidence in these here men. Didn't look good if they couldn't keep track of their own man, how was they gonna protect Jack? Guess that was gonna be up ta him.

"First we need to figure out what Twist knows," Elysburg said, turnin' to Jack. "Think. Go through some of those disagreements you had with Newsome just before your accident--"

"Weren't no accident," Ennis interrupted.

"Alright, the attack. Think. What did you disagree about?"

"Well, one day we argued about Bobby and gettin' a tutor for him. LD said he didn't need no tutor, Bobby was just lazy and needed a good kick in the ass. LD is one stupid mother fucker."

"What else?"

"Said I didn't need no hour lunch break no more. Said I 'goofed off' on his time enough. I told him I'd take an hour if he gave it to me or not. Screw him. And then there was the blow-up over repairs on that Mr. Henley's John Deere that was still under our extended warranty that LD didn't want to cover. I told him he was gonna honor it, but he said to shove it up my ass. I just paid for it out of my own pocket instead. That old farmer bought every piece of equipment he owned from LD. I figured I made enough in commission off Henley, I felt I owed it to him, even if LD didn't think he owed him jack-shit-- ah--"

"Something else?" Chen asked.

"Yeah, we argued about fertilizer."

"Fertilizer?" Linden asked.

"Yeah, this fertilizer I found out we was transportin'. I asked LD, 'When'd we get into the business of haulin' shit,' and he shot back, 'What the hell you talkin' about?' Told me, 'We ain't haulin' shit.' I mean, I know haulin' fertilizer ain't like haulin' daisies, but I didn't see no shame in it except them drivers were illegal as hell, but that ain't abnormal. People use illegals all the time on farms and ranches. I reckoned LD thought he was too good ta be haulin' shit for a livin'. Lots of jokes about sellin' shit. Not somethin' LD wanted associated with himself. Bobby learned about a thing called a stigma and told me--"

"What kind of fertilizer?" Chan interrupted.  
  
"Don't know. Shit is shit, isn't it?"

The agents looked at each other. 

"Some fertilizers are used in explosives," Chan said. "Ammonium nitrate is one."

" _Fuck_ ," was all Jack said. It was enough fer Ennis ta know that was right. They all stood dead still; the only sound came from the waves slappin' the rocky shore of Lake Casa Blanca. Linden broke the silence, his voice barely audible over the waves, but it was clear enough ta Ennis. It was what everyone else was thinkin'.

" _They're making a bomb_." 

\----------------------

The ride back tired Jack more than he wanted ta admit. Ennis and Linden were both quiet. Linden drove and Ennis sat in the middle, leavin' Jack to share the fresh air with Nina. Jack's brain wouldn't shut down-- reckoned theirs wouldn't either. Jack was relieved; the agents relented-- let Jack go on his way. Let him go without Ennis takin' them apart or them takin' Ennis apart, whichever might of come first. Was able ta stop Ennis from doin' somethin' foolish more than a couple of times. 

Wished he could of seen them agents' faces, seen into their eyes. Had to rely on their voices and Nina next ta him. Hated that he missed so much. All them little things added up. Way Ennis thought Jack needed defendin' was both irksome and endearin'. He hated and loved that about Ennis. Hated and loved the way Ennis grudgingly stepped back and let Jack make the call. Jack didn't want ta be the one makin' the decision, but he had no choice. 

Knew Ennis never would agree ta Jack as bait. Ennis didn't argue none after Jack made up his mind though. After all these years, Ennis knew better than to try to change Jack's mind when he'd made a hard decision. 

Puttin' his life out there to stop this was a scary thought. Hated bein' blind. Hated it. Made him feel helpless. But feelin' helpless and bein' helpless weren't the same-- that was one point that them bad guys didn't understand and it was a weakness Jack intended ta use ta turn this whole mess on its head. 

Some ways not seein' was better. Made him notice what other people didn't notice-- like how Chan hesitated and his voice raised just a hair when he was holdin' back information. Or how, although he couldn't see the fear in Ennis' eyes, he could smell the fear on him. Really smell it. Wasn't nothin' much, knowed he was the only one could tell, but Ennis got that musky scent to him when he was scared. Almost the same scent he got when he wanted ta go at Jack hot 'n heavy.

Jack reckoned not seein' had brought ta him layers of sensory complexities that he never would have known. Still he'd give anything if he could just see the freckles on Ennis' face one more time. 

Jack pined for his loss for a few more minutes, but came back to the fuckin' mess they was in. Nina nuzzled his neck then settled down, puttin' her head in his lap. He was just as afraid as Ennis was that someone was gonna end up dead-- except Jack feared more fer Ennis. He was hot-headed. The conspiracy to overthrow the Mexican government was nil compared to Ennis pickin' fights with FBI agents. Coulda got himself shot back there.

Ennis, conspiracy, ammonium nitrate and imposed identifiers pushed Jack's nerves to the edge. Half way back to the cabin, one of  them knee-bendin', stomach-churnin' migraines had Jack in a vise. Ennis knew Jack had a headache before Jack did. Jack knew he was moanin' but couldn't help it. Nina was whimperin' too-- her nose cold under his chin. Ennis asked Jack right off if there were any of them pills in the glove compartment or in his pocket. Jack told him, "No." When they got to the cabin, both Linden and Ennis helped Jack outta the cab and inside-- usually Jack woulda brushed off that much fussin', but he was right thankful ta have em there. Legs were mush, and he was dizzy-- no way he coulda made it on his own.

Seemed all three were deep in thought, all fixed on the mess they was in even after they got inside. Jack couldn't stop it spillin' over and over; he reckoned that most likely was the cause of his headache. Fixated on how he'd stumbled on to the explosives: how this group was stockpiling and transporting them. Jack still couldn't believe he had them things called "chips" inside him, like little beepers lettin' both sides know where he was. Wondered how much they could tell from them. Imagined they only knew where he was, not what he was doin'. They said they couldn't just push a button and make him move like some robot or blow him to kingdom-come. Jack reckoned they was tellin' the truth-- guess he'd watched too many late night science fiction movies. 

Ennis helped Jack to the couch, arm around his waist. Let him down easy on the cushions. Jack laid his head back into the pillow. Swallowed. 

_Science fiction._

One thing wasn't science fiction-- them people watchin' were real close. _Real close._ Wondered, where they was watchin' him from. Feds were certain that soon as they put their plan into action and left Jack alone, those bad guys would be inside this cabin faster than a jackrabbit.  

"Jack, ya ok?"

Jack nodded. "Hurts," Jack answered. "Need one of them pills."

 _Benito._ He was involved in all this now along with the Sister and Karen and Linden and Lureen and Bobby. So many people who'd helped them, and this was their thanks. The doc, he'd helped Ennis and him without knowin' a thing about them. Took 'em in just from Sister Sarita's word. Was good that there was some people in the world ta trust. The feds-- they was people who Jack didn't trust one lick, but knew he didn't have no choice but ta throw in with them.

He'd agreed ta let a "fed" doctor come and take the damn chips out of him right here in the cabin. He was comin' here tomorrow. Jack told them men he wanted the chips, "Take 'em both out and give 'em to me fer souvenirs." But it weren't no joke. He wanted them chips. They was proof. He didn't want no one cuttin' him up and lookin' for them. These revolutionaries wouldn't have a doctor. Most likely only a knife-- a really big knife. Jack wanted them chips so's he could physically show them bastards the two chips when they come for him. 

_"When they come for me."_

Head pounded like white heat. Didn't even realize he said them words out loud until Ennis whispered, " _Jack_ ," and he felt his lover's touch on his temples.

Ennis slipped one of them pills in Jack's mouth and helped him wash it down with a glass of water, tippin' his head up with his hand. Fingers brushed his forehead, and Jack moaned. 

Jack understood it was up ta him to get them talkin', ta find out about the explosives and what their plan was regardin' them. Jack wasn't no trained special agent. The feds had spent some time preppin' him today after Jack consented ta do this, but Jack wasn't sure of himself. They said, when they brung that man in to remove the chips, they'd fill him and the rest in on the particulars. 

Jack begun ta wonder about the place they was stayin' since this whole spy novel shit came up-- like maybe the cabin was bugged. When Jack asked, Chan had told him, no. They've been watching the cabin too and ain't no one been in there but those who was welcomed in.

Finally what ate at Jack was he knew how thin Ennis' grasp was on that sweet life. Knew Ennis' fears. Jack didn't know how to still that fear when that same fear ate at Jack too. They were so close to that life. So close. The last weeks were like heaven havin' Ennis with him-- an Ennis who supported him with words and touches Jack never had before. Ennis said, "I love you." Jack had wished to hear them words for oh, so many years. Now, he'd heard them, felt them in the pit of his soul-- what would happen if one of them didn't make it and left the other all alone? Knew Ennis feared some dark angel was swoopin' down to take this all away. Knew it 'cause Jack feared it too.

Ennis curled in next ta him on the couch. Nina jumped up to warm their feet. All their legs wound together, and Ennis wrapped his arms around Jack, feather-kissed his neck. Cramped but cozy. Mist came. Covered Jack's pain like the afghan over them. Love replaced worry as Jack fell asleep.

\--------------

Chapter 31

Ennis had just refilled Jack's coffee when Nina barked. Hearing her happy feet bounce on the tile never failed ta get a smile outta Jack.

"Not again-- just took ya fer a walk," Ennis moaned out as her toenails scratched the door. "Ya could at least wait fer me ta finish my coffee."

"She's not askin' ta go outside," Jack said, warmin' his hands on his mug. "She's tellin' us someone's here."

Jack heard chairs scrape the floor as Linden and Ennis both got up ta join Nina at the back door. 

"I expect it's someone we know," Jack said, leanin' back in his chair, listenin' to Nina's tail bang out her welcome on the kitchen cabinets. 

"Yeah," Linden said, "it's Jorge and a nun."

"Sister Sarita?" Jack put down his coffee and arranged himself for the occasion. Somethin' about the sister always done that to him-- made him sit up straight, plant his feet squarely on the floor, fold his hands neatly in his lap. Felt like a schoolboy all neat and proper waitin' for the schoolmarm. 'Course there was times when Jack weren't too polite ta her, and he was right sorry for his behavior now-- best he made for them times.

"Yep, it's the sister," Ennis said, swingin' the door wide open, "and looks like they got us supplies."

"Nothin' changes," Jack said. "She was always tryin' ta feed me-- now she's got three of us ta fatten up."

Jack stood up, back straight, like one of them guards at Buckingham Palace, exceptin' Jack smiled big with teeth gleamin'. He brushed off his jeans as they came through the door, sacks rustled exchangin' hands. The aroma slammed Jack right in his innards, got rumbles of hunger answerin' the call of them homemade tortillas, limes, chili peppers and chimis. Food was a welcome Jack loved along with Sister Sarita's joyous laughter. Jack had ta admit to himself, he missed her sorely. Was a time when he resented her, but she never gave up on Jack-- not fer one moment. Jack returned her sunny laughter as her small body lit into his and wrapped her arms tight around him. The little nun hugged him good, then kissed both his cheeks. Jack laughed clean down to his toes, and he hugged her back just as tightly, then lifted her off her shoes and swung her 'round and 'round. Nina followed her feet, barkin' happy. 

"Put me down, Señor Twist!" she giggled like a school girl.

"Ya think you could call me Jack?" he said, lettin' her down lightly.

"I think that if you know me well enough to swing me like a rag doll, I may call you Señor Jack."

"How 'bout droppin' the señor, too?" Jack suggested.

"That I cannot do," she laughed.

"What? Do nuns have some written code that they gotta address people all formal?"

"No," Jorge cut in. "That is our parents-- how you say?-- our upbringing?"

"Well, that makes sense," Ennis added, then smacked Jack on the back with the flat of his hand. "Sign of respect, but since when you gotta show respect ta bull ridin' combine salesmen?" 

"Señor Ennis!" she said. "Señor Jack, or Jack-- you both could use a lesson in manners. Introduce me to this nice young man!"

Jack heard Linden shufflin' his feet around. "Oh, sorry, sister," Jack said. "This here is Wesley Linden-- Linden, this here is Sister Sarita, Jorge's sister-- _real_ sister. Um, he's her brother."

"I remember you telling me about Jorge's sister," Linden said as he cleared his throat. "Nice to meet you, sister. I've heard so many stories about you from Jack and Ennis that I feel I know you already."

Jack wondered about Linden sometimes. Fer a man who could handle himself 'round sticky situations, he had a hard time with small pleasantries like right now, way his voice was crackin' like a teenage boy when he addressed Sarita and Jorge. Made Jack consider there might be something else goin' on with him. Knew he had crush on Ennis. Wondered if this Jorge was goodlookin'. 

Jack chuckled to himself recallin' Linden this mornin'-- although at the time Jack felt downright bad for him-- Linden got all tongue-tied when Jack ran into Linden bringin' down the sheets. Jack fergot that Ennis 'n him had mussed the sheets up--  smelled like sex and Jack knew that fer sure because Jack got a good whiff when Linden bumped into him with his arms full of them. _Christ._ Linden started ta stutter. Mumbled something about _horny cowboys_ and practically ran to the washin' machine. Jack had a feelin' that it wasn't just his and Ennis' spunk on them sheets. Now Linden was actin' all squirrelly around this Jorge.  

_Christ. Poor Jorge._

"Nice to meet you, Wesley," Sarita said. 

Jack wondered immediately why the sister called him Wesley, not Señor Linden? Or Señor Wesley? Decided it must be 'cause he looked like a kid.

"Jorge, could you get us some chairs, and we can have some of those fruit chimis I made?"

"I'll help you," Linden offered. 

 _Help Jorge git chairs?_ Jack knew he was right. 

Soon they were all huddled around the table, indulgin' in Sister Sarita's fried chimis filled with gooey, sweet bits of apple and cherry. Jack recalled the sister makin' these one other time fer him durin' his first days in that old shack. Jack pretended not ta want em or care at the time but as soon as the sister left, he wolfed em down and licked his fingers when he was done. Didn't have an appetite fer much, but them chimis was like heaven-- almost as good as his mama's apple pie.

They commenced ta fillin' the sister and Jorge in on what happened with the feds the day before, and Jack listened fer the most part while Linden did the talkin' with Ennis addin' some here and there. Jack was surprised to learn that the sister and Jorge knew some revolutionaries-- even had contact with em. Jorge said they was called the ZNLA or the Zapatista National Liberation Army. Said they weren't too widespread here in the north, but in the south they had a strong following. 

"The group formed from two differing factions: one pacifist and the other violent," Sarita explained. "We've had a few seek refuge at Santo Domingo de Guzman in Chiapas. At first they were seeking changes in the Mexican Constitution, not political upheaval. I have heard that the group has become heavily armed. There was some talk of people being killed. I have only heard rumors, no news of this."

Made Jack nervous, talkin' about all this. Knew he needed ta know more ta get prepared. Knowledge is power as his mama used ta say. Well, he needed a hell of a lot more knowledge if he was gonna get out of this in one piece. Still, it scared the shit outta him.

The sister told them that these ZNLA revolutionaries might not be the group the feds was talkin' about, but made Jack surprised nonetheless that there was such goings-on and that the sister knew about em.

Jack was on his fourth chimi when Linden got to the part of the story where Jack had volunteered ta be a guinea pig fer the feds. 

"I don't like the idea," Linden said, "but Jack's mind is made up on this. I'd like some kind of backup plan in case the feds don't come through."

"Don't know. I was thinkin' I'd let _the chips_ fall where they may," Jack said, but from the way Ennis grunted after, Jack knew Ennis didn't like his joke none. 

"I don't think that is wise, Jack. I agree with Wesley," Jorge said. "We need some sort of plan."

"Can't make a plan until we know what their plan is--" Jack said, frownin'. More he thought on this, more he didn't like Ennis gettin' in on a second plan. Not that Jack wasn't gonna have one, but he didn't want Ennis or anyone else riskin' their lives ta save his. 

"Besides," Jack said, "what if they see you nosin' around? That'll put the whole plan at risk. Can't take a chance on that. I think all of you should just stay out it-- best leave it up to the professionals."

"Them professionals, as you call them, are the ones who got ya in this fix ta begin with!" Ennis pointed out. 

"You're right, Ennis," Linden said. "I don't trust them. But Jack does have a point-- if we're anywhere near here, they won't chance taking him. We'll have to stay clear."

Linden delivered that last part so convincin' that Jack almost believed it. Almost. Jack knew better. No way Ennis would have let it drop. Or Linden. Jack played along-- fer now. 

\-------------------

Linden winked. Ennis saw it. Jorge did. Knew the sister did too. Ennis reckoned that Jack'd catch on, but he wasn't sure-- way Jack told them after he was glad that they was steppin' back, and it was best that they didn't interfere-- maybe Jack _did_ believe they was gonna stay out of it.

Still, Ennis was gonna watch him close. Scared Ennis that Jack'd get some dumbass idea of his own and try bein' a hero. 

Ennis noticed Nina paw at Jack's leg.

"Think she needs ta go outside," Jack said, gettin' up. 

"Sit right there," Linden said. "I'll take her out. I need a smoke anyway."

"I'll come with you," Jorge said. "Sarita hates my cigars."

"Ennis complains about my cloves."

"Don't complain _that_ much," Ennis said, but thinkin' on it, he had made plenty of cracks about them stinky, sweet things. 

Linden grabbed the leash by the door and snapped it on Nina. He stepped forward, not noticin' that Nina circled around him, windin' the leash around his legs. Before Ennis could spit it out, Linden tripped face first right into Jorge's arms. Linden's cheeks turned bright pink as he tried pushin' himself off Jorge like he'd touched fire, but Nina ran around his legs a second time. He was trapped, legs tied up and arms held tight to his sides by Jorge.

"Oops! Sorry!" was all Linden said, tryin' to avoid eye contact with everyone in the room. Jorge roared with laughter, shakin' Linden. 

Sister Sarita started, too. "I'm sorry," she said. "I have a weakness for slapstick comedy. People falling always makes me laugh."

"Glad I could entertain you," Linden came back.

Ennis joined in laughin', and Jack asked, "What?" and Ennis decided he'd better explain what was so funny. Told Jack the situation, gettin' a chuckle out of him too.

"I got an armful of private detective," Jorge said, makin' Linden more embarrassed-- his blush spread clean down his neck. Jorge had propped Linden's back against the kitchen counter, and Linden braced his arms against it as Nina tugged at his legs. 

"Here, pull your leg up," Jorge said, as he worked to untangle him. Ennis never recalled Nina doin' this ta him or Jack-- was almost like she was doin' it intentional the way she was weavin' around Linden. 

Jorge finally got on his knees and unsnapped her leash. 

 _Shit_ , Ennis looked away, pretendin' like he hadn't noticed that Jorge was eye level with Linden's crotch. No missin' what Jorge's close proximity was doin' ta Linden. Jorge had noticed too, and smirked. Ennis looked at Sister Sarita fer her reaction. Ennis reckoned she hadn't noticed since she was lookin' at Jack.

Ennis looked everywhere except at them, at Sister Sarita, at Jack, at the table cloth, his coffee. Jorge musta had him untangled 'cause Ennis heard him say, "There," like he'd accomplished some major task, then heard the leash snap back on Nina's collar. Ennis took a careful look-see over at them. Jorge stood up and asked Linden, "You coming?" 

"Ah, sure," said the PI quietly.

They went out the door with Nina. None too soon fer Ennis.

"I think your friend likes my brother."

Ennis felt himself blushin'. "I reckon yer right."

The rest of the day was lazy. Ennis was happy for that. Sister Sarita and Jorge stayed until after lunch, talkin' and laughin'. Was nice ta get his mind off this mess they was in. Ennis avoided talkin' about Jorge and how long they was gone takin' Nina for a walk. Linden was even more fidgety after comin' back-- but it was a different kind of fidgety. Later after they left, Ennis and Jack sat and talked with Linden-- got him to talk about some of his past cases. Found bein' a PI wasn't like on TV. Stakeouts took days-- sometimes months, and most times Linden was investigatin' such things as husbands cheatin' on wives or wives cheatin' on husbands not bad-ass criminals or murder cases. He did have an interestin' case where helped nail a serial killer. Told them some of  the grisly details of that. Also told them about the man who hired Linden to find his wife's killer. Ended up he'd hired Linden to cover his own tracks. "He was one of those people who think they're smarter than everyone else. All he wanted was the cool million in insurance money. Now he's spending his life in prison."

After Linden's stories, Ennis took Nina out for a walk without none of the antics from earlier that day. Made Ennis think that Nina was playin' games with Linden earlier.

When he come back inside, Linden was camped out on the couch, and Jack was already up in the loft. Nina jumped in beside Linden and huddled in between his legs. Linden giggled and pulled the afghan over them both-- Ennis still couldn't get over the way that man giggled-- had a right girly laugh. Started him wonderin' on him and Jorge. They was both actin' strange when they come back from that walk. Ennis wondered what fool thing Linden did. Wasn't his place ta ask.

Ennis used the bathroom, then went up the ladder. The light was on next ta Jack-- by the way Jack lay on top of the quilt, clothes stripped off and sprawled out Ennis reckoned Jack put the light on fer effect. His eyes closed. Lazy. Amazin' that just one gander at that body could still make Ennis rock hard. 

Felt a rumble deep inside him. "Roll over, Rodeo, I'll give ya a back rub." 

The corners of Jack's mouth turned up and his tongue poked out before he turned over, leavin' that perfect ass stickin' up in the air. Ennis smiled as he stripped, then crawled across the bed, until his butt rested between Jack's legs. He'd straddled Jack, his knees on the outside rubbin' each thigh. Ennis bent over and started at Jack's neck and worked the tips of his fingers, loosenin' them muscles. Man was tense, muscles tight. Ran his thumbs down the middle of his back, movin' down slow and workin' up and out, soothin' that tension outta him. Found one big knot in his lower back, worked it easy with his palms and fingers. 

"Feels good," Jack groaned. "Harder-- yeah, right there." 

Ennis bent down and kissed that spot, then kissed higher. As his body slid up Jack, his dick wedged between them ass cheeks, and Jack pushed up against him and moaned. Was like a matin' call. Next thing Ennis knew he was lookin' down as his own cock slid into the cleft of Jack's ass, and he held his breath as he saw his foreskin pull back, exposin' the red skin of his glans. He commenced ta kissin' Jack's shoulders silently like sprinkles of rain, sneakin' looks down every so often.

"Fuck me." Jack's whisper was harsh, raw. Ennis looked down again, then moved his hand across the bed, sweepin' what he needed to make his entrance easier into his hand. He slathered it on himself, then aligned his heat, shiftin' Jack hips as he did. The lamp on the nightstand illuminated his cock, all furious red, and it exposed Jack's ass, wrigglin' deliberately like some cheap whore. Made Ennis want Jack bad. Pressed his cock against Jack's pucker, teasin' and tauntin'. 

"God, yes," Jack said, throat dry and rough.

Seein' himself slide inside Jack was somethin' deliciously dirty, somethin' wicked, somethin' Ennis gobbled down. A hum started inside his head as he watched, run through his whole body. Somethin' inside him, thick and taut, ached to see them joinin'. Was a time Ennis used ta close his eyes. No more. From now on  he would savor it. Loved watchin'. Took him a long time to admit to himself how much he loved watchin'. Knew Jack couldn't no more. And Jack loved ta watch. Had a fascination for it. Was Ennis who'd admire the sight now. 

With one hard snap of his hips, Jack'd buried Ennis inside. Made his balls tighten ta see it. He pulled his dick out slow and watched Jack's ass pucker holdin' on tight to his cock like it hated givin' it up. _Shit._

Fucked him hard after that. Jack bit his pillow, and Ennis bit Jack. Leavin' a mark on Jack, liftin' up with his forearms just enough so's he could watch his cock disappear inside. Felt no shame. Ennis reckoned admittin' to himself that he was queer had done it. Was a freedom. He slammed Jack's ass hard. Loved hearin' his man moan. Jack came on that nice quilt, and Ennis pulled out as he was comin', just so's he could see his come splatter on Jack's ass. 

Damn, he liked bein' dirty. 

They both got under the messy covers and held each other, sayin' _I love you's_ and kissin' deep. Fell asleep tellin' Jack, "Don't go doin' nothin' foolish, darlin'." 

Wasn't until mornin' Ennis realized Jack never answered him back.


	12. Chapters 32-33

Chapter 32

Linden tossed around for the hundredth time. _Dang_. The couch hurt. One spring stuck up, then ping! there went another-- the point of one stuck in his back, but the shot to the kidney was the most painful.  He couldn't get comfortable no matter what position he was in-- back, stomach, side. Roll, roll, roll. And then there was the sounds from above. Did those cowboys ever quit? Ennis and Jack. Jack and Ennis. True love forever. Muffled moans. Stifled sighs. They _were_ trying. Could be worse-- life was better than the other night, sleeping in that bed above where they were now. Christ, sleeping up there was misery-- it reeked of Ennis and Jack and sex and everything he _didn't_ have. Then today-- he'd made a fool of himself with Jorge. First with getting tangled up in the leash like some uncoordinated fool. Then he found himself face first in Jorge's crotch and so turned on that even Sister Sarita couldn't miss his boner.

Then the walk. Good golly Miss Molly-- _He'd kissed him_. Jorge had pushed him up against the shed and kissed him. Twice. Linden's lips still burned from the touch. He still didn't understand himself-- why he did what he did next-- ran off scared like some kid. It was just-- Linden was surprised. Well, more like floored. He'd tripped backward on a rock, landed on his ass, got up and ran away with Jorge's laugh ringing in his ears and Nina barking beside him.

_Very adult. Smooth move, Linden._

Felt like high school all over again.

He'd slowed down as soon as he was out of earshot and walked the rest of the way back to the house, hyperventilating. He lingered outside with Nina-- waited-- caught his breath, then lit up a clove cigarette to take it away again. He let it burn down to his knuckles and mulled over all the same old shit in his brain he always mulled over when someone came on to him: _Fuck, why would someone want me?_ He'd burned his fingers. Dropped his clove. Crushed it with the toe of his tennis shoe. Shuffled his feet like a buffalo. Looked up. Squinted off into space and thought, _Where is he? Maybe it was an accident. He probably realizes his mistake._

He found that he couldn't drag himself away from the front door even with the knowledge that the kiss had been witnessed, that he should go inside and pretend it never happened. It wasn't smart--two queers making out in the open. Well, they weren't making out, but he wanted it again. Right at the front door. FBI and Donaldson's group of crazies and revolutionary sympathizers with binoculars be damned.

He remembered seeing Jorge walking up to him. Linden had lowered his eyes, not being able to meet the critical dark stare. He finally raised them when Jorge stood three feet in front of him; no doubt in Linden's mind what was going on-- his eyes had raked over Linden's body before stepping past him. 

"I stopped chasing long ago," he'd said as he brushed by to open the door. "I will wait for you to come to me." 

Just like that-- into the house. He had followed behind Jorge with ants in his pants. Ennis gave Linden that tired stare-- the one where Linden felt like Ennis could see inside Linden's head and knew what was there but was bored to tears by it. Sister Sarita had smiled at him like nothing happened, and Jack _seemed_ oblivious. Key word was seemed, because after Sister Sarita and Jorge left, Jack started up a conversation about Linden's work. Linden shared some stories with them. Ennis was interested, nodded his head and even asked a few questions. Thing was the whole time Jack was acting like there was more he wanted to ask-- but kept it back. 

The day in review turned sobering for Linden. Even the moans up in the loft didn't get a rise out of him; the more he thought about Jack, the more he realized Jack was up to something. Over the last few days, Linden had gotten to know Jack fairly well-- he realized Jack's mind was sharp, always searching. Ennis was smart too-- but a different kind of sharp. Ennis was nature- and season-savvy. Jack was people savvy. Linden knew part of it was Jack's sales background, but it was more than that. The reason why Jack excelled at sales was because he _could_ read people. Linden bet that sales honed a skill Jack already had.

What worried Linden most was that Jack was getting some idea to go off on his own to save the day. Linden planned to watch Jack closely.

He closed his eyes to sleep. Sounded like they were finished up there. 

_Finally._

\-------------------

He woke to them going at it again-- the bed squeaked in that unmistakable rhythm, and Jack's voice echoed down in a series of compliments to Ennis' manhood. This time Linden couldn't squeeze the sounds out of his brain. He couldn't take it anymore-- he took his cock in his hand and came to Jack and Ennis' grunts and moans. He hadn't masturbated this much since high school when he used to hide out and spank the monkey every morning in the boys' bathroom. That same little trick that kept him from embarrassing moments in the locker room now kept him from equally embarrassing moments with the two cowboys.

After he shot off into his Kleenex, Nina nosed the back of his neck. Linden got up, pulled on his jeans, jacket and shoes to take her out. He grabbed his cloves as an afterthought before he stepped outside.

He lit up while he watched Nina. The feds were coming today. They'd bring someone to take the chips out of Jack. Linden hoped they'd explain the plan. Whatever it was, Linden was sure it wasn't going down in this house. Whatever it was it had to look real. 

Nina was a real concern. 

Linden was worried they'd use the dog to make it look realistic-- after all, she'd never leave Jack's side. Last thing Linden wanted was for her to end up hurt or dead. If Jack was expendable, she was more than expendable-- she was a non-entity. The feds wouldn't give sacrificing her a second thought.

He finished his cigarette and patted Nina on the head. They both stepped back inside. He heard life above so he made coffee. _That should get them up._ Linden fed Nina, then grabbed his clothes and went to the bathroom to take a shower before they came down. 

He adjusted the temperature of the spray, thinking about everything that could go wrong. He stepped out of his boxers and climbed in the tub and pulled the curtain, shivering. The hot water helped. Linden was pretty sure whatever the FBI decided they'd do it soon. He knew that they didn't want to give Linden or the others time to come up with another plan. 

The more he went through possible plans the feds might conjure up, the more concerned he got. He finished washing his hair quickly. Didn't want to use _all_ the hot water.

He stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel. Jack and Ennis were talking in the kitchen, then he heard the kitchen door open. Must be Ennis was taking Nina out again.

He got dressed fast. This was his chance to talk to Jack-- alone.

\---------------------

Jack heard Linden shut the bathroom door.

"Hope we didn't disturb you earlier," he said.

"Ah, no," Linden said.

Jack knew right off was fuckin' lyin'. 

Jack knew he shouldn't feel good about makin' Linden feel miserable, but he couldn't help it. Everythin' inside him knew he weren't a threat, but there was still somethin' inside him wanted ta mark Ennis as his, and if passionate moans was gonna do it, well then, Jack was gonna moan like a banshee. 

Jack took a sip of coffee. Heard Linden makin' himself a cup, then the chair scrape as Linden sat down at the table next to him.

"I expect the feds to be here sometime this morning," Linden said.

"I expect so," Jack said in return.

"Shouldn't hurt. I'm sure they'll use a local."

"You look like warmed-over hash," Linden said. 

Jack frowned. _That wasn't nice ta say..._

"Thinkin' about all this makes me come apart on the insides-- guess it's showin' itself on the out." Jack rubbed his arm, thinkin' on it. "But I'm not worried about the cuttin'."

"Either am I, but I am concerned about you, Jack."

 _Shit, why's he gotta get all nice?_ Jack started ta feel guilty for moaning so loud, and a little bit pissed.

"No need ta worry none," Jack said, takin' another drink of coffee. "I can handle myself."

"That's exactly what I am worried about. Ennis is right-- you don't look good. You need to stop blaming yourself. Don't shake your head-- you are, and you know it. It isn't your fault-- none of this. And none of us can handle it alone. I want to make myself clear here: Don't go off thinking you can do this on your own. You've got Ennis and me. I know I don't look like I'm capable, but I'm good at what I do. I can handle more than a gun."

"Frankly, I don't know what ya look like-- just what Ennis has told me-- so ya don't need ta get yer defenses up. It's not that I don't think you're capable. I trust ya. Ennis trusts ya. That ain't it."

"Then what is it?"

"You ain't gonna be there. Neither is Ennis. I can't chance it. I got ta do this myself. If ya follow, they're gonna know. There's Bobby and Lureen ta think about 'sides you. Shit, I hate ta say it, but I got no choice but _to_ count on the feds."

"I wish we didn't have to," Linden sighed in agreement. "Do me a favor, don't shut us out. If you get any ideas, run them past me and Ennis first-- don't take any chances, Jack."

Jack nodded as he heard the door opening. Ennis. The man he loved beyond reason stomped his boots at the door. 

"Come on, Nina, git in here."

Knew somethin' was off. Nina was bein' stubborn comin' inside. Wasn't like her.

Smell of exhaust seeped inta the kitchen.

"They're here," said Ennis. Jack braced himself. _Shit. Explained Nina's rumble in the back a her throat._

"They're early," Linden said.

"I expect they want ta get this goin'." Jack pressed his back into the chair. "Know I sure as hell do."

Heard people comin' through the door. Felt Nina hug close to his feet. Felt Ennis' leg brush his as Ennis sat down on the other side of him.

Ennis got in close ta Jack's ear and said, "Chan and Elysburg are here with two other men I ain't seen before."

"How are you today, Jack?" Chan asked.

 _Like he really gives a shit,_ Jack thought.

"Reckon I'm fine. 'Bout as good as can be expected from a guy you're about ta slice and dice."

Men didn't even bother with introductions-- 

"Gonna do it right here?" one of em said.

"This looks like to be as good a place as any," said another. "He'll need to take off his shirt."

Jack nodded.

No need fer any niceties. Men got down ta business.

"This is a regional anesthetic. It will numb your whole arm."

"I thought you were going to do a local?" Linden asked.

"We might as well do the whole arm since we're removing two."

Jack didn't like shots none. Remembered when his ma took him in for polio inoculation-- Dr. Parker and Nurse Reynolds chased him around and around the examination room with the damn needle before they got Jack cornered. Cried 'n cried after, ma wipin' his tears. Weren't that it hurt so much-- was that scary lookin' damn needle. Leastwise he didn't have ta see it none now.

Nina musta read Jack's mind 'cause she started growlin'.

"Could you put the dog in another room?" Chan asked. 

"Sure," Linden said. "Come here, Nina."

Waited until Linden put Nina in the bathroom. She started carryin' on somethin' fierce right off behind that bathroom door, scratchin' and clawin' and whinin'. 

Shots didn't hurt too bad. Sat and waited fer it ta take effect. Was a few minutes.

"Feel that?" the man asked.

"No." 

"That?"

"No."

"That?"

Jack hesitated. Was like someone was pushin' er pokin' without no feelin'. Weird as shit.

"No." 

Jack heard people movin' around him.

"What'd ya do?" Jack turned to Ennis. "What'd he do?"

"Stuck ya with a pin."

Felt him doin' something. Reckoned he was cleanin' off where he was gonna cut.

Knew he was cuttin' and diggin'. Strangest sensations. He could feel pressure but no pain-- was like the very end when they was beatin' him. Couldn't feel no more-- like his senses was all locked down, protectin' him.

"Gross," Linden said.

_Shit. Why'd he go and say that?_

Then Jack remembered.

"I want em," Jack said, flatly.

"What?" Chan asked, clearly not understandin' what Jack meant.

"I want them chips."

"Those are government property. You aren't entitled to them, Mr. Twist," said Elysburg.

"Fuck they are. They been in me fer months! They belong ta me. I need em."

Felt the needle push goin' through his skin and then the tug of the thread stitchin' up his arm. 

"I don't see any purpose for you keeping them," Elysburg bit out.

"I'm gonna need em ta show them men so's they won't be cuttin' away ta find em," Jack snapped back.

"I should think the incisions would be enough," said the guy cuttin' away at him again.

"I ain't takin' no chances."

"Give him the chips," Chan said. 

This time there was no diggin' around. Found it quick.

The doctor, or whoever he was, wrapped em up in gauze and handed em to Jack.

Felt the pull and tug of gettin' sewn up again. Everyone was quiet while he done it-- like they was all watching him sew Jack up. When the sewin' was done, Jack felt him clean his arm up, and Ennis handed him back his shirt. Helped.

"I did a clean job. Only needed a couple of stitches per site."

"What's the plan?" Jack blurted out. He heard Ennis let out a long-held breath. Hated Ennis worryin' on him. 

Jack got his shirt half on and struggled to get his limp arm through, Ennis helped him. Shifted his body forward in the chair ta get closer to him. God, his touch was a comfort, even if parts of him were numb.

"Well, ya gonna tell us or keep us wonderin'?" Jack asked, restin' back into the chair.

"This will require some acting on everyone's part, but especially yours, Mr. Twist."

"I kin do that."

"You're going to need to convince them that you're breaking ranks with us."

Jack sat forward, puttin' his limp arm on the table.

"They'll never believe I'm throwin' in with em."

"No, not siding with them-- disgruntled with us enough to give them information."

"Won't have ta act."

Jack didn't have ta see ta know Elysburg was shootin' him the evil eye.

"How will all of this go down?" Linden asked.

"We're going to pull out," Chan said. "The best scenario would be to get Jack all alone."

"That will look suspicious," Linden said.

"No, it won't. Not if you follow our plan. This is what you're going to do..."

\-----------------------

Since the feds left Ennis and Linden had been doin' a lot of talkin'. Ennis spoke up more ta Linden now that Ennis was comfortable with him. Reckoned that bein' in dire straits formed bonds between people that never woulda been friends otherwise. 

Jack didn't know what to think about the feds' plan. They were gonna have ta move on it right quick. Jack reckoned the feds should be cleared out by now, leavin' them others to think on what was goin' on and wonderin' why the feds was leavin'.

Ennis' knee bobbed up and down, bumpin' the table and sendin' Jack's spoon on a ride across the tabletop. Course, Ennis was the nervous sort, but Jack never know'd him to be so dad-gum fidgety. 

Was important that they was all convincin'. Ennis wasn't no actor, but Jack was darn sure that Ennis would do fine. 

"Gotta make it hurt, Jack," Ennis said.

"I reckon I can. Just stand still when I go ta hit ya, Linden, so's I don't miss," Jack said. "But you've got to make it look like you're not expectin' me ta hit ya." 

"Give me a sign first," Linden said. "Tell me to shut the fuck up, then I'll give you a clean shot at my chin."

"Think they're gonna believe all this?" Ennis said. "Seem ta me just landin' him hard on his ass ain't gonna do it."

"Three queers fighting? Of course they're going to believe it!" Linden said. "Just come to my rescue, Ennis, and they'll believe every bit."

Jack patted Nina on the head with his workin' arm. Didn't like hittin' Linden. His other was arm still a bit numb and stiff. Hoped he could swing his right one and connect. She licked his numb hand. She was gonna be hard to keep out of the cross-fire. He'd been thinkin' on her, and he had an idea.

"I gotta get them ta take her with me." 

"How are you proposin' ta do that?"

"She's a special dog."

"I know that," Ennis said, "but I don't think that's goin' to get em to take her with you."

"What if she could sniff things out-- you know-- like them police dogs who smell drugs? What if she could sniff something else?"

"Like what?" Linden asked.

"I don't know-- like maybe people-- maybe I could tell em she could read people. That ain't far from the truth. Maybe I could get em ta take me into their confidence-- pretend that I didn't want nothin' ta do with the feds. What if I got em to believe the dog could judge who they could trust and who they couldn't."

Linden laughed. "Sounds crazy."

"I don't think it is."

"Worth a shot," Ennis added.

They all sat quiet, thinkin' on the day. Outside the wind was pickin' up.

"No use sittin' here frettin' more," Jack said, finally. "Might as well do it."

_______________

Chapter 33

The truck ride into town didn't take as long as Ennis woulda liked. He wished it'd a gone on forever, so's they wouldn't have to do this. All Ennis could think of was losin' Jack. He couldn't stand losin' him again. 

Despite the actin' they'd been doin' Ennis was watchin' Jack, savorin' what time they had together. He had them sunglasses on so's Ennis couldn't see his eyes. Ennis wanted ta see his eyes-- wanted ta see his eyes so bad. Hated havin' ta act like this-- pretendin' they was angry and actin' hateful to each other. What if somethin' went wrong, and this was the last time he'd ever see Jack again?  

Ennis didn't want ta think on that. No, not at all. His heart pounded in his chest as he drove.

The three of them done good at the cabin-- made it look real. They'd hustled out to the truck, yelled obscenities at each other, and thrown their bags willy-nilly in the back of the truck with Nina nippin' and nervous at their heels. 

Was Jack that said they should keep up their fightin' in case them men was watchin' em close-like. Poor girl didn't know what ta think of it all with her master 'n Ennis yellin' at each other. Hurt her feelings. She moped in the cab, layin' heavy against Jack's legs on the floor, pawin' at Jack ta stop every time he started yellin'. She didn't understand Jack was actin'-- that he wasn't angry at Ennis.

And them men had followed em-- just like the feds said they would; Ennis saw em in his rear view mirror, a gold sedan, followin' along. He pretended not ta notice they was there. Got damned nervous thinkin' on all the bad that might happen. Chain-smoked the whole time. Throat was raw from it.

They followed the feds' plan. Ennis pulled into the Burger King and snuffed out his cigarette. Checked ta see the men but couldn't. He knew them men was there behind em anyway. Most likely parkin' someplace close and watchin'. 

"Ain't no dogs allowed," Jack said as they started to get out of the truck.

"They'll let a seeing eye dog in," Linden offered.

"No. Best ta leave her be. Don't want her gettin' in the middle," Jack said. "She might mess this up. Just leave her in the cab until we come back out. I'll get her out of the cab as soon as we come out." 

Ennis nodded to Linden to let it be.

"Still don't believe they got Burger King in Mexico," Jack said.

He stepped outta the truck and stumbled forward, brushin' off Ennis' arm when he tried ta help. Jack slammed the door like he hated the world. 

"Don't touch me. I'll follow right behind."

Jack followed behind them. Was amazin' ta Ennis how he done that, like he had some kind of inner eye that was watchin' em. Still, Ennis held the door open. Didn't want Jack's inner eye to get black from runnin' into the door.

They got up to the counter and ordered-- Ennis shuffled his feet, looking up at the menu. Ennis was thankful fer one thing-- at least the menu was in both Spanish and English, so's he could order without lookin' stupid.

"Give me three Whoppers," Ennis said. 

Jack poked him in the back ta get his attention. Ennis turned his head and shrugged Jack off. Jack nudged him. Ennis frowned. "What you want, Jack?" he spit out. "Tryin' ta order."

"I want ta know why you doin' this?"

"Doin' what?" Ennis said, half turnin' ta Jack and half facin' the counter.

Jack clenched his teeth, pokin' his finger inta Ennis' back.  

"I want ta know why ya done it. So what was it? That I'm blind?" Jack asked-- loud enough so's those near em could hear, but quiet enough so's ta not disturb those sittin' down. "Is that it? That I'm not a whole man anymore? Or is it that he sucks cock better than me?" 

"Do-- do you want fries with your Whoppers, s-señor?" 

Ennis turned back to the teenage girl at the cash register, her mouth hangin' open in shock from Jack's words. Guess she heard. She was a cute little gal too. Looked all of sixteen, with her big brown eyes wide and worried. He reached into his back pocket for his billfold. Needed ta get this over in a hurry.

"Can ya not talk so loud, Jack?" Ennis said out the side of his mouth. He turned back to the young lady. "Thanks, fries too..." 

"And coke," Linden added.

"And three large cokes," Ennis said, wonderin' if they was safe ta drink, bein' fountain drinks 'n all. Didn't need to get the shits at a time like this.

"Why you takin' orders from him," Jack said, voice raised higher. "How long has this been goin' on?" 

Ennis pretended ta ignored Jack. Tried to, leastwise. Actin' was hard work. Was mighty hard doin' this in public. Wasn't expectin' Jack to spew out their sex life in front of all these people. Ennis half expected some of them Hispanic menfolk sittin' next ta the window ta haul out shotguns, yell "Es un buen día para cazar maricones!" then start ta blastin'. 

"Do ya _love_ him?" Jack asked, voice breakin'. 

 _Damn, Rodeo missed his callin'. Shoulda been in the movies._ "Jack, ya gotta talk about this here?" Ennis asked.

"No, guess not," Jack said, louder. "Never is a good time ta tell yer lover that you've been fuckin' around on him."

Jack's improvisin' wasn't sittin' well with Ennis at all. People were lookin' at em funny. Ennis hoped most of em didn't speak English. 

"I ain't gonna share ya," Jack spat out at Ennis, while Willie Nelson wailed "He was a Friend of Mine" over the sound system. "Never. I rather be dead."

Ennis knew he was the paranoid sort. Still, he was certain people were gettin' riled. Where was they? Was them guys in here, inside watchin' and listenin'? Ennis took a careful scan around the room. 

That man in the back with his head down looked mighty familiar.

"Calm down, Jack," Ennis pleaded, quiet-like. He noticed a young fella comin' up behind em wearin' one of them orange and blue uniforms with a stupid pointy hat and pin ta his shirt with the title "assistant manager" printed above his name.

"Who says I ever wanted to share him?" Linden spat back, gettin' in Jack's space. 

This was goin' from bad ta worse. 

"Señor? Señor!" The assistant manager stepped between Jack and Linden. Kid was zit-faced and nervous as all get-out. "If you do not stop, I shall be forced to have you leave."

"Not until I get my burgers--" Ennis growled. The young man stepped back, fear in his face.

"Fine," Jack said, "get your damn burgers. I'll be outside."

"No you ain't," Ennis said, grabbin' the back of Jack's shirt. "Yer stayin' right here."

"Stop bossin' me around," Jack hissed, yankin' away from Ennis' grasp. "Always bossin' me-- I'm damn tired of it."

Ennis took the bag of burgers and fries, then handed Linden the drinks. 

"How 'bout _he_ stays here!" Jack yelled, motionin' ta Linden.

"He ain't stayin' here," Ennis said. "He's comin' with us."

"I ain't gettin' in that truck with _him_ ," Jack hissed. "Make a choice-- it's _him_ or _me_."

Way Jack was puffin' up, reminded Ennis of a turkey. Looked damned ridiculous.

"He already made a choice," Linden mumbled. "You're just too thick of a dumbass to realize it." 

"You little piss ant," Jack said, thumpin' into Linden's chest. Was almost comical, Linden was so much shorter than Jack that his second bump knocked Linden's arms, upsettin' one of the drinks. 

"Fuck!" Linden yelled. Coke flew all over, in his face, down the front of his shirt and on to the floor. "You asshole! That's cold!" 

Ennis reckoned he didn't have ta worry no more if the drink was gonna make him sick.

All sorts of little heads turned their way as Linden spewed out more profanity. Ennis was gettin' damned concerned. In any language, the children understood that Linden weren't recitin' no nursery rhymes. And it weren't right-- he shouldn't be cussin' like this in front of younguns.

"Señor? Señor!" the assistant manager said with more authority. "You must leave." Ennis looked over Jack's shoulder and realized why the kid had suddenly grown balls-- a couple of burly employees, arms crossed and lookin' ready fer a fight, were standin' behind him. Last thing Ennis wanted was a brawl, although it might look more convincin' if one happened.

"Sir, ya'll need ta leave," the assistant manager demanded. "You can't use that kind of language here. There's young children."

Right then, Jack rammed his shoulder into Linden, sendin' him into the counter hard. The rest of the cokes went flyin'. The cashier's eyes got huge. Ennis dragged Jack backward by his collar toward the door. People parted for em like they was the Red Sea. Ennis turned ta see Linden gatherin' his composure and limpin' out to the truck, doin' his best ta wade through the people oglin' the three queers fightin'. Ennis still had hold a Jack, but now Jack was leadin' him instead. 

Jack flicked off Ennis' arm, stomped three steps up to the truck and fumbled for the door handle. He caught hold, then thrust the cab door open. Nina jumped out into him feet first, tongue lickin' him. Ennis stood in back of him. 

"Jack? Come on."

In one quick move, Jack spun 'round and took a swing at Ennis. He almost landed the punch, but Ennis ducked and caught it on the ear.

"I hate you!" Jack spat out. "Get out of my life. I don't need either of you. Fuck off."

"Jack, come on, stop it," Ennis pleaded.

"Wasn't like we planned this to happen," Linden said.

"You planned it, alright," Jack said, turnin' ta Linden. "You wanted him from the moment you saw him-- you fuckin' little weasel."

"Shut up!" Linden yelled out. 

This time Jack's punch landed-- hittin' Linden square on the chin. Linden flew back, slammin' into the truck, hittin' his head on the edge of the open door. He was bleedin' like hell. Course Jack didn't know it, couldn't see it. Nina was whinin', pullin' at Jack's pant leg. Ennis bent down to Linden, tryin' ta stop the bleedin' with the bag of burgers, and Jack headed off, Nina behind.

Never knowed when they'd showed up, but Ennis felt something not right-- he looked up, and there they was. They had Jack, arm twisted behind his back. Nina barkin' and growlin'. Jack beggin', "Don't hurt her. I'll come quiet if'n ya don't hurt her."

Ennis yelled, "No!" They was in the car like that-- and then they was gone. Ennis scrambled. Never felt so helpless in his life with Jack gone and Linden bleedin' on the ground.

He hustled Linden into the passenger side of the truck. Got himself behind the wheel and floored it. Tires squealed, smell of rubber lingered in his nose. 

\------------------------

The world went black, and then someone slapped his face. 

"Ennis?"

Linden blinked. His mind clipped, became a slow-motion movie where Ennis grabbed his arm and threw him into the cab of the truck as he watched a gold 1970 Delta 88 speed away with Jack and Nina inside. 

He shook his head, willing his brain to come back to normal speed. 

"Jack didn't have to hit me that hard," Linden groaned. "Must have been all that adrenaline."  His eyes adjusted, taking in their surroundings. The Delta 88 was four cars ahead and pulling away fast. The sedan swerved abruptly around the next intersection. "Turn right!"

Linden hung on as Ennis gunned the truck, bumping over the curb and around the corner. Linden bounced in the cab.

"Where are them damn feds?" Ennis asked, scanning in front and in back. Linden heard the panic in his voice, the fear. "I don't see anyone else followin'." 

"That's the idea," Linden said, trying his best to reassure him. "You're not supposed to know they're following."

Linden took three deep breaths. He had to get his bearings. Jack needed him now. Ennis needed him now. He rubbed his jaw. Damn, Jack was strong-- that was one good sucker punch. Linden scanned the street ahead. The car was still there in sight. This wasn't going at all like Linden expected. Ennis was driving the truck when he should be. And was that Jorge inside that Burger King? What was going on with that? Was he imagining things? 

Ennis was a good driver, but he was no match for the men they were chasing. Their truck didn't have the muscle that car did, and all Ennis' skill and will didn't make up for it.

They'd lost them not more than ten blocks from the Burger King. A cab pulled out in front of them. Ennis slammed on the brakes. He stopped the truck at the light. At first Ennis just stared straight ahead-- face void of all emotion, then he broke to pieces, fists pounded the steering wheel, tears filled his eyes. Linden sat helpless as Ennis yelled out, "No, no, no." 

 _Christ,_ Linden thought, dragging his fingers through his hair, _this isn't happening._

Horns honked behind them. People cursed. The light had turned. Linden sat up. Another voice was mixed in with all that confusion. A voice he knew. At first he thought he was hearing things. Linden blinked, turned his head slowly to the words, "Ennis, pull over." There in the truck next to them was Jorge. _Jorge._ His mind hadn't been playing tricks on him. He was there in the truck right next to them.

Jorge motioned for them to pull over. 

Linden's stare got Ennis' attention. He saw Jorge, too.

"Ennis, find a place to park this thing," Linden said. 

Ennis swerved into a parking lot next to an old fruit stand. Jorge pulled behind them and got out.

"Leave your truck here," he said. "You will come with me now."

"I ain't goin' nowhere," Ennis said. "Not without Jack."

"You will do him no good here," he said. "Come with me-- I will help you."

Ennis looked at Jorge, hope bursting from those sad eyes of his. Ennis opened the door and got out. They both followed Jorge to his truck and climbed in.

"They lost me easy," Ennis said bitterly, "They was right there. Right there. Then they weren't. I lost em. I lost em. And I didn't see no one else followin' em."

"Do not be hard on yourself, Señor DelMar. He is this way--" Jorge nodded to the road ahead. "You see, it is not necessary to follow if you know where they will go."


	13. Chapters 34-35

Chapter 34

Nina nuzzled into Jack's side in the back seat. Jack hugged the passenger's side-window, face restin' against the glass, felt like a smooth, cool whisper of comfort. Reminded him of how as a kid he used ta press his forehead against his bedroom window and watch the night sky, count the stars, close his eyes and wish. If only wishin' could get him out of this. No, only thing gettin' him out a this was fast thinkin' and a whole lot of luck.

He had ta pay attention ta what was around him-- every sound, smell, taste-- nothin' was inconsequential. Knowin' could save his life.

Jack reckoned the sedan had ta be goin' at least 60 mph, could tell by the tires clickin' regular from seams only on a highway-- didn't know which highway nor could he decipher which direction they was headin'-- still, he'd hoped he be able ta get better bearings soon. Men in the front seat weren't talkin' none, so he couldn't get nothin' from them, and the one in the back seat kept sniffin'. 

Jack hoped them feds followed and knew where he was,  hoped Ennis and Linden had some idea too although Jack weren't too keen on Ennis gettin' in the middle of things and takin' chances. The plan seemed ta go off without a hitch. And the rest of the plan, well, Jack knew he was pushin' Ennis to the extreme earlier, but he had ta make it look good sos these fellas would believe. 

He hated doin' what he done back there. Knuckles still ached from where he hit Linden. And Ennis? Things Jack said ta him, hateful things. Sore spot deep down inside of  Jack knew that what he said had a bit of truth in it-- that's why it was so damn easy fer him to call up them words. Jack hoped them words didn't ache Ennis the way they ached him.

And Nina, for all the thinkin' he did on how ta get them ta bring her, it weren't nothing; they brought her along without a thought. She'd been good most likely because they'd left Jack well enough alone-- 'course that could be because Nina was there. They hadn't tied him up or nothin'-- Jack reckoned he could thank Nina for that too. Besides, how far could a blind man git to? Leastwise he wanted them ta _think_ he wouldn't get far. Jack was pretty damn sure with Nina's help, he could get away if the right circumstances arose, but he was hopin' it wouldn't come ta that.

Jack knew he had to be alert, ready. Couldn't let the real purpose of why he was with em slip.

Jack was thankful these fellas weren't in a talkin' mood. At first he reckoned they was just grunts who done the dirty work, weren't the ones who was gonna be interrogatin' him, but then Nina began whimperin'. Jack mistakenly took her reaction as Nina just pickin' up on his fidgety self-- but he was wrong.

Then came the voice. Gravelly, low. Said, "Shut that dog up," and Jack knew. _Knew._ Was like a cold hand took hold of his heart-- that voice belonged to one of them men from that night, one of them men who beat him. 

"She'll be quiet." Jack held Nina close, hushed her by strokin' her head and scratchin' her chin. She shook her head, and her leash rattled.

Nina had already known what was in the car with em. 

Sometimes Jack was amazed how much that dog understood. One of the best things that ever happened to Jack besides findin' Ennis on Brokeback Mountain was the truck hittin' Nina. 

Thing was, Nina had become a teacher ta Jack. Dog was a wonder. From her he learned to take in every step, take note of all around him; Jack learned how keep track of his surroundings, how ta listen 'n sniff 'n feel his way, not just with this hands, but with his heart. 

She snuggled up closer, like she was tryin' ta crawl inside of Jack's skin to comfort them both.

He was not only only thankful fer Nina, Jack also praised the heavens that he hadn't eaten much earlier. Stomach was turnin'. He was so dad-gum nervous, was all Jack could do ta keep his mouth shut-- knew talkin' wasn't smart ta do, but his mouth worked overtime when he got edgy. Sure could use a smoke right now. Would be nice ta have something ta take the edge off-- a shot of whiskey, one of them marijuana cigarettes of Linden's even. Needed something. Liked ta have almost asked Ennis for one of his smokes earlier when they was in the truck. Way Ennis chain-smoked drivin', Jack knew Ennis was more nervous than him. Wondered where Ennis got em from since Jack thought Ennis was quittin' along with him. Guess this was just one of them times when ya just said, fuck it, I need nicotine. 

Wished he would have asked him.

_Ennis._

All came back ta him. Every time. Alls Jack could think on was him and what Ennis'd do if this whole plan ended badly. Part of his heart was glad Ennis had Linden around and part-- well, Jack knew Ennis didn't have no feelings for Linden like that, but--

Jack shook his head. He didn't want ta think of that. Had to think positive, keep fear outta his head. Fear was his enemy more than these men. Had to make this come off right, make em believe that he hated Ennis and Linden so bitterly that he'd turn his back on em ta make a deal for his family and himself. He needed ta be stronger than he'd ever been in his life. 

Make a deal and gain some speck of trust from these men even if it was a traitor's trust. 

His knee bounced. Sure was thankful for the sunglasses, that way they couldn't see the fear that was eatin' at him; the fear he knew would most likely be showing in his eyes-- the only thing his eyes was good for anymore was fer other people to read him, like Ennis. Wondered how long his eyes could keep givin' him away; wondered how long before eyes of a blind man no longer tell their soul. 

Only dead eyes, Jack thought, only dead ones.

He needed dead eyes.

Didn't know how long they traveled, seemed forever. Car finally stopped.

His door opened.

"Get out," the man he knew rasped. "Now."

Jack struggled out, Nina right behind him with a rattle of her chain.

They didn't touch him. He was sure they didn't want ta rile Nina, and he silently thanked her again for that.  She led Jack, followin' the men. 

Ground was sticky, like clay. Three steps up. Sound was hollow. Wooden steps. Railing was hot wrought iron, and Jack felt the peeled and chipped paint as he gripped it steppin' up. Felt the hot sun on the back of his neck. Door was on the west side of the house.

When they got up to the door, Nina hesitated. She didn't want ta go through behind the men. Jack knew she sensed the same danger he did. He swallowed his fear.

"Come on, Nina," he coaxed. He started to step inside. An arm pulled him through, producin' a rumble from the back of Nina's throat.

Jack stumbled on the old rug with two holes in it in front of the door. Floors were wood.

"Shhh, girl." Then Jack clucked to her gentle-like, and she eased up, then went silent. Jack stood straight and proud, doin' all that Nina had taught him. Listen, feel, smell and wait. Maybe he couldn't growl, but he could act tough. 

"What's that dog doing here?" a man asked. Voice came from Jack's left and echoed. Jack reckoned the room was either sparsely furnished or maybe empty.

"At the time was the best idea. Twist said he'd cooperate if we didn't hurt her. We figured the dog would be useful as leverage."

"You aren't thinkin' of hurtin' her?!" Jack said. _Shit_ , he silently cursed himself. Never occurred ta Jack they might use Nina ta get ta him since his mind never worked that way.

"If you don't cooperate, you both will be hurtin'." It was the man Jack knew talkin', and he stood behind Jack. He pushed Jack forward. 

"Whatever I know, I'll tell ya--" Jack said, rollin' his shoulder.

"Put the dog in the other room." The order from the right-hand side of the room. 

Jack handed over the leash. "Go on, Nina," Jack said. "Go on, girl." She growled, then let herself be led away. 

"Jack Twist," another man said. This one had a foreign accent that Jack didn't recognize. "You aren't carrying any _surprises_?"

Jack shook his head. "They removed the chips," Jack said. "I can show ya where they cut em out."

Jack heard the man grunt as Jack unbuttoned his shirt fast as he could, then shucked it off to show em. 

"There was two chips," Jack said, pointin' ta where they took em out. "I got em both; I'll show ya." His shaky hand pulled the chips out of his front pocket where he wrapped em in his handkerchief. Jack unfolded it, then held em out like they was prizes he'd won at the fair. "They didn't put nothing else in me. Wouldn't let em. And the others made sure-- watched em."

He felt rough hands checkin' his arms, back.

"Take off the rest of your clothes."

Jack heard chucklin' behind him. 

"All of them."

Jack felt like he was gonna be sick, but he did as they asked. He took off his boots and socks, stripped off his jeans and underwear. Next thing he knew, hands were all over him, checkin' in his ears, his hair, under his arms, on his back, and down his legs.

"Take off those glasses."

Jack hesitated then removed em, handin' em to the man behind him.

He heard em goin' through his clothes, then heard a snap and a crack.

"Nothing."

"Hey, those glasses cost eight bucks!" Jack said. They ignored him.

He stood, waitin'.

"Open your mouth."

Jack opened wide. Felt the heat of a lamp checkin' his mouth along with some sharp dental tool, proddin' his teeth. Jack was glad he didn't have no cavities to shove the dental pick into.

"Can't be certain," said the man on the right, "but looks clean."

"Should," Jack said. "I brush em twice a day." Jack's head snapped back as the man behind him boxed him in the side of the head.

"I didn't see any other incisions," one on the left said. 

"Me either," said the one with the accent.

Then Jack heard the snap of rubber gloves behind him along with the words, "Bend over."

"Hell!" Jack yelped. "You ain't gonna?! _Christ_!"

"What's the matter?" the one on the left said. "I thought you'd like it!" and he laughed while the man behind him said, "Spread em."

Jack bit his tongue and closed his eyes. 

Was worse than the doctor's annual examination. Shit. Standin' naked, ass in the air with people watchin', didn't matter that he couldn't see em. Jack could feel their eyes on him, hear their laughter as the man intentionally rammed his fingers up in him, diggin' and probin' around.

"Nothing."

"Coulda told ya that," Jack spat out as he straightened up. "But I didn't want ta spoil your fun."

Second smack landed hard on the side of Jack's head. 

"Hey! Stop it," Jack said, duckin' a third swat to the head. "I'm blind. _Shit._ Have some compassion for a disabled man."

They began pushin' him. First one, then another. They laughed as they bounced him between em, makin' Jack stumble, but Jack made sure he didn't fall, kept his wits. They pushed him around again. Jack didn't say nothin'. _Dead eyes._

And dead eyes is what he used. They stopped.

"Can I git dressed? It's cold in here."

Someone tossed him some sweatpants and a t-shirt. Guess he'd never see those jeans again. 

Jack heard em mumblin' ta each other as he dressed. 

Their voices hushed. 

Man from that night said, "Beatin' him ain't gonna do no good, didn't work before." Then said somethin' about "killing the fucking queer."

"What about underwear?" Jack asked finally, pretendin' he couldn't hear.

"You don't need any."

Guess he'd forget the underwear. Could be worse things than not havin' underwear.

Then one on the right said, "I don't care if he fucks chickens-- all I want to know is if he heard what you said that night."

"And shoes?" Jack asked.

"Don't need those either."

That was a bitch of a situation.

"This wouldn't be a problem now, if we'd of finished him off," said the foreigner. "Too bad we had to leave when that woman showed up with Newsome."

Jack swallowed. This foreign character was there that night too. _Fuck_.

Their voices raised, not carin' if Jack heard.

"Should just kill him."

"No, not yet. We need to find out what they know."

"Should have finished him off that night."

"Well, you didn't, and now we'll have to deal with him."

Jack went cold.

"I'm blind not deaf, ya know," Jack said hollowly.

"How about dead?" the one on the left asked, pokin' Jack in the ribs. "We can arrange that too."

"Got another choice?" Jack asked. For the first time Jack heard someone else in the room, someone on the other side listenin'.

"Like what?" asked the man behind him.

"Like you tell us what the feds know."

"I don't know shit," Jack said. "But I'll tell you what I do know. I can help you. Alls I want is for me and my family ta be left alone. I won't say nothing to nobody. I'll do whatever you need."

"Even if it means framing your boyfriend?" asked the man on the right.

"I don't have a boyfriend-- never have."

"Then the man you were fucking." 

"He ain't no one to me no more," said Jack bitterly. "If it saves my family and me, I'll do whatever you ask."

"And that little PD?"

"Do whatever you want to him," Jack said. 

"We intend to frame him for murder along with Del Mar. How does that sound to you?"

"Sounds fine to me."

"It means your buddy is going to have a fun time with the boys in prison, and that private detective is going to be mighty popular too."

"Like I said, if it saves me and my family, I don't care. I'll do whatever you want me to do."

Then from the back of the room, the man spoke.

"I don't believe him."

That voice-- 

"Donaldson, I should have fuckin' known you were here," Jack said. "Bet you enjoyed the show."

Jack felt it comin', he caught the man's wrist mid-air before he hit Jack. Unfortunately, a fist came right behind it. His neck whipped around, then Jack reeled backward. Bright, sharp sparks of pain shot through his head-- not a bare-fisted punch but brass knuckles. The second hit caught him on the chin, liked ta have broke his jaw. Jack went down hard.

Alls Jack heard was Nina barkin', sounded far off. 

"We don't have time for this horseshit," Donaldson said. "Come on, pick him up off the floor-- we ain't stayin' here; we're movin' him."

\----------------

Chapter 35

It was dark-- blacker than any moonless night that Ennis could ever remember. Heat and nerves combined to make Ennis hate Mexico more than he ever had before. The truck bounced and jerked. Dirt coated his skin, his scalp and his nostrils like thick dust kicked up at a rodeo-- reminded Ennis of Jack. Everything reminded him of Jack-- every touch, every breath, every heartbeat came back to his memory. 

    _"Ya been ta Mexico, Jack?"_

    _"Hell yes, I've been. You got a problem with that?"_

Never forgot them words-- them words haunted Ennis' long, sleepless nights. All them things Ennis didn't want to know-- them things he'd told Jack he'd kill him for-- those were the words he regretted most.  Regretted em after sayin' em. Regretted em to this day. Never told Jack how much. Wished he would have. 

 _Mexico._ It might take Jack away from him for good this time.

"How much longer?" Ennis asked Jorge.

"Maybe a half hour."

Ennis fretted. What if they was too late? What if them men didn't buy Jack's story? What if the feds don't know where Jack was? What if he never seen Jack again?

Then there was Linden. Somethin' weren't right with him. Ennis was concerned that the knock on his head done somethin' to him. Normally, was nothing that kept that man's mouth quiet; but since they got in the truck, he hadn't said more than a few words. He looked pasty too. More than normal. Man was naturally pale, but now he was down-right peaked. 

Ennis' knee jumped. He knew Jorge drove as fast as possible on the old roads. Beat Ennis how Jorge even knew where he was. Middle of nowhere, dark-- thought Riverton's washboard roads was bad-- weren't nothin' compared ta these. 

Ennis coughed inta his hand and shook his head. Nothin' better happen to Jack-- nothin'. They'd come through too much and waited too long--  

The truck slowed and Jorge concentrated as he looked for landmarks in the lonesome dark. 

\---------------------

He was certain he had a concussion:  nausea, headache and dizzy as hell. The whack to the back of  his head _and_ the close proximity to Jorge and Ennis made Linden's head swim. And he desperately needed his wits. 

Linden strained to think. Everyone in the truck was subdued. Ennis hadn't said a word-- but that was normal. Jorge was quietly intent on the road. 

Linden's head cleared a bit, but he struggled to think. Sitting in between Jorge and Ennis didn't help, he had more pressing problems than hyperventilating over how close they were pressed against him. There was Jack. They had to get to him. They had to find him. 

The three rode listening to the groans and moans of the truck as it bounced down the road until Jorge slowed his pickup to a crawl. He broke his silence as he pointed to the thorny, native plants. Jorge lectured on palo verde bushes; their unique qualities. Linden's neck cramped up as he wondered why Jorge told them this-- like he or Ennis was the least bit interested in botany lessons? Jorge explained that the cactus and palo verde that dotted the sides of the roads could be bothersome if someone stumbled into them. Linden blinked. _What? Did Jorge think I'm such a klutz that I'd run face-first into one?_ Linden thought they were large enough to avoid. Linden began to obsess on Jorge's remark. _He thinks I'm an uncoordinated schmuck._

Suddenly a moving cloud filled the road ahead. "Bats," Jorge explained, as he turned off the lights and rolled to a stop. "They pollinate the flowers on some cactus. We are not far from where they hold Señor Jack. We will wait here for a time."

Linden felt uneasy in the pitch black night, so dark it was like his eyes were shut. His brain unscrambled enough to piece together what happened just before he hit his head. Jorge knew; he knew more than he'd let on from the very start-- it made Linden consider how Sister Sarita weighed into all this. She'd suggested her brother for a reason-- and not because he was good at bumping out fenders. Jorge didn't look like he owned a taller de reparaciones del cuerpo auto, then again, Linden knew he personally didn't look like a PD, but Domingo's Auto Body and Jorge as proprietor didn't add up. And the way Jorge showed up like a caped crusader? He was _at_ the Burger King. Linden _saw_ him. Jorge had followed them covertly. And Jorge brought them here. How did he know all this? Linden strained his eyes to see the mysterious man who sat next to him. Yes, indigenous plant lesson was probably a diversion not a slam. And Ennis. Frankly, Linden was surprised Ennis hadn't seen through Jorge earlier too-- but Linden imagined Ennis was too worried about Jack to question the good fortune.

Ennis broke the silence. "Where is this place they're holdin' Jack? How far is it?" 

"It is a walk-- a half mile."

"How long we gonna wait?" 

"Not long," Jorge said. "I know it will be hard waiting, but we must give Señor Jack time."

"Ya-you really think they'll reveal plans to him?" Linden asked, teeth chattering. "I don't understand these agents."

"And I am concerned for you," Jorge said. "Your speech is slurred."

Linden jumped as a hand caressed his knee. "I'm fine," Linden answered not too convincingly.

"I don't think ya are--" Ennis said. "Ya ain't been talkin' and now ya sound odd."

"I didn't have anything to say."

"Never stopped ya before," Ennis said.

"I've been hit a lot harder." The seat creaked as Linden squirmed around as the hand rubbed him. "Like I said-- I'll be fine."

"You are certain?" Jorge asked. "You do not seem that way."

"Should look at him. Check his pupils or somethin'," Ennis suggested. "Can't see nothin' without a light. I got some matches."

"I don't want to make attention on us," Jorge said.

" _Draw attention_ \-- you mean you don't want to _draw attention_ to us," Linden corrected. 

Jorge chuckled and squeezed Linden's knee. "Maybe he is fine. That is more like my mouthy little man."

"Who the hell you calling little?" Linden bitched. Jorge's fingers moved to test the back of Linden's head.

 "Ouch!" Linden protested. "Careful!"

"It is tender. You have a very large bump."

"No kidding?" 

Linden had the urge to ask Jorge to kiss it and make it better, but he didn't think Ennis would appreciate it. Enough of the distraction. Time to ask some questions.

"Before we go hiking out in the great unknown," Linden said, "you've got some explaining to do. I want to know how you found out where they were taking Jack." 

Jorge sighed. "Of course you would ask me this. You wonder who I am. I will explain. Do not fear; I not part of the band of insurrectos; I am Mexican Secret Service."

"Shit," Ennis said under his breath. 

"And we should take your word on this?" Linden asked.

"I have a badge," Jorge said.

"I have a gun," Linden came back.

"I have a bigger gun."

"I bet you do."

"I could show you, but it is too dark to see."

"I bet I could touch and find out just how big it is."

"I _may_ let you touch it if you will let me touch yours."

"This is embarrassin'," groaned Ennis.

"What?" Linden asked.

"You ain't talkin' about firearms."

Linden knew Ennis was right. Time to be more professional: "When were you planning to tell us you were secret service and what's going on?"

"When you asked."

"We're askin' now," Ennis said. "Start talkin'."

"I have known about Señor Twist since he first came to our country. I knew that my sister had visited him. She had spoken of him, but I did not tell her what my interest was in him. You should not be angry at my sister for keeping this from you."

"I know the Sister wouldn't hurt Jack none."

"The same cannot be said for the federal agents. The United States Federal Agents hope Jack's capture will bring to them El Comandante. He will come to find out what Jack knows. Jack is what you call 'bait.' We do not know the identity of El Comandante-- but without him, there can be no junta."

"How the hell will they know if this Comandante is there if they don't know who he is?" Ennis asked.

"Jack will know."

"How _we_ gonna know?" Ennis repeated to Linden.

Linden shook his head. 

"Whatever plan they have to overthrow our government," Jorge continued, "they will not share with Señor Jack. They are not foolish men. They only seek information. To the revolutionaries, Jack is but a curiosity." 

"A curiosity?" Linden asked.

"They wonder what he knows. They wonder what we know. They seek to find out through Jack. They want to know how much we know about their plans. After they find out what Jack knows, they will need him no more."

"But Jack don't know nothin'!" Ennis exclaimed. "I don't like what you're suggestin'."

"I don't either," Linden agreed. "What I don't understand is why would this El Comande care if Jack is just a curiosity? Why would the leader take a chance and show his face? Why would he give a rat's ass about Jack Twist?"

"There is one more piece you do not know-- one more piece of which they are unsure. They must know if Señor Jack is what he appears."

"Quit talkin' in riddles."

"They believe he maybe an agent."

"You've got to be kidding," Linden said. "What? Why would they think that?"

"Because that is what they were told by LD Newsome." 

Linden thought long and hard on that one. He didn't like where this put Jack. As soon as this El Comandante showed his face, the feds better be busting down the door.

"Here." Jorge handed Linden something that he'd just retrieved from under the seat. "You will need these," Jorge said, passing one to Ennis too. "You will need these night goggles to see."

Linden put them on. Cool. Infrared. In one blink, the dark night morphed from a sleeping wasteland to a living oasis.

\-------------------------

Jack sat up as Nina licked his face. 

"So the piss-ant is awake." 

 _LD?! Christ,_ Jack thought, _I'm in hell._

"Bout time your sorry self got up." He heard LD sit down heavy next ta him.

Jack shook his head. He was talkin' at him like he'd just woke up from a nap not a punch ta the head.

"Should have known you was behind this," Jack grumbled, rubbin' his jaw. 

"You give me too much credit." LD brought his voice down to a whisper and jabbed Jack in the ribs with his elbow. "Now you listen good and keep yer voice down. I'm gonna tell what I'm doin' here."

"I'm listenin'," Jack whispered back as he rubbed Nina's head. _Like I'd trust a damn word he says._

"I told em you were CIA." 

That made Jack take notice. His head jerked up.

"Why'd ya go and tell em that?" he hissed back. "Who'd believe it? I ain't never been ta college. Barely graduated from high school."

LD raised his voice for the benefit of them outside. "I know _what_ ya are. No need to pretend no more," then lowered his voice to a hush again and continued talkin' ta Jack. "You'd be surprised what them agents can pull off. It was hard for me to believe that a good-fer-nothin' like you could be made inta one a them fancy agents-- but they done it-- done a job on your background. Made it look like yer rodeo days and herdin' sheep was all a cover, not yer real life. They hid records of this new past they made up fer you, but didn't hide em so deep as to not be found-- left your new identity for them banditos to uncover. You ain't you no more--"

"Shee-it." 

"Keep it down," LD warned under his breath, then raised his voice again for them listenin' on the other side of the door, "It'll be easier on ya if ya just tell me now," LD boomed.

"Fuck you," Jack yelled back, playin' along. Jack didn't know what ta think about LD. He had ta be doin' this ta save his own skin.

"Why'd ya do it?" Jack whispered back. "Why'd ya put Lureen 'n Bobby in the middle of this?"

"The feds found out about my dealings with certain operations-- made me dig inta them dealings deeper and deeper with them hombres until I was into some serious, bad shit. The feds wanted someone inside. You started askin' questions. Lureen asked. Donaldson found out about yer questions."

"That's when Donaldson tried to kill me." Jack swallowed hard. They found out about LD runnin' illegals, used it against him. The fertilizer-- that happened after the feds twisted LD's arm. It all made sense ta Jack now.

"I gotta say that I hate your ever-lovin' guts, but I swear ta God I never wanted ya dead or this--"

"Ya mean blind?" Jack hissed. 

"Yes, you horse's ass, I mean blind." LD shifted his weight, then raised his voice again. "They ain't buyin' none of your story. Might as well make it easy on yourself and tell them what ya know."

" _Nice_. You're too good at this."

LD ignored him. "It was after that the feds concocted the new you." 

"And what about Mexico?"

"That was the feds' idea too. Send you here, out of the way. You became the more mysterious. And there was people watchin' ya. They was supposed ta keep you here until that busy-body nun got involved. If ya would have stayed put none of this would a happened."

Jack laughed. Sister Sarita.

"They think I'm tryin' to talk sense inta ya right now. Most of em in the other room don't know the reason why you're really here. They think you're just some queer who stumbled onto some information. But there's other men out there who think you're a CIA agent posin' as a dumb, has-been rodeo clown who sold combines."

"Rodeo rider-- I was a rodeo rider, not a clown."  _Keeps gettin' better 'n better_ , Jack thought. Jack's head hurt so fuckin' bad-- felt like it was about ta explode. "Is one of them men Donaldson?"

"No, Donaldson is just a dumb-ass flunky, but he's suspicious that somethin' ain't right."

"What do they plan ta do with me?"

LD hesitated. "They plan to get what they want outta ya, kill ya, dump your body out in the desert and frame that _boyfriend_ a yours for it all."

Jack sat back against the wall. _LD said it so matter-of-fact, like I'm just an ant under his boot._ Jack knew it might come ta this, but he didn't think the murder he was gonna frame Ennis for would be his own. _Shit._ They planned ta torture him first. Where was the feds? 

The door opened.

"What has he told you?" a harsh voice demanded.

"He has admitted he is CIA to me, Comandante, that is all."


	14. Chapters 36-37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is almost it! One more chapter to go. When I first posted this on livejournal year's ago, this was a bittersweet moment for me. Kind of cook thinking back on that time when this fandom was huge.

Chapter 36

Wooden chair legs scraped across the floor. 

"Take a seat," Donaldson hissed as he shoved Jack backward. 

The chair caught Jack as he stumbled back hard into the seat; his hands, white-knuckled, gripped the arm rests of the old captain's chair.

Nina growled behind him.

"Git that dog out of here!" the Comandante ordered.

Jack sat back, listenin' as LD pulled Nina, her nails stubbornly draggin' across the floor.

The door shut. 

Jack sat and waited, tappin' his fingers on the armrest. He heard the boards creakin' as a man paced restlessly in front of him. Then the creakin' stopped.

"You will tell us what you know." The Comandante's voice was level, devoid of emotion. Jack almost welcomed Donaldson's acidic tone-- almost.

"Well, shit, that ain't much then," Jack replied.

Jack suppressed a flinch at the sound of a round going into the chamber. He stayed cool. Stayed calm and relaxed his hands, unclenched his jaw. He was scared shitless-- but he wasn't gonna let them see the terror inside him.

"What should we shoot off first?" Donaldson asked. "His fingers or his toes?" 

\-----------------------

Walkin' with the night goggles on was like nothin' Ennis'd ever done before-- like they was on an alien planet from one of them old science fiction movies Ennis used to watch as a kid. Remembered playin' with the rabbit ears ta get the picture-- all fuzzy 'n ghostly. The wooly desert plants had that same fuzzy look to them. Foreign. Eerie. Glossy, silver leaves glowed and small rodents moved in an odd golden world in the small canyon that fell in front of him.

Then there were those large rodents called men. Blood beat in Ennis' ears as he inched closer to the lights of the house where men scurried around like so many rats. 

Night sounds and sights collided as Ennis strained ta see somethin' inside that house. The pit of him ached. Somewhere inside was Jack. Ennis imagined all kinds of bad as he watched his footing, steppin' over and around, movin' stealthily along with Jorge and Linden. They zigzagged down the lazy slope where the house rested in the bowl of the depression below. They crouched behind mesquite bushes, assessin' the situation. 

The layout of the place was simple: the house was small and square with one small addition juttin' out on the side that Ennis reckoned was most likely a bedroom or some kind a kitchen. Didn't look like the place got much use. Was run down, board hangin'. There was two other buildings, if ya could even refer to them as that-- small and in the same busted-up condition. 

Ta Ennis, it seemed damn near impossible. The small shack-of-a-house below them was well guarded, ghostly light trails moved around the outside from flashlights. He could even see movement in the desert on the opposite ridge of the small canyon. He wondered if those were more of them desperados or if they was Feds. 

He was hopin' Feds.

The house worried Ennis most. Judgin' by the lack of accommodations, the number of men who had Jack, the posse didn't intend ta stay there long. 

Ennis frowned. With that many men wanderin' the perimeter it would be hard gettin' in without bein' seen. 

Ennis noticed three vehicles parked near the house, one was idlin'. Not a good sign either. 

"Gonna be some way ta git close," Ennis wondered aloud. 

"What if we kill the electricity?" Linden whispered his suggestion. Linden tugged off his goggles, and he looked to Ennis like a bug-eyed toad with them dark circles around wide pupils swimmin' in blood-shot whites. Ennis had ta suppress a laugh. 

"There must be a generator in that barn." Linden pointed. "Looks like the lines to the house are coming from there."  Looked to Ennis more like a chicken coop than a barn that Linden was pointin' to, but he had to agree-- that looked to be where the generator was located and cuttin' the power might work. 

"Good--" Jorge nodded, takin' his goggles off.  "I should be able to do that without being seen. But we will need a distraction also."

"Like blowing something up?" Linden asked all animated. "I could blow up the barn. There must be gasoline in that barn for the generator. If I blew it up, we could kill two birds with one stone."

"Why would we want to kill birds with rocks?" Jorge asked.

Ennis frowned-- guess there was just some things ya missed when English was your second language. 

"007 movies," Ennis mumbled. 

"What?" Linden turned to Jorge. "I mean do two things at once: make a distraction and cut the power."  Linden squinted at Ennis. " _Dirty Harry_ \--" Linden whispered. "Not 007."

"I do not think blowing anything up will be necessary," Jorge answered. "A gunshot will do the trick." 

"I prefer Dirty Harry to 007," Linden grumbled. "And I still think blowing it up would be a better distraction."

"Yes," Jorge whispered back. "You would."

"Um, what's that supposed to mean?" 

Jorge ignored Linden and slipped his goggles back on. 

"Are those feds?" Ennis asked, pointin' to the other side of the canyon.

"Yes, they are waiting-- as are we."

"Fer what?" Ennis asked.

"They are waiting for a sign that the Comandante is here. We are waiting-- how do I say? For the opportune time to strike." 

"No time like the present," Linden said.

"I agree, little man," Jorge chuckled.

"Why do you keep calling me that? It's insulting."

"Size does not always matter," Jorge shrugged. 

"That's not what I hear--" said Linden under his breath.

"I am going down now. You will need to do the same. Stay close. There will not be much time. Linden, I will trust you to move around the house and find Jack. Be quick. And Ennis, you will hold back--" he pointed. "There by that rock. From there, fire off three rounds the moment the lights go out. Then move quickly from your position and fire two more from there by that cactus. This should distract them and aid Linden so he can get Jack out of the house. Then run to the back of the barn. I will meet you there. The feds should come and assist at that point-- they will have no choice but to come after all the noise and confusion we make."

Ennis slipped his infrared goggles back on, then checked the back of his jeans for the .45. Loaded and ready. He slipped in back and watched as Jorge crisscrossed his way down to where the generator was housed. Linden moved after. Ennis held his breath as he followed, crouchin' and chosin' each step with care. With boot step he checked for signs below, makin' sure their approach went undetected. Ennis kept to the right of Linden, notin' how the PI moved silent and sure down, down to the house. Ennis hoped he was doin' as well. Reckoned all them years sneakin' up on livestock paid off.

Ennis saw Jorge was already makin' his way around the backside of the chicken coop, inchin' around to the front door.

Every boot print Ennis made in clay, Ennis thought of Jack. No way Ennis' boot was gonna slip. No way. Every half-breath, every heel-step, every heartbeat put him closer.  

Ennis quelled the shakin' in his hands as he reached behind him for the .45. He waited behind that bush. Still-- stiller than the night, he waited. In his mind's eye Ennis called up Jack-- lived him in a few moments usin' all them senses: Saw his smile, heard his laugh, smelled him after makin' love. Then, Ennis prayed to God-- somethin' he hadn't done in a long while-- reckoned it was time. He prayed for Jack. Prayed for him to be safe. 

\---------------

Linden silently thanked his mother. Forking over all that money for all those years for Aikido lessons was finally paying off. Linden's form whispered around the side of the building like the master of all Aikido, Morihei Ueshiba. Yes, he was one with nature also. Linden carefully peeked in one window after another. He was almost around the house. Unnoticed. So far, no Jack. Linden was disappointed. Why couldn't he be lucky? After all, he wore green on St. Patrick's Day. And didn't he put a penny in his tennis shoe? Shit, he never, ever, walked under ladders! He should have known it would never be the _first_ window-- that only happened in movies. Or to someone lucky. Like those people who win the lottery not once but twice? Must be nice, Linden thought. Or maybe to Clint Eastwood? Now the first window _he_ looked in would have been Jack's. But Wesley Linden? Nothing ever happened on the first shot. 

Well, Jorge was right, he was no Dirty Harry, but he'd managed to keep low, move silent and move fast. _Little man. My ass!_ He'd find Jack-- just might take it down to the wire. Now, that _was_ like in the movies. Clock ticking, second hand moving around. Time's up!

Linden was directly under one of the last windows when he heard it-- a scratching on the window frame above his head. He edged over farther. He didn't want to be directly under the window-- then he eased his spine up the old boards, _fucking splinters_ \-- as soon as his face was parallel to the frame, he moved to look. One inch, then two-- paint chips stuck to his face. Carefully, he turned his head and looked inside-- 

Her nose was pressed against the glass. Drool smeared on the window. He could hear her tail thumping on the other side of the wall. Linden pressed his own face against the other side on the pane, scanning the room for Jack, any sign at all. He couldn't see him, only Nina-- but he had to be there. Jack had to be.

At first Linden thought it was his eyes, the lights grew brighter inside the room-- then Linden realized what had happened-- it had to be some sort of electrical surge-- some kind of sign before Jorge killed the lights. Linden knew he was out of time. In a blink, the lights went out. Ennis fired. One, two, three quick shots. Yelling. Running. Banging. More gunshots. Whistles through the air. Silencers. Then a rifle fired.

_The feds._

It was a fucking mess. Linden needed to get inside now before anything could happen to Jack _._ With the flat of his hand he broke the glass in the upper pane, reached in and flicked the latch, ignoring the gnash in his hand. 

Linden jumped through the window, then rolled inside on the hard floor. 

Nina pawed at his back, then Linden twisted around fast, catching her by the collar.

"Jack?" Linden whispered, holding Nina. "You here?"

No answer. _Fuck._

Nina followed him as he ran across the room.

His foot slipped on his own blood. He stopped. 

The door opened. A flashlight beam moved around the room. They noticed the blood. His footprint. The light moved toward him. _Such rotten luck_ , Linden thought. Nina pulled; Linden let go.

She had the right idea; the flashlight caught her hind legs as they soared gracefully out the window. Linden lunged forward racing away from the beam, hopin' he could slip around them and through the open door. 

The flashlight beam caught him just before the bullet did. _Christ_ , Linden thought as he slumped to the floor, _And I was worried about the cut on my hand..._

\-----------------------

"First, his toes." 

Donaldson yanked the sock off Jack's left foot. Donaldson gagged as he stepped back fast. "Fuck that smells."

Jack laughed. Knew he shouldn't, but idea of Donaldson holdin' his nose was too much for Jack.

"Just for that, Twist, I'm going to shoot off your big toe first."

Then nothing. Silence. Jack knew somethin' had happened. He heard scramblin', then somewhere from the other room LD hollered, "The generator!"

Jack's head snapped up-- that was gunfire! 

The lights were out. _They were blind._

Jack knew this was his chance. He moved fast. Leapt out of the chair and across the room. He stood, flat against the wall right next to the door, listening like he'd never listened before: every breath, every yell, every sound slowed. Jack let air out of his lungs slowly as his hand reached for the door knob. He only hesitated for a moment, but it was enough. The door flew open and men rushed in, wrapping themselves into a human fortress around the Comandante. Just as fast as they'd come in, Jack rushed out. He was sure no one noticed him in the confusion. 

"Get him!" The emotionless tone was now gone from the Comandante's voice. "He must not escape!"

More gunfire-- this time, inside the house. They were lookin' for him, searchin'. Jack moved fast, countin' steps. This was the room where they first interrogated him, rememberin', reachin' inside himself. Where? Where was that light comin' from that warmed his face? Jack got his bearings, spun around. There! He stepped forward. Yes! In front of him! He clutched the paper-thin curtains. Another shotgun blast came from outside. 

The feds were here. Had to be. Jack was gettin' his ass out of there fast. His fingers skittered along the frame. It was unlatched. He pushed. The window gasped as it opened. Voices echoed behind him as Jack threw his legs over and out. He lowered himself down, fingers lettin' go, hopin' upon hope that the night would make them as blind as he was. He turned and started to run. Feet never carried him so fast. Despite that fact he had one bare foot and the other with an old white sock, he ignored the pain of tiny stones and cactus spines. Jack reckoned no other man coulda run faster-- blind or sighted-- through this desert hell. He reckoned he was lucky. He was near out of breath, but still runnin' when Jack heard yelpin', then Donaldson hollerin' in the distance, "We got him!"

Took Jack a moment ta realize Donaldson wasn't talkin' about him.

\------------------

Ennis was as nervous as a jackrabbit as he waited behind the barn. Couldn't wait no longer. Couldn't stand hearin' shootin' and shoutin'. Had ta go. Had ta go now. 

_Jack. He had ta get ta him._

Ennis made for the house. He wasn't waitin' for Jorge no more. Fact was, Ennis was beginnin' to realize Jorge never intended ta come get Ennis.

His .45 felt cold in his hand, finger just off the trigger, as he ducked low and sprinted to the house. He moved around the side of the house when he caught sight of a gunman not two feet in front of Ennis with his sights beaded on Jorge. Ennis didn't think. It happened automatic. He aimed. Fired. The man fell dead at his feet. Clear shot to the head.

Jorge spun around and saw Ennis as the lights came on inside the house.

"They shot him," Jorge said. "He's inside."

\---------------------

He finally stopped out of breath, ground cold, feet numb. Was then that a big ball of fur jumped into him, full throttle. Jack landed, ass in the dirt. He was reward with big, wet kisses. 

"Hey, girl?! Looks like ya made it out just fine." Jack hugged her around the neck, then gave her nose a kiss.

Nina barked as her tail swished the dirt around. They both sat in the dirt for a few moments before she jumped up and barked. Jack listened. Someone moaned to the left of him. He recalled the yelp he'd heard earlier. He knew that voice-- didn't take Jack long to realize who. _LD Newsome. Son of a whoreson bitch got away._ But not unscathed, obviously. Jack walked over to him, then plopped down next to him in the dirt.

"Well, hell, LD. I may be blind, but even I don't go runnin' face first inta cactus bigger 'n me."

"Shut the hell up," LD grumbled. "I didn't run into it-- the damn dog knocked me into it."

Jack shook his head then laughed and patted Nina on the head. "Good girl." Jack stood up. "Could leave ya here..."

"Git back here, Twist--"

"Reckon I can't leave ya. Sounds like the shootin' has stopped. Feds are most likely crawlin' all over. Might be safe to go back down there 'specially since that's the only way I'm gettin' out of here with out boots. And someone with better eye than me needs ta take out them thorns--"

Jack gave LD his hand and for the first time Jack could ever recall, the man took it without hesitation.

\----------------------------------

Ennis felt his soul run out of him. He closed his eyes and leaned against the doorframe. _Jack? They'd shot Jack?_

The .45 he clutched, dropped to the floor-- the sound it made was as hollow as his heart. He closed his eyes. The feds had beat him there. Blood. So much blood on the floor. In the dim light of the room, Ennis' eyes opened and went to him. He looked down. It wasn't right. The dark hair was curly. The tan jacket. The hand pale. The figure much smaller. A bitter relief rushed through Ennis as he looked into the face and realized the body on the floor wasn't Jack. 

_It's not Jack._

Air rushed out of his lungs.

"Is he going to make it?" came Jorge's voice next to him.

Two other men were around him on the floor, workin' on him. One of em was Chan.

"Ah, Christ," Ennis stepped back. Shame filled him. He'd been so glad that it wasn't Jack he hadn't thought. "Christ," he muttered. "Linden."

"Don't know if he'll make it," Chan said finally. "He's lost a lot of blood, but he's holding on for now."

Jorge knelt down next to him and grabbed Linden's hand. Was like someone squeezed Ennis' chest when he done it. Ennis stepped outside. That could be Jack too. Where was he? 

Ennis saw Elysburg standin' just outside the front door. 

This hadn't gone off well. "Where's Jack?" Ennis asked, steppin' into Elysburg's space.

"We don't know."

"Fuck?!" Ennis grabbed Elysburg by his necktie, pullin' him smack-dab inta his face. "What do ya mean ya don't know? You said he'd be safe!"

"Ennis, let him go. _Ennis_?"  

At first Ennis thought he was hearin' things. He knew that voice. In all the years he'd been on Earth, his name never sounded so sweet.

"Ennis, I'm safe."

\--------------------

Chapter 37

Ennis refilled the bitter coffee into the chewed-up Styrofoam cup. His nails dug into the sides as he sipped the brew. The corner of the waitin' room was quieter. Ennis reckoned he was in sore need of some quiet after the last few days. He took another sip and grimaced-- he was on his fifth cup, waitin' here, but had ta admit that the Fed's coffee was worse but at least theirs was warm-- downed three cups of the Fed's brew while Jack and him repeated what happened over 'n over. Took them through them painful minutes at the Burger King, where Ennis thought he'd lost Jack for good and then told em about the place them men took Jack. When Jack told em his story, Ennis listened. Was all he could do not ta wrap Jack up and tell him how sorry he was that men had ta treat other men with so little regard. 

When Jack told em about how he had ta strip, Ennis felt the blood pound in his veins. After hours upon hours talkin' in circles to them damnable feds, they let em go. Chen brought em to the hospital ta find out how Linden was. Ennis hated relivin' what went down-- glad it was over fer the most part. Felt washed out. He pressed his nails into the Styrofoam cup, hopin' Linden was gonna come out of surgery fixed up. He'd been in surgery far too long, and it worried him. Was hard waitin', wonderin' on what was goin' on. Seems that's all Ennis had been doin' was waitin' and wonderin'.

The wail of an ambulance diverted Ennis' attention, and he stepped near the large glass doors ta watch. Couldn't take no more people coughin' and bitchin'; better ta be out by the doorway then whilin' away time in the Emergency waitin' room. And watchin' that bad Mexican soap opera on a dusty old black and white television was enough ta drive Ennis ta pull that damn thing off the wall-- not that it would take much ta send it crashin' down way the thing was precariously bolted to the ceilin'. 

Ennis watched as a girl on a gurney was pulled out of the back of the ambulance. The wheels bumped over the curb as the medics hurried to get her inside. A doctor and a couple of nurses brushed past Ennis to get outside. Ennis reckoned fer them ta move so fast the situation was serious. He stepped back into the corner next to the coffee machine. The gurney rolled through the main door, and an older Hispanic woman sobbed as she followed alongside. Ennis reckoned that was the girl's grandmother. The whole scene made Ennis worry on his own girls. Same slight build, her fine hair in wisps framed small face-- reminded him so much of Junior. As they rolled by him, her grandma desperately clutched the sheet. One of the nurses asked her to step back and give them room, and the grandmother covered her mouth with a sob. 

I was then that Ennis saw a familiar face comin' up behind em.

"Ennis!" Benito said, rushin' up to him. Ennis leaned against the wall as the gurney whizzed by. Benito was there, givin' him a bear-hug. "Where is Jack?" he asked. 

"Jack's ok. He's in the room across the hall, givin' blood. Needed more fer Linden--" Ennis said.

"Linden is still in surgery?" 

Ennis nodded. 

"Surprised ta see ya here. How'd ya git here so fast?"

"Collinson called me," he said. "Sister Sarita is here also. I let her out in the front of the hospital. She is speaking with the nurses." 

Ennis threw the empty cup into the trash and thrust his hands deep in his front pockets. Ennis noticed Benito, regardin' him-- like Benito was gonna ask him somethin' personal, but before the words was outta his mouth, Benito's head popped to the right. A wide smile claimed his face. Ennis turned ta see Nina and Jack walkin' through the double doors with Chen behind.

"Señor Twist!"

After all this time, Ennis still wasn't used ta the feelin' he had when he seen Jack-- heart kicked his chest like a spur as Jack scratched where the cotton ball was taped to his forearm.

"Benito!" Jack exclaimed. "I didn't expect ya here."

"Do you think I would stay away? I have been worried for you and Ennis. Now I find that the nice detective was shot. The Sister and I prayed for him on our way here. And how is the lady doing?" Benito asked, kneelin' down to pat Nina's head.

"She's fine," Jack said. "Gotta laugh, she's so protective-- she growled when the nurse went ta put the needle in me, but soon as I told her it was fer Linden, she quieted down. Makes me wonder if she ain't half human sometimes, way she understands."

"A good seeing eye dog is like that. She is not trained for this, but I suspect she was trained well by someone," Benito said.

"She wasn't well cared for when we found her," Jack said.

"I reckon she was on her own fer a long time," Ennis concluded.

"Think she come from a good home then?" Jack frowned. Ennis hoped Jack didn't worry about the owner takin' Nina away. Ennis reckoned if Nina wanted ta go home, she was smart enough ta have gone there-- kinda like that Disney movie that he took Junior and Jenny ta see-- about them dogs who traveled across the country ta git home. 

"She's mighty smart and well-mannered-- reckon she had someone who loved her. But Nina's smart. If she wanted ta go home she woulda found her way back."

Jack nodded. 

"Don't worry none." He stopped there-- wanted so much ta add darlin' to the end of them words. 

"I'm sure Señor Ennis is correct." Benito gave Jack a big hug. 

"Know any more 'bout Linden?" Ennis asked Jack, who shook his head. 

"Still in surgery as far as I know."

Could feel his face flushin'. All he wanted was ta hold Jack. Was hard not ta reach out, not ta touch him. 

"Good of you to give blood," Benito said.

Chen patted Jack on the back. Ennis hoped a time would come when he could do all that-- touch Jack without shame or embarrassment and not worry what other people thought. 

"Twist here is saving all kinds of lives," Chen said. "Next thing you know he'll be putting on a cape and swooping in off building-tops like a caped crusader."

"Hard ta do blind," Jack said. "Although I guess I could be Batman. Bats are blind, ain't they?"

Chen and Benito laughed, although Ennis didn't think it was funny. Everyone knew not all bats was blind. Besides, makin' jokes about Jack's sight wasn't funny ta Ennis. 

"Ennis?" Benito asked. "What is wrong?"

"The doctor's here," Ennis told em. They both stood and stepped toward the older gentleman who was talking to Chen. Jack followed.

"We removed the bullet from his chest," the doctor explained. "It entered his lung and passed through into his twelfth dorsal vertebra. We repaired the trauma, removed blood, foreign matter, fluid and bullet. He is in recovery now and out of anesthesia. We need to watch him closely, but we expect him to recover." 

"When can I talk to him?" Chen asked.

"He is in recovery. As soon as we get him to a room, we will let you know."

Ennis wondered how the girl they brung in earlier was doin'. He stepped closer ta Jack, pressed thigh against thigh. 

"Had ta give blood. Felt bad about hittin' him," Jack said. "Felt bad about what I said ta you too."

"Ya had ta do it."

"I bet you was shittin' yourself from some of the things I said."

Jack licked his lips. Damn, why'd he have ta go and do that? That always made Ennis want ta throw him down and--

"Ennis?"

\--------------------

Linden didn't want to open his eyes; he was afraid of what he might see. Every breath hurt as he shifted his weight and groaned at the burn in his chest-- memories came back to him, the gunshot, the fall to the floor. His head pounded and his feet were cold-- he doubted the good Lord would allow headaches or cold feet in Heaven. He felt the drip of the IV in his arm, smelled disinfectant, heard whispered voices and hollow footfalls in the corridor, and the oxygen tube in his nose hissed. Nope, he wasn't dead: Heaven is _not_ a hospital. 

Then moist lips touched his parched ones. Linden's soft moan opened into a kiss of coffee and spearmint gum. They left too soon, and he missed them. _Interesting, kisses can abate pain_ , Linden thought as his shaky fingertips brushed where the lips pressed.

"Mmm," Linden said, opening his eyes to Jorge's grin. "Maybe I _am_ in heaven."

"Awake?" a nurse asked as she popped through the door. She stepped between Jorge and Linden, checking his IV, then blood pressure. "Are you comfortable? Do you need something for pain?"

"Yeah," Linden nodded, licking his lip, "I'm starting to hurt more."

"I'll ask the doctor for pain meds." She popped a thermometer in his mouth. 

"And something to drink?" Linden mumbled.

"I will ask the doctor."

She pulled the thermometer out of his mouth, shook it, then scribbled on his chart. "You're still running a temperature. I'll be back in a few moments. Next time I'll knock." She stepped out, quietly closing the door.

"Think she saw that," Linden said, grimacing as he tried to sit up on the bed. 

"Ah, it does not matter," Jorge said. "I bribed her to get in here, bribed a few people. How do you think you got an English-speaking nurse?"

"Aren't you resourceful?" 

"Very. One does what one must."

"What happened? How are Jack and Ennis?"

"They are unharmed, and we have el Comandante in custody-- the US agents will fight to get him extradited, but we have him for now." Jorge reached out for Linden's hand. "You had us worried-- we thought you might die. You are a lucky little man." 

"Listen," Linden said, clearing his throat, "if we're going to ever have any type of meaningful relationship, you've got to stop calling me that."

 _Jesus, did he really say that! Meaningful relationship?!_ Linden swallowed and closed his eyes. Why did he say that? Always assuming. Linden slowly opened his eyes and watched Jorge's reaction. He smiled and put his finger to his lips.

"Ah," Jorge said as he leaned in closer. "I like the sound of that, but first you must get better and out of this place."

"Yeah, I hear that-- and get this out--" Linden pointed to his crotch, "a boner with a catheter is damned uncomfortable."

\----------------------

"All worked out. Told ya it would," Jack said. 

Ennis sat down heavy next to him and laid his head back into the cushion of Benito's couch. 

"Good ta be back here." 

Jack had ta agree. All his life Jack wanted that feelin'. Comin' home. Never felt at home with his ma and pa. Never felt at home with Lureen. Only place that felt like home was the mountains. Only place home ever was came with Ennis DelMar. Was good ta be back here-- bein' at Benito's was like comin' home. Was good knowin' Linden was gonna pull through, that Bobby and Lureen were gonna be safe.

Room was quiet exceptin' the occasional sound of pots 'n pans bangin' around in the kitchen. Offered ta help Benito earlier, but he shooed Jack and Ennis away-- said they'd been through a lot and needed ta relax. Jack had ta agree-- felt every kink and ache as he'd sank down into the couch.  On top of waitin' at the hospital and succumbin' to kidnappin', the long truck ride back to Benito's plumb tuckered him out. Wouldn't take much to fall right asleep.

Bothered Jack that something was weighin' on Ennis like a two-ton boulder. Jack reached out and took Ennis' hand, traced them worn knuckles with his thumb. Didn't have ta wait long before Ennis told him-- words came out brittle. "I killed a man." 

Jack reckoned he should have known how that act would weigh down Ennis' soul. Not much Jack could say-- just give his man comfort. 

 "You had no choice," Jack said firmly. "Jorge said if you hadn't, he'd of been dead."

"Know that-- but it don't make it no easier."

Jack nodded. Ennis might be quiet and reserved, might seem hard and tough, but Jack knew better. He knew the soft Ennis-- the Ennis whose gentle hands calmed frisky horses and untangled reins, the Ennis whose gentler lips smoothed the worry-lines from Jack's forehead and kissed away his pain. That was the Ennis that Jack knew-- that was the Ennis who kept Jack driving all those miles for all those years. Jack hugged them memories. 

"Think Benito is ever gonna get done in that kitchen?" Jack joked. "I'm starved." 

'Course Jack didn't clarify what he was starvin' for, he reckoned Ennis could tell by the way his hand inched up Ennis' arm. "Think if we disappeared to the bedroom he'd notice?" Jack suggested. "I got hankerin' for--"

"Hobble yer lip--" Ennis said, lowerin' his voice. "Benito might hear ya." 

"Hobble it for me--" 

Surprised Jack somethin' fierce when Ennis did just that-- took his face in his hands and kissed Jack's lips so hard that Jack thought he'd bruised em. And it didn't take any coaxin' from Ennis ta git Jack up them stairs. 

Jack had ta laugh at Ennis as he hollered to Benito that they was goin' upstairs ta take a shower. Jack was certain Benito knew why. 

Nina trailed behind Jack, nails clickin' on the hardwood floor down the hall to the guest room. 

"Stay out here, girl," Jack said, openin' the door. "I don't think it'll be too long."

"Not too long?" Ennis pressed himself into Jack's backside. "Maybe it's time ta test yer stayin' power." 

Ennis smoothed his hands up Jack's arms over his biceps then around ta Jack's shoulders. Rolled his thumbs over the ache in his neck-- was nice ta feel his muscles tighten, then release. 

Knew another kind of release that would feel nice too.

Jack shut the door behind em with his foot.

Seemed Jack was right about Ennis workin' quick. Faster than blazes, shirts and jeans flew across the bed. Within moments, two bodies bounced across the mattress with cocks hitched together. Every drop of his blood pooled down into his cock as it rubbed against Ennis'.

Four feet dangled off the edge of the bed as mouth crushed against mouth. That kind of friction set Jack ta swearin'. 

Ennis then gave Jack somethin' better ta swear about-- both hands grabbed Jack's ass and loins ground together. Ennis' hot breath whispered, "Missed this, darlin'." Oh, how them words dropped like honey onto Jack's skin. 

Ennis rolled on to his side. Ennis spread his legs and grabbed Jack's hand to cup his balls. Jack held em then Ennis moved Jack's hand again-- this time across his ass, massagin' them cheeks-- was a damn sweet ass too-- smooth and hard, perfect to fuck. Jack smirked thinkin' on how he'd fuck Ennis so hard that he'd need a blind man ta help Ennis down the stairs. 

Pushed Ennis on to his back and gave him one long, hard stubble-burnin' kiss. Then Jack got up on his knees, spittin' into his own hand, slickin' his fingers up. Took two of them fingers, searchin' Ennis' crack, found that pucker and poked his fingers up to his knuckles. With a moan, Ennis rocked into Jack's hand. As his fingers slid in all the way, Ennis shook from head ta heels. 

"Wish I had more spit," Jack said as he took his free arm and hitched Ennis' right leg over one shoulder then helped the left over  his other shoulder. He worked his fingers deeper into Ennis. Jack loved the heat, loved hearin' each ever-lovin' moan. Most of all loved kissin' those tremblin' knees next ta his head. 

Took out his fingers with a pop. Jack held his cock steady, ran the tip of his thumb over that pucker, then pushed his cock inside. Wanted Ennis-- all of Ennis. Never got over the tight, white-hot heat, gave Jack the urg

e to go hard and fast. Was hard ta fight that urge. When a long shudder come from Ennis, deep inside Jack's guts told him it wouldn't be long.

Used all the control he had, wanted this ta last. Steady and smooth, he focused on that spot that made Ennis buck and moan.

Then Jack let go. Felt the pulse build behind his balls and his toes curled. No more smooth and steady. Rocked as hard and as fast as he could. Plunged into Ennis every which way. Occurred to Jack that Ennis coulda been a bull rider, way his spine whipped and snapped and flexed and arched. 

Ennis done it: hearing "gonna shoot" was all it took for Jack. His free hand grasped Ennis and he pulled his man's cock, once, twice. Felt Ennis' sticky come between his fingers, then felt what was left of himself bunch and spasm and melt in a puddle. He collapsed on top of Ennis, both gaspin', sweatin' and lips meetin' like they was givin' each other air ta breathe.

"Mighty fine ride, Rodeo," Ennis mumbled into Jack's hair.

"I'm thinkin' life's gonna be mighty fine from now on in," Jack said. "Mighty fine."


	15. Chapter 38 Final

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you for reading. Now the final chapter of our saga.

Chapter 38

The sun was down, the desert cooled, and Linden moaned-- _this was so, so much better than masturbation--_ a thumb, Jorge's thumb, traced the head of his cock through his jeans. Linden's fingers twitched on the cold bottle of Bartles and James clenched between his knees. 

This had turned into a memorable trip from the hospital.

Linden's eyes darted to the road. _Oh, god, please let Jorge watch the road-- no, god, please don't let him watch the road, let him-- there! there! Oh, god, yes!_ His legs squeezed tighter, and he silently hoped that he wouldn't shatter the bottle: he wasn't up for a second trip to the hospital. _Emergency! Emergency! Man lacerated by wine cooler!_

"We are almost there," Jorge said, giving Linden one last squeeze before putting his hand back at two o'clock on the steering wheel. 

Linden rubbed the wet spot on his crotch with his fingers and shivered in disappointment. 

"Cold?" Jorge asked. 

"No, just horny." Linden gave himself a mental slap on the forehead and thought, _Shit, why'd I say that?_

"Yes, my horny little man, have patience: the road to my home is here. I will take care of your need as soon as we get inside."

Linden nervously picked the label off the bottle. Linden recalled reading in _Psychology Today_ that peeling off labels was a sign of sexual frustration. He wondered if Jorge read _Psychology Today_ , too. 

Linden blinked and frowned-- _Wait! Did he just call me "little man" again?_ He decided to assert himself. "I thought I asked you _not_ to call me that?" 

"This," Jorge said, taking his hand from the wheel again and giving his crotch a squeeze, "tells me you do not mind so much." 

No, he didn't mind. Not at all. But that little speck of insecurity bubbled up and Linden hiccupped. He told himself firmly that he deserved this: he deserved Jorge. He stared down at the bruises on his arms from the IVs. So many of them. He was glad to be out of that room, that bed and on his way to Jorge's. It hadn't taken much coaxing from Jorge to get Linden to agree to spend the next weeks recuperating in his home. Linden glanced over at the handsome man sitting next to him: the faint lights from the dashboard illuminated his face, then his attention shifted, and he gasped. The truck swerved to the center of the road, a huge boulder loomed in front of them. Linden shut his eyes, and prayed yet again, _Oh, god, please don't let me die without getting laid first!_

Linden cautiously opened his eyes as Jorge spun the wheel. They were back on the road. Linden first thanked the heavens, then turned his attention to Jorge. " _Please_ keep your eyes on the road," Linden said. 

"It is hard to _please keep my eyes on road_ when what sits next to me is so pleasing."

Linden bit his lip. _How did he do that?_ Linden thought. _Just a few sweet-talking syllables, and I'm silly in love._ It didn't take long for erotic-obsession to replace scared-shitless in that niche of his brain.

"You have nothing to fear. Very few travel this road."

The truck jumped, and Linden's face flushed, heart pounded, cock leaked as Bartles and James erupted all over his jeans.  _That's what happens when a sexually frustrated private detective's sympathetic nervous system goes into over-drive._

Jorge slowed to a safe speed and turned left down a dusty old dirt road. Linden bounced like popcorn inside the truck-- he'd thought he'd taken enough Vicodin to knock out a horse, but his chest still ached. It took a few moments for his eyes to register the house.  _The house._ His mouth dropped open. "That's yours?" 

Jorge nodded and smiled. "My family's. I am all who's left to call her home."

" _Shit_." While ogling the old hacienda, he'd relaxed his hand, and the remaining contents of the wine cooler dumped out, leaving his jeans damp and tennis shoes glued to the floor boards. He shook his head and wiped his sticky hands on the top of his soaked legs.

"She has seen two fires, a revolution and still stands proud."

The truck slowed then stopped. Linden squinted to see: the headlights revealed a sprawling old building in sore need of work-- old dry grass pushed up between  the cracks of crumbling slab-stone stairs that jutted up to the tremendous main doors. Linden forgot all about the pain in his chest as he took in the sight. 

"You didn't think I lived behind that old garage, did you?" Jorge said and leaned in closer, then closer. Lips met. Mouths opened. Linden melted. Jorge pulled back. Linden sighed.

"Come," he said. "I'll show you my home."

Dogs barked. A couple of old German Shepherds lumbered up to the side of the truck, tails wagging. Linden heard the murmur of a new by river in the night air.

"That is Adan and Eva." 

"Um, I get it-- Adam and Eve." 

As Linden eased out of the truck cab, Eva licked his hand.

"I knew they would like you."

"Yeah, animals and kids love me."

"It is your kind countenance." 

Jorge hauled Linden's beat-up suitcase out of the back of his truck. They walked hand-in-hand as Adan and Eva followed behind up the old steps. The massive mission doors flung revealing a large entry hall which lead into a central square with rooms on three sides. There in the courtyard light of the moon, Linden saw the lazy river for the first time. Jorge lead Linden to the third door and unlocked it. They stepped into a large room where the dog's sniffing and scratching echoed. Through the dark, Linden couldn't see much of Jorge's home until he lit a small lamp near the doorway, revealing high beam ceilings and walls cracked and chipped with age.  

"Needs work," Linden noted.

"I have done much already." He smiled, proudly waving his arms about. "It may not seem so, but even this has taken time. My sister and I did much together after our parents left her to us."

"Her?"

"Yes, her name is Taresa. She is alive. Can you feel her?"

He set the lamp down on the same old table that he'd set his suitcase next to.

"Of late, I have neglected her restorations, but now I hope to find some more time to help her and maybe some new hands will bring her to her former beauty as well."

Linden's felt a rush of warmth in his chest. These words gave him a sense of belonging he'd never felt before.

"We need light. I will start the generator. You take this lamp; I will get a flashlight. I will only be a few minutes."

Linden's shoes sucked at the worn yet once colorful tile floor as he found his way to an over-stuffed couch that looked as out of place in the home. He sat, hands on his knees watching Jorge's shadow disappear through the lazy arched doorway. Yes, he used to feel out-of-place like this couch, but no more.

He picked at a hang-nail and sighed. He hurt a bit, but nothing he couldn't stand. The doctors told him it would take time to get back to normal. He wondered how Jack and Ennis were doing back at Benito's. Linden doubted there was a telephone anywhere near this place. Jorge was right: it was only a few minutes when the lights flickered. The room came alive with history from the floor up the carved-stone columns to the ceiling beams-- Linden understood. _Taresa._ _He felt her._   

He heard Jorge's feet on the tile. Linden felt a pinch in his chest as he got off the couch. He retrieved his suitcase from next to the table; he'd need it where they were going-- up those stairs. 

He held his breath until they reached Jorge's bedroom. He dropped his suitcase and exhaled one step inside the door. The old bed was plain. Nothing special in the room-- nothing special except for the man that Linden wanted more than the cooled night air around him. 

Bodies embraced in the middle of the room. Hands fumbled at zippers. 

The light from an old lamp lit Jorge's face. Linden loved his strong jaw, his laugh lines. But most of all he loved that smile-- the way his full lips danced over his bright-white just-a-bit crooked teeth-- a smile that always hinted of hidden jokes and happy dreams. 

Linden longed for those hands. He didn't have to wait for those long fingers play with his shirt buttons. Jorge pulled his shirt free while Linden struggled valiantly to push his sticky jeans down his legs. Jorge helped, then tugged down his underwear. Jorge smiled brighter as a cock proudly popped out to greet him. 

Linden's hand shook as he explored in kind down Jorge's back, under his pants, around the front. Linden cupped  what he'd wanted to touch all those long nights in that hospital bed. Thick, hard, swollen with want. He divested Jorge of his clothes-- they dropped to the floor.

Jeans and underwear still tethered around Linden's ankles, they struggled to the old bed. Sloppy kissing as they hopped, then collapsed onto the bed, they fell into each other's arms. It didn't matter if the first time was a rush; Linden wanted it that way. Fast, furious, full of lust. He kicked his sticky jeans off his feet and to the end of the bed. He let Jorge roll on top of him, pinning him soundly to the mattress.

Condom and lube ready, clothing all gone. Jorge shifted carefully to avoid Linden's incision. 

"You always have that handy?" Linden asked, grimacing as he threw one leg over Jorge's shoulder.

"You can never know when you will get lucky." He eased Linden's other leg back, rolling that leg around in small circles away from his wound.

"Yeah, don't I know it."

"You're very-- how you say-- flexible."

"This is nothing. I'm a little stiff right now--" Linden grunted as he felt a finger pushing in, then something much, much bigger after probing. Jorge hesitated mid-push. "Oh, shit! Don't stop!" Linden begged.

Sweaty armpits and sticky fingers didn't matter. Life was magic. Linden was sure the molecules in the air between them danced to party music. He closed his eyes and sucked in some of those molecules. He needed a distraction; he wanted it fast but didn't want to come _too_ soon. Couldn't have Jorge thinking he had a problem with premature ejaculation. He tried to hold back, but he knew it was no use. His lips trembled, and Jorge answered in less than a blink with a kiss. Tender yet hard. Linden's dark lashes fluttered, the abyss of lonely chased away from his heart as he came. 

Linden unabashedly looked into Jorge's eyes. He wanted to see that moment, watch him come too. _There._ Linden saw himself reflected in those dark eyes draped with heavy eyelids. He was there, inside the dark-wide pupils like a magic mirror. He saw the eyes soften. Linden knew this moment. He would never forget it. Real love looking back.

Both shook and held each other long. After Linden tenderly grinned at all-loose-and-relaxed Jorge. 

"I've been thinking--" Linden said, tracing his finger across Jorge's chest.

"Yes?"

"I'll let you call me little man whenever you want if we can do that again."

\-------------------

"Mighty kind of you ta help out LD," Lureen said. "You didn't have to though. If I was you, Jack, I would a left him in the desert filled with cactus spines ta suffer."

"It occurred ta me ta do that, but he _is_ Bobby's grandpa."

"You're a forgivin' man."

"Well, you're a forgivin' woman."

"You're right about that. But I knew what I was gettin' when I married you." She rubbed her temples. "I have a bitch of a headache."

"More like hangover--" Jack chuckled. "That was a hell of a lot of whiskey you drank last night."

"We drank," she corrected. "Oh, shut the hell up, get me a beer and pass that bottle of aspirin too while yer at it." 

Jack's hand swept the table, searching for the aspirin bottle. He found it and gave it a shake before handing it to Lureen. His own headache was almost gone. He'd taken three with his coffee. Jack got up and counted off the steps to the refrigerator. He had ta smile to himself. Nothing changed. He was blind and still waitin' on Lureen. 

Jack took two beers out, one fer Lureen and one for him. Jack turned. It was nice hearin' Lureen's voice. He'd been surprised when Lureen and Bobby showed up at Benito's door yesterday afternoon, but not half as surprised as Ennis. 

"Your friend was knockin' em down hard too. How's he feelin'?"

"Rough," he said, handin' Lureen her beer. "He's gettin' cleaned up right now. Be down in a spell. My guess is he's takin' his time so's we can talk."

Jack took a seat across from Lureen.

"Reckon we need to make some decisions regardin' us and all," he said.

" _And_ Bobby."

"Ya don't have to worry. I ain't takin' Bobby from ya," Jack said. "I ain't in no condition to take care of a teenager right now, and considerin' the circumstances, I don't think it'd be right. After a time, when we're settled, I'd like Bobby ta come and stay, but we ain't got a place yet."

"If yer worried that Bobby will find out, you should know that he already knows."

The bottle slipped from his fingers just enough to splash a bit. It was a good save-- not right spillin' good beer.

"How's that?"

"Bobby knows. LD told him."

" _Ah, shit_."

"It ain't that bad. I got to say that Bobby didn't care one lick about it. What he _did_ care about was that his grandpa lied about his father being dead." Lureen took a sip of her beer, then set the bottle between them. "That his grandpa kept him from his daddy. He's kept tight-lipped about the other, so ya never know. Maybe he hasn't thought on it much yet."

"Maybe."

"Judgin' from the reception ya got yesterday, I wouldn't worry much on it."

"And Ennis?"

"I don't know if Bobby realizes yet what Ennis is to you. I'm just gettin' used to that myself."

Jack nodded.

"Ya love him. Always knew it inside. Guess I was just foolish thinkin' I could wish it away. All them fishin' trips..."

"Don't know what ta say, Lureen."

"That's fine. Don't know what ta say to you either. Sure is good ta see you, Jack." She went all quiet. "Does that bother you? When people say things like, 'sure is good ta see ya' when you can't?"

"No, it don't," Jack said. "It's an expression. And don't go feelin' self-conscious around me-- that _does_ bother me."

"Mama's been beside herself all this time-- worryin' on money. The IRS came in and took Daddy's business. Seized it. Took their house too. Was good Mama got a settlement from Daddy before, but still, all them years and she doesn't have much left but heartache. Ain't fair. Seems Daddy was makin' more than I and Mama knew about. And that poor woman, Chloe-- hated her somethin' awful for steppin' out with Daddy, but she didn't deserve bein' dead. This whole mess Daddy got into hurt us all."

Jack nodded.  

"If yer worried on money," Lureen continued, "we got some ta get by on fer a while. Sold the house, and we got savings. Be glad to split it with you. Nick's been helpin' me and Mama try to get some of Daddy's assets freed."

"Collinson? Good ta know someone I trust is helpin' ya."

"I guess Daddy was makin' a lot more than he was tellin' us about." Lureen shifted in her seat. "Somthin' else I gotta tell ya, Jack."

Jack leaned back in Benito's old kitchen chair. He didn't like the sound of her voice. What could she possibly have to say that was that bad?

"Me and Nick, we been seein' each other."

Jack burst out laughing.

"What?" she asked. "What's so funny?"

"Just, the way you said that, I was expectin' somethin' awful. This-- you 'n Nick-- is _good_ news."

"Ya don't mind?!"

"Mind?! If I could pick someone for you, I couldn't a picked better!"

"Can't tell you how relieved I am ta hear ya say that, Jack. Nick was worried about it. He wanted to be the one to tell ya, but I told him it had to come from me."

"He's been a good friend to both of us. Helped out in this whole mess with the feds and hey, looks like he's still helpin'."

"You got a lot of good friends, Jack."

"I expect I'm lucky regardin' that too-- the doc and Sister Sarita-- ya met them already. And there's a couple of people I'd like ya ta meet. Linden and the sister's brother, Jorge." Jack paused, wonderin' on how Linden and Jorge were doin'. "Yep, I got a lot of friends outta all this. All these years, didn't have many.--'course you been my best friend-- don't want that ta change."

Lureen reached across the table and squeezed Jack's hand. "I won't let it."

Jack knew that the one closest to his heart went unmentioned. Knew it weren't a sore spot with Lureen, but no sense makin' it one. Best not ta say.

Jack heard Ennis comin', Nina followin' behind. Lureen slipped her hand away from Jack's.

"Good mornin'!" Lureen chirped up, a bit too nicey-nice fer Jack's ears.

"Hey," Ennis answered quietly back.

"Hey, cowboy," Jack said. "Any sign of life upstairs from Bobby?"

"No, upstairs was dead quiet. Only thing I could hear upstairs was your yammerin'."

"Listenin' at the top of the stairs again?" Jack didn't have ta see ta know Ennis was blushin' clean down to his chest. After those two bottles of whiskey last night, you'd think Ennis woulda lightened up a bit more 'round Lureen, but Jack could feel Ennis tense up from the chair he was sittin' in.

"Take a seat," Lureen said. "Want a beer? Jack'll get one for ya."

"No, would like some coffee though."

"Made that myself," Jack said. "It's on the stove."

A chair scraped, and Ennis walked in back of Jack, brushin' his arm. 

"Was just talkin' about Bobby," Jack added. "Think we got some things settled."

"That's good," Ennis said.

"Should tell ya though," Jack said cautiously, "Bobby knows about me."

Jack listened to Ennis suck in air like a drownin' man goin' down under the water the last time.

"Course he don't know you're queer too," Lureen blurted out. 

Jack choked on his beer. He wished he could see Ennis' face. 

Nina jumped up.

"Mornin', Daddy."

"Guess he does now," Ennis grumbled. 

"Hey, how's my sleepy-head?" Lureen asked.

"Need coffee," Bobby said, voice slurred as he walked by his dad's chair and up to Ennis.

"Yer too young fer coffee," Jack said, turnin' around to face Bobby. "It'll stunt your growth."

"That ain't true," Bobby said, gettin' a cup out of the cupboard. "Learned that in Health class."

"Well, it still ain't good for ya," Jack protested.

"He thinks he's all grown up now," she said. "Can't tell him any different."

"Hot in here," Bobby complained. 

"And drinkin' coffee's gonna help?" Jack laughed. "Will help the day pigs fly."

"I remember when he was about five," Lureen said, "Bobby got these feathers and ran in all excited and said, 'Look, Daddy, I found bird leaves!' Remember that, Jack?"

"I remember." How did Lureen do that? Always sayin' something out-of-time, and somehow always managed to sound stupidly profound.

Bobby stirred sugar in his coffee-- drank it just like his daddy. 

Ennis sat down to the right of him, Bobby to the left, and Nina on his feet. Jack swished the last drops of the beer around in the bottle, then tipped it up to his mouth and smiled. Today was gonna be a good day.

 The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again. Comments are appreciated and welcome.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment. I will be posting everyday until the story is up.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: [**elwinglyre Tumblr**](https://elwinglyre.tumblr.com/)!


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